Breakup Sex: What It Is & How to Know When You Should Have It

You’ve broken up and it’s time to say goodbye for good. Should you have breakup sex one last time, for old times’ sake? Here’s how to decide if it’s okay.

You’ve broken up, but sometimes, that doesn’t stop you from staring at your hot ex, and imagining one last romp in the sack. Is it normal to feel this way? What is breakup sex anyway? If you’re left with more questions than answers when it comes to feeling intensely attracted to your ex after breaking up with them, we have everything you need to know.

Let’s look at this from an outside perspective first. If you were to ever ask your friend if breakup sex is a good idea, chances are, they’ll jump down your throat and tell you that you’re mad for even thinking it! But is that really such a bad idea?

Do all couples just break up in the heat of the moment and walk away from each other, never ever wishing they could have shared a moment of intimacy one last time for old times’ sake?

Is something wrong with you for even thinking it? But really, why on earth is breakup sex bad?

Sometimes, breakup sex just happens out of the blue. You don’t plan on having it, you don’t think it, you’re sitting together one moment and you break up. And before both of you know it, you’re hugging each other goodbye. And then your hand slips under their shirt. And boom, you’re in bed having the wildest sex of your short-lived relationship!

[Read: Sex with an ex – The good and bad sides of getting back with an ex just for sex]

What is breakup sex?

Break up sex is the infamous last round of sex you have with your ex after both of you decide to call off the relationship and break up. It can happen minutes after breaking up, or sometimes, after a week or two, when old passions rekindle and you just want to do it one last time before saying goodbye for good!

Honestly, most couples don’t have breakup sex, because it’s like playing with fire. However safe you are, you WILL get burned, it’s just a questions of how bad the burn is.

But have you ever kissed a lover one last time before saying goodbye, just after both of you broke up? Chances are, that last goodbye kiss that’s so full of passion, hunger and flickering love, felt really good, didn’t it?

Breakup sex isn’t all bad. But are you emotionally mature to differentiate breakup sex from makeup sex? That makes all the difference! [Read: How to make up after a fight with sexy make up sex]

The bad side of breakup sex

Before we get to talking about the good side of breakup sex, you really need to understand the complications it could bring into your breakup. And once you know them, you need to ask yourself if you’re ready to jump into bed one last time to share a few moments *or hours* of passionate sex with each other.

The most confusing part about breakup sex is the fact that it will always make you wonder if both of you should just get back together. The breakup sex feels so good, and it’s so overwhelming and intense. [Read: Sleeping with an ex you still love – What you need to hear right now!]

The thought that it’s the last time you’re doing it with this person can leave you pretty emotional and passionate. It’s like knowing that it’s your last day on earth together, and somehow, when you wake up the next morning, things would never ever be the same again.

Breakup sex brings all the happy and naughty emotions of your relationship and squeezes it into a few moments where both of you make love to each other one last time. Can you really handle all that lustful and emotional outburst? [Read: 13 rebound sex questions to know if you’re ready for sex after a breakup]

Because honestly, most people can’t handle breakup sex, and it just leaves them even more confused! What if you both just finish having sex, you roll over, and smile at each other. Hey, maybe you guys don’t need to breakup after all, right? Wrong!

You may feel worse while having breakup sex

You may cry because you feel so intensely in love. You may claw your nails deep into your lover’s back and make them bleed because you want to hurt them. You may bite harder than ever because you want to leave a love bite that scars them for life. You may feel hurt and betrayed because they’re leaving you forever. And you may feel used because you’re having sex with someone who will not love you once they orgasm!

F*ck, that’s a lot of wild emotions, right? Would you want that? Okay, better question, can you handle that?

And that’s not it, if you’re not emotionally prepared to let your lover *ahem, your ex* go, it may even delay the healing process. If you do end up having breakup sex with your lover, you need to remember that this isn’t a romantic reconciliation. It’s all about the relationship going down in a blaze of glory! [Read: Is having sex with an ex ever a good idea? Sometimes, it is and sometimes, it isn’t]

The good side of breakup sex

There’s a lot of bad in breakup sex, but it’s not all bad. Every relationship is different, and every lover wants to end things in a different way. Let’s look at a hypothetical situation to see the good side of breakup sex.

*cue morbid music* If a very good friend of yours dies in the middle of the night and you never got to say goodbye, how would you feel? Would you always wonder how it would have been if you could have had one more evening to spend with them?

A romantic relationship thrives on two aspects, emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy. And if you had to say goodbye to your lover forever, what better way to say it and get closure than by experiencing emotional and sexual intimacy, and moving on forever, having said goodbye to each other one last time, as lovers? [Read: 14 things to keep in mind when you bump into your ex again]

10 scenarios where breakup sex works like a charm!

If you’re contemplating about having breakup sex with your lover or an ex that you’ve broken up with a few days or weeks ago, take a look at these scenarios where it’s acceptable to have breakup sex. And if you find yourself in any of these circumstances, it may not be such a bad idea to end it all with one final passionate goodbye!

1. You want closure

Both of you have broken up a few days or weeks ago. But somehow, it just feels like it all happened so abruptly. Angry break ups can be hasty at times, and even if both of you acknowledge the fact that it’s over for good, there are times when it can feel like it all happened too fast.

If you’re ready to move on, but just need closure because your relationship feels like unfinished business, perhaps, it won’t be such a bad idea to meet up at your place for one last happy conversation and break up sex!

Just don’t make the mistake of hooking up again and entering an on-off relationship.[Read: Break up conversation tips – How to break up with someone you love without hurting them]

2. The breakup is mutual

You and your partner don’t see the relationship going anywhere, and have decided to call it quits on mutual understanding. There’s no hate or misery here. You may feel sad about breaking up, but you know there’s no other way to go. Both your lives may be heading in different directions or there may be nothing in common anymore, and it’s easier to just part ways than live in denial.

3. You don’t want to stay friends

Both of you have decided to break up, but both of you still have feelings for each other. You may end up making out or having breakup sex, because there’s so much love and hate in the air.

If one of you still has feelings for the other person, you can have breakup sex as long as both of you delete each other from your lives. After all, staying in touch with each other would just lead to an awkward friends-with-benefits relationship. [Read: 16 scenarios where you can and can’t be friends with an ex]

4. The love has just faded away

You live together or meet up all the time. But both of you feel like good friends and not passionate lovers anymore. You may love each other deeply, but there’s just no spark in the romance anymore. And one or both of you want more out of love, especially the passion and sexual excitement of a real romance. [Read: 15 reasons why most couples get bored with their relationship]

5. Both of you have found other lovers

Both of you are dating each other, but are having emotional affairs or real affairs with other people *this is more common than you think!*

But if only one of you are having an affair or you catch your partner cheating on you, your breakup sex would just turn into a confusing love triangle because you’d still be in love with this person and would be using sex to get your ex back instead of getting over them! [Read: 18 signs you may be having an emotional affair and not even know it!]

6. Long distance relationship breakup

Long distance relationships are very hard to hold on to. It needs a lot of effort, trust, assurances, and occasional meetings to keep it alive.

But if a few weeks turn into several months or years, and there’s no surety that both of you would ever meet up again, it’s better to meet one final time, have breakup sex and end the relationship for good instead of leading two separate lives that are full of bitterness and mistrust. [Read: The right way to make long distance relationships work for you]

7. There’s no heartbreak

Both of you have drifted away and have different priorities in life. And as hard as both of you have tried to hold the relationship together, the relationship just seems to be inching closer to failure.

If your relationship has reached the point where you and your partner don’t feel bad about separating, and instead are actually looking forward to a separation, breakup sex may at least bring forth a few tender of moments of love before calling it quits. [Read: 12 reasons why most couples drift apart over time]

8. You’re not emotionally manipulated into it

If you want to have breakup sex, do it because you want to do it. Don’t let your lover manipulate you into it with their seductive charm. Breakups hurt, and it’s easy for those last hugs to turn to passionate kisses, which may turn into something a lot more sexual.

Breakup sex won’t hurt you as long as you realize what you’re getting into, a final show of affection before the curtains go down. But if you aren’t ready for it, or if things happen too quickly, stop your partner and pause for a while to make up your mind first. [Read: 16 signs your ex wants you back in their lives]

9. The circumstances are forcing both of you into a breakup

This happens all the time. You’re in a happy relationship, but external circumstances push both of you apart. It could be a job in another state or country, different life directions, or some other life altering circumstance. And both of you understand that it’s easier to part ways than try to make the relationship work through the tough odds.

10. It just happens

You don’t expect it and you don’t plan it. But one thing just leads to another. If you ever find yourself in a situation like this, don’t pull your hair out or hate yourself for it.

Perhaps, it was just an emotional outburst that was welling up inside of you. But now that it’s over and you’ve had breakup sex, just try to remember that the relationship’s over and the right thing to do is stay away from each other. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule is the best way to get over an ex]

Should you have breakup sex one last time before saying goodbye?

If you think he or she is the one, you’ll feel really bad for letting them slip through your hands, and possibly into the hands of someone else. So if you do have breakup sex, do it only if you’re completely ready to let go of them, emotionally and sexually.

Most people misunderstand the idea of breakup sex and use it to manipulate their lover into staying back in the relationship by begging them or pleading with them. But you have to remember that you can’t hold someone back or force them to love you if they choose not to.

You could seduce them once, and then what? Invite your hot friend for a threesome to get your partner to stick around? When do the games stop? When will you accept that your partner just isn’t into you anymore? [Read: If you love someone, should you ever just let them go?]

Breakup sex is a great way to say goodbye if you’re emotionally mature and see it for what it is, without any expectations from it. But if you see it any other way, breakup sex may leave you feeling more miserable than ever!

[Read: 10 signs your past relationship is holding you back from moving forward]

So do you think you have what it takes to have breakup sex? Would you ever have breakup sex with a lover-turned-ex? Remember, it’s not something many people can experience and walk away from, without a painful scar!