Dominant Girlfriend: The Pros & Cons of Dating a Woman in Control & How to Handle It

Having a dominant girlfriend can be challenging. Here are the pros and cons, why she is the way she is, and what you can do about it to be happier.

Fifty-odd years ago, it was commonly accepted that the man had more power when it came to relationships. But times have changed a lot. And in a lot of relationships, you’ll find that it’s the woman wearing the pants in the relationship instead of the man.

Women have careers now, and they aren’t required to stay at home with the kids and be the perfect little wifey who waits at home for her man… and has the house all clean, and dinner on the table.

No, that’s not how things work anymore.

However, even though it’s great that women have more equal power in the world now, that kind of confuses things in romantic relationships sometimes.

In the middle of the last century, gender roles were clear. The man went out and did the outside and handyman work, while the woman stayed at home and maintained control over the domestic sphere. The dad made the decisions, and the mom went along with whatever he said.

However, as times have changed, in some families, the mom is the dominant one. To people who grow up in this kind of family, it’s completely normal because it’s all they’ve ever known. Because of that, a woman might follow in her mom’s footsteps and become a dominant girlfriend in her relationships as she gets older. [Read: Healthy relationship – 27 signs, qualities, and what it looks like in real life]

The psychology of a dominant female

Back in the day, when we heard the word “dominant,” we thought of a man. That’s because in the traditional sense of gender roles, the man was the dominant one and the woman was submissive.

But as we said, times have changed.

So, what would make a woman have a dominant personality? While there is no clear-cut answer, there are two areas where we can look at in order to explain this – nature vs. nurture.

With the way that personalities are formed in general, some of it is due to biology. It is simply in our DNA and how we are wired to be and to act.

For example, if a woman has two parents who are both dominant, it could be that this personality trait is quite literally “in her blood.” It’s part of who she is, and she doesn’t know how to be any other way. [Read: Controlling vs. caring – a thin line controlling people love to cross]

However, sometimes personality traits can arise because of socialization – or nurture. The word “nurture” usually refers to how parents nurture and raise a child. However, it can also be extended to include the experiences a person has in their life – both positive and negative. 

For example, if a child grew up with a single parent who was an alcoholic or a drug abuser, they might have to take on the role of the parent just to survive. It might not be in their DNA to do this, but if their parent doesn’t do it, then they have to step up themselves to take control.

So, if you have a dominant girlfriend, she could be that way as a result of her childhood experiences. And it doesn’t have to be all negative either.

Perhaps she just grew up watching one or both of her parents be dominant in the world. And if she saw that they got a lot of rewards for acting that way, then it’s more likely that she will repeat the behaviors that were modeled to her growing up. [Read: Controlling people – 14 common traits and how to deal with them]

Even though most of the reasons a woman is dominant come down to nature vs. nurture, her dominance can also be situational.

In other words, she may not want to be dominant, but she might feel like she has to be with certain people and at certain times. So, if she is dating or married to a submissive man, she might have to take on the role of being the dominant one against her wishes.

A dominant woman can be good or bad for a man – and for herself. So, being *or having* a dominant girlfriend has its pros and its cons. Let’s take a look at some. [Read: 16 abusive relationship signs of a devious lover]

The pros of having a dominant girlfriend

Strong women are wonderful. They are capable, and they do it all. In fact, the terms “superwoman” and “super mom” were coined because of the kind of women who are strong, dominant, and feel like they can set the world on fire. So here are the pros of having a dominant girlfriend.

1. She’s a leader

Most people don’t like it when two people sit around and go through this scenario: Person A: “What do you want to do tonight?” Person B: “I don’t care, what do you want to do?” Person A: “I don’t care either. You decide.” Person B: “No, that’s okay, you decide.” Person A: “No, really, you decide.” And it goes on. This kind of back-and-forth doesn’t accomplish anything.

A dominant girlfriend will make the decisions. In fact, she may or may not even ask your opinion on it. She might just tell you what you’re doing, and then you don’t have to think about it. It takes the pressure off you because she’s a natural leader. [Read: Words of advice to date a fiercely independent woman]

2. She has passion

A dominant girlfriend is not wishy-washy. She knows what she wants. She has goals and dreams and is determined to make them come true.

She loves life, she loves her career, and she basically just has a lot of passion and energy. She’s not boring, that’s for sure! Girls who are submissive just sit around like a blob. Who wants that?

3. She knows what she wants

In other words, she knows what she wants in all areas of her life – especially in a man. Because she tends to be confident and self-assured, a dominant girlfriend doesn’t settle.

She doesn’t settle for a man who is beneath her, she doesn’t settle for a crappy job, and she doesn’t settle for anything else that doesn’t meet her standards.

4. She’s a planner

She has the weekend all planned out for you. You know that you’re having dinner with Matt and Sue on Friday, you are going to a movie on Saturday afternoon, followed by a Maroon 5 concert that night. Then Sunday, it’s church time and hanging out with the family.

She also knows where you’re going on vacation 6 months from now and how the holidays are going to play out this year. She has it under control because she’s planned every detail. [Read: 20 glaring signs of a control freak you just can’t ignore]

5. She does all the work, so you can be lazy

Now don’t get me wrong… laziness isn’t a great quality to have. Sometimes, when men are lazy, that can drive women crazy. So just keep in mind that your dominant girlfriend might hit a wall and go bat shit crazy on you if you are TOO lazy.

But it’s okay to let her do the work, kick back, and enjoy it. However, don’t get so lazy that you don’t even shower all weekend. That will disgust her, and soon you won’t have a dominant girlfriend anymore – or any girlfriend at all *if you get the point*. [Read: Signs you’re a lazy boyfriend who needs to change right now!]

The cons of having a dominant girlfriend

Okay, yes, dominant women are great. However, there are some downsides to them too. While the list above might have sounded great, let’s look at some of the cons of having a dominant girlfriend.

1. You don’t have a voice because she is so controlling

When you are dating a dominant person, she can sometimes be very controlling. She might leave you “honey-do” lists and expect you to have them done before she comes home from work.

Because of this, you might feel more like a child than her boyfriend. But listen up here – a dominant woman doesn’t respect a man she can walk all over. In fact, she secretly likes it when her man stands up to her and doesn’t let her push him around. So, keep that in mind. [Read: 15 questions to reveal a controlling personality instantly]

2. You lose yourself

Because she’s so dominant, you might not even know who you are anymore if you don’t speak up and try to take some of the control. If you find yourself always going out with her friends, doing what she likes to do, and watching TV shows she wants to watch, well, where is your own identity?

Be careful. It’s fine to go along with what she says, but not at the expense of losing sight of what you really want and need. [Read: Selfish people – 15 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]

3. You might feel like less of a man

Since the caveman days, men have had the instinctual, primal need to be the provider. To be needed. To be respected. Women needed them to drag back an animal they hunted for dinner.

But in modern times, we don’t need that anymore. So that makes some men feel like less of a man. Like he has no place in his woman’s life anymore. You don’t want to feel like that, do you? [Read: How to be dominant – 15 calm, assertive ways to be a real alpha]

4. She might have unrealistic expectations

When a person is dominant, they sometimes lose sight of a lot of things. They might not know how their behavior is negatively affecting you – or other people.

They could get so caught up in their own selfish desires that their expectations of you might become very unrealistic. If that happens, what you will have to do is gently remind her that what she is asking of you is simply not within the realm of possibility.

How to deal with a dominant girlfriend

Having a dominant girlfriend can be challenging for some men. And so, if you feel that way, here are some ways you can deal with a dominant girlfriend. [Read: Controlling relationship – 42 signs ways to love without bullying]

1. It’s okay to ignore her sometimes

In extreme examples, a dominant girlfriend might see her boyfriend more as her “slave.” She likes ordering him around and getting him to do what she wants him to do.

But it’s okay to ignore this. No one should have the power to dictate what another person says or does. So, it’s important to know when you can ignore her or simply say “no.”

2. Use humor to deflect her bossiness

Dominant women tend to be bossy. And because of this, they can be overly serious too. So, in order to diffuse her intensity, try to be more lighthearted around her.

Convey your thoughts in a light manner, and use some humor. You can use sarcasm or anything else that works well. Humor is always a great way to chill people out, and it can work on your girlfriend too.

3. Don’t let her take you for granted

Sometimes, dominant people don’t see their behavior and how it affects other people. It might make you feel like she doesn’t appreciate you. So, don’t let her take you for granted.

Let her know how special you are and remind her that she can’t treat you disrespectfully and expect you to always stick around. [Read: How to set boundaries in a relationship – 19 rules for healthy love]

4. Stand up for yourself

Just because she prefers to be dominant doesn’t mean that you should allow it all the time. Don’t be a doormat. Stand up for yourself when you want to say no and don’t agree with her.

If you don’t do that, then she will not respect you. Although she wants to be dominant, she also doesn’t want you to be a pushover either.

[Read: Types of toxic relationships to watch out for]

Having a dominant girlfriend can be great, but it can also be a recipe for disaster if you don’t keep your eye on her behavior – and yours. As long as you keep these pros and cons in mind, you’ll be just fine.