Happy Sex Life: What a Good Sex Life Should Look Like In Real Life

Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, but how much is too much or not enough? What does a happy sex life really look like?

If there is one subject sure to cause embarrassment and fascination in equal measures, it’s the perfectly happy sex life.

It’s one of those discussions which nobody wants to have, yet everyone wants to hear about. Despite the fact we’re two decades into a new century, the subject of sex still causes the most controversy, yet the most interest the world over.

One of the most common discussions around sex is whether or not they’re doing it enough or what to do if they’re doing it too much. I mean, come on, surely any amount of sex if you want it is good enough?

Apparently not.

[Read: Too much sex? The signs that show if your sex life is balanced]

A healthy sex drive

In a healthy relationship you should have a sexual connection which suits both partners. We all have our own sex drives and an appetite that is unique to us. That means you could easily find yourself personally compatible with someone, love them endlessly, but you might be completely sexually incompatible at the same time.

It’s a quandary!

Of course, sex drive fluctuates over the course of your lifetime. There are a million things which can affect whether or not you want sex, such as stress, upheaval in your life, a personal drama, hormone issues, health problems, or basically anything.

What you need to focus on is a happy sex life… whatever that means for you and your partner. By doing that, and perhaps compromising a little, you’ll find that your relationship remains on the straight and narrow. It doesn’t head off on a detour towards something awkward, confusing, and basically a little cringe-worthy to discuss.

So, what does a healthy and happy sex life actually look like. How can you be sure that yours is within that category? Bottom line? You can’t. Go with what feels right to you.

[Read: How often should you have sex? 15 signs you’re definitely not having enough]

What a happy sex life looks like in reality

The single thing to avoid when thinking about your sex life is comparisons. Never compare your sex life to someone else’s. How do you know they’re telling the truth? They might be telling you they’re swinging from the chandeliers every night and rivaling Fifty Shades of Grey, but you can never be sure whether they’re exaggerating or not.

Focus on creating your own version of a happy sex life. Don’t concern yourself with anyone else’s. If you’re comparing, you’re focusing on things which other people enjoy, not the things which you and your partner enjoy. Focus on the two of you as a couple only.

So, what makes a healthy sex life? Let’s check out a few must-have elements.

#1 Both partners are equally as comfortable. This means that one partner isn’t placing too many demands on the other partner. Both of you are happy and comfortable with what you’re doing and what you’re trying, the amount of sex you’re having. And you’re both enjoying it.

Sure, there are going to be times when your sex drives are a little out of whack, but that’s normal. What you need to focus on is the overall picture. [Read: Horny ways to increase your sex drive and keep it high]

#2 You’re both having your needs met. A healthy sex life is not one-sided. If one partner is getting all the pleasure and the other is simply giving without receiving then there’s something wrong. Make sure that both of you are enjoying whatever you choose to do and wherever you choose to do it. Remember that sex within a healthy relationship is about giving and receiving.

#3 A willingness to explore within your own comfort boundaries. A healthy sex life includes a little exploration from time to time, but only if you feel comfortable with it. Ensure that it’s within your own boundaries.

Trying new things can keep your sex life fresh and exciting and increase the connection you feel with your partner. However, it goes without saying that you should never try anything you’re not comfortable with. You should never feel forced into trying anything you don’t want to.

#4 Neither partner feels pushed, forced, or inadequate in any way. Within a healthy sex life and relationship, there is no space for either partner being made to feel inadequate, lacking, forced into anything, or pushed. Respect, care, and attention should be given freely and without limits, and there should be smiles, pleasure and laughter in the bedroom, nothing else. [Read: How to set boundaries in dating]

#5 Freedom from body image hang ups. If you have a healthy sex life and you’re being intimate with someone you love and care about, then you should not experience extreme body image hang ups. Sure, it’s normal from time to time to feel bloated and not want to be seen naked, and it’s normal to have the odd crisis of confidence occasionally.

If this is a common theme, look within and find out why you feel that way. A healthy sex life means freedom to express yourself, both fully clothed and naked! [Read: 15 real life tips to look way, way better naked instantly]

#6 A frequency which satisfies both partners. There will always be times when you don’t feel like having sex, perhaps because you’re not feeling particularly well, you’re stressed, or something else is happening in your life. However, a healthy sex life means a frequency which suits both partners.

If you’re going through a dry spell, chat about it and try and inject a little passion into your relationship. It is normally enough to move things back to normal, whatever that is for you.

#7 Feeling free and willing to communicate your needs and any concerns. A healthy sex life centers around communication. If you can’t talk about sex with your partner, then you shouldn’t be having it, it’s that simple.

You must be able to talk about sex openly with your partner, and that means anything you’re not happy with, anything you don’t like, including anything you do like and anything you want to try. This helps to build the connection, as well as trust and intimacy. [Read: Understanding what the sex positive movement is and how it can impact you]

#8 Remember it’s all individual. I’ve said it once before, and I’ll say it again. Your sex life is unique to your relationship. You should never try and compare it to anyone else’s. You might be happy with once per week, but your neighbors might be rattling those headboards every single night. So what? If it works for you and your partner, that’s all you need!

Every single person has a different sex drive, wants, needs, desires, and everything else. The only obligation you should focus on is your own and those of your partner’s. Forget everyone else’s. Remember, Fifty Shades of Grey is a story, it’s not real! [Read: 15 sexy ways to take it up a notch in bed]

While you might think that installing your own Red Room and attempting to rival Christian and Ana is the route towards a healthy sex life, it’s actually very far from the truth. A healthy sex life is simply one which is satisfying to both partners, with comfort, pleasure, and communication. It’s really all you need.

Of course, if you want to add in a few added extras, by all means do it, but it’s certainly not a requirement! Why make things more complicated than they really should be?

[Read: How to have the best sex of your life with these 15 easy bedroom rules]

If you simply want a healthy and happy sex life, which brings pleasure to both of you, simply focus on your needs as a couple. Talk about it, laugh about it, and above all else, enjoy it!