How to Get a Guy to Forget His Ex and Date You Instead

Feel like your relationship is haunted by the ghosts of past girlfriends? Here’s how to get a guy to forget his ex.

He’s a great guy, and you really like him. The only problem is he has MAJOR commitment and trust issues. All his previous relationships have ended tragically, and the last one seems to have ruined it for him. For you two to progress any further, you need to know how to get a guy to forget his ex.

Maybe she was his first love, but they broke up because they grew up and wanted different things. Maybe she was the woman of his dreams who made their relationship a nightmare by cheating on him. Or perhaps she was simply a great person, and the fact that things didn’t work out took its toll on him.

Whatever happened with his relationship before yours seems to have caused him to be very closed off and afraid of taking your relationship a step further, and it’s breaking your heart because you believe there’s something really special about this guy.

Now this situation can go one of two ways: You either give up and bid him good riddance, or see if you can help him get over his past for good, so he can focus on dating you instead. [Read: Warning signs your boyfriend is not over his ex and still attached to her]

The Psychology of Moving On

Moving on from an ex isn’t just about “getting over it.” A whole lot is going on in our heads and hearts that makes it difficult. Attachment theory plays a big role in this. If you don’t know, attachment theory states that we have different ways of forming relationships with people based on the relationships we had with our parents when we were children.

When the relationship ends, peeling off that attachment glue isn’t easy or pain-free. Your brain and heart got used to being around this person, and now they have to relearn how to be okay without them. It doesn’t matter whether that attachment was healthy, like a secure attachment, or toxic, like an avoidant attachment, it still stings. [Read: Avoidant attachment style: The types, 32 symptoms & how to love one]

And then there’s the whole grief thing. Breaking up can feel like losing a part of yourself because, in a way, you did. You lose the future you imagined with them, the daily texts, the inside jokes—all of it. That loss is a lot to process.

But here’s the cool part: our brains are pretty amazing at adapting. Over time, our thoughts and feelings can shift. We start forming new habits, new routines, and seeing life through a fresh lens. It’s not overnight magic, though. It takes time and effort to get your brain to start thinking differently.

So, when you want to help a guy forget his ex, remember that it’s a journey. It’s about giving him the space and understanding he needs to rewire his heart and mind. Give him time and eventually his thoughts and feelings will become an ex-free zone. [Read: 49 proven secrets to stop thinking about your ex and forget them for good]

How to Help a Guy Get Over His Ex

The psychology of breakups can make this process difficult, but if you’ve met a guy who is worth the effort, you can help him forget his ex. Following the tips below can help you to become the number one girl in his mind:

1. Give It Time

Anything worth having is worth waiting for. If you really care about a guy who just broke up with a girl, allow him time to mourn and be sad about it. A broken heart, as you may also have experienced yourself, will take time to heal. For some, it may take a very long time.

2. Be a Friend and Offer Support

First of all, be a good friend to him. Understand that it’s normal to feel down and lonely after a breakup. If you rush head-on into a relationship, it might just backfire on you because of all the issues from his past relationship he has yet to resolve. [Read: How to be a good friend – 49 traits and friend codes that define a real pal]

For now, it’s best to show him you care enough to listen to him and offer your support. This will make him feel valued and see you as the one who was there for him at his lowest. Even if things don’t work out how you want them to right now because he’s not ready, you’ve already got your foot in the door by being a steady rock in his life.

3. Now, The Tricky Part: Avoiding the Friend Zone

Once you start spending time with him, you know you have his attention. But is it the kind of attention you want?

This is the tricky part: be careful not to be “one of the guys” or you might just be that—his friend. Make an effort to look good, be sexy, exude confidence, and make every other guy notice you.

Make him see you as a potential partner by hanging out like friends while hinting that you’re subtly trying to attract him. [Read: 25 signs and reasons you’re treated like one of the guys and ways to fix it ASAP]

4. Get to know Each Other

Although you can’t force a relationship on him while he’s grieving his last one, this time is ideal for you two to get to know each other without any pressure.

Go out and do the things you like doing together, and enjoy each other’s company. Make it fun and light, and give him a breath of fresh air from all the drama that he’s had to deal with.

As mentioned earlier, it’s crucial for you to make him see you as more than a friend, but don’t try to come on too strong, or you’ll scare him away! [Read: 31 classy, cool ways to make a guy go crazy over you and crave for you]

5. Be Careful of Triggers

Triggers can come in many ways: the scent of perfume, a movie, a dress, or even a restaurant. These triggers are reminders of his ex and the times they spent with each other, which may open up the wounds you’re trying to heal with him.

Even if he may be good at hiding it, if he is still raw from the breakup, he will have a hard time moving on if he sees his ex at every turn.

If he mentioned that his ex used to love shopping at Forever 21, avoid passing by this store. If you know his ex’s favorite food is sushi, skip the sushi bar dinners.

Encourage him to try new things and go to places that you know he has never been before with his ex. From here, you can start erasing his memories with his ex and replace them with new ones with you. [Read: 22 flirty secrets to impress a guy and leave him totally obsessed with you]

6. Let Him Experience His Newfound Freedom

If he was in his last relationship for a very long time, he may want to experience an independent, single life that he wasn’t able to while he was with his ex.

This could include nights out with the boys, traveling alone to distant locations, or even spending a whole week at home with his gaming console. Let him be. Be chill and supportive enough to understand that he needs a break and plenty of other diversions.

The last thing he needs right now is someone tying him down again after his last relationship didn’t work out. Letting him enjoy things he never got to do while in his previous relationship is a healthy way for him to move on.

As you know, enjoying the single life for a bit will always be healthier than jumping from one relationship to the next. [Read: 28 big myths and huge benefits of being single girls must know and remember]

7. Engage in Physical Activities Together

Whether you work out or have sex, the important thing is he gets his body working so his mind doesn’t dwell on the past. Physical activities can serve as an outlet for his frustration, allowing him to let go of all those pent-up feelings.

Although the former option is better and less complicated, you can also consider hooking up with him and giving him a dose of mind-blowing sex that may just be what he needs to forget about his ex. [Read: How to kiss a friend and the subtle ways to get them to want to do it]

If not, you can always encourage him to stop moping around in his house and hit the gym together. And don’t forget to give him a good view of your best assets! [Read: How to attract men – 26 must-knows and irresistible secrets no one talks about]

8. Boost His Self-esteem

His last relationship may have left him with a damaged ego. He may feel worthless, and he may think that he is never going to have someone as great as his ex. Build him up by complimenting him. [Read: 44 signs of low self-esteem in a man, causes, and how it feels dating him]

Start with little things like his outfits or his haircut, then move on to complimenting how well he manages his time or how great he is with pets.

Make him see himself in a better light by giving him support and attention, and express your appreciation for the little things he does for you. Give him your full attention to show him that someone as awesome as you can see him in a positive light.

9. Let Him Het Closure

With most breakups, a person cannot get over their ex because there is no closure. If this is the case with the guy you’re going out with, it may be a good idea to help him get that closure.

If he wants to meet his ex to return her things or to talk, let him. It may be scary for him—and for you—but this may just be what he needs to see that his ex is not worth dwelling on anymore.

By letting him get closure, he is ending that chapter of his life and paving the road to a future without his ex and maybe, just maybe, with you this time. [Read: Closure after a relationship – 29 signs you haven’t got it and ways to move on]

10. Encourage New Interests

Got any fun hobbies or activities up your sleeve? Share them with him! The great thing about sharing your interests with him is that it doesn’t just help him to keep his ex off his mind. It also opens doors to new adventures and experiences, helping him see there’s a whole world out there full of new things to explore and enjoy, including you.

11. Emphasize the Positive

Bright side alert! Help him spot the little awesome things in his day and tune into a happy frequency in his brain. This shift in focus can do wonders in helping him let go of the past and reduce how much he thinks about his ex. Plus, who doesn’t love someone who brings a bit of sunshine to their day? [Read: Positive vibes – Ways to welcome positive energy into your life]

12. Create a Judgment-free Zone

Make your time together a ‘no-judgment’ zone, a time akin to a comfy emotional lounge where he can kick back and open up.

This vibe of acceptance is super important as it helps him feel safe and understood, which is a big deal when you’re trying to help a guy forget his ex.

13. Celebrate Small Victories

Did he go a whole day without bringing up his ex? Was he able to go to their usual restaurant without feeling emotional? Throw a mini-celebration! It’s about cherishing the little wins on his path to moving on. These small victories can boost his mood and keep him motivated.

14. Encourage Socializing

Nudge him to hang out with friends or dive into social scenes. It’s good for the soul and great for mental health. Plus, a busy social life means less time dwelling on the past and his ex and more time making new memories. [Read: 33 easy ways to meet new people and widen your social circle effortlessly]

15. Listen Actively, But Don’t Push

Be all ears when he wants to talk, but don’t force it. This way, you’re there for him without pressuring him, which can help as he navigates the tricky waters of forgetting about his ex.

16. Support His Self-improvement Goals

Is he trying to learn guitar or maybe run a 5K? Jump into the role of his biggest fan! Cheering him on in his goals, whether acing a new hobby or hitting the gym, isn’t just fun, it also brings you two closer.

Your support shows you’re into what he’s into—that kind of teamwork is a big thumbs-up for any relationship.

Plus, it’s a great way to help him stride into a new chapter, leaving memories of his ex in the dust. [Read: Signs of a supportive partner who encourages your goals]

17. Introduce Him to New Perspectives

Sharing interesting books, eye-opening documentaries, or even just thought-provoking chats can help him repaint his life story and see the world—and his own situation—in a new way.

This fresh outlook can be a game-changer, helping him dial down the drama from past relationships and tune into a new, exciting frequency. Plus, it’s always fun to be the one who brings the coolest ideas to the table, right?

18. Be Patient With Setbacks

Progress in moving on is not linear— two steps forward, one step back. It’s normal to have days that aren’t all sunshine and progress. Sometimes, he might trip over a memory or a feeling, and that’s okay. It’s all part of the mixtape of healing.

When these moments happen, just roll with it. Your patience during these setbacks isn’t just cool, it’s kind. It shows you understand that moving on is a bit messy sometimes, and that’s what makes your support so awesome. [Read: 24 secrets to be patient in a relationship and avoid risking a new love]

19. Be Worth It

Don’t go through all of this effort if you’re only planning on playing him. If you’re just after fun and games with this guy, please spare him!

Getting over someone only to be burned again is every person’s relationship nightmare. Taking another risk after being hurt also takes a lot of courage, so make it worth the risks he’s taking to be with you. [Read: The 30 best subtle, obvious, and really sexy flirting tips for girls]

How Not to Get a Guy to Forget His Ex

The whole thing about helping a guy forget his ex is tricky. To be the person who helps him turn a new leaf without falling into common traps, it’s important to be aware of these pitfalls:

1. Falling Into the Rebound Trap

Rebound relationships often stem from a desire to fill the emotional void left by an ex. They can be more about distraction than genuine connection, which isn’t fair to either person involved.

To avoid being a rebound, ensure there’s enough time since his last relationship and watch for signs that he’s genuinely interested in you for who you are, not just as a substitute for his ex. [Read: Signs you’re the rebound girl a guy is using to get over his ex-girlfriend]

2. Not Dealing With Emotional Baggage

Everyone carries some emotional baggage from past relationships, and handling this with sensitivity is crucial. Encourage open, honest communication to address any unresolved feelings.

This approach helps in understanding his emotional state while also building a foundation of trust and transparency in your relationship.

3. Ignoring Red Flags

When you’re in the zone of helping a guy forget his ex, it’s easy to miss red flags. If he’s often bringing up his ex, comparing you two, or seems hesitant to dive into something new, these are warning signs worth paying attention to. [Read: 45 big relationship red flags most couples completely ignore early in love]

Being mindful of these signs isn’t just about being cautious, it’s about ensuring that your journey together is healthy, happy, and built on mutual readiness and respect.

4. Sacrificing Your Own Needs

In your effort to help him, don’t forget about your own emotional needs. A relationship should be mutually fulfilling.

Ensure that your efforts to help him aren’t leading you to compromise on what you need and deserve in a relationship.

5. Overstepping Boundaries

It’s really sweet that you want to be there for him, but remember that healing takes time and space. If he seems to need a moment alone or isn’t ready to talk about certain things, that’s okay. Respecting his boundaries shows you care about his needs, not just what you think he needs.

Think of it as giving him room to breathe and sort through his feelings. This isn’t just good for him; it’s a sign of a healthy and respectful relationship where both partners feel understood and valued. [Read: Ways to give space in a relationship and feel closer than ever before]

6. Forcing New Memories

While creating new memories is great for helping him to forget his ex and enriching your own relationship, trying to force them can backfire. Let these moments develop naturally instead of orchestrating situations to make him forget his ex.

7. Neglecting Other Aspects of Life

While you play a supportive role in his life, don’t forget to live yours too! Keep up with your hobbies, catch up with your friends, and chase your own goals. Feeding and focusing on your own life keeps your world colorful and vibrant, which, in turn, makes you an even more amazing partner.

It also sets a great example for him. It shows that while his journey of moving on is important, your happiness and interests matter just as much. [Read: How to balance your career, social life, and dating life]

8. Disregarding His Friends and Family

His friends and family play a significant role in his life. Engaging with them positively can provide him with a support system, so don’t shy away from their help.

You might want to be the one to help him forget his ex so that you can prove just what a great catch you are, but his support system can help him grieve the loss of his relationship and focus on himself again.

Don’t hog the limelight. Instead, work with them. [Read: 30 secrets to get your boyfriend’s friends to like you and mistakes to avoid]

9. Misinterpreting His Grieving Process

Grieving the end of a relationship is natural. Understand that his way of coping might be different from what you expect. It’s important not to misinterpret his need to process his emotions as a lack of interest in you.

10. Expecting Quick Results

Remember, forgetting an ex is more like a marathon than a sprint. It’s different for everyone, and sometimes, it can feel like a slow and steady journey rather than a quick dash to the finish line. Your patience here is a quiet, steady sign of support that says, “It’s okay to take your time.”

Expecting quick changes or pushing for immediate results might add unnecessary pressure. Instead, celebrate the small steps and progress he makes.

11. Comparing Yourself to His Ex

Avoid falling into the trap of comparing yourself to his ex. This affects your self-esteem and also puts unnecessary pressure on the relationship. Focus on building a unique connection with him instead, not replicating what he had in a relationship that failed. [Read: Easy ways to stop comparing your new guy to your ex]

12. Underestimating the Power of Closure

Closure is an important part of moving on. Encourage him to seek closure if he hasn’t already, but remember it’s his journey. It’s about him coming to terms with the end of his past relationship, which is essential for starting anew, so he may have to take his time with it.

13. Neglecting clear communication

Clear and honest communication is key to having a healthy and long-lasting relationship. Don’t assume he knows how you feel or what you’re thinking—speak openly. This builds a healthy foundation and avoids misunderstandings. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship and ways to fix a lack of it]

14. Overlooking Mutual Interests

Find common ground and mutual interests to strengthen your bond. If you solely focus on helping him forget his ex, your relationship can end up feeling one-dimensional.

Instead, take time to explore shared hobbies or passions to deepen your connection and make sure you have a relationship outside of helping him forget his last one.

15. Failing to Celebrate Progress

Lastly, acknowledge and celebrate the progress he makes, no matter how small. This encourages him while also helping you both recognize the positive strides being made in moving past his ex and building something new together.

Your Role is to be Patient, Empathetic, and Supportive

Getting over someone isn’t an overnight feat. It requires patience, empathy, and a healthy space for self-growth. No tried and tested remedy will make him get over his ex at the drop of a hat.

However, by being there for him, you can show him that life can be great even if his ex isn’t in the picture anymore. It may take him some time to get his ex out of his mind long enough to see that you two have potential.

But if the bond between you is meant to last, it will survive this transition period. Once he has moved past the hold of his past relationship, and if you’re truly destined to be together, your relationship will naturally find its footing again. [Read: Relationship compatibility – what it is, 40 signs you have it, and ways to improve it]

It’s not easy, and not everyone will understand, but in learning how to get a guy to forget his ex, if you think he’s worth it, remember that your role is to be patient, empathetic, and supportive. Allow him the space he needs to heal and start anew with you