Being Complacent in a Relationship: Is Your Romance Wearing Off?

It’s normal to become comfortable with a partner, but what about when you become complacent in a relationship? Is it the beginning of the end? 

When you become complacent in a relationship, you take your partner for granted. You no longer try and no longer expect magic in return. Everything in your relationship becomes lacking in anything. Consequently, life becomes a little dull.

Has the magic worn off your relationship?

After you’ve been in a relationship for a certain amount of time, the magic tends to wear off just a little. You no longer get butterflies when they walk into a room, and small things bother you a little more.

In the early days, you forgive your partner for every small quirk and flaw, and they do the same for you. Now the honeymoon period is over, and everything starts to get very real. You can deal with real for a while, in fact it almost becomes comfortable. The problem is, after comfortable comes something else: complacency.

Complacency is a dangerous road. Not only is it dangerous for your relationship, but it can also cause your partner to question why they’re still with you in the first place. Would you want to be with someone who took you for granted at every turn? Of course not! [Read: 12 signs you’re being selfish in a relationship]

Signs you’re becoming complacent in a relationship

No one intends to take their partner for granted or let things slip. But complacency is a dangerous thing which sneaks into relationships without much warning.

If you’re not sure if you’re guilty of this relationship sin and want to stay in relationship happy land, let’s explore some signs that you’re inadvertently becoming complacent in a relationship.

#1 You can’t remember your last date night. If you can’t remember the last time you went on a date night, ask yourself why. Couples need to go out and have a good time together to keep the connection alive. If you don’t, everything becomes very samey and boring, allowing resentment to sneak into the equation.

Take control and plan a night out. Make it a surprise for maximum impact. Go somewhere fun, somewhere you both enjoy, and make a night of it. This could be enough to shake off the complacency and help you both remember the fun side of your relationship. [Read: 11 sweet and intimate ways to show how much you care]

#2 You haven’t taken a vacation together for a long time. Getting away from your normal surroundings and exploring a new place is a great way to connect and make memories. If you’re not busy planning new vacations and trips like you always used to, it’s a sin that you’re getting complacent in a relationship.

Again, this is easily remedied. Perhaps your partner hasn’t mentioned it because you haven’t, or maybe they’re equally as complacent. Sit down and initiate a conversation about where you might like to go. Once a few suggestions start flowing, make a plan and go! [Read: 10 naughty things a sex vacation can do for your love life]

#3 You don’t tell your partner what is going on in your life. Are you confiding in your friends more than your partner? Do you go home and talk about your day? It’s time to open up a little more and rekindle the connection you once had. If you keep things from one another, even if you don’t mean to, you’re on a slippery slope towards relationship failure.

Open up and talk about the small things, even if you don’t think your partner will really grasp their importance. Give them the chance to! [Read: 25 things you must talk about in a happy relationship]

Of course, be careful not to moan about things that really don’t matter, e.g. gossip and small talk, and instead stick to the events and fun quirky things that happened in the time you’ve been at work or away.

#4 Your sex life has taken a nose dive. As you get further into a relationship, it’s totally normal for your sex life to calm down a little. Despite that, if you’re noticing it becoming less and less, or you and your partner simply don’t seem to have much interest, this could be a sign that one or both of you are showing complacency.

Sure, life is busy. Sometimes you just don’t feel like it, and that’s normal too. If this is a long-standing problem, it’s something you need to address. Couples need that sexual connection to be as close as possible. Spicing up your sex life could also be all it takes to get your relationship back to its former glory. [Read: All the reasons why intimacy is the key to making love last]

#5 You take things out on them. It’s normal to get comfortable and show the less delightful side of yourself when you’ve been with someone for a while. It’s not a good sign when you notice yourself snapping at them or taking things out on them.

You’re becoming complacent in a relationship in this case. You’re not honoring or thinking about their feelings. It’s not your partner’s fault you had a bad day. If you open up and talk about things rather than shout and act out, you’ll probably be able to forge a closer connection as a result.

#6 You don’t feel as close to your partner as you used to. When taking someone for granted, distance shows. It’s almost like someone stands between you and pushes you apart physically. Sometimes this distance can become too great and cause a breakdown of the relationship. Other times, you can walk back towards one another and solve the problem. First, you need to be aware of how you’re acting.

If you notice that you don’t feel as close, question why. Then, make it a priority to do more things together, and perhaps spice up your sex life a little, and bring the closeness back once more. [Read: How to emotionally connect with someone and feel close]

#7 Arguments are on the rise. If you’re becoming complacent, chances are the small things will start to cause problems. It’s also possible your partner will start to feel taken for granted. This could spark arguments as a result of how they feel.

While it’s normal for a couple to argue from time to time *in fact it’s healthy to a degree*, it’s not normal or healthy for it to be a common occurrence, and especially over small things that really don’t matter. [Read: 10 immature things couples fight about all the time]

#8 The sparkle has just disappeared. The final sign that you’re becoming complacent in a relationship is that it just doesn’t feel the same. Either you’ve stopped putting in the effort, your partner has, or it’s both of you. But the sparkle has gone.

You don’t experience the same butterflies, you don’t feel excited anymore, and you start to look at other couples in envy. It’s time to question whether this relationship is something you want. If you decide it is, put plan de-complacency into action.

[Read: How you can rekindle your romance and fall in love again]

Becoming complacent in a relationship is common. If you’re noticing these signs, it’s important to not beat yourself up about it. Simply change things before the complacency causes your relationship to turn sour.