Fantasize about Cheating? Reasons Why You Go There in Your Mind

You know the old saying, once a cheater always a cheater. But does fantasizing count? But, what does it mean when you do fantasize about cheating?

Fantasize about cheating? Oh boy, well, I can’t say I’ve never had those thoughts before. When I was in a relationship I wasn’t sure about, thinking about other people would happen. I spent most of my time trying to convince myself that those thoughts were meaningless and that I liked the partner I was with. But I didn’t really like him. Obviously, not enough or else I wouldn’t have had those thoughts. 

With time, I ended up breaking up with him because I figured if I’m having those thoughts, he’s not the one for me. But sometimes the answer isn’t so cut and dry. When it comes to fantasies, they can be tricky, and when those fantasies involve cheating, it’s even tricker.

But, your fantasies aren’t without reason. Whatever your fantasies are about, whether you dream of puppies or sky diving, they all have a subconscious root in your mind. And though you may be thinking, oh no, that’s not a bad thing at all!

[Read: How to fantasize about someone else… and not feel guilty]

Now you have a starting point, and see why you fantasize about cheating. Once you figure out the real connection, decide for yourself what you want to do with your relationship. 

12 reasons why you fantasize about cheating 

Don’t worry. The good thing is you want to figure out why you fantasize about cheating, and you should be asking yourself important questions such as this one. Let’s figure out where these thoughts are coming from.

#1 You’re not the only one. First of all, you’re not the only one who’s fantasizing about cheating. That’s right. According to the Journal of Sexual Medicine, fantasizing about having sex with someone who’s not your partner is one of the top fantasies for men and women. Yeah, I was just as surprised as you are right now when I found that out.

#2 You’re scared of commitment. Ah, yes. The old “scared of commitment” fear. Who isn’t scared of commitment? Everyone has those moments where they think to themselves, should I do this? 

If you’re someone who struggles with settling down with one person, then this is probably why you have these fantasies. Even if you really like this person, fear of commitment always has a way to weaseling itself in. [Read: 10 sure signs you’re experiencing the fear of commitment]

#3 You went into a relationship too fast. You jumped into the relationship too quickly, and now you’re feeling a little stuck. Well, you should know you can always get out of the relationship. But, understandably, right now, you’re not sure what to do. When you rush into things, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, and that’s when the fantasies pop up.  

#4 You’re not sure if monogamy is for you. Not everyone is meant to be in monogamous relationships, at least not at every moment in their lives. And maybe that’s the case for you. You’re not sure if you want to be monogamous right now, and now those feelings turn into how you fantasize about cheating. [Read: Is monogamy for you? How to know your needs and what works best for you]

#5 You’re sexually unfulfilled. Before, the sex with your partner was amazing; it blew your mind. But now, things are a little boring. You’re not getting turned on by your partner anymore and feel sexually unfulfilled.  

Well, that is a great moment for you to have thoughts about someone else. It’s not great, but the timing matches up perfectly. Ask yourself if you’re sexually fulfilled in your relationship. [Read: Are you sexually incompatible? The 13 unlucky signs it might be true and how to work on it]

#6 Something is upsetting you. Maybe you just had a fight with your partner, or they said something that hurt you. Instead of talking about your feelings, they stayed inside of you and developed into something else. When you fantasize about cheating, it’s often when you have unresolved feelings with your partner. Is there something on your mind? You should say it.  

#7 You’re not happy in your relationship. You aren’t getting along, the love is long gone, and you’re both in the relationship for convenience. It’s a tough situation, and if you’re experiencing this, then it’s a solid reason why you’re thinking about other people. You’re no longer being fulfilled by your partner, so you fantasize about cheating. 

#8 You’re in a longterm relationship. What can I say; it happens to the best of us? You’ve been with your partner for years, and naturally, the relationship can hit stale moments. You’ve only slept with your partner, and maybe the sex is getting a little dull.

And in those moments, it’s normal for people to fantasize about other things than their partner. What this means is you need to spice things up. [Read: A couple’s sexy guide to ecstasy and achieving an orgasm]

#9 It’s a new relationship. You just got into a relationship, and things are really fresh right now. The honeymoon phase is an intense one since you’re revved up like a sports car full of sexual energy. This could be the reason why you have these fantasies; you’re full to the brim with sexual energy. Instead of fantasizing, bring those thoughts to life in the bedroom.

#10 You want to experience more. Maybe this is your first relationship, and you’re realizing that it’s not something you want right now. When you fantasize, you’re thinking about threesomes and orgies and all these sexual activities that are deep inside of you.

Firstly, have you asked your partner if they’re interested in doing any of these activities? If no, maybe it’s time you asked. [Read: Soft swapping and how to ease your partner into a new experience]

#11 You suppress your fantasies. Have you talked to your partner about your deepest fantasies? If you haven’t, it could be a reason why you’re thinking about this.

You’ve been suppressing your fantasies, and now they’re coming out uncontrollably. Talking about your fantasies and exploring them with your partner can help you overcome them. [Read: How to talk about sex without sounding like a pervert]

#12  Your fantasies are just fantasies. The thing about fantasies, they can also just be fantasies. You’re only human, after all. Sometimes fantasies have no solid basis, and sometimes they’re deeply connected to our subconscious. Some people are turned on by the idea of breaking the rules, and that doesn’t mean they want to cheat in real life. 

[Read: The things that can ruin a relationship and how to watch out for them]

It’s not always easy digging into ourselves and being honest. But if you fantasize about cheating, this is something you should investigate on your own. Sometimes, it could mean you want to end things. And in other cases, maybe you just want to spice things up in bed.