Being the Other Woman in Love with a Married Man: My Own Experience

Are you having an affair with a married man? Married men and affairs are torrid and tricky affairs. And as complicated and tricky as it can seem, it can be a lot worse, says an Anonymous Kitty as she narrates her own tryst with a married man.

Having an affair with a married man or falling in love with him has got to be every girl’s nightmare.

Surprisingly, a woman never really intends to fall in love, it just happens.

And however hard you try to hold back, the slide in most cases is just too steep to resist.

If you aren’t already involved with a married man, you may actually think this is funny and repulsive.

Now, why would any woman want to pick a guy who’s already been taken, when there are a million single guys around?

But, hey, hardly any of us practice what we preach, do we?

Having an affair with a married man

There’s something about a married man, or even a guy who’s got a girlfriend, for that matter.

Maybe it’s the fact that he’s unavailable that makes him so appealing, but whatever the reason may be, they are.

In my life too, I’ve had my own share of commitment issues, married men and affairs.

Not on my part though. It was just that I’ve always found myself liking guys who were in a relationship already.

But trust me, I really didn’t want that kind of relationship in the first place.

Love, lust and affairs with married men

The first time I ever fell in love with a committed man was when I was in high school. I had a great guy friend who was very sweet and charming, not to mention gorgeous, and a great sense of humor. I never ever looked at him as anything more than just a ‘good friend’, and things between us were pretty.

Eventually, this bloke hooked up with a girl, and she started hanging out with us all the time, which was all cool. [Read: How to know if a guy likes you]

A couple of years later, during the New Year party, things got weird. All of us were out together, everyone except my friend’s girlfriend, as she had to spend the night with her parents and cousins who had come down for an extended vacation.

We were having lots of fun, we were quite drunk and when the clock struck midnight, I felt someone’s lips pressed over mine. A static moment of darkness and confusion later, I see this guy pal of mine kissing me! He just smiled at me, and started hugging me again. And I just didn’t know what to say or do. The worst part, we didn’t speak about it ever again, and just let it go.

Committed boyfriends, married men, and affairs

Nothing really happened, but that incident sort of blew up into a catalyst for a few more things to roll. Each time his girl was around, he was quite normal, but when it was just the both of us, he used to side up to me, a lot closer, clasp my palms, stroke my hair, and basically, all the damn works! [Read: Emotional affairs]

I liked the attention. Anyone would!

We wouldn’t talk about it or plan it ahead. It just used to happen, so it didn’t make me feel awkward, just moist inside my chest. I felt bad about what I was doing, but I couldn’t hold myself back from him.

I actually began looking out for opportunities when it could just be the both of us. We even started meeting over in my place or his, on the pretext of doing homework, and a few months later, his pelvis was often moving in synchronized motion against mine.

I am having an affair!

I loved it, and the best part was that we weren’t talking about it, which was ‘cool’. We were just friends. But then, you know how the story goes.

I fell in love with him and asked him to break up with his girlfriend. He didn’t. I was pissed off. But we went on with it. One fine day, his girlfriend caught us. Five years later, I had lost two good friends, one guy and a girl, one screw buddy [Read: How to get a fuck buddy] and one devastated girl pal. [Read: Best friends becoming enemies]

Somehow, I never wanted to be there. I knew what I was supposed to do. I was a nice girl who believed in moral issues and karma.

But the lure grasped me in and took me in too far deep. That incident was my first time, but it definitely wasn’t my last. I had two more affairs with married men over the next decade, and all the time, it was the same story of friends, sweet talk, touch, kiss, making hay. I have a great life, don’t I?

Having an affair with a married man is easy. In most cases, married men and affairs just go hand in hand. They’re always looking out to give attention, and there are always girls waiting to receive any attention.

But now I’ve made up my mind never to have an affair with a married man, however charming he may be in the first place, or however much he sweet-talks me. But then, I had told myself the same thing many times before, even before I hooked up with my first committed man way back in high school.

Falling in love with a married man – The things to know

Affairs with married men and happiness just don’t mix.

When you find yourself falling in love with a married man, life can seem so much simpler and easy in some ways, but there’s always a dark side to it.

And a woman will always love the attention, even if it comes from someone who’s already married or seeing someone.

Is this some evolutionary flaw in women or some mistake we end up making over and over again?

No one can tell. But we all know how it starts, don’t we? It starts when we least expect it.

Love is a funny thing. I don’t really know how women make the first move while falling in love with a married man, because I really haven’t done that. So I’m going to tell you about how married men try to hit on you in the first place.

You may know that a charming married man’s taken already, but if you find that he gives you a few second glances or a roguish smile, it would be pretty hard for you to overlook that.

And once you get past the stares, and hit conversation mode, you’d realize that he’s totally hitting on you. [Read: Is he in love with you?]

And even if you do speak about his wife, he might just shrug the conversation away like it’s too trivial to talk about. And let’s admit it, if a sweet guy hits on you very subtly, in a manner you love, would you want him to stop? Most married men may not be really smooth, but it’s the smooth ones who learn to throw their ball outside family grounds.

Why do women have affairs with married men?

What is it about a married or committed man that makes us women flip the lid and have an affair? The way I see it, it’s probably the fact that he’s already taken. I mean, if he’s already taken, that means he has to be good, right? Otherwise, why would a woman pick him?

And if his woman is a pretty looker in the first place, I’d be flattered if the guy leaves her to come to me. That would just show how good looking I am myself, wouldn’t it? A great guy who loves his family and kids is a tempting offer and women like that in men, a lot. Though the woman might just end up as a home wrecker who has affairs with married men, it probably would start off as casual flirting, [Read: How to flirt by touch] but then it takes a nosedive into sexual overtones in no time.

In some cases, a woman might just want to be good friends while the man spins his chance on the wheel of seduction fortune.

Do women fall in love with married men for sex or love?

Sometimes, women too, are afraid of commitment. They admire others who can hold on to happy relationships and they envy them. If it’s a man we’re talking about, inevitably, they end up falling in love with them. In other cases, it’s the story of the ‘Forbidden Fruit’. All the fun and no hang ups, so what if a relationship is shattered because of you, who cares? You’re happy. And in a few others, emotional support and concern turn to lust. These women have affairs with married men because they can be in love with them without exactly having to commit to them.

Women can be attracted to men for different reasons, all the way from the silliest to the biggest reasons. Bottom line? Women do get attracted to men they can’t have. And women find themselves falling in love with a married man more often than not. And if it’s not married men, women also get attracted to men who are dating someone else.

Whose fault is it, the woman’s?

Most people say it’s the woman who’s the home wrecker, the one who has affairs with married men all the time. But you wouldn’t say the same if you were that woman. It may be the case for a few women, but definitely not everyone.

I haven’t come across any woman who pretends to fall in love with a married man just for the heck of it, but those women do exist, I guess. In my life, and in many other women’s lives, it’s just the case of the sweet talk laced with goodness that does the trick, that, and the second round of confessions and sharing problems. From what I know, it’s usually the men who are ever ready for a quick fling. But a woman could do the same too!

Falling in love with a married man or sugar daddy?

A friend of mine who was seeing a guy once told me, “I don’t want a man to take care of me, I just want a man who wants me.”

That’s the point, because men do get attracted to women outside their relationship almost all the time.

When a man hooks up outside wedlock, he doesn’t want to take care of her, he just wants her and what she’s got to give. And some women like that.

The allure of the “other woman” excites them. They don’t have to worry about cooking dishes, coping with his spending sprees, entertaining his friends, nothing! They can lead their own life without having to worry about his.

And the fact is, they know he’s committed and will never come to them, and they love the guy for that one reason. It’s just a fling thing. And beyond that, a rich married man with real money can provide a lot more than a young hot man with penniless dreams.

Who needs Einstein wannabe when you can have Sugar Daddy? Now any woman who’s trying to hook up like this is nothing less than a home wrecker and a whore, but hey, who am I to judge someone? Sigh!

Dating a married man

Of all the relationships you can get into as a girl, dating a married man is one of the worst kinds.

When you enter into a relationship with married men, inevitably you step into a world that can reveal a lot of joy, and yet, tear all the happiness away instantly.

And this cycle of happiness and pain repeats itself until you can’t take it anymore. But why do women fall into this trap in the first place?

Indulging in a relationship with married men is confusing, but almost all the experiences that come with it feel the same.

And it always starts with the same feelings of confusion, hesitation, and attraction. And women, by nature, are completely helpless in such circumstances.

Getting into a relationship with married men

We love helping people we like out of troubling situations. And admit it, you’d love a man who’s a mess, if he likes you.

When a married man fancies you, you’re elated. But when he looks towards you for emotional support and love, the same things his own wife, apparently, doesn’t provide him, you end up falling in love, more with his emotional affairs rather than anything else.

That one conversation in the office cubicle takes you all the way to the coffee shop, the snack bar, the restaurant, and the movie hall. Both of you end up talking about it over the phone, and at some point of time, there’s a total block of his family turmoil.

All you start talking about is the good times both of you share every day. And then, one fine day, just before hanging up he says, “Sweetheart, if only I wasn’t married, I would be so in love with you. And frankly, I already am…” Pop goes the weasel.

The beginning of the end

The real dark story unveils here. The little innocent doe in you (in most cases) braves itself up and walks curiously ahead. You’re flattered to know he loves you, no man who’s so sweet has ever told you something like that. You realize you love him too. But then, what’s the ending of the story?

He’s a married man, and you know you don’t want to fall, but he’s such an emotional wreck, and the most striking part of it all is, he’s totally in love with you. Apparently!

Now, you warm up to him to shower him with happiness, and the next thing you know, you’re snogging him in hallways of movie theaters and bouncing off walls in your apartment, all for the purpose of making him a happier man! [Read: Cheating in a relationship]

And unknown to you, you’re preparing yourself for the inevitable. You’re entering into a relationship with a married man! And before you know it, you’re way past knee-deep, you’re almost choking with the bottled affection you have for this man.

Beyond this point, there’s no looking back. You don’t care about his family or his wife. You just want this man. All for yourself. You’re dating a married man, and you want him all for yourself.

The wife and the other woman

The worst part of all this is that you’d never really want to be in this place, but somehow, you find yourself here. Lost, angry, annoyed and on the dark side. All of a sudden, you’re not just another nice girl. You’re the “other woman” who’s dating a married man. [Read: Feel lost in life]

You’re marked from the rest of the world. You are a home wrecker. But it doesn’t matter to you, because you know this man loves you, and wants you more than he wants his own wife. That’s what you’d believe anyways.

He constantly reminds you that he loves you a lot more than he loves his wife, but he’s just not able to walk out, what with his kids, wife, and even his mom involved in the scene. He’d love you physically, but his emotions still stay with his real family. This can piss off just about anyone, especially when they’re so madly in love, but the promise of better things to come in the ‘near’ future and the sex is just too good of a promise to spurn the advances of a married man.

The realization – Being used by a married man

When I was involved with a married man, I felt terribly used. I hated myself for doing what I was doing, and yet, I couldn’t help myself. I was helplessly in love. That’s what happens to any woman who’s involved with a married man, because when you’re the “other woman” there are no weekends together, no family parties, no meeting friends, nothing.

You are just a mysterious part of a married man’s life that surfaces when he packs his bag and tells his wife he’s traveling to another city. It’s insulting, especially when he says you mean so much to him, but that’s the life you have to accept.

And it’s never a pretty sight. And every time you ask him to walk out of his relationship, it would just lead to frustrated tears. There is no way he’s ready to do that, even if your closet love goes on for a few years. It’s the same feeling every morning. You wake up feeling cheated, used and totally and miserably helpless. It’s a disgusting feeling to live with, trust me.

Dating a married man is painful and demeaning. And at times, it can take years for you to accept the love of a genuine man you meet later in life. But all this is just the tip of the iceberg of problems when you have a relationship with married men.

Home wrecker – The tag

Without really realizing, I was actually the home wrecker and the other woman in an affair.

I didn’t want to be there, but you can see how I was drawn into a web of deceit and passion each time, in the introduction.

But was I the one to be blamed?

You know my story, you be the judge.

When you’re in love with a married man, it doesn’t really matter if he seduced you into a relationship or whether you tricked him into having an affair. It’s all the same.

And you are the home wrecker. The bitchy other woman in an affair that’s twisted and painful.

But quite frankly, no one will care about you.

You may be having an affair with a married man, and things may be cruising along perfectly. But have you ever imagined what could happen if you ever got caught? Are you ready to face the humiliation of dating a married man?

Having an affair is easy, carrying the home wrecker tag for life isn’t.

What happens when you get caught?

Someone once said “All good things don’t really have to end, but when it does, it has to end in a bad way.”

Bless that person who said that, though he’s not particularly right. When you’re having an affair with a married man, no matter what, it definitely has to end when you’re the other woman.

The married man knows what he wants out of the relationship he shares with you, even if you’ve lost it somewhere along the way. You are nothing but a Japanese sex toy for him. I’m sorry, but that’s true.

He will not leave his wife, his kids, and his mum! And he wouldn’t want to leave you. And the worst part of it all is that, five years later, you’d feel like rubbish because you may have been able to live happily with another young man who could have loved you back in the first place. And that’s when you feel terribly lost and alone. [Read: Do you feel lost in life?]

If that’s not bad enough, there will come a time when both of you get caught.

Remember, even sneaky little rats do get caught, however nimble and nocturnal they are. It may be his wife, or one of his closer family friends. That’s when the bomb explodes. And sorry about this, but whether you like it or not, there will be no fingers pointing at him, every one of them will gleam like daggers in your direction.

Why not? You are the “home wrecker”, aren’t you? Why would a happily married man with kids want to walk out on his family?

You are the scandalous other woman and you do this to all men, you ruin their lives. It must have been you who tricked and deceived him into it. Everyone would say the same thing. And so would your married lover.

The story of the other woman in an affair

Let’s face it, gossip is hot stuff, even if at the expense of someone else. So when the word gets out on the streets, tongues will wag and heads will loll!

The home wrecker is the bitchy seductress. Why couldn’t the girl tighten the buckles in her belt and chase the married man away? Like she didn’t know he was married! Yep, it’s all about you, the girl. Surprisingly, the guy stays out of the picture. You’re the evil one. His kids hate you, his wife chases you with a butcher’s knife and your common friends give you a wide berth. This is the worst phase of your life.

Trust me, this phase will eventually cross paths with reality, however secretive or careful both of you are. And the happy moments you’ve had over the years with the married man will be overshadowed by the pain and the humiliation you would have to put up with.

What about the brave ‘emotional and sensitive’ wreck of a man who was having an affair with the home wrecker? He’s super fine. He’s shagged your body and brains out for so long, and he’s happy about it. His wife welcomes him back after he apologizes and blames the whole issue on you, the scheming seductress, and they live happily ever after. This little issue may even prove lucky for that man, because it would show him how important his family actually is for him. You? Well, you are left in the dirt and the rain. The word is out. And yes, everyone hates the home wrecker.

The alternate ending – The moral of the story

If you are ever tempted to hook up with a married guy, shut your mind and walk away. If you’re already in one, it’s definitely time for you to walk away. When it comes to the seduction of a married man, there are no alternate endings.

The ending’s already been written and waiting for you with an ear-to-ear sadistic grin. You will be the loser and there is nothing you can do about it. The best test if you’re already involved [Read: Is he serious about you?]. Tell him you want him to break up with his wife and that you won’t have sex with him or even meet him until he does that. Avoid him for a week. See if he’s going to walk out on his wife. Of course, he isn’t going to!

Read between the fine lines, dearie, you’ve just been screwed over! And guess what, it’s not funny at all. [Read: How to overcome regret]

I know it’s never easy to walk out, especially when you’re so in love, but you’ll only be pushing the inevitable by shrugging it away. I was in the same lonely land of “home wrecker” one too many times. I was the other woman in an affair, and it did take me time to learn and accept that there was no future.

The walk out of this fairy tale will be painful, and the lure of a committed man will be exciting, and there will be a happy end at the end of the story. The only problem is that you will not be there in the last few pages of the book.

You’d be burnt just before the end, as one of the evil characters in the book, even if you’re an angel that you already are.

Mistakes happen, and we fall into traps of seduction all the time. But what sets a clever girl apart from the dumb and spurned ones is the thin line that differentiates the search for true love, and the gamble on an unattainable one with a ring on the finger. Be wise, and step out of the forbidden seduction of the married man. For your own good. [Read: How to find love]

I hope you spend a minute asking yourself if having an affair with a married man is really ever worth it. But I’ve been there, and there’s nothing worse than being called a home wrecker by his wife and kids. Well, other than being the other woman in an affair.