Emotionally Invested: 18 Things You MUST Know Before Going All-In In Love

It’s easy to be emotionally invested in someone, especially if you like them. But it’s not always the best approach if you’re just getting to know them.

We know what you’re thinking. You can’t always control becoming emotionally invested in someone new. We get that. But if you’re paying enough attention, you can catch yourself before it’s too late.

There are two types of people when falling for someone: one who gets emotionally invested too fast and one who is guarded.

Neither are good things, but being attached way too fast will do more damage than being guarded, after all, becoming involved with someone new isn’t something to take lightly.

There are a lot of things you go through when you let your guard down and become involved with someone. You have to think about yourself before you go ahead and throw yourself into someone else’s life. [Read: Signs you’re emotionally attached and falling hard for someone]

Don’t move too fast when meeting someone new

When dating someone new, it can be easy to get caught up in the rush of emotions. You might not stop to think about if what you’re doing even makes sense with this new person.

There are a lot of mistakes people make that can ruin their relationship when they start seeing someone new. The biggest one is moving too fast.

This is primarily why it’s easy to get emotionally invested in someone right off the bat. It’s difficult not to get attached especially when everything feels too good to be true like you’re in a fantasy. But it is a practical and wise thing to do.

When you’re completely emotionally invested in someone, you don’t really think straight. You only think about what you want at that moment and it can cause your relationship to move too quickly, which isn’t good. The faster a relationship begins, the faster it ends *most times*. [Read: Relationship mistakes new couples make all the time]

Moving too fast makes you mistake your real feelings

We’ve all been guilty of this at some point. We’ve all become attached to the person we just started seeing and it all ends up moving too fast *faster than the speed of light*.

This is bad because you don’t know one another that well yet, and you’re skipping significant phases in a relationship. When you get attached right away, it could also cause you to blindly think it’s love you’re feeling, but that isn’t the case.

Also, it gets in the way of seeing if you have the necessary chemistry and compatibility to be in a relationship.

Since you’re already emotionally invested, you can’t see all these factors as you already think they’re perfect and want to be with them. So the minute you see flaws or even red flags, you’ll blindly ignore them.

Most importantly, there is a massive difference between love and attachment, and it’s crucial you learn this contrast before pursuing a relationship with them. [Read: Attachment styles and how they impact your relationship]

Things to consider before getting emotionally invested in someone

The truth about letting yourself become emotional with someone is that you may sometimes regret it. If you let them in, they could hurt you more than if you stopped yourself from getting so emotionally invested in them.

If you just met someone new that you think is really great, stop yourself for a minute. Consider all of these things before you decide to dive in and get to know them on a deeper level.

1. Are you ready for it?

You have to consider your own life first. Are you in a good place to become involved with someone else? Are you looking for a relationship for all the right reasons? Being emotionally invested in someone else takes a lot out of a person.

Make sure you’re ready to go all in before you even begin. Many people become emotionally invested before they’re even prepared, so make sure you have what it takes before doing so. [Read: Are you really ready for a relationship?]

2. Are THEY ready for it?

A relationship takes two to make it work. Just like you have to be ready before being invested, the same goes for them. You also have to think about where they’re at in their life.

By now, you know enough about them to realize if they’re ready to become emotionally involved with someone.

Think seriously about their life and decide if they can be in something real right now. Do they have more important matters to take care of that can get in the way of a committed relationship? Are they emotionally and mentally ready?

Ask yourself and them these questions. [Read: Emotional baggage – how to help someone put it down and find freedom]

3. Are you compromising your own life for this person?

This is one of the biggest mistakes people make when they get emotionally invested in someone. They drop their entire life in order to be with a person.

You need to be complete as a person before you get invested in someone else. Otherwise, you’ll pour everything within you until you’re left with nothing.

Also, this leads to a co-dependent relationship, which is sabotaging for both of you. Even if you love them, they shouldn’t be your entire life. It should be about two whole people coming together and complementing one another’s happiness.

So, step back and think about this seriously. Do you give up your plans and free time in order to answer their last-minute call? If so, don’t let yourself get emotionally invested. [Read: Ways you’re unknowingly sabotaging your happiness]

4. Do they deserve your emotional investment?

Love can make us blind, so you need to ask yourself if they deserve your emotional investment. Does the person even deserve you to be emotionally invested in them? Do they do anything for you? Are they adding any value to your life?

Especially when it comes to your time, you can never get that back. So make sure they’re really worth it and that the feeling is mutual.

If this person isn’t worth it, then you need to step back and wait until they get themselves together for you or find someone else. [Read: Hidden signs of a one-sided relationship we all choose to ignore]

5. Are you riding the lust train only?

This is just a sign your relationship is on the fast track. If you’re only ever discussing or doing sexual things, you can’t invest your emotions. Slow down a bit and go backward.

Get to know them on a deeper level. As great as sex feels, it shouldn’t be your primary basis for investing in them.

A relationship is more than just sex. So allow yourself to connect emotionally and mentally with them. If you still have a connection, go for it. [Read: Signs it’s just lust and nothing deeper]

6. Do you trust them?

Trust is one of the essential foundations of a relationship. So it’s a pretty huge deal to ask yourself this question first. Do you really trust them not to hurt you? When you get emotionally invested in someone else, you’re opening yourself up to harm. They have the power to upset you.

You have to trust someone before you’re able to get vulnerable with them. If there’s something about them you don’t exactly trust, you need to ask yourself why and work on that trust.

Don’t ignore what your gut instinct is telling you about trusting them. Most often, your gut is right. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and make it last]

7. Does your career or schooling still come first?

The bottom line here is that you’re still focusing on the important things. You’re not allowing this new person to take up too much of your time and energy. Make sure your life is still revolving around the most important aspects, like your job or schooling.

You can’t be fully emotionally invested if you still have more important priorities you’re trying to juggle. Work and family responsibilities are hard enough, but you might have difficulty adding a relationship to that. [Read: Love or career – how to make the right choice]

8. Are you completely over your ex?

Think about this seriously and be honest with yourself here. If you’re not over your ex, it can cause problems if you become emotionally invested in someone else.

If you are not over your ex, you could potentially project certain emotions from your ex onto them. Take the time to get over your past relationships first.

We don’t like admitting when we’re over our ex or not, but it’s crucial in this case. You can’t give a hundred percent of your effort if you’re still dwelling on your ex. [Read: Signs your past relationship is holding you back from a better future]

9. Are they showing the same emotional investment in you?

Before you emotionally invest in someone, you need to check if they’re investing in you as well. You don’t want this to be a one-sided relationship where you’re the only one invested in it.

Are they showing signs of being committed to you? If they show that they’re serious about you and are willing to put forth the effort, then you can definitely go for it. If not, it’s best to draw back and see what happens.

10. Are you happy with your life?

Consider how happy you are with your life apart from them. Are you still just as content without them or do you need them in order to be happy?

If it’s the latter, that’s an issue. You need to learn to be happy 100% on your own before you can become emotionally invested in someone else. You can’t use a relationship to fill a void in your life. [Read: Secret to happiness – the uncomplicated guide for a happy life]

11. Have you healed from any past trauma?

We all have significant traumas in our lives, which are frustrating to heal from. This is why it’s so important to recover from any trauma you might have before getting emotionally invested in someone.

It’s not easy to heal from your trauma, but it is necessary before you get emotionally invested in someone. Otherwise, you will end up projecting all your issues and baggage on them, which they don’t deserve.

So, before you invest your energy and time on them, first check if you have any unhealed trauma. You need to work on that first. [Read: 19 signs of emotional damage and ways to get past them]

12. Do you share similar values?

While you don’t need to share every value with someone, it’s necessary to share the important ones. Contrary to the saying that opposites attract, you will end up clashing and colliding once the butterflies and sparks are gone, and you settle into a more secure life.

Is religion important to you? And if so, do they share the same belief? Do you believe in marriage, and do they? What about career versus love, which comes first? You need to assess both of your values before investing in this person.

13. Are you ready to be committed?

You can’t be entirely committed and invested in someone if that’s something you fear. If you’re going to back away any second at the sight of intimacy, then you’re clearly not ready.

Before you invest in them, you should assess if you’re in a place in your life you’re prepared to do so. Commitment is a serious word, and you can’t take it lightly. [Read: 19 clear signs you are ready for a serious relationship]

14. Are you ready to get hurt?

Pain and heartbreak are emotions we never want to feel but are inevitable in a relationship. Especially if you’re thinking of getting emotionally invested with them, ask yourself if you’re ready to get hurt.

If you’re just going to flee at any discomfort, conflict, or negative emotions, you might not be prepared for a relationship.

In order to fully invest, this requires both good and bad. So you can’t expect it to be perfect all the time – that’s unrealistic and impractical. [Read: Why does love hurt when it goes bad? The truth you need to hear]

15. Are you doing it for all the right reasons?

It’s easy to invest too quickly when you’re not even sure you’re doing it for all the right reasons. Is there something you’re running away from? Are you complete and whole as a person? Can you be alone and independent?

No matter what, you can’t use a relationship to fill a void in your life. All that will do is eventually make you sabotage your relationship because you invested too quickly when you were far from ready. [Read: Am I ready for a relationship? Questions to ask yourself]

What to do if you’re in too deep

If you just realized you’re already way too emotionally invested in someone, don’t worry. Here’s what you can do to get back to yourself and pull back the reins with that new person. [Read: Signs you’re too available for your partner]

1. Re-evaluate how you feel

Take a break from your new person. Get alone and try to evaluate your true feelings. If you have some time away, it’ll be easier for you to think clearly and gain the right perspective.

You’ll never be able to think clearly if they influence your thoughts since you’re always around them. So take some space to figure things out.

2. Get in touch with friends

Your friends are always looking out for your best interest. Get in touch with them and see what they think. They’ll help you understand if you’re too emotionally invested and if you need to separate yourself a bit.

It’s possible that you like this person so much you could be blinded by them. Ask your friends what they think. [Read: Easy ways to avoid falling in love with someone too fast]

3. Focus on your hobbies and your own life

If you still want to see that person but you think you’re too emotionally invested, just shift your focus. You can still have them in your life, but you can also still put emphasis on your own happiness.

Get back into your old hobbies and what you did before you met them. Not only is this better for you, but it’ll be better for the entire relationship if you choose to stay with them. Having your own life and interests only makes you more appealing to someone.

So, should you get emotionally invested?

You should only get emotionally invested after answering all the questions we’ve listed above. You need to ask yourself if you’re getting into a relationship for all the right reasons, if you’re ready, and if the effort being exchanged is mutual – among other things. Otherwise, your energy would be a waste of your time.

[Read: Emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy – which comes first?]

It’s perfectly okay to become emotionally invested with someone. But you need to make sure that it’s the right thing to do rather than doing it blindly.