Erotophobia: What It Is, Types, 25 Causes & Signs You Have a Fear of Sex

Are you scared of sexual intimacy? Believe it or not, some people are. Erotophobia is the fear of anything associated with sex. Here’s everything to know.

There are a few labels out there for people who are afraid of intimacy or relationships: assholes, teases, or commitment-phobes. But you can also say that they have erotophobia.

It’s not like those are incorrect terms. Some people may not have an actual phobia but would rather taste all the ice cream flavors, so to say, before settling down with someone. Which isn’t too bad, however, it usually ends up hurting someone.

Point is, if someone isn’t playing games with you, they may actually have a form of erotophobia. Erotophobia is an umbrella term that involves a variety of fears related to sex and sexual intimacy. 

You may think that this is not a huge problem. But in reality, it’s indicative of more complex fears and thoughts. And, if left untreated, people with erotophobia will be unable to have romantic relationships. [Read: Autophobia – what it is, 25 signs, causes, and how to calm the fear of being alone]

Erotophobia 101

Erotophobia varies for everyone. So, if you have erotophobia, it’s not going to be the exact same for everyone. But the general definition of erotophobia is someone who is extremely afraid of sex and sexual intimacy.

Some people will have mild cases, which makes them anxious about having sex. Others can have extreme cases of erotophobia, which leads them to completely avoiding sex altogether. 

But how that can physically manifest depends on the type of erotophobia you have since it’s an umbrella term for multiple phobias related to sex.

Types of erotophobia 

Whether you have it or know someone who does, you should know what it’s really about. Getting to the root cause of erotophobia can help you deal with it. So here are some types of erotophobia that you need to know.

1. Genophobia

Genophobia is the fear of sexual intercourse. Now, you can still be affectionate with someone and be in a relationship while having this fear. 

Many people have romantic relationships while suffering from this. They’ll be able to kiss, hug, and cuddle. However, when it’s time to progress into more intimate displays of affection, they close up.

2. Paraphobia

This is the fear of sexual perversion. It’s a complicated phobia, that’s for sure. This could be the fear of being perverted themselves or the fear of others being perverted.

This doesn’t mean you can’t have sex. However, many people with this phobia do prefer traditional intimate relationships that fit the moral code that they established in their minds. 

But there are also people that feel that any sexual intimacy is perverted, and so they completely avoid it. [Read: How to talk about sex without sounding like a pervert]

3. Haphephobia

This is the fear of being touched. Of course, this is a huge problem if you’re wanting to be in an intimate relationship. Heck, it can even cause problems in non-intimate relationships. 

Some people can even feel pain when people graze by them. This is a psychological defense mechanism, and it’ll take time to overcome, but you can treat it.

4. Fear of intimacy

Or also known as the fear of abandonment, the two are very much related. [Read: Intimacy issues – What it looks like, 39 signs, causes, and tips to date with it]

People who fear intimacy don’t necessarily fear sex itself, but they’re afraid of the emotional attachment that comes with it. 

You can see this with a couple of your friends who are chronic serial daters or one-night-stand enthusiasts.

5. Gymnophobia

Also known as the fear of nudity. This isn’t a light phobia either. A lot of people fear being naked in front of someone. But gymnophobia is on a whole other level. [Read: Androphobia – everything you need to know about the fear of men]

This phobia is all tied up with body image issues and feelings of inadequacy. This isn’t about sexual intimacy as many people with this fear enjoy sex, they’re just insecure with their bodies.

6. Fear of vulnerability

This is similar to the fear of intimacy because it’s all about the fear of abandonment.

Many people are afraid to open themselves up, maybe because they have the fear of not being liked or the fear that they’ll become emotionally attached and then leave. 

This is a serious phobia for many relationships because it prevents the relationship from developing. [Read: Wear your heart on your sleeve – 17 reasons to be open]

7. Philemaphobia

The fear of kissing. Many of you may be surprised by this, but it’s an actual phobia. However, it’s not just about kissing. Its underlying fears are usually related to physical concerns like having bad breath or germ phobia.

Causes of erotophobia

There are many reasons why someone may suffer with erotophobia. [Read: Pistanthrophobia – why you fear trusting people, 16 signs, and ways to overcome it]

Many times, the fear of sex and intimacy comes from having a bad experience in a past relationship or from childhood. These experiences prevent someone from getting close or connecting sexually, emotionally, and even mentally.

Here are some of the most common causes of erotophobia to help you understand your *or someone else’s* fears better:

1. Sexual abuse

Survivors of child abuse or sexual abuse can later develop post-traumatic stress disorder *PTSD*. [Read: Emotional baggage – what it is, types, causes, 27 signs and steps to put it down]

It changes the person’s view of sexual intimacy or intercourse and can lead to fear of it. However, it’s worth noting that not all people who have PTSD have a fear of intimacy.

2. Other trauma

The funny *not funny* thing about trauma is that its lasting effects can manifest themselves in any way.

Even if a person’s trauma isn’t sexual in any way, it could lead to a person being anxious about having sex. Maybe it’s the idea of opening up to someone, maybe it’s the fear of losing control.

Every case is different, so try to understand yourself/this person the best way you can. [Read: How to help someone up when they’re feeling down or depressed

3. Personal, cultural, and religious mores

Some people grow up in a very religious family or culture that doesn’t look favorably on sex. Especially premarital sex. [Read: Sex for the first time – 37 must-knows and secrets about losing your virginity]

They might only see it as a means of procreation and not a form of pleasure. There might even be guilt and shame associated with having sex.

4. Sexual performance anxiety

While this is typically a cause for men because of the fear of not being able to get an erection, women can also have performance anxiety too.

The fear of disappointing a sexual partner in bed can paralyze someone with fear and make them not even want to try.

5. Age

It’s pretty normal for some young people to have anxieties about having sex if they are a virgin, especially women. Part of it is just the fear of the unknown. [Read: Gynophobia – the fear of women, why some men feel it, and how to get over it]

But older people can also have a fear. They might be self-conscious of their body because of age and weight or they could just not enjoy sex anymore.

6. Physical concerns 

Some people might have a physiological condition or sexual dysfunction that prevents them from enjoying sex. It could be some sort of physical disability that makes them self-conscious or just prevents them from enjoying the physical sensations of sex.

7. Bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, causes extreme mood swings—both highs and lows. [Read: Emotional rollercoaster – the signs, causes, and ways to end this relationship]

So, when someone is in their low, depressive state, they might not have any interest in sex whatsoever. It could even lead to them fearing it completely. 

8. Learned negative response 

Maybe someone grew up in a restrictive household that taught the fear of sex and any sexual exploration. And if they dared to try anything sexually, they knew that they would be met with punishment. As a result, their mind associates sex with punishment, so they avoid it.

9. Pelvic pain conditions

Certain kinds of pelvic conditions can cause a person pain while they have sex, which can also lead to fear of it. [Read: When sex hurts for women – the causes of painful sex]

Conditions such as vulvodynia, vaginismus, and dyspareunia are some that can be associated with a dislike and displeasure for sexual intercourse.

Symptoms of erotophobia

Now that you know what erotophobia is and what causes it, you might wonder if you yourself have a fear of sex.

If you don’t know, here are some of the symptoms that go along with it:

1. Having a strong negative attitude toward sex

Most people are turned on by the thought of having sex because it’s a natural human instinct. [Read: Painful sex – Health reasons why sex is painful for men]

But people with erotophobia have a strong negative attitude toward sex. Either the thought of it turns them off or they feel incredibly anxious about the act.

2. Having a strong negative response to a sexual stimulus

Again, for most people, being sexually touched by someone they are attracted to gets their bodies excited.

But not for people with erotophobia—they have the opposite response. Not only does it not turn them on, it almost repulses them. [Read: Tokophobia – everything you need to know about the fear of pregnancy]

3. Avoidance towards sex

Whether it is conscious or unconscious, people with erotophobia try to avoid sex as much as they can.

Not only sex itself, but they try to avoid situations that could lead to sex, such as a date. They don’t want to be put in a situation where another person might want to have sex with them.

4. Underlying fears

When people have phobias about things in general, it’s usually because they have other fears that accompany them too.

There is never just one fear that exists by itself. So, it’s not uncommon to have a lot of other fears besides sex. [Read: 20 downright strange but true phobias about love]

Treatment for erotophobia

Erotophobia is highly complex. And when we mean complex, it’s complex. You won’t be able to treat this by talking to your family or friends. You need to seek professional help. 

Sex therapists are specialized in erotophobia, so they’ll be able to give you the tools to treat yourself. [Read: Naughty ways to get over a sexual dry spell quickly]

But once you have erotophobia, it’s not a dead end. In fact, erotophobia is highly treatable. However, it takes time and work.

It depends on the type of therapist you have, but they’ll be able to help you face difficult memories that you’ll need to overcome in order to heal. 

Sure, there are going to be some tears and obstacles, but once you overcome them, the reward is well worth it. [Read: Fear of commitment – 47 signs, whys, and ways to get over your phobia]

Here are just some ways erotophobia can be treated:

1. Medication

Doctors can prescribe various different kinds of medications for erotophobia. For example, Prozac and Xanax can be used to regulate mood and anxiety. 

Other drugs that can be used are monoamine oxidase inhibitors *MAOIs*, beta-blockers, and benzodiazepines. But also consult with your doctor before you decide to take any of these medications. [Read: Sexual anorexia – what it means, 19 signs, risks, and safe ways to treat it]

2. Psychotherapy

This is the primary treatment for phobias in general. Therapists can help someone suffering from erotophobia understand where their fears originate and how to overcome them.

3. Cognitive behavioral therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy involves alternative ways of dealing with a phobia and addressing its triggers.

Hypnotherapy can also be used to reveal past experiences that are affecting the person’s present mental state and habits. It can also help with PTSD.

4. Vaginal dilators 

Sometimes, the fear of sex for women is because it hurt if their vagina is too small or tight. [Read: Sexual anxiety – 25 secrets to not be nervous about having sex and enjoy it]

And believe it or not, there are vaginal dilators that can help stretch out a woman’s vagina. While it might sound a little strange, it definitely can help some women if this is the cause of their fear.

5. Combination approach

Probably the best way to deal with erotophobia is a combination approach.

By trying medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, psychotherapy, and perhaps the vaginal dilator, the person with this fear will have a better chance of fully overcoming it. 

[Read: Fear of intimacy – The hardships of being afraid to love]

If you’re feeling that you’re suffering from erotophobia, don’t worry, you can get yourself out of it. But you’ll need to talk to someone who will be able to provide you with the right tools.