Bigamy: 51 Things You Need to Know From Its Effect to How to Deal With It

Bigamy may not be for everyone. Here’s everything you need to know to ensure you navigate this situation smoothly if you find yourself in one.

So you’ve found yourself deeply committed to two things at once. It might seem manageable—until it isn’t. We’re not talking about Netflix shows, but rather the complex and legally murky waters of bigamy. In many places, bigamy is a criminal offense that can result in fines, imprisonment, or both.

What leads people into these tangled relationships? Is it merely for the thrill, or is there something deeper at play? [Read: Push and pull relationship: 32 signs & truths to unravel love’s tug of war]

What is Bigamy?

According to the Legal Dictionary, bigamy is “the condition of having two wives or two husbands at the same time.” Now that we’ve got the formal definition out of the way, let’s break it down.

Think of bigamy as the matrimonial version of a double-booked calendar, only it’s way less innocent and way more legally complicated.

You’re promising your lifelong commitment to not just one, but two people—at the same time! Sounds like an episode of a soap opera, but it’s a real-life situation for some.

When it comes to the law, bigamy isn’t a universal “no-no.” In countries like the United States, Canada, and most of Europe, engaging in bigamy can land you in hot water. We’re talking fines, prison sentences, or a combination of both.

But wait, there’s more—or less, depending on how you look at it. In some countries or communities, bigamy is less stigmatized and might even be legally sanctioned under certain religious or customary laws.

However, even in these places, there are often specific guidelines and limitations one has to abide by. [Read: What is polyamory: How it works & is it something worth trying?]

In certain parts of Africa and the Middle East, bigamy is often legally accepted or even encouraged. For example, Islamic law allows a man to have up to four wives, provided he can treat them all equally.

Similarly, traditional customary laws in some African countries, like Kenya and South Africa, allow for multiple marriages.

In contrast, Hindu law in India used to permit bigamy under certain conditions, but that has changed. The Hindu Marriage Act of 1955 made it illegal for a Hindu person to have more than one spouse.

However, some loopholes still exist within the realm of personal and religious laws, making the issue more complex.

Even in countries where bigamy is illegal, there can be exceptions. In Brazil, bigamy is generally against the law, but courts have occasionally recognized “stable unions” with more than one partner, without necessarily dissolving the first marriage. [Read: Non-monogamy: How to know if you & your partner are ready for it]

These legal exceptions are often subject to intense debate and scrutiny.

The Psychology Behind Bigamy

Why would someone willingly step into the labyrinth of bigamy? Is it for love, lust, or something more complicated woven into the fabric of human psychology?

Let’s look at some reasons—beyond just an overzealous love for wedding cake—that people might engage in bigamy.

1. Cognitive Dissonance

People who practice bigamy often face a significant mental challenge: reconciling two conflicting realities. Cognitive dissonance is a psychological term that refers to the uncomfortable tension we feel when we hold contradictory beliefs.

For someone in two marriages, this could mean feeling committed to one partner while also wanting to honor vows made to another.

Living these parallel lives requires mental agility, as they must constantly balance the two relationships to avoid getting caught.

2. Narcissistic Traits

Some research suggests a correlation between narcissistic personality traits and the tendency to engage in bigamy.

Individuals with narcissistic tendencies often have an inflated sense of entitlement and a constant need for attention.

This can drive them to seek multiple marital relationships, where they can receive adoration and validation from more than one source. Importantly, this behavior can take a severe emotional toll on their spouses. [Read: 29 subtle signs to spot a narcissist & read NPD traits in a relationship]

3. Role of Dopamine

Dopamine, commonly known as the “love hormone,” plays a significant role in how we feel pleasure and happiness. [Read: What is dopamine? The dopest pleasure pill inside of you]

For some individuals, the rush of dopamine experienced in the early stages of love becomes addictive. This addiction to the thrill of new love can make them serially commit to multiple people, constantly seeking that euphoric feeling that new relationships often provide.

4. Fear of Abandonment

Some people have a pervasive fear of abandonment that stems from past experiences or deeply ingrained insecurities.

This fear can push them to form multiple marital bonds as a sort of emotional safety net. By having more than one spouse, they feel secure that if one relationship fails, they have another to fall back on. It’s a coping strategy, albeit a legally risky and emotionally complex one. [Read: Fear of losing someone you love: Why you feel it & ways to get over it]

5. Social Validation

In some cultures or social circles, having multiple spouses can elevate one’s social status. The act of engaging in bigamy may provide not just emotional but also social benefits, offering a sense of accomplishment or validation.

For these individuals, the marriages serve as a status symbol that enhances their social standing and self-worth.

6. Economic Gains

Marriage is often more than just an emotional commitment; it can also be a financial arrangement. Some individuals engage in bigamy for economic benefits such as dual incomes, property gains, or even manipulating social security systems.

While this seems pragmatic, it adds another layer of complexity and ethical quandaries to the practice of bigamy. [Read: Marriage of convenience: What it is, 32 signs & ways to know if you’d be happy]

Emotional Toll of Bigamy on Partners

So you’ve just discovered your spouse has another spouse. It’s not just the double marital bliss that’s shocking, it’s the ripple effect that this revelation sends through your emotional and psychological well-being.

Here’s how discovering a partner’s bigamy can influence various aspects of your emotional life.

1. Betrayal Trauma

Finding out that you’re the unsuspecting spouse in a bigamous relationship can trigger what psychologists term as “betrayal trauma.”

This type of trauma occurs when someone we trust violates that trust in a significant way. The emotional impact can be immense, leading to symptoms like anxiety, flashbacks, and even post-traumatic stress disorder *PTSD*.

Coping with betrayal trauma often requires professional help, such as therapy and counseling, to work through the complex feelings involved.

2. Trust Issues

One of the most damaging long-term effects of discovering bigamy is the erosion of trust. Trust is a foundational element in any relationship, and finding out about a partner’s bigamy can shatter it into pieces.

This breakdown often carries over into future relationships, making it difficult for the betrayed spouse to trust new partners.

The fear of deception can become so ingrained that it impedes their ability to form healthy, honest relationships going forward. [Read: How to help someone with trust issues open up & overcome their fear]

3. Impact on Self-esteem

Learning that a spouse has committed bigamy can take a significant toll on one’s self-esteem and self-worth. The revelation often leads to self-doubt, with questions like “Was I not enough?” plaguing the mind.

This reduction in self-esteem can be a precursor to more severe mental health issues like depression or anxiety disorders.

Emotional support and counseling are often crucial in rebuilding self-worth after such an emotionally traumatic experience. [Read: How to date when you have low self-esteem and find true happiness]

4. Emotional Isolation

When a partner’s involvement in bigamy comes to light, it often leads to feelings of isolation from both friends and family. This may stem from embarrassment or changes in shared social circles.

The resulting emotional isolation intensifies loneliness and despair. Even when bigamy is legally recognized, the associated stigma and the complex dynamics involved can hinder efforts to find support or connect with a community, thereby exacerbating the isolation.

5. Parental Strain

If children are involved, the revelation of bigamy can also create a strain on the parent-child relationship. The parent may face questions and even resentment from their children, who are also grappling with the emotional fallout.

This dual role—of being a betrayed spouse and a confused parent—adds another layer of emotional complexity to the situation. [Read: Toxic family members: Signs and reasons to cut them off for good]

6. Social Stigma

The societal judgment that comes with being unknowingly involved in a bigamous relationship can be crushing. People may experience shame or humiliation, which can further erode their mental well-being.

Even if the betrayed spouse is entirely innocent, societal attitudes may still unfairly stigmatize them, making recovery even more challenging.

7. Identity Crisis

When the cornerstone of one’s life—their marriage—proves to be built on lies, it can trigger an identity crisis. Individuals may start questioning their judgment, their choices, and even their own worth.

This upheaval can lead to a long-term journey of self-discovery, which, while potentially enriching, is often born from a place of emotional turmoil.

8. Emotional Exhaustion

The constant state of emotional upheaval following the discovery of bigamy can lead to emotional exhaustion. [Read: Emotionally exhausted? How it feels, 41 signs & reasons why you’re drained]

The sheer amount of energy required to process the betrayal, coupled with dealing with the practical aspects like legal proceedings, can sap one’s emotional reserves, leading to burnout and decreased coping abilities.

9. Loss of Faith

Imagine discovering one day that your partner has another family or spouse. This revelation can shatter your trust, not just in your relationship, but in broader institutions like marriage and possibly even your religious beliefs.

Such a crisis can thrust you into an existential dilemma, where you might find yourself questioning everything: “Am I not enough?” “What else don’t I know?” “Can I ever trust someone again?”

These questions challenge your fundamental views and leave you grappling with deep emotional and spiritual turmoil.

10. Health Implications

The emotional stress resulting from bigamy often has physical manifestations like sleeplessness, loss of appetite, or even psychosomatic symptoms.

Stress is a well-known contributor to various health issues, from heart problems to digestive disorders, adding another layer to the emotional toll on partners. [Read: How to reduce stress: Fastest hacks to a calmer & happier life]

11. Insecurity and Paranoia

After such an intense betrayal, it’s common for spouses to become overly suspicious or paranoid in all their interpersonal relationships, not just romantic ones. This heightened state of alertness can be exhausting and make it difficult to form or maintain meaningful connections with others.

Even in cases where bigamy is legal, these feelings of insecurity and paranoia can still emerge, further complicating relationships.

12. Emotional Numbness

In some cases, the betrayed spouse might resort to emotional numbness as a coping mechanism. [Read: Emotional numbness: 23 ways you could slip into it & how to snap out]

Detaching from one’s feelings can be a short-term way to manage overwhelming emotions, but it often hinders genuine emotional healing and can lead to longer-term mental health concerns.

13. Complicated Grief

The end of any marriage involves a process of grief, but bigamy adds an extra layer of complexity. The spouse not only mourns the loss of the relationship but also the betrayal and deception, which can make the grieving process more prolonged and complicated.

14. Need for Validation

After experiencing such betrayal, there may be an intensified need for external validation to rebuild a shattered self-image.

This can make individuals vulnerable to entering new relationships too quickly or seeking validation in unhealthy ways, which comes with its own set of emotional risks.

15. Legal and Financial Stress

While not strictly emotional, the legal repercussions of bigamy often add another layer of stress to an already emotionally charged situation.

The complexities of divorce, custody battles, or even criminal charges can lead to heightened anxiety and emotional fatigue, further straining mental well-being. [Read: Stages of grief in divorce, ways to read them & the right steps to cope]

How Bigamy Affects Children

The ripple effects of bigamy don’t just stop at the couple involved, they can also have far-reaching implications for children caught in the whirlpool.

Let’s delve into how the discovery of a parent’s bigamy can shape a child’s psychological and emotional world.

1. Divided Attention

Finding out a parent is involved in bigamy can be confusing for a child, as it often leads to a division of the parent’s attention between multiple families.

The child may feel neglected or less important, which can contribute to emotional and behavioral issues. Not only is there less time spent with the parent, but the quality of that time can also diminish, exacerbating feelings of neglect.

2. Attachment Theory

The framework of attachment theory suggests that a stable, consistent caregiving environment is crucial for a child’s emotional development. [Read: Attachment styles theory: Types and signs & ways you attach to others]

A bigamous family structure threatens this stability and could affect a child’s ability to form secure attachments later in life. Without a secure base, children may struggle with trust issues and emotional regulation.

3. Confusion and Identity

The revelation of bigamy can sow seeds of confusion in a child’s mind. Who are they related to? Which family is their “real” family?

This confusion can impact their sense of identity and belonging, critical components of a child’s emotional and psychological development. [Read: Family oriented: The meaning & what it means to be this person]

4. Financial Strain

Bigamy often involves financial deceit or division of resources, which can lead to decreased financial stability for a child’s upbringing.

This additional stressor can impact a child’s quality of life and cause emotional strain as they pick up on the financial tension within the family.

5. Role Modeling

Parents are a child’s first role models, and bigamy sets a complex example when it comes to relationships and commitment.

Children may develop skewed perspectives on love, marriage, and honesty, which they could carry into their own future relationships. [Read: I was raised by a stay at home mom and it made my life better]

6. Trust Issues

Much like their betrayed parent, children may also suffer from trust issues following the revelation of bigamy.

This can affect their interpersonal relationships outside the family, including friendships and romantic relationships, and could be a stumbling block they struggle with for years.

7. Legal Conflicts

The legality of bigamy often leads to complicated legal scenarios, including custody battles. Being in the middle of such disputes can be emotionally taxing for children and may create feelings of instability or insecurity.

8. Emotional Manipulation

In bigamous arrangements, there’s often some level of deception or manipulation involved.

A child exposed to this can become more susceptible to emotional manipulation themselves, either as the perpetrator or the victim in future relationships. [Read: 27 signs of emotional manipulation to know if you’re being used by someone]

9. Social Stigma

Children, especially older ones, may face social embarrassment or stigma due to their parent’s bigamous relationship.

This can lead to feelings of shame or isolation, affecting their social development and self-esteem.

10. Coping Mechanisms

While it’s not always the case, children can develop unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the emotional turmoil introduced by bigamy in their lives.

These responses may include substance abuse, disordered eating, or emotional withdrawal, as they try to navigate the complex feelings and disruptions caused by such family dynamics.

Society’s View on Bigamy

The social lens through which bigamy is viewed has its own set of implications, ranging from societal judgment to legal consequences.

Let’s explore how the big ol’ eye of society scrutinizes this complex relationship dynamic.

1. Social Stigma

We mentioned this earlier. Bigamy doesn’t just exist in the private sphere. It extends into the public realm where social judgment comes into play.

Being ‘outed’ as involved in a bigamous relationship, even as an unwitting participant, can significantly affect one’s social standing.

The loss of face can have a cascading effect, affecting not just one’s personal life but also professional relationships. [Read: 41 signs & steps to stop caring what people think & start living your life]

2. Legal Implications

Bigamy isn’t just frowned upon socially; in many places, it’s against the law. Penalties can range from fines to imprisonment, serving as a societal mechanism to deter such relationships.

These laws are a reflection of broader cultural views that stigmatize bigamy and offer a concrete manifestation of societal disapproval.

3. Cultural Relativity

While the stigma around bigamy is prevalent in many societies, it’s not universal. Some cultures, under specific conditions, are more accepting or tolerant of such relationships.

However, even within these communities, the acceptance often comes with its own set of rules and limitations.

4. Media Portrayals

The way bigamy is represented in movies, TV shows, and the news shapes public opinion. Often, the portrayal is negative, reinforcing existing stigmas.

This media influence can create a feedback loop that perpetuates societal attitudes towards bigamy. [Read: The toxic dangers of social media & 19 signs and ways it makes you insecure]

5. Religious Views

Many religions have explicit views on bigamy, often condemning it. The religious stance contributes to the societal viewpoint, adding a moral or ethical layer to the legal and social implications.

For devout individuals, this can serve as another deterrent against bigamy or create additional emotional turmoil if they find themselves involved in such a situation.

6. Impact on Social Circles

When someone is revealed to be involved in a bigamous relationship, it doesn’t just affect them; it can send ripples through their entire social circle.

Friends may take sides, and family dynamics can shift, turning what was a personal decision into a social conundrum.

7. Job and Career

The stigma attached to bigamy can also extend into the professional realm. Depending on one’s career and the visibility of their role, being involved in a bigamous relationship could lead to job loss or hindered career progression.

8. Gender Bias

Society often views bigamy through a gendered lens, where stereotypes and biases come into play.

For instance, men involved may be seen as manipulative, while women may be seen as victims, irrespective of the actual dynamics at play. [Read: 33 toxic signs of double standards in a relationship & ways to deal with it]

9. Gossip and Rumors

The salacious nature of bigamy often makes it a hot topic for gossip, both online and offline. While the spread of information might be fast, its accuracy isn’t guaranteed, leading to further misconceptions and stigmas around bigamy.

10. Changing Attitudes

Though the dominant view of bigamy is negative, shifts in societal attitudes toward non-traditional relationships suggest that future perspectives could evolve.

However, any such change would likely be gradual and would depend on various factors including legal adjustments and cultural acceptance.

How to Deal With Bigamy

When the curtains fall and the unsettling drama of bigamy comes to light, what’s the next act? The emotional turmoil is real, but there are concrete steps to take, both legally and emotionally.

1. Legal Actions

When bigamy rears its ugly head, your first stop might be a lawyer’s office. Legal actions like annulment or divorce are options to formally sever the relationship and protect your interests.

Consult a lawyer well-versed in family law to know your rights and the best course of action. [Read: Relationship counseling: How it works, 24 signs & ways it can help couples]

2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy *CBT*

Severing legal ties doesn’t magically heal emotional wounds. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can be an effective way to deal with the emotional and psychological trauma resulting from a bigamous relationship.

CBT helps you understand the thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate your emotional pain and offers practical skills to cope with the situation.

3. Support Groups

Never underestimate the power of a solid support network. Friends, family, and professional counselors can offer emotional refuge and practical advice.

There are even support groups specifically for people who have been involved in bigamous relationships, providing a safe space to share experiences and coping strategies.

4. Self-Care

Taking time to engage in self-care activities can be instrumental in healing. [Read: How to take care of yourself emotionally and avoid falling apart]

Whether it’s going for a jog, diving into a good book, or having a spa day, self-care is a form of self-love that can help counteract feelings of betrayal and loss.

5. Financial Consultation

Bigamy can often complicate financial matters, from shared assets to debts. Consult a financial advisor to untangle this web and establish a clear path for your financial independence moving forward.

6. Emotional Boundaries

Setting emotional boundaries becomes essential in the aftermath of discovering bigamy, even in cases where it’s legal.

It’s important to define what you are and aren’t willing to tolerate emotionally, both with the partner involved and with new individuals entering your life. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries & guide others to respect them]

Establishing these boundaries helps protect your well-being and ensures that you navigate the situation with your emotional health intact.

7. Communication

Open lines of communication with affected family members, particularly children, can help ease the transition and address any confusion or emotional trauma.

Being open doesn’t mean sharing every detail, but age-appropriate discussions can be beneficial.

8. Information Gathering

Collect all relevant information concerning your relationship, especially if legal actions are being considered.

Emails, texts, financial documents, and other records can serve as evidence, and knowledge is power in legal matters.

9. Trust Rebuilding

The journey to trusting someone again will be long and strenuous. Whether trusting a new partner or re-establishing trust with family and friends who were kept in the dark, it’s a vital part of emotional recovery. [Read: 46 must-dos to rebuild & regain trust after cheating or lying in a relationship]

10. Resilience Training

Facing bigamy head-on is a harsh emotional ordeal, but it can also be an opportunity for personal growth.

Psychological resilience training can offer coping mechanisms that help you bounce back stronger and more emotionally robust.

You’re Not Alone

The rollercoaster that is bigamy comes with more twists and turns than you’d find at Six Flags. While it’s a topic that may feel distant or abstract, the reality is that relationships come with their share of unpredictabilities.

[Read: 69 signs your relationship is over or on the verge of ending for good]

If you find yourself entangled in the complexity of bigamy, know that you’re not alone and help is available. From professional advice to emotional support, there are pathways to reclaim your sense of self and peace of mind.