Having Sex with Someone New for the First Time? 17 Must-Follow Rules

Having sex with someone new for the first time can be exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. So, how long should you wait and what should you do? 

Don’t try to have your sex life at the same level as the scenes you see in movies. It’s not real, first of all. So, you need to keep this in mind when you are having sex with someone for the first time. 

You want it, they want it. It should be good then… right? Well, we’re going to give you these tips and rules that you can follow when you’re sleeping with someone new for the first time. These tips help smooth the path and get you having good sex with your new partner in no time.

[Read: First time sex and the virgin’s guide to nailing it]

When is it the right time to have sex with someone new?

If you’re a new couple, you might be worried about moving too fast or even going too slowly when it comes to having sex for the first time. People tend to stress about it quite a lot, even though you shouldn’t.

So, when is the best time to start having sex? Well, there’s not a clear-cut answer. Sorry to disappoint you!

But it can be anywhere from a few dates to a few months after you start dating. Then, there are other people who sleep together on the first date, while others wait until marriage. It really just varies.

Since it’s different for each couple, there aren’t even a whole lot of studies that have shown how long you should wait to have sex for the first time. While there isn’t a specific timeline, they have come up with some steps you should take before you get physical with a new partner. [Read: How long should you wait before sex? A guide on timing, dates, and sex]

What these steps involve are things like sharing the first kiss, then doing some other smaller sexual acts before you have full intercourse. And ideally, you should also have an emotional connection with your partner. You don’t have to be deeply in love yet, but you should at least have feelings of affection for them.

In addition, you should also establish a good level of communication with each other. You should have talked about exclusivity and commitment to the relationship. This is because you want to make sure that you are both on the same page and have equal expectations.

This makes sense because if you give your body to someone, you want to make sure that they aren’t still sharing theirs with other people.

If they are, that opens you up to a whole lot of problems – from getting an STD to being emotionally hurt by them. [Read: 90 day rule – How sex controls men, women, and they way they should date]

The couple also needs to make sure they are comfortable with one another to make the mutual decision to have sex. If one partner wants to do it sooner than the other, then the couple needs to be able to talk about their concerns and compromise on a timeline that suits both of them.

Here are a few common scenarios, and most couples fall into one of these when it comes to having sex for the first time.

1. Wait a few weeks

One interesting scientific finding is that they find that waiting a few weeks seems to be a good amount of time to wait.

Why is that? Well, if you go on a lot of dates in those few weeks, you might spend at least 20-40 hours together combined, depending on the length of each date. [Read: 25 signs he just wants sex and reasons why he’s only using you for fun]

That amount of hours spent in each other’s presence seems to be ideal. The reason is that if they wait a lot longer, then the sexual desire or tension between them begins to fade. And after the beginning of a relationship, the sexual feelings can drop whether you are having sex or not.

2. Wait a few months

If waiting a few weeks to have sex for the first time seems too soon for you, then you could hold off on having sex for the first for a few months.

This is a good option too because they find that about three months into a relationship, the honeymoon phase starts to end. So, if you can make it through that and still want to be committed to each other, then it’s a good time to have sex.

During the honeymoon phase, your brain is producing chemicals that literally produce a type of “high.” Scientists have scanned the brains of people who were on cocaine and compared them to people who were in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, and they found that their brains looked identical in the way they lit up. [Read: Having sex on a first date – Should you give in to the urge?]

So, being in that phase gives you a false sense of your real feelings. Because of this, many people choose to wait until it’s over, so that way their rose-colored glasses have been taken off, so to speak. 

3. Wait until marriage

Some people are very religious, and their beliefs determine and/or demand that they wait until marriage to have sex. There is not a lot of research that has studied this and how it impacts the long-term relationship, however.

But there are some who say that the longer you delay sex, especially if you want to wait until marriage, the more stable and satisfying your marriage will be. [Read: When should you have sex? the essential questions to ask yourself]

Another interesting thing they have found about waiting until marriage to have sex surrounds women. If a woman has had one or more intimate sexual partners before they got married, then they are more likely to divorce later in the marriage.

As you can see, there are a lot of mixed opinions out there about the best time to have sex with a new partner.

So, you need to just follow your intuition, talk to your partner, agree on a good timeframe for you both, and then just do it.

Having sex with someone new for the first time

When you have sex with someone new for the first time, it can be hard. Of course, there are moments when you meet someone, and everything just seems to click into place. Other times it’s really awkward and uncomfortable. [Read: First time sex – 7 myths girls should quit believing]

As we said, when you have sex with someone for the first time, it isn’t going to be as it is in Hollywood films. But sex doesn’t have to be intimidating, but the first time can be a rather confusing affair at times!

1. Relax

We know you’re nervous, everyone is a little nervous when it comes to sleeping with someone new for the first time.

You want to impress them, you want them to enjoy the experience. It’s a normal feeling to have. But if you’re going to be tense and uptight, it’s going to be uncomfortable for both you and your partner. Just take a deep breath and relax. [Read: How to free your mind and relax during sex]

2. No heavy drinking

Yes, you can have a drink to relax a bit, but having five or six drinks isn’t going to do you justice. When you drink, it affects your sexual performance.

You know in the Hollywood movies when someone drinks too much and then passes out on the chick while having sex. Okay, that is fairly accurate. So, stay away from the alcohol. [Read: Alcohols effects on sex and libido]

3. Wear underwear you feel sexy in

This goes for both men and women, especially if it’s the first time you’re having sex with someone new. We’re not sure if men have underwear that makes them feel sexy, but whatever, if you have it, wear it.

This isn’t necessarily for the person you’re sleeping with, this is about you. If you feel sexy in what you’re in, you’re going to feel more confident, thus relaxing. Remember how we said relaxing is crucial? So, wear your favorite pair of underwear. [Read: Boxers or briefs – What girls like and how to know what works for you]

4. Basic hygiene is cool

This is something that never goes out of style. Basic hygiene will take you far in life. If you want to have good sex, you want to feel and smell fresh. Have a quick shower if you can, dab on some perfume or cologne.

Whatever you can do to get you freshened up, do it. In some cases, you won’t be able to and that’s okay.

5. Take care of your genitals

In other words, keep it neat and tidy down there, especially if it’s the first time you’re having sex with someone new. It doesn’t matter if you like to be shaven, unshaven, or waxed, whatever is comfortable for you, do it.

But, regardless of how you want to style your hair down there, it’s important to keep it groomed in a way that makes you feel sexy and clean. [Read: Trim, shave or natural? The real score on the perfect bush]

6. Bring protection

Don’t groan at this tip! It’s important, really, it is. We need to stress the importance of protection because it’s really important, especially with someone you’re having sex with for the first time.

Make sure you bring protection just in case they don’t have it on them. Or else, you’ll have to stop and go to the store and that just is a huge buzzkill. [Read: How to be a condom know-it-all in 5 minutes]

7. Get to know them

You want to get to know them sexually before you drop your pants and have sex with someone new for the first time. So, take all the time in the world to kiss them, make out with them.

You can do this with clothes on and then piece by piece, take each article of clothing off. This will drive your partner nuts if they’re horny, but that’s even better. Don’t rush, there’s no need.

8. Focus on foreplay

If you’re sleeping with someone new for the first time, slow down. This is your first time with this person so you want the experience to last. You don’t have to rush right into having sex, even though we know you want to. 

Take some time to build up the sexual tension. Make out, grab them, touch them, bite them. You can do it, so don’t get all nervous now! [Read: 17 sexy foreplay moves to get anyone hot and horny]

9. Go slow

You need to go slow. Okay, you don’t need to, sorry, but you should go slow. Why do you need to rush? So many people complain about how sex always happens so fast, so be the one to make it go slow.

Just take your time. Enjoy the foreplay, enjoy making out and then as it progresses, go with the flow.

10. Communicate

If you’re not into what your partner is doing, tell them. It may sound weird, but you don’t have to tell them and sound like an asshole.

Instead, move their hands to the desired spot, show them what you like, or ask them if they can try something else. It’s the first time you’re both having sex with each other and you guys don’t know what the other person is really into.

11. Don’t compare the sex with past lovers

Really, that’s a bad move. When the sex is over, don’t talk about your exes while cuddling or lie back and contemplate about everyone else you’ve had sex with!

No one likes being compared to other people’s partners, it’s just a buzzkill and is degrading. It’ll kill the moment. [Read: Queefs, and 19 other embarrassing things that can go wrong while having sex]

12. Forget what you look like

When it comes to sex, don’t focus on what you look like. Your partner literally doesn’t care at all what you look like right now. They’re focused on other things – like having sex with you for the first time!

The minute you start caring about your thighs or stomach, you lose yourself and it takes away from the moment. [Read: How to get back your body confidence in the bedroom]

13. Ease up on the orgasm

Everyone wants to orgasm, and there’s an ego boost associated with getting your partner to orgasm on the first try. But don’t focus on that.

The odds are, it’s not going to happen, at least not the first time you sleep with them. Right now, your goal is to connect with them and see what they like. Don’t focus on the big ‘O’.

14. Enjoy it

You only get to have sex with someone for the first time once! We know that sounds obvious, but it’s true. Once you do it, then the next time you have sex will be with the same person.

So, enjoy the newness and the excitement as much as you can. Because as you move forward in the relationship, unfortunately, sometimes it fades for some couples.

[Read: First time naked with a lover? The common fears we all experience]

The act of sex can be intimidating. If you’re having sex with someone new for the first time, the pressure is on to make it mind-blowing. But don’t worry, just relax. It’s going to be great.