Man Down! Why He’s Losing an Erection & 22 Ways to Help Him Get Back Up

Losing an erection may not seem like a big deal to women. But to men, it’s a death knell that can shatter their ego. Find out why it affects men so much.

Most women don’t understand the annoyance and frustration a man losing an erection feels while having sex.

A woman may get annoyed because she couldn’t orgasm or she could pull her man’s leg for underperforming. Or she could shrug it away like it’s no big deal. But to a man, losing an erection is a psychological blow right in between his legs. [Read: 37 potent secrets to get and stay hard & keepaAn erection up for longer]

Men and Their Erections

A man’s manhood is just that. It’s what defines him. It’s what makes him feel like a man.

When he can’t perform in bed, it makes him feel less like a man.

When it comes to losing an erection, the impact can extend well beyond the bedroom. It often hits at the core of what many men perceive as their identity. The psychological significance of this can be profound.

Men might feel pressure not only from their own expectations but also from those they believe are held by their partners and society at large. This stress and anxiety about losing an erection can, paradoxically, lead to further sexual performance issues, creating a cycle that’s hard to break.

Erections are frequently seen as a symbol of sexual capability and virility. When issues arise—whether from stress, health problems, or age—the experience can lead to doubts about one’s sexual viability.

This concern is not uncommon, yet the silence around it and the lack of open conversation perpetuate the stigma, making it harder for men to seek help. [Read: 30 touching ways to make someone feel better & help a sad friend]

Common Causes of Erection Loss

Understanding why your partner might be losing an erection can be crucial in supporting them through what might be a challenging issue for both of you. Here are some common causes that can lead to difficulties with maintaining an erection:

1. Health Issues

Conditions like cardiovascular problems can impede blood flow, which is essential for a strong erection. If the heart isn’t functioning optimally, it can affect other areas, including sexual performance.

Hormonal imbalances, such as a decrease in testosterone, can also influence libido and erection capability. These medical issues are important to recognize as they require professional treatment.

2. Alcohol and Drug Use

While a little alcohol might loosen inhibitions, too much can adversely affect a man’s ability to maintain an erection. The same goes for recreational drugs. [Read: True sex talk: Alcohol’s effects on sex and your libido]

Both alcohol and certain drugs can dampen the nervous system, making it difficult to achieve or maintain an erection, which is something to consider when planning a romantic evening.

3. Obesity and Lifestyle Factors

A healthy lifestyle impacts more than just waistlines—it affects sexual health too. Excess weight can lead to hormonal changes and put additional strain on the cardiovascular system, complicating the blood flow needed for erections.

4. Stress and Anxiety, Depression

Mental health significantly influences sexual health. Stress and anxiety might cause your partner to struggle with relaxation and focus during intimacy, which is essential for sexual performance.

Depression can reduce interest in sex altogether. Being open to discussing these topics and supporting mental health can enhance intimacy.

5. Relationship Issues

If you’re always having arguments, struggling with communication, or feeling a lack of emotional closeness, it can seriously impact sexual arousal and performance.

The emotional health of your relationship is key to a fulfilling intimate life, and when these elements falter, it often shows up in the bedroom. [Read: Tumultuous relationship: 29 signs you’re in one & the best ways to fix it]

6. Performance Anxiety

Performance anxiety is a psychological issue that scares a lot of men who haven’t been having glorious sex for a while. Your guy may have had bad sex once, but that thought always comes back to his mind every time he has to have sex with you.

The harder a man tries to get a hard erection back, the worse he feels about himself. Sometimes, even just taking his member out while having sex and penetrating you again may lead to him losing an erection.

It’s scary stuff for men, especially if it’s a regular occurrence.

7. Natural Changes with Age

As men age, changes in sexual function, including erections, are normal. Understanding that these changes can occur and adjusting expectations and approaches to sex can help both partners maintain a fulfilling sexual relationship. [Read: 65 perks & problems of dating an older man and secrets to attract & date him]

It Could Be All in the Head

When a man loses an erection a few times while having sex with you, but still manages to get a raging hard-on while whacking himself off or not because of anything mentioned above, he’s not suffering from any erectile issues. In all probability, it’s all in his head.

Find a way to get his mind to stop thinking and he’ll work his way up to have glorious sex again. Distract him from his limp thoughts and he’ll be back in no time.

While fear can make a guy go limp at times, overexcitement can have the same effect too. If your guy thinks you’re so sexy it drives him crazy, chances are, he may end up losing his erection while his heart starts racing when he’s looking at you in bed.

It’s a tough world for men, especially when they have to live up to the glorious expectations of women in the world. [Read: 27 naughty, sexy & fun games to play with your boyfriend in bed & out]

What Goes Through a Man’s Mind?

When a man goes limp in bed, there are just two emotions he experiences. Anger and fear. He’s angry with everything around him because he can’t keep it up. And he’s afraid it may happen again. And once he’s overcome the fear and the anger, he starts to fill his head with other thoughts.

1. He’s Not Attracted To His Girl Anymore

When a guy goes limp, he’ll secretly wonder if he’s not sexually attracted to his woman anymore. Almost all the time, he may still be very attracted to his woman but this is still something he’ll ask himself for a while. After all, he desperately wants to know why he’s not able to perform with his girl.

2. He Feels Like a Failure

When a man goes limp in bed, he’s failed to please you. It shatters him and depresses him. He knows you haven’t had an orgasm, which makes him feel even more like a failure.

3. He’s Embarrassed

Losing an erection is like losing a game you’re very good at. It’s embarrassing and humiliating. And it’s even more so if it happens often.

4. He’s Angry With Himself

And he’ll stay angry for a long time, perhaps even days. When a guy’s member fails him, it’s something he can’t understand. He can’t justify any reasons for it and that makes him angrier.

5. He Avoids Sex

This is the most common route that most men take. If your guy has a hard time keeping limpy stiff, he may want to avoid sex because he’s afraid of repeating his failures.

And even if he does have sex, he may look forward more to ending the romp than anything else. [Read: Sexual role play: How to try it & the 35 best roleplay ideas for couples]

How Can You Help Your Man After He’s Gone Down?

Sometimes, your behavior in bed after he goes limp midway can have a huge impact on him. Keep these tips in mind while dealing with a guy who’s gone down before the action’s over.

1. Tell Him It’s Okay

Reassure your man and make him feel like his limpy didn’t bother you. Don’t make a big deal about it or talk about it for a long time.

Just tell him you’re completely fine with what happened and both of you can do it some other time. Talk about something else to take his mind off his limpy and he’ll feel grateful towards you.

2. Fake it Just Before You Know It’s Going Down

You’d know when he’s starting to go down. Yes, that’s when you stop feeling anything down there. Just as that happens, fake an orgasm and pretend like you just came.

It’s a very selfless act and as depressing as it may sound, it may give your man more confidence about his sexual prowess. Don’t do this too often though, or you may end up hating sex too!

3. Prolong Foreplay

Having sex as soon as he gets erect may seem like the best option, but it’s not always the right thing to do. Instead, prolong the foreplay and let him just relax and enjoy his erection.

Indulge in foreplay without giving any attention to his little member. Watch porn or let him play with you for at least fifteen minutes before he penetrates you. It’ll help him last longer. [Read: Foreplay ideas for him: 29 moves to get a guy mad-horny with ease]

4. Distract Him by Talking Dirty

When your man’s suffering from psychological erectile dysfunction, talk about anything that can distract his thoughts from worrying about his limp member.

Lie down next to him and talk about his dirty fantasies. It’ll almost always help him get a raging hard-on back again. [Read: How to talk dirty to a guy & 36 secrets to arouse him with the sexiest words]

5. Ban Sex For a While

Sometimes, banning sex may actually help your man feel better about himself. Even if both of you make out, he doesn’t have to get stressed over penetrating you. Over time, he may start to experience better erections and his confidence may grow too.

6. Encourage Open Communication

Just chat about it. If this is happening fairly often, there might be something on his mind, or maybe there’s something else going on.

Talking about it openly can clear the air and help him feel supported. Plus, understanding more about what’s triggering these moments can lead to better solutions.

7. Explore Other Forms of Intimacy

Who said intimacy only means sex? Spend some time connecting in different ways. Try holding each other, sharing fantasies, or even just doing something together like taking a bath or a shower. It’s all about maintaining the closeness without making everything about an erection. [Read: 32 fun ideas to build & grow intimacy in a relationship and feel more loved]

8. Consult a Professional

If this keeps happening and it’s stressing him (or both of you) out, maybe it’s time to talk to someone who really knows their stuff.

A doctor or a therapist can offer advice and treatment if needed. There’s no shame in getting help—it shows you’re proactive about your health and happiness.

9. Make Lifestyle Changes Together

Maybe it’s time to take up jogging together or cooking healthy meals a few times a week. If lifestyle factors are contributing to the issue, tackling them as a team can make the process easier and more fun. It’s also a great way to strengthen your relationship and improve overall health. [Read: Couple workouts: The best ways to get fitter and feel closer]

10. Focus on Sensual Touch

Get into giving each other massages or just exploring touch in a relaxed, non-sexual way. It can help soothe the nerves and make physical contact something to look forward to without any pressure.

Sometimes, just getting back to the basics of touch can help ease tension and build a better foundation for sexual health.

What You Should Understand When He’s Losing It

Don’t psychologically damage yourself and don’t take it too hard upon yourself. You’re not unsexy or ugly. Even the most attractive woman in the world would have to deal with the same problem if she were dating your guy.

It’s got nothing to do with you. These things happen to all couples now and then. Sometimes, a guy’s member has a mind of its own. [Read: Main types of sex and 23 fun ways to make intercourse more fun & hot!]

You can try to make it easier for him by talking dirty with him or by looking for ways to make him feel more sexually attracted to you. But don’t feel low or assume his limp member has anything to do with you.

[Read: 46 sexy secrets to please & pleasure a man in bed & leave him aroused 24/7]

Yes, sex can get boring after a while, but as long as you constantly look for ways to keep the excitement alive and help your man forget all about losing an erection by distracting his mind, you’ll definitely be able to get him hard and horny in no time.