Dating a Married Couple: What You Need to Know BEFORE Dating Them

Three’s a crowd, but it doesn’t have to be if you know how to approach the relationship. Here’s what you need to know when dating a married couple.

Ten years ago, if you spoke about dating a married couple, most people would strangely look at you. It wasn’t something people were open to. But times have changed—wow, I sound like I’m 90-years-old. But it’s true; times have really changed.

And now, people are experimenting with their sexuality and stepping out of the box of traditional relationships. You may be someone who wants to try something new and possibly date a couple. Now, we all know that groups of three can get a little messy, as someone is always left out, but it doesn’t have to be like that.

If you’ve found a couple you want to date, that’s awesome! This isn’t just a quick threesome; instead, it’s something more serious. But before you jump right into things, there are some things you need to figure out with your couple.

[Read: Throuple relationship rules and how to have a happy threesome romance]

14 things to know before dating a married couple

Since you’ll be dating a married couple, it won’t be only about sex. You’ll be spending quality time together, going on dates, just like you would with a person. So, here are some do’s and don’t’s to help you through the entire process of dating a married couple.

Relationships are tricky.

#1 This is what you want? Before anything, sit down with yourself and seriously think about what you want. Are you actually ready for a polyamorous relationship? Can you be with more than one person and feel love for both? Not everyone is able to do that. We all have our own emotional limits. Either answer you get, it’s okay. [Read: How to get past the jealousy of sharing love in a poly relationship]

#2 Find out more about the couple. They’re a married couple, so remember you’re the add-on. This isn’t a bad thing; it just means they have a history together. So, make sure the couple is healthy and happy together.

You shouldn’t be used as a tool for someone to move on from the relationship. Before anything, make sure they’re committed to each other.

#3 Think about what you want. Before you even talk to them, think about what you want out of the relationship and the rules you want to implement. Not into cuddling? Or texting with only one person out of the couple? You need to know what you’re comfortable with before even talking to the couple. If not, you’ll be seriously disappointed. [Read: How to manage your expectations in a relationship]

#4 Start a serious conversation. No one wants to have a conversation about these things, but you must make sure you’re on the same page as the married couple. They’ve most likely discussed things with each other, so now it’s time to add you to the conversation. Talk about what your boundaries are, the challenges, and how you will all overcome them.

#5 Know the rules. They probably have a set of rules they want to talk to you about. If they don’t have any rules, sit down with them and make them together. You cannot go into the relationship without any rules. Everyone has their own personal boundaries, and if they say they don’t have any, run in the opposite direction.

#6 Don’t forget the bedroom. Though the relationship is more than just sex, don’t forget that sex will be a part of the relationship. The great part of dating a married couple is you’re able to experiment; however, we all have our limitations. If you’re not comfortable with anal sex or bondage, for example, voice that in the beginning.  [Read: The 10 best threesome positions for all partners]

#7 Find the flow. Since they’re already a married couple, they have a formed relationship and flow. They have a routine. Learn how to adapt to it. Of course, it’ll change a bit now that you’re in the relationship, but be open-minded and patient.

#8 Time management is key. It’s not just you and another person; there are three of you involved. This means an extra schedule that you will all need to work with. Save time for yourself, and give the couple time on their own as well. To juggle everyone’s schedule, talk about it with the couple and compromise.

#9 Don’t see one person without the other. Yeah, that’s not going to end well. Unless you all agree that you could see one person without the other, don’t do it. Solo hang-out sessions can bring up issues, especially if this isn’t a structure you all agreed to.

#10 Check-in with the couple. You should always check-in with the couple and see how things are going. Maybe someone has a new boundary or wants to try something new. Make sure everyone’s needs are being met, including your needs. [Read: Healthy relationship boundaries and how to define a good love life]

#11 Their fights are not your fights. You’re in the relationship, but fights between them, as a couple, are their own fights. Do not get dragged into their conflict. You shouldn’t have to take sides, and if you do, it’ll only create problems down the road.   

#12 Keep seeing other people. Yes, you’re dating a married couple, but that doesn’t mean you should cut off meeting other people. If you’re in a non-committed relationship with the couple, don’t stop meeting new people and potential partners.

#13 If it ends, it ends. If one of the people want to end the relationship, the entire relationship ends. You can’t continue to see the other partner; it’s not going to end well. Whatever you all start together, you must end together. Anything that happens after is considered cheating.

#14 Practice safe sex. Remember, there are multiple partners involved in this relationship. Regardless, you should always be practicing safe sex, but it’s especially important now. The more people involved, the higher risk of STDs. Always use protection and make sure your partners are using protection as well.

[Read: Could you actually be happy in a polyamorous relationship?]

Three doesn’t have to be a crowd. If you follow these tips, dating a married couple won’t be as big of a challenge as you thought.