32 Quick Questions To Ask Your Partner to Read Your Lover’s Mind in Minutes!

In a new relationship, you have so much to learn about your partner. Where do you start? Well, with these questions to ask your lover.

When it comes to the types of questions to ask your lover, there is a pretty broad landscape of options. Are you talking about intimate questions or do you want to get to know each other in different ways? Do you want fun and lighthearted questions or something deeper?

Well, no matter what you are looking for, we’ve got you covered with these questions to ask your lover. Prepare to get to know them on a much deeper level.

Why do you need questions to ask your lover?

Before we get into the best and worst questions to ask your lover, you may be wondering why exactly it is so important to ask questions.

Well, it is how you get to know someone. Even if you are only interested in the physical aspect of a relationship, knowing what someone likes and doesn’t like is vital.

And if you want to create a deeper bond showing your interest in their past, their hobbies, and even their job enhances your connection. [Read: 20 best questions to ask in a relationship to understand each other better]

Questions you don’t need to ask your lover

There are some questions to ask your lover that many people see as go-to’s, but really are not necessary and are actually more likely to cause a riff than a stronger bond. So here are the questions you do not need to ask your lover.

1. How many sexual partners have you had?

Asking your partner how many serious relationships they’ve had is totally fine. But asking about their sexual history is not necessary when it comes to numbers.

Instead, ask them about their sexual health. Discuss if you have both been tested recently and given the all-clear. Yes, some couples don’t mind sharing their “number,” but it really is not necessary. You and your lover may have more or less experience than one another, but that shouldn’t affect how you think of them.

Knowing someone’s number can actually unintentionally create judgment and worry that could easily be avoided by focusing on your current relationship rather than the past. [Read: Retroactive jealousy – why is your lover’s past making you jealous?]

2. Are you sure you still like me?

Or any variety of this question. Not only are they quite the turnoff, but they show a serious lack of self-confidence. It is great to validate your feelings for one another, but that shouldn’t come from a question like this.

The fact that this person is with you says they care and are interested. Requiring constant reassurance from your lover can really turn something sweet into something sour.

3. Do you have feelings for your ex?

Discussing past relationships can be very telling and important for you and your lover, but a question like this comes off as more of an accusation. And that is neither fair nor useful for the two of you.

Questions like this make you seem jealous, unsure, and untrusting. Bringing up something like this immediately sets off someone’s defenses and makes them feel like their loyalty is being taken into question. [Read: Relationship without trust – can *or should* it last?]

The best questions to ask your lover

Now that we touched on some questions to ask your lover that you may want to avoid, here are the ones that are totally appropriate, helpful, and maybe even necessary for some.

1. What do you like?

This might seem pretty basic, but we sometimes forget to ask the person we spend time with what they like. You may know some things, but it never hurts to learn more about your lover.

There is always more to know. And this is in regard to their hobbies, their taste, and their sexual preferences.

2. What do you not like?

This may be even more important than the last. Knowing the things that someone doesn’t like is crucial for you to know what you should avoid with your lover.

Doing something to make them uncomfortable, even unintentionally, could really throw things array. [Read: 60 fun and deep get-to-know-you questions to peek into their soul!]

3. What are you willing to try or not try?

When it comes to being spontaneous with travel or in the bedroom, knowing what the limits are is important. You always want to be on the same page, so expressing how far you are willing to go is vital.

Be sure that when you ask your lover about what they are willing to do, and share your answer too.

4. What are your deal breakers?

You may be lovers, but the deal breakers discussion could be put off for years, which can lead to a painful breakup. Instead, be open with your partner.

Let them know if smoking or drinking is off the table for you. The same goes for marriage, kids, moving, etc. Of course, things you can’t foresee always arise, but knowing what you both cannot handle upfront will make things run a lot more smoothly. [Read: 71 friendly, funny questions to get to know someone in a happy way]

5. Where do you see this going?

This can be asked too quickly, but if you are referring to this person as your lover, you are probably in the safe zone. Asking where things are going can seem super scary. What if you don’t get the answer you want?

Well, trust us, if you’re looking for a serious life-long commitment and they’re looking for a short-term booty call, you’ll want to know sooner rather than later. Being stuck in an are-we-or-aren’t-we limbo is not fun. [Read: Define the relationship – 30 signs it’s time to DTR and how to talk about it]

6. Is there anything you want to know about me that you don’t know already?

This can also be a little scary because it is impossible to predict what your lover might say. But making sure they don’t have any doubts or questions is important. 

Ensuring they get everything off their chest will lead you to a happier future.

7. What first struck your interest in me?

This can help to reignite a spark between you if it starts dying down. Recapturing what first brought you together can seem like the first time all over again.

This can also clue you into what it is that your partner loves so much about you so that you can put that part of yourself on display more often. [Read: 49 naughty and freaky sex questions for couples to keep the spark alive]

8. Have you ever been in love before?

Again, if you are lovers in a strictly physical sense, this may not be a necessary question, but it can be a major eye-opener in a romantic relationship.

Knowing how emotionally experienced your partner is can help you figure out how slow or quickly you feel comfortable moving.

9. What is your love language?

There are five love languages. These are different ways people give and receive love. They involve things like time spent together, acts of service, words of affirmation, and more.

Knowing what your lover’s love language is and vice versa can help you be sure that you are showing love in the way your partner best receives it.

10. Do you have any fantasies?

As lovers, pushing boundaries and trying new things are important for intimacy and passion. Clueing each other in on something you have always wanted to try but maybe have never had the nerve for can take your bond to a new level. [Read: The top 50 kinky ideas worth trying at least once in your lifetime!]

11. Do you have any regrets?

It would be nice if we could all say we have no regrets, but that is definitely not the case for most people. And sharing your regrets is like sharing your darkest secret.

Being that vulnerable and opening that door is what having a lover is for. You can be there for each other and discuss anything without judgment. [Read: What is pillow talk? How to use it and cozy conversations for bed]

12. Is this relationship satisfying you?

This is another question people often go ages without asking their lover in fear of the response. But no matter what it is, it can move you forward.

If they aren’t satisfied, you can discuss how you can change that. Does your lover need more support with their work or emotionally? Or maybe physically your relationship isn’t satisfying them? There is always a way to mend these issues, but you have to admit them first.

13. What is number one on your bucket list?

This may seem like a silly question, but bucket lists are always full of things like trying cricket, or skydiving. A lot of things that people want to do before they die are deeper and more meaningful than that.

Sharing this is personal and intimate, not to mention how amazing it would be if you could actually accomplish it. [Read: Couples bucket list – 32 must-do things to create experiences together]

14. When and where do you feel the most free?

A relationship is hard work, but it shouldn’t feel like a job. It should bring happiness to your life first and foremost. So asking your partner where they go or what they do to feel the most free can be so enlightening.

15. What is your favorite thing that I do for you?

Maybe you always rub your lover’s back when you watch TV or you make a purring noise when you kiss. These things are small, but usually, lovers notice the small things about each other.

Sharing these small things you love about each other shows you how much you appreciate one another.

16. What can I do to make our time apart easier?

Every couple struggles when they go a long time without seeing each other. But everyone reacts to distance differently. Some people pull back, others want constant communication.

Discussing how you can make that time easier on each other will make those times feel a whole lot shorter.

17. Do you think we have sex too often or not often enough?

Sex is a big part of most relationships, and this is one of those questions to ask your lover that can reveal a lot about your sex life. Physical connection is the basis for a lot of people.

Although creating a schedule isn’t the most romantic, discussing how often you would both prefer to make love can make both of you a lot happier overall. [Read: How often should you have sex? 15 signs you’re not having enough]

18. What is your biggest fear?

Is it death, is it losing your job, or maybe failing? We all have fears and we all have one biggest fear. Keeping it in may seem strong, but sharing that sensitive side of yourself with your lover and vice versa releases a stress you didn’t even know you had.

19. If we could go anywhere right now, where would you want to go?

Travel, even if only half an hour away, is a part of so many people’s lives. Has your partner always wanted to visit Ireland? Or maybe New Orleans is more their speed?

Sharing your dreams of traveling to far-off lands or going out of town gives you something to look forward to. [Read: Reasons why traveling together is a good test of compatibility]

20. What constitutes cheating to you?

This is a biggie. And it is one of the scary questions to ask your lover. You don’t want your partner to say that they get jealous when you talk to this one guy at work. And you probably don’t even want to bring up the word cheating.

But, discussing what cheating actually is to both of you is a vital question to ask your lover to ensure you are on the same page.

21. What is your conflict style?

Every couple fights, it’s just inevitable. But that first fight can feel so uncertain, so scary, and that’s because you’ve never fought with them before. You don’t know how they fight, what is normal for them, and what an overreaction in them looks like.

One way to make this first fight a little bit easier is to know how they fight. Do they yell first and think later? Are they the type to become frozen and closed off? Do they avoid conflict like the plague?

Knowing their style of conflict will also help you to work around it when the time comes. [Read: Why fighting in a relationship is important and how to do it right]

22. What is your biggest weakness?

This question to ask your lover will really shine a light on the difference between how you see them and how they see themselves.

And, if you really want to prove yourself as a ride or die, you can help your lover overcome this weakness of theirs. [Read: Partner in crime – what it is and 31 signs you have this friend in your life]

23. Why did your last relationship end?

This question ask to your lover can be a touchy one. It sounds a lot like “how many sexual partners have you had” because it’s very personal and has to do with their intimate past. But while you don’t need to know the gruesome details of their past sex life, this information is actually useful to you.

Did their last relationship end because of something they did? If it didn’t, have they recovered from what their ex did? This could affect your relationship with them now more than you might think.

24. How would you describe your spending habits?

Are they a responsible saver, are they living paycheck-to-paycheck, or do they spend their money recklessly and thoughtlessly?

Their finances could affect you and your relationship in the future, so you should at least know what you’re getting yourself into. [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]

25. Are you competitive?

Can they play through a game of Monopoly without risking a friendship? Now’s the time to get to know your lover, so start by asking fun questions about their character like this one!

26. Have you ever cheated on an ex-partner?

For some people, this can be a dealbreaker. Many people think that once a cheater, always a cheater, but what you think is up to you.

Whether this is a dealbreaker to you or not, you should find out if infidelity is in their past.

27. Do you like to cook?

And if so, what is their favorite memory associated with cooking? This is a really great way to get to know your partner. Especially since a lot of people who cook have happy memories of being taught how to by their family.

Plus, who knows, maybe they’ll cook some delicious meals for you sometime. [Read: Cooking as a couple – romantic tips and date ideas to have fun together]

28. What is a romantic fantasy of yours?

When we ask someone about their fantasies, thoughts often jump to the sexual. But we don’t often ask our partners what their romantic fantasies are.

But they’re there. Maybe your lover wants to lay under the stars with you, or maybe they want to come home from work to a surprise candle-lit, home-cooked dinner. Find out what your lover’s romantic fantasy is, and turn it into a reality. [Read: 60 best free date ideas to have a romantic time without spending money]

29. What are your thoughts on religion?

Religion can be a very tricky subject. But, this is your lover, someone you’re going to get to know more than anyone else. So, don’t shy away from the tough subjects.

If you have a clash of religious beliefs, you’ll need to know. If you have a difference in strength of faith, you’ll need to know. And if both of you aren’t particularly affiliated with one religion or feel very strongly about it, then it’ll make for a deep and thought-provoking conversation.

30. Do you believe in monogamous relationships?

Thoughts on monogamy and polyamory are relaxing. More and more people are opening up to the idea of open relationships and falling in love with more than one person, maybe that includes your lover.

Find out what their stance on monogamy and polyamory are so that you know what is in store for you guys. [Read: Open relationship – 38 rules, questions, and advice to talk about it as a couple]

31. Are you ready to commit to a long-term relationship?

This is a very mature question to ask your lover. Because, you might not get the answer that you’re wanting. [Read: Long term relationship – What it means and secrets to have a love that lasts]

If you do, then your partner will appreciate you for being mature. And if you don’t, you can walk away knowing that you didn’t waste your time and you handled yourself with class and dignity.

32. Did you know what you were looking for when you met me?

We’ve covered some pretty intense questions, so let’s end on a romantic note! Was your partner looking for their perfect match that they found in you, or were they taken by surprise and completely and unexpectedly swept up by you?

[Read: How to be in a relationship when the world of monogamy is so young]

There are hundreds, probably thousands, of questions to ask your lover, but starting out with these can let you and your partner get to know each other better.