Girlfriend Is Pregnant: Every Guy’s Must-Knows, Choices & How to Support Her

Finding out your girlfriend is a shock. But it’s important to take your time, let the news sink in, and move forward together in a supportive manner.

There is nothing more life-changing than having a child. The moment you find out your girlfriend is pregnant, your life changes forever, whether you decide to keep the child or not. Something inside you shifts, and it can make or break your relationship.

A man’s head goes into overdrive worrying about how he’ll afford a baby and provide for things later down the road like college. He worries about things that aren’t immediate but are well into the future.

The problem is that a surprise pregnancy is one of the hardest scenarios for any couple to make it through. Pregnancy involves many emotions, and worries and concerns about the future can push you over the edge if you allow them to.

But the truth is, you simply need to pull together, communicate, and work through everything as a couple. [Read: Ways to know if both of you are ready to have a baby]

What to do if your girlfriend is pregnant

When your girlfriend tells you she is pregnant, you must slip straight into supportive boyfriend mode. Of course, you should always be in that mode, but in this case, it needs to go into hyperdrive.

It’s very easy to be shocked at the news and react negatively. While it’s understandable to a degree, you must let your girlfriend know that it was just a momentary panic and that you’re totally there for her, whatever the outcome.

Remember, she is terrified right now. She may not know what to do, and even if she does, she’s worried about what her body is about to go through and how she’s going to cope with new motherhood.

So, take several deep breaths, stay as calm as you can, and try to stay in the here and now. [Read: Tokophobia – everything you need to know about the fear of pregnancy]

Do you have any say? And what if you disagree?

As the father of the child, you deserve your say in the matter. But you have no legal claim over whether your girlfriend keeps the baby, puts it up for adoption, or whether she has an abortion. In the end, it is her body.

However, this baby is half yours, so your girlfriend should listen to your point of view and consider it. That doesn’t mean she has to go along with exactly what you want, but you should both sit down and discuss things and come to a decision together if you can.

However, it’s possible that you’ll disagree. In this case, you have to do your best to stay calm and talk to your girlfriend. Don’t shout and scream at her – put your case across and pour out your heart.

Remember, you cannot force her to do anything, but we would hope that, as your girlfriend, she will listen to what you’re saying and take everything into consideration.

Does she have to do what you say? No. She doesn’t. [Read: Amazing benefits of having sex while you’re pregnant]

How to respond when your girlfriend is pregnant

We’ve already mentioned that when you find out your girlfriend is pregnant you’re likely to have that goldfish moment where your mouth drops open and moves up and down with nothing coming out. Don’t worry, it’s normal.

But once you do regain control of your ability to speak and think straight, it’s vital that you consider these points.

1. Be supportive

Yes, you’re freaking out, but can you imagine how she feels right now? Make sure that you’re there for her and that she knows you’ve got her back. It will make this whole situation a lot easier for her. [Read: 17 signs of a supportive partner who encourages you and your goals]

2. Take responsibility and co-parent

If you both decide to keep the baby, you must do your bit. That means taking responsibility and co-parenting alongside your girlfriend, whether you stay together as a couple or not.

3. Get married and parent your child together

This isn’t strictly speaking necessary unless you want to do so, but some couples prefer to be married when they have children.

It’s entirely up to you whether you go down this route, but if it’s something you both want, it’s an option that should be discussed. [Read: 58 best and worst reasons to get married and signs you’re not ready for it]

4. Participate in the adoption/fostering process

It may be that you decide you don’t want to keep the baby and in that case, you might both choose adoption/fostering.

If so, make sure you’re there for your girlfriend every step of the way, especially at the end. This is going to be extremely emotional for her and she will need you there for support and strength.

5. Comfort her through the abortion process

If you decide that you’re not going to keep the baby and have decided on abortion, make sure you’re there for your girlfriend. She will find this very difficult and she will need you there to comfort her from start to finish.

Remember that once the procedure is done, that doesn’t mean it’s all over. She’ll be emotional for a while and she’ll need you. [Read: Pregnancy scare – 17 calm steps for women and men to handle it together]

6. The worst option – take no responsibility

We do not recommend this option at all, but it’s one that far too many decide to take. If you don’t want to have anything to do with the pregnancy or the child once it’s born—if your girlfriend decides to keep it—you could just walk away. But don’t do this!

Look, we’re trying to give you a balanced view here, but once you find out your girlfriend is pregnant, running away and ghosting her isn’t the way forward. Neither is just telling her you’re not interested.

It’s the coward’s way out. And remember, she didn’t get pregnant on her own. [Read: Why do guys ghost? 23 real reasons guys turn into cowardly A-holes]

The three main options for an unplanned pregnancy

Your girlfriend is pregnant and you’re both just getting over the shock. Now you need to work out what to do.

We’re going to delve into questions and scenarios around keeping the baby in the next section, but let’s explore the reality behind adoption and abortion first. [Read: 19 things you must do as a couple before having a baby]

Adoption

Adoption means that your girlfriend carries the baby to term and once the baby is delivered, it is passed to their adoptive parents or put into foster care until a forever home is found.

This is often the go-to choice for women who don’t want an abortion but who don’t want to become a parent just yet either, or at all.

But it’s certainly not the easy route, carrying a baby for nine months and then giving it up is extremely difficult and she isn’t going to get over the experience very quickly. [Read: Small ways to deal with big changes in your life]

There are some questions you need to explore if adoption is on your radar:

1. What adoption agency do you wish to use? Do your research carefully.

2. How do they pay for medical care?

3. How will you choose the parents?

4. What type of adoption do you want? Closed, semi-open, or open?

5. Why are you choosing adoption? Your parents will want to know and having a clear idea of your ‘why’ will help you through the hard times. [Read: 23 secrets and real life problems that make a relationship stronger]

6. How much school or work will your girlfriend miss?

It’s a good idea to speak to other people who have given a child up for adoption and explore their experiences. You should also do your research carefully into adoption agencies and speak to several before making your final choice.

If you and your girlfriend really feel you’re not ready to become parents and you don’t like the idea of abortion, adoption allows another couple to become parents and gives your baby a loving forever home.

However, don’t assume that once the adoption is complete, you can just go back to your lives and forget it all.

Neither of you will ever forget that you have a child somewhere out there, and you have to understand the reality before you make your final choice. [Read: Justifying your life choices – should you worry about it?]

Abortion

Another option is to have an abortion. Now, it’s important to find out your abortion rights in your state. Abortion isn’t as widely available as it was before and this may complicate your decision further. [Read: Decisions you should never let your partner make for you]

But if you are able to access abortion services and you feel that abortion is the best option for you, ask yourself these questions to support your choice:

1. How far along is your girlfriend? Abortion is only legal up to a certain gestation and this varies from state to state.

2. What type of procedure would be available? Depending upon how many weeks pregnant your girlfriend is, she may be able to access medical or surgical abortion.

3. What are the reasons you are choosing abortion? You need to know these reasons to be sure in your minds. [Read: 57 simple life questions to get to know yourself and truths to visualize your future]

4. Are you aware of the risks and procedures involved?

5. How are you going to pay for the abortion?

6. Where do you plan to get the abortion performed?

7. Does abortion align with your morals and beliefs?

Abortion isn’t an easy choice to make and it’s further complicated by restriction to services.

If you and your girlfriend feel this is the best option for you, spend some time really considering your choice before making your final decision. Then, make sure you’re there to support her the whole way through. [Read: 18 foundations of a relationship that separate the good and the bad]

Keeping the baby – Questions and scenarios to think about

The other option is to keep the baby. You might feel this is what you both want to do deep down, but still feel terrified at the thought. Don’t worry, that’s an entirely normal reaction!

However, having a child is complicated at any age. It’s important to know exactly what is about to land on your doorstep and how you are going to handle it.

1. Money issues

You might worry that you don’t have enough money, but there is never going to be a time in your life when you’ll feel financially secure enough to have a baby. That is unless you make your first million by thirty, or you are too old to really enjoy their childhood.

Money doesn’t make a happy family, albeit, it does make it easier. You will be able to make it through the rough spots to get to a stable place while you are still young enough to have the fire in your belly to do so. [Read: 17 brilliant yet simple ways to save money as a couple]

2. You feel you’re too young

Young is all relative. There is an ideal age to have a baby, of course, but your age doesn’t determine how good of a parent you’ll be.

3. You haven’t been dating very long

If your girlfriend is pregnant, you have to realize that having a baby is stressful in any relationship, whether you have been together for ten years or two days.

If you are willing to commit to loving the baby no matter what happens in your relationship, then you aren’t going to be putting so much pressure on yourselves to make it all click together at the same time.

Focus on what your priorities are and readjust as you need. Take one day at a time in your relationship and just try to form the underlying friendship it takes to be parents.

4. Your relationship is already rocky

Many people think a baby will be the glue binding their relationship together. That is not true. Pregnancy and the first year of the baby’s life are filled with more stress than you can even imagine. [Read: Stress ruining your relationship? Signs and quick fixes]

They consist of sleepless nights, anxiety, pressure, and, above all, fear of the unknown. Even if you had the greatest relationship in the world, it would still be challenging once you hear that your girlfriend is pregnant.

You are going to be a parent, whether it is a joint partnership or not. Learning to get along and support each other no matter what type of relationship you decide to have is the key to a happy and healthy family, intact or otherwise.

5. Should you get married?

When your girlfriend tells you she’s pregnant, one of your first thoughts is “Should I ask her to marry me?” If you were thinking about it before the pregnancy, then it can be more excitement to add to the pregnancy surprise.

But, if you were nowhere near the point of asking her to say “I do,” then it is best to put that on hold and deal with the emotions at hand. There is no sense in muddying the waters if you aren’t there yet. [Read: Ways to know if both of you are ready to have a baby]

6. Will she resent you if you don’t propose?

Look, some women do find it embarrassing to be pregnant and not married. If you love her, and you think you want to spend your life with her, then it is best to commit out in the open.

Even if you don’t follow through with getting married, an engagement may help to calm her fears of the future.

But you shouldn’t feel pressured into this and maybe she doesn’t want to get married anyway! If it’s bothering you, talk about it, but not everyone feels the need to be married to have children these days. [Read: 16 questions to make talking about marriage really easy]

7. But if you do propose, will she think you did it out of obligation?

Possibly so. Look, one of the hardest things about telling your boyfriend you are pregnant is to feel like you are “ruining” his life or “trapping” him into something.

The only way you can know is to sit down and have an open and honest conversation about this whole topic. Yes, it will be awkward, but you can save a lot of confusion further down the line. [Read: Down-to-earth ways to express your love without words]

8. Telling friends and loved ones

If you think it is hard to tell your family, think about how difficult it was for her to tell you. There was only one of her. If you go to friends and family as a team and tell them with a show of force, there can’t be anything coming your way but positive energy. If they don’t approve, then screw them.

Just remember that as shocked and fearful as you felt when you first found out, they are the same emotions that people who love you are going through. They aren’t doing it to hurt you or to squash your happiness. They do it specifically because they want you to be happy, and they worry about your future. [Read: Small ways to make your girl feel special and loved]

9. How will a baby affect your career and dreams?

There are two ways to look at a baby entering your life and what it means for your career and future.

You either use it as a means to motivate yourself to work harder for your dreams. Or, you can feel bad for yourself and blame your lack of advancement on the fact that you hit rough times.

The truth is, in any bad situation, those with determination and drive always rise to the top. It is going to be hard, harder than anything you have probably ever done, but, only the best things in life are worthwhile. And having a child in your life is one of the biggest blessings you can ever receive. [Read: A helpful reflection – what am I doing with my life]

10. Your house or mine? Or neither?

Assuming you both have different places, decide whether to keep separate spaces or live together. If you don’t move in together, you may miss out on some of the most magical times of being pregnant.

If you choose to move in, you are stuck together whether you like it or not, because finances aren’t going to get any better.

The decision to move in is a complex one, but if something should happen, you want to be there to help out in any way. It’s not something you have to decide on immediately, but it will make things much easier to manage. [Read: The big cons of moving in no one wants to talk about]

11. Insurance issues

Hopefully, she has medical insurance. In that case, she is covered for pregnancy, birth, and beyond. However, if she doesn’t have insurance, you need to work something out pretty quickly to help you get through the coming months.

12. What about your jobs?

If you both work currently, are you going to both carry on working or will you work and she will have some time with the baby for a while? Many women keep up their careers while having children, but it’s a personal choice of what she wants to do.

Talk about it and come to a conclusion together. If she chooses not to work for a while, or at all, does your job provide enough for all of you? [Read: Love or career – how to choose and make sure you’re not left feeling bitter]

13. Childcare issues

If you both decide to work or you’re both in school, what childcare options are available to you and how much do they cost?

And when you choose to have some time together, are there any friends or family members you trust enough to look after your new bundle of joy?

14. Will you continue with your education(s)?

If neither of you is in education currently, this won’t be an issue for you. But if one or both of you are, are you going to continue or hit pause for a while?

These are all things to think about and ask yourself when you decide to have a baby. As you can see, everything can be worked around with patience and communication, if that’s the route you choose to go down. [Read: What is my purpose in life? 33 secrets to find meaning when you feel lost]

Living with a pregnant girlfriend – What to expect

Your girlfriend is pregnant and she’s probably worried about her mess of feelings and about what is going to happen to her baby.

As we’ve said a few times already, you have to be supportive. But, being supportive is a lot easier when you know what to expect.

These come under two main categories:

1. Emotional and physical changes

A baby is growing inside your girlfriend. Let that sink in for a moment. An actual human being is growing inside of her. So yes, there are going to be quite a few physical changes and those are going to impact her emotionally too.

These include:

a. Mood swings [Read: Why am I so emotional?]

b. Nausea and/or vomiting

c. Food aversions and cravings

d. Headaches

e. Backaches and cramps

f. Growing belly and breasts

g. Fatigue

Ante and postpartum depression. This doesn’t affect all women but it’s important to be aware of it in case it becomes an issue for your girlfriend. [Read: Dating someone with depression – 23 signs and truths you must know]

2. Schedule & lifestyle changes

The next few months are going to be very busy indeed!

a. Doctors appointments. And yes, it would be very supportive if you were there too!

b. Frequent toilet trips when you’re out and about

c. Baby shower

d. Shopping for baby items

e. The big event – the birth!

And of course, life afterward as a new parent. [Read: Dating as a single parent -52 must-knows to date a single mom or dad]

Life is full of surprises

When you find out your girlfriend is pregnant, it’s always going to be a shock. It doesn’t matter where you were trying or it came totally out of the blue. Pregnancy is something that knocks us totally off kilter for a while.

And that’s normal. But remember that she is probably feeling ten times more shocked and anxious than you are. As her boyfriend, it’s your job to support her and help her through the coming weeks and months.

No matter what you decide to do together, be there for her every step of the way. After all, it’s the responsible and right thing to do.

[Read: Committed relationship – 59 signs and ways to show your commitment in love]

Surprises are good things, right? So if you find out that your girlfriend is pregnant, try to see this surprise as a challenge, but with the potential to be one of the most incredible additions to your life.