Emotional Attraction: 22 Signs You Have It and Why It’s Essential

If there’s one thing all successful relationships need, it’s emotional attraction. Learn why it’s important and how to know you have it.

There are all sorts of thing you probably look for in a partner. They need to be attractive to you, smart, funny, perhaps even very clean and organized. But the thing that’s not on your list but should be is emotional attraction.

This is extremely important in relationships and without it, the relationship just won’t last very long. You can be attracted to someone in every single other way but if an emotional attraction is absent, it’ll never work.

[Read: Emotional connection: 8 small ways to build a happily ever after]

Why physical attraction won’t ever last

Initially, you’re attracted to the way someone looks. How else could you determine whether or not you want to approach someone? The first thing we see about a person is how they look. That physical attraction is very important at first but definitely won’t last forever.

Because after a while, we get used to the way someone looks. Yes, we can still recognize that they’re good looking and we’re attracted to them but it dulls down. And people don’t look good forever. We all grow old and there needs to be something more concrete that keeps you and your significant other together. [Read: Why physical attraction is important in a relationship]

Emotional attraction should be pretty easy to see if you know what to look for

It’s really not that hard to feel emotional attraction toward someone but that’s only if you really know what you’re looking for. Here are the signs you have an emotional attraction with someone and why that connection is essential for your relationship.

1. You love their sense of humor

This is probably one of the most obvious signs you’re emotionally attracted to someone. Humor is very deeply tied to our emotional state and if you both have the same sense of humor, you’ll end up with that deeper connection. Plus, this just shows you like the way their mind works. [Read: 20 signs you’ve mastered the dry sense of humor]

2. Their morals and values match yours

If you both feel very passionate about the same world issues, it’s very likely you’re attracted to them emotionally in addition to your physical attraction.

Your morals and values shape who you truly are and when you appreciate those same things in another person, you’re connecting on a much deeper level. [Read: 17 qualities of a good husband & why these traits in a man stand out]

3. You can talk for hours

If you’re not emotionally attracted or connected with someone, you won’t be able to talk to them. This is because your minds don’t naturally sync to the same topic.

If you don’t agree on something with another person and you can’t talk to them for a very long time, you’re just not mentally or emotionally as connected as you might think. Make sure you can talk to someone for hours. If you can’t do that now, how could you be with them for years and years? [Read: Meaningful topics that ignite an intellectual conversation]

4. Their vulnerabilities make you like them more

When someone gets deep and vulnerable with you, how do you respond? Is it a turn-off or does it make you respect and appreciate them more?

If it’s the latter, then you definitely have an emotional attraction for them. You see the deepest parts of their psyche and you like them anyway.

5. You share advice and opinions respectfully

If you feel comfortable and even want to get someone’s advice and opinion on something, then you’re definitely emotionally attracted to them.

When you want to hear their thoughts and know their opinion on something, it’s obvious you like the way they think. You respect their thoughts and want to hear what they have to say. It’s a huge sign of emotional attraction. [Read: How to express your opinion without feeling cocky]

6. You have a sense of feeling totally understood

When you have an emotional connection and attraction to someone, you feel understood and accepted. In turn, you feel like you really ‘get’ who they are as a person. That means that it’s gone way beyond looks.

7. Difficult subjects don’t feel quite so difficult

Not only do you feel like you can talk to your partner for hours, but you don’t have an issue talking about subjects that might make you feel uncomfortable with other people. For some reason, you feel like this person understands you, free of judgment. [Read: How to talk to anyone: Master the art of a real conversationalist]

8. The way you feel about them physically doesn’t occur to you first

You might worry about this one, but don’t! Sure, you’re physically attracted to them but when you think about them, that’s not the first thing that comes to mind. You’re more concerned about the conversations you have, how they feel, and the things you do together. It’s a sign that your relationship is really maturing.

9. Communication isn’t just about talking, you listen to one another

When one partner doesn’t feel listened to, it can cause many problems in a relationship. When you have an emotional attraction, you want to listen to them. You’re keen to hear about what they have to say, what they’ve been doing, and how they feel. [Read: 7 signs you’re not being heard and 7 ways to fix it]

10. There is a sense of trust that makes you feel comfortable

Trust is a huge building block and if you don’t have it, you might as well give up! When you develop and emotional attraction, you know you can trust the other person. In return, they feel the same about you. That means you’re comfortable being your true self and you don’t feel worried about where the relationship is going.

11. You don’t mind putting their happiness before your own occasionally

There is a keyword in that sentence – ‘occasionally’. A strong relationship involves give and take. However, that means sometimes you have to put your own wants, needs, and even happiness behind theirs because, at that moment, they need it more. [Read: How to be more empathetic and forge emotional connections]

12. You don’t feel the need to fill a silence

Nobody can talk constantly; well, some people try but it doesn’t work! When there is a silence between you, it’s not uncomfortable. Neither of you feels the need to quickly come up with something to say and fill it. You’re happy simply being in the same space as one another.

13. You both remember the small details

Okay, nobody is perfect and sometimes one of you might forget an anniversary or a small thing that is important to the other person. However, on the whole, you both remember the things that matter and you do what you can to make the other person smile.

14. It’s not all about sex

When you first meet someone, it’s all about passion and ripping each other’s clothes off. However, as that fades away *yes, it happens*, you’ll start to notice that sex comes a little further down the priority list and you’re okay with it. Sure, intimacy is important between partners, but it’s not the be all and end all either. [Read: Why is sex important in a relationship?]

15. You go to each other for help

If you trust someone and respect their views and opinions, they’re the ideal person to go to for advice and help. If you’re struggling they’re someone you consider highest up on the list, or at least up there, to help you out. You basically care about what they think, and deem their view important.

16. They make you feel better

Are they the one person who can comfort you better than anyone else? That’s because you have that emotional attraction to them!

Why emotional attraction is crucial for long-lasting relationships

You can’t have a successful relationship without emotional attraction. It’s just not possible. If you want to be happy and make your relationship last, you need it. Here’s why. [Read: How to make a relationship last: 19 love commandments]

1. Looks fade

We all get old, wrinkly, and less fit. That’s just how life works. It’s genetics. And that means looks aren’t enough to keep you attracted to someone forever.

Those looks will fade and you won’t necessarily be physically attracted to someone’s appearance after a time. The thing that makes you still attracted to their bodies, even though they’re not that great looking, is your emotional attraction.

2. You build a deeper connection

Without emotional attraction, you won’t build a very deep connection. You won’t talk about the important issues in the world and how you feel about what’s happening around you.

When you can’t do that, your relationship is only surface deep. Not being able to talk about those things and not feeling deeply connected to someone won’t make you happy in the long run. [Read: 14 ways to build a deeper emotional connection]

3. You can be vulnerable

When you’re not emotionally attracted and connected with someone, you won’t ever feel fully comfortable. And that means you won’t be able to get vulnerable and break down.

Everyone will break down and need support every now and then. When you don’t get that from your partner, you can’t ever hope to be happy. That bond needs to be present for a relationship to last.

4. You learn to love what’s important

Yes, physical attraction is important but that doesn’t mean the other person needs to be completely gorgeous. You can be physically attracted to someone who’s not even “traditionally” good looking.

The main importance of emotional attraction is that you’ll love what matters. It won’t be about their looks or anything else superficial. It’ll only be about who they are and the way they think and see the world. [Read: The 5 major differences between love and being in love]

5. Your values need to align or you’ll run into issues

If you’re emotionally attracted to someone else, then your morals and values are relatively the same. If they’re not, you’ll run into major issues down the line when those things take effect.

Like when and if you decide to have children. If the two of you aren’t emotionally connected, you’ll disagree on major aspects of parenting and your relationship and it’ll just end.

6. Emotional attraction never goes away

Unless someone completely changes who they are, that is. That emotional attraction will stay. It doesn’t just fade the way looks do. If anything, emotional attraction grows stronger and stronger the longer you’re with someone. And that is what will make your relationship flourish for years to come.

[Read: Which type of attraction is most vital for true love?]

There are a lot of things needed to make a relationship work but the one thing you may not think of is emotional attraction. Make sure you have that deep, meaningful connection with someone or it’ll never work out.