Hero Instinct: What It Is & 23 Secrets to Trigger Its Power to Elevate Your Man

Know why you should tap into your man’s hero instinct and use it to make your relationship thrive like never before.

Do all men have a hero instinct? And if so, how can you bring it out?

Well, imagine walking down your local neighborhood street, and there’s a commotion. People are gathered around, phones out, capturing the moment.

You expect to see something dramatic, but instead, you find a guy, let’s call him Joe, trying to “rescue” a cat. Only, the cat isn’t trapped high up in a tree, it’s just two feet off the ground, lounging on the lowest branch, probably thinking, “Humans, am I right?”

Joe, with all his might and bravado, “saves” the cat, handing it to an overly grateful owner. The crowd disperses, some chuckling, others rolling their eyes, but Joe walks away with his chest puffed out, feeling like he just scaled Mount Everest.

This brings us to the fascinating concept of the hero instinct.

At its core, the hero instinct is the deep-seated drive many men feel to be a protector, a provider, and, well, a hero in their own life narrative. [Read: Damsel in distress – why men find women who ask for help irresistible]

It’s not necessarily about grand gestures or daring rescues. Sometimes, it’s as simple as feeling valued for grabbing that jar from the top shelf or giving sound advice on which Netflix series to binge next.

Now, for all the fierce, independent women out there *cue the empowering Beyoncé track in the background*, recognizing and occasionally tapping into this hero instinct in your man doesn’t mean you’re surrendering your strength or autonomy.

Instead, harnessing the hero instinct can be your secret weapon to elevating your relationship to new heights, fostering a bond that’s both deep and playful. [Read: Hero complex – what it is, 39 signs, and the psychology of “save the day” syndrome]

The Science Behind the Hero Instinct

The concept of the hero instinct didn’t just emerge from a romanticized fairy tale or a Hollywood script. It’s rooted in both modern observations and ancient evolutionary drivers.

Enter James Bauer, a renowned relationship coach and author. Bauer peeled back the layers of the complex male psyche and spotlighted a man’s deep-seated desire to feel indispensable and valued in a relationship.

While we’ve evolved in countless ways, there’s still a primitive part of men that yearns for a role of significance. [Read: The alpha male – 65 traits of a real alpha man and true secrets to be one yourself]

This isn’t to say every man wants to be the next Superman or Thor *though let’s admit, wielding a hammer that only you can lift sounds fun*.

It’s more about feeling like they have a meaningful place in the grand scheme of their relationships and life.

Taking a trip down evolutionary lane, males have often been positioned as protectors and providers. [Read: Sigma male – who they are and 56 traits to split them from the alpha and beta]

This was not just about physical strength but also about securing resources and ensuring the safety and well-being of their family or tribe.

Fast forward to today, and while we’re no longer fending off wild beasts *unless you count that spider in the bathtub*, the essence of that role still lingers.

Now, if we were to sift through the sands of psychological theories, we’d stumble upon Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

This famed pyramid highlights the progression of human needs, from the most basic, like food and safety, to the more abstract, like self-esteem and self-actualization.

Our hero instinct snugly fits into this, emphasizing the desire for respect, appreciation, and a sense of purpose.

The How-To Guide: Triggering the Hero Instinct

So, you’re side-eyeing your guy, thinking, “How do I transform this everyday Joe into my personal superhero?” [Read: How to attract an alpha male – 20 secrets to date him and keep him hooked]

No, you don’t need a magic wand or a mysterious potion. Tapping into the hero instinct is all about understanding and action.

Here’s how to do it.

1. Making him feel appreciated for the things he does

We all crave acknowledgment. By appreciating the small gestures, you’re signaling to him that his efforts aren’t going unnoticed.

Each thank you, each genuine smile when he helps out, taps directly into his hero instinct, making him feel valued and important. [Read: 44 Warm ways to say “I appreciate you” and show appreciation without words]

2. Letting him know you trust and rely on him

Trust is a cornerstone in relationships. By showing him that you count on him, you’re allowing the hero instinct to flourish.

It’s not about playing the damsel in distress but rather giving him moments where he feels he can step up and be there for you.

3. Seeking his advice or expertise

Sure, you could ask Siri, Alexa, or Google. But sometimes, asking him can make all the difference. It subtly communicates that you respect his judgment, providing a boost to his hero instinct.

4. Allowing him space to be protective and supportive

It’s not about undermining your independence but creating an environment where he feels his protective and supportive nature is appreciated. [Read: 24 Ways to be a strong independent woman all men love and desire]

This aligns directly with the hero instinct, encouraging a dynamic where both partners feel loved and valued.

5. Showing admiration for his passions and ambitions

Every hero has a dream, a mountain they want to conquer. By admiring his aspirations, you’re not just rooting for his success, but you’re also telling him he’s got your full support in his hero’s journey.

6. Engaging in shared challenges

Whether it’s trying a new sport, solving a puzzle, or taking on a DIY project, facing challenges together can reinforce his role as a protector and collaborator, all while nourishing the hero instinct. [Read: 33 Best hobbies for couples to have fun, bond, and feel closer than ever!]

7. Value his opinions in decision-making

While it’s essential to have your voice and stand by your choices, occasionally seeking his opinion or making decisions collaboratively can make him feel indispensable, resonating with his hero instinct.

8. Encourage his leadership skills

Whether it’s planning a weekend getaway or deciding on a new show to binge, letting him take the lead sometimes can work wonders. This gesture subtly reinforces his role, allowing the hero instinct to play out naturally.

9. Verbal affirmations to puff his *already* puffy chest

Every so often, it doesn’t hurt to lay it on thick with words. A simple “You’re amazing,” “I’m so lucky to have you,” or a playful “Look at my hero!” can work wonders. [Read: 47 Best compliments for guys and how to do it subtly and make him desire you]

Verbal affirmations are like little magic spells that can make his chest swell with pride *and possibly make him strut around like a rooster owning the barnyard*.

Regularly affirming his worth, both in private moments and even in front of others, can be a direct boost to his hero instinct. And who knows? Maybe he’ll start sporting a cape just for the fun of it!

Why Would You Want to Trigger His Hero Instinct?

So, you’ve got the lowdown on the hero instinct, but you might be wondering, “Why even bother?” [Read: Divine masculine – what it means, 37 qualities, signs and secrets to awaken it]

Apart from having a partner who occasionally feels like he’s got a superhero cape fluttering invisibly behind him, there are genuine reasons to tap into this primal drive

1. Strengthening emotional connections

Engaging the hero instinct means you’re not just seeing your partner, but you’re really seeing him – recognizing his deeper needs and desires. This creates a bond of understanding and mutual respect.

When he feels acknowledged in this unique way, it often leads to more profound emotional intimacy. [Read: Emotional connection – 38 signs, secrets, and ways to build a real bond]

2. Enhancing commitment and relationship satisfaction

When a man feels like he plays an indispensable role in your life, he’s more likely to be committed. The hero instinct, when triggered, can create a sense of purpose within the relationship, leading to greater satisfaction for both partners.

3. Spicing things up!

Look, life and relationships can sometimes fall into a predictable pattern.

By tapping into the hero instinct, you’re introducing a playful, exciting dynamic. It’s not about damsels and knights but about recognizing and valuing each other’s roles.

4. Get the princess treatment

Now, for the ladies! Engaging his hero instinct often means he’s more attentive, more present, and more eager to make you happy. [Read: Pillow princess – what does it really mean to be labeled as one?]

It’s like having your own personal knight, minus the shining armor, who’s ready to ensure you’re treated with love and care.

5. Boosting mutual appreciation

While the hero instinct focuses on his need to feel essential, triggering it also means you’re fostering an environment of appreciation.

It’s a two-way street. As he feels more valued, he’s more likely to reciprocate that appreciation, creating a beautiful loop of mutual admiration. [Read: 50 Sweet, caring ways to make your man feel special, appreciated, and loved]

6. Creating a supportive partnership

When he feels like a hero, he’s often more motivated to be supportive and helpful. Whether it’s being your sounding board, helping with challenges, or just being a pillar of strength, activating the hero instinct ensures a more harmonious and supportive partnership.

7. Building a secure foundation

A relationship where both partners feel valued and understood forms a solid foundation.

By acknowledging his hero instinct, you’re contributing to creating a stable, secure base for both of you to thrive. [Read: 38 Signs and traits of a happy, healthy relationship and what it should look like]

The Dos and Don’ts

Alright, before you don your director’s hat and begin the grand play of the hero instinct, pause for a beat. It’s essential to tread wisely because, like all things potent, there’s a right and a not-so-right way to go about it.

1. Do: Make sure it’s genuine

The hero instinct, powerful as it may be, is like a fine-tuned instrument. It can pick up on insincerity. Ensure that your appreciation and gestures come from a place of truth.

After all, no one, be it a hero or not, enjoys fake praise. It’s like getting a trophy you didn’t earn; it might look good for a moment, but it feels hollow. [Read: Transactional relationship – what it is, 37 signs and ways to make it more genuine]

2. Don’t: Overdo it to the point where it feels like a performance

While recognizing his hero instinct is beneficial, turning every moment into a staged superhero scene can be draining and inauthentic. It can lead to both of you feeling disconnected from the relationship’s true essence.

3. Do: Maintain a balance

While it’s great to make him feel like a hero, it’s equally crucial to keep your independence intact.

A relationship is a dance of two unique individuals, and while the hero instinct is about making him feel valued, it shouldn’t overshadow your needs, desires, and individuality. [Read: How to balance your career, social life, and dating life]

4. Don’t: Allow it to evolve into an unhealthy dependency

While the hero instinct can foster closeness, there’s a fine line between healthy interdependence and complete reliance. Be vigilant. If you find that you’re leaning too heavily on him for every decision or emotional need, it might be time to reassess.

5. Do: Use it as a tool for connection, not manipulation

The aim is to strengthen the bond and understand each other better, not to get your way or manipulate outcomes. The hero instinct should be a means to enrich the relationship, not exploit it.

6. Don’t: Neglect other facets of the relationship

While the hero instinct is a powerful component, relationships are multifaceted. [Read: 24 Sad signs and consequences of emotional neglect in a relationship]

There are other needs, desires, and dynamics at play. Ensure you’re attending to the entirety of the relationship, not just this one aspect.

7. Do: Remember that every individual is different

While many men might resonate with the hero instinct, it’s essential to gauge how strongly it’s present in your partner and adjust your approach accordingly. [Read: Masculinity vs. femininity – 27 traits, stereotypes, and the unique strengths]

What Truly Makes a Man Feel Like a Hero is the Person by His Side

In a world where superheroes don’t always wear capes, sometimes, what truly makes a man feel like a hero is the person by his side. [Read:

It’s not about grand gestures, mythical quests, or saving the world from impending doom. In the modern age, heroes are made in the little moments: a heartfelt thank you, a shared laugh, or the simple act of understanding.

[Read: 25 Common male insecurities men have that women have no idea about]

Remember that the hero instinct isn’t about creating a superhero. It’s about recognizing the inherent desire in someone to be their best self for you, and for them.