How to Be Kinky: 13 Steamy Tips to Explore Outside of Normal Sex

Didn’t know much about how to be kinky until you saw Fifty Shades of Grey? While the movie is cheesy, it’s changed the way we look at our kinky side.

If you thought you were the only one who has kinky thoughts, well, think again. In reality, one in five individuals incorporate know how to be kinky in their regular bedroom play. And that number is growing.

More and more people are exploring their sexuality and engaging in kinky sexual activities such as spanking and role-playing. And frankly, I’m surprised.

Just a few years ago, being kinky was seen as taboo. But, thanks to mainstream media, kinks are now a normal part of sex, with more people openly speaking and engaging in it. [Read: 10 kinky sex positions to make every night hot and steamy]

How to be kinky

We don’t really have much of a definition for the word kinky. It basically means everything that’s outside of “normal” sex. If you know what “normal sex” is, please, let me know. If you’ve been having “normal sex,” you may want to spice things up and go outside the conventional box. And that’s great. You only live once. Why not explore and experiment?

If you want to tap into your kinky side, well, it won’t be that hard. Here are the 13 ways for how to be kinky. Because, really, everyone’s a little kinky.

#1 Know what kinks are. You may have watched Fifty Shades of Grey, but kinks are more than just spanking. Get to know the categories of kink and what they entail. BDSM, role-playing, fetishes, voyeurism, and group sex are all a part of being kinky. Which ones stand out to you? [Read: 10 tips to help you open up about your kinky side] 

#2 Be curious. If you want to be kinky, be curious. How else will you be motivated to explore your sexuality if you’re not curious about it? Start reading about kinky activities, get onto kinky forums, and research more about kinks and the kinky community. [Read: Top 50 kinky things you should try with your partner at least once]

#3 Accept your sexual needs. Just because you like being spanked, doesn’t mean you’re mentally unstable or perverted. Being kinky isn’t a mental illness. Everyone has their own sexual preferences. Accept your sexual needs, and don’t feel guilty for having them. [Read: Is your negative thinking wreaking havoc on your sex life?]

#4 Talk about it with your partner. Before tying your partner up to the bedpost, make sure you talk to them about it. Are they comfortable with kinky activities? What are their limitations? How do they feel? You should never surprise your partner unless you’ve spoken to them ahead of time. 

#5 Consent is everything. If you’re with your partner, they must consent to explore kinks with you. Not everyone is comfortable experimenting in sex, and that’s something you must respect. Of course, if you want to explore your kinky side, you will need to compromise.

#6 Come up with safe words. You should never do anything kinky without establishing a safe word. A safe word will automatically stop the session when you or your partner are feeling pain or discomfort. Once the safe word is said, everything stops and together you discuss it. If you don’t think you need a safe word, then you’re not ready to be kinky. [Read: How to use safe words when you’re playing rough]

#7 Think about your limitations. Before you do anything kinky, think hard about your limitations. What are things you do not want to do during a kinky session? Once you come up with some limitations, discuss them with your partner and vice versa. Everyone has limitations. It’s normal.

#8 Experiment solo or with your partner. You don’t need a partner to be kinky, but if you have a partner, be kinky with them. Whether you’re solo or in a relationship, it shouldn’t stop you from exploring your sexual side. If you’re with a partner, talk to them beforehand, create guidelines and boundaries. Then, experiment kinks together. [Read: A guide to take your sex life from vanilla to OMFG!]

#9 Start simple. You don’t need to tie yourself up or have hot oil poured on you for your first time. There’s no need to rush into the heavy stuff right away. Take your time and start simple without any extra equipment. Get used to new feelings and sensations. Eventually, once you’re ready, work your way up.

#10 Use or don’t use toys. Of course, many kinky people use sex toys and other equipment, but that doesn’t mean you should. At least, not right away. But to explore your kinky side, you can use sex toys, but you also don’t have to. As for now, since you’re a beginner, start simple. [Read: 15 dirty ways to have the sexiest rough sex ever!]

#11 Find a kink community. If you want to explore your kinks on a deeper level, join a kink community. Whether online or a physical group, you’ll get tips and advice from people who are highly experienced. That’s how you’ll develop as a person as well.

#12 Take your time. This isn’t a race. You’re not in a competition of who’s the kinkiest. Focus on discovering and uncovering your sexual fantasies. It may take time to try new things, and that’s perfectly okay. Take your time, and if you feel uncomfortable, don’t do it. [Read: The craziest kinky stories from Reddit that’ll make you go “oh”]

#13 Focus on aftercare. Many people ignore the importance of aftercare, but in my opinion, it’s one of the most important parts of exploring your kinky side. After your session, sit down with your partner and talk openly about how it went, what you liked, what you didn’t like, etc. The only way to improve is to talk about it.

Plus, it gives you time to bond with your partner, depending on how deep you went into your kinky side.

[Read: The simple freaky, kinky things you can try together in bed]

We all have a kinky side to us. You can learn how to be kinky by following these steps. It may take some time, but it’s well worth the wait.