He Chose Her Over You? Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Worry About It

He chose her over you? Is that a reflection on your character? Hell no! There really is someone out there for all of us, so sit tight. Your turn will come.

We’ve all been there. We meet a guy and think it’s going well. We feel hopeful that finally it’s going to go somewhere. Then you let your true self shine through and boom! Suddenly he flies off the radar, and before you know it, he chose her over you.

We all know who ‘her’ is.

It’s normally someone you suspected all the time. Maybe they had a connection you were suspicious of, perhaps they have history. Whatever the reason, you know who SHE is.

Sure, it’s heartbreaking and trust me, I know, because I’ve been there.

The thing is, I’ve learned that the reason he chose her over you isn’t a reflection on you. That’s something you should understand. She isn’t better than you, she isn’t more attractive than you, she isn’t more fun than you. It’s simply that for some reason only they will know *or maybe even they don’t know*, they have a connection and an attraction that was greater than the one you had.

[Read: How to make him regret hurting you without hurting yourself]

Why he chose her over you

What does that connection mean, and why was theirs greater than yours?

The universe is a very strange and confusing thing. You think you know the deal and have it all figured out. Then suddenly life throws you a curve ball, and you aren’t sure which way is up or down.

The same applies to relationships.

There are no rules or solid reason why he chose her over you. If they had history, that connection could be strong and they share memories that perhaps they simply can’t get away from. I know that’s no consolation, but it’s a very likely reason if the SHE you’re referring to is someone from your guy’s past. [Read: What is a karmic connection and how to recognize them in your life]

However, if there is no past and it’s simply someone who he has chosen, it’s harder to accept. What you should never assume is that you’re lacking in any way or missing something. You’re perfectly wonderful and perfectly you. That’s all you need to be. She’s perfectly wonderful and she’s perfectly her. She’s no better and no worse than you. It simply comes down to chemistry and attraction.

Think about times in the past when you’ve been attracted to someone and you can’t for the life of you figure out why. Perhaps this person is not your normal type or there is just a frisson between you. You can’t explain it no matter how hard you try.

This is the likely reason why he chose her over you.

In fact, stop saying that he ‘chose her over you!’ It wasn’t a case of ‘over you,’ it was just a case that he chose her. He would have chosen her whether you were in the picture or not. Please accept that inevitably; otherwise you’ll never move on. [Read: How to leave your relationship with your head held high]

Learning how to move on

It’s hard when something like this happens. It can drastically affect your confidence and cause you to feel down and start questioning yourself. This happened to a friend of mine recently and we had to step in and perform an intervention. She started to try and morph herself into the other girl, assuming that it was something about her that she lacked. If she somehow changed, she would get the guy back.

Never do that.

Always remain you.

[Read: How to make a guy feel guilty for breaking your heart]

You can never be her, she can never be you, and nobody else can either. We’re all our wonderful unique selves. We need to be at peace with that and embrace it to live our happiest lives.

Moving on from this type of heartbreak is difficult, that’s for sure, but it’s far from impossible.

Focus on yourself. Do things you enjoy and the things that you didn’t have the time for when you were with him. If you want to do something drastic, like a makeover, then go for it. Make sure that you’re doing it for you and not because you want to change how you look for another reason. Remember, do everything for your own confidence and not for anyone else.

Focus on yourself

When you start to focus on yourself, your confidence rises and your happiness follows suit. This is likely to attract new opportunities into your life, perhaps new romantic opportunities. Who knows, this person might be the one that you have that undeniable connection with. Even if it’s not, you can certainly have some fun and enjoy yourself in the meantime!

The only option you have when he chose her over you is to accept it, eat a little chocolate, cry a little, dust yourself off, and carry on. You have no other option. If you allow yourself to sit and wallow then you become negative and bitter about the whole thing. That’s not attractive. It’s going to make people think that you just can’t accept the truth of what’s happened. [Read: How to focus on yourself and create your own sunshine]

It’s far better to be the bigger person, hold your head up high and carry on. You can wish them well. I suggest you do, whether you mean it or not, and then just get on with your life.

You really don’t need a relationship to be happy in your life. It’s also true that you feel connected and almost uplifted when you’re in the right one. Focus on doing you for a while and then see if the guy who makes you feel that way comes into your life.

Stop looking for him, don’t force it, and just go with the flow, see what happens. He might come your way next week, he might come next month, and he might have got lost and come your way in a year or two. Stop putting time limits on your happiness and just grab it right now. [Read: How to stop loving someone else and love yourself more]

The friend I told you about earlier, the one who tried to morph herself into the girl who her ex left her for, she suddenly started living her best life. It’s wonderful to see and she’s smiling again for the first time in a while. She’s taken up a new sport and she’s healthier and glowing. She hasn’t met anyone yet, but she’s not even looking. The ironic thing is that when you don’t look, a special someone is more likely to come your way! Hopefully that happens for her soon, but even if it doesn’t, she’ll be fine.

Being positive after a break up is hard. It’s possibly even harder when you have the reality of them being with someone else slapping you in the face. You cannot allow negativity to beat you down. If you do, you allow the whole situation to win.

You’re better than that, you deserve better than that, and if you focus on positivity rather than ‘why wasn’t I good enough,’ then you’ll come out on top in the end.

[Read: How to deal with your breakup the right ways and heal]

If he chose her over you, it’s easy to compare yourself to her and wonder what she has that you don’t. The truth is she has nothing you don’t have, and you don’t have anything she doesn’t.