Are You a Giver Who’s Feeling Unappreciated in a Relationship?

Sometimes your desire to please your partner can lead to an imbalance in your relationship. Learn how to stop feeling unappreciated in a relationship.

Relationships should be a two-way street, but it is not always the case. Most of us like to do things for our partner. Sometimes that kindness leads to expectation. And once that starts, it becomes a pattern near impossible to break. The good thing is that you can learn to take a stand and understand how to stop feeling unappreciated in a relationship.

As I always say, each and every relationship is different. So, depending on the deeper issues at hand, feeling unappreciated in a relationship will come down to you or your partner’s behavior.

Why are you feeling unappreciated in a relationship?

Before getting into why you feel appreciated, figure out if it is actually the case. Sometimes it feels like your partner doesn’t see all that you do for them, but they may show their appreciation in a different way than you. [Read: 18 critical signs of a clearly unhealthy relationship]

Maybe they do not come right out and say thank you or do something romantic, but they show their love in other ways. Maybe they fix things around the house or make dinner regularly.

You may show love by being there for your partner emotionally or picking up their slack when they are busy. Instead of returning the favor so to speak, they show their love and appreciation in a different way.

I am not saying this is okay or that feeling unappreciated in a relationship isn’t worth a talk. Your feelings are 100% valid and deserving of a conversation. [Read: 15 strong ways to stop being taken for granted by the ones you love]

Fix the feeling of being unappreciated just by letting your partner know that you feel like they don’t see what you do or don’t appreciate it. From there, they can start to change their behavior.

If you need them to say thank you or show their appreciation in a specific way, let them know what you need. There is a good chance they do not even know you are feeling this way. Sometimes all that is needed in this situation is to share your feelings with your partner.

Remember, we are not mind readers, so if you want your partner to pick up on something or change their behavior, speak up. [Read: How to become a better communicator in your relationship]

What you need to do when you’re feeling unappreciated in a relationship

Other than speaking up and talking to your partner about how you’re feeling, there are a few other ways to deal with feeling unappreciated in a relationship. You do not need to be sneaky or subtle or follow a bunch of steps.

All you need to do is know your worth and demand the respect and appreciation you deserve. It sounds difficult, but you can do it, trust me, I did.

One of my longest relationships was full of me feeling unappreciated and being taken for granted. I was overlooked, not considered, everything I did went without a thank you, but with an expectation. I felt like crap, to be honest, but the reason it went on for so long was because I let it. [Read: 16 reasons why people find it easy to take you for granted]

Instead of speaking up for myself and knowing my worth, I wanted to please my partner no matter what it put me through or how it made me feel. I thought this was just how it was. Maybe one day, he would step up and see all I did for him. But, that day never came.

Instead, I took a stand and recognized my worth. I started to respect myself. And I knew I deserved a partner who didn’t take me for granted but instead appreciated everything I did and did things for me. And I stopped doing those things for my partner.

It was a hard pattern to break, but ultimately I did, and it was so worth it. Now I can help you do the same. [Read: How to stop being a doormat and feel in control again]

#1 Gain self-respect. I know, it is not that simple. It sounds easier than it is. And it does not happen in an epiphany or overnight. For some, it requires therapy. Others gain self-respect from their friends and family showing them their worth and others need to do it alone.

Find our path and take it. Try not to hesitate. No matter how your partner or relationship makes you feel, you are worth more. You deserve to be happy and know that all the effort you put in is being seen.

This is not the best you can do. Feeling unappreciated in a relationship sucks and is not better than being single. Being single and respecting yourself for making the healthy choice may be a shock at first, but in the long run, it is what is best for you and your self-esteem. [Read: How to stop loving someone else and love yourself more!]

#2 Be confident. Do not just act confident. Sure, sometimes faking it until you make it is the way to go, but actually build up your confidence. Often we let ourselves fall into the pattern of feeling unappreciated in a relationship because we lack the confidence to speak up.

We don’t believe that we are capable of standing our ground and demanding respect from anyone, especially our partner. Show yourself that you’re worthy. And show your partner that you will not stand for this while still letting them know you love them. [Read: How your self respect affects all the relationships in your life]

Let them know you feel like they don’t see all you do. You need them to pick up their slack. Let them know that this relationship feels one-sided. It feels like you are carrying it and that won’t slide anymore.

It seems harsh, but you can do it. [Read: How to build your confidence and realize you are worth it]

#3 Just say no. Again, it sounds so simple. But, this is how the pattern breaks. A conversation can improve things for a while. Your self-respect and confidence are what get you here and move you forward. Saying no is what changes everything.

Sure you can say a lot, but until you show your partner that you will not be put up with being unappreciated, there is a good chance their behavior won’t change or won’t change for long.

So, as hard as it can be and as rash as it can seem, stop doing all you do. Stop waiting to eat dinner because you are waiting for your partner to get home. Don’t bail them out. Stop going out of your way. Say no when they ask you to do something they never say thank you for.

Just stop it all. Wait until it hits them that they need to step up to deserve all you do. And if they are not willing to meet you halfway, move on without them. 

[Read: How to get out of a toxic relationship with your dignity intact]

When it comes to knowing how to stop feeling unappreciated in a relationship, it all comes down to how you see yourself and what you are willing to put up with.