Long-Term Relationship: What It Means & 30 Secrets to Have a Love that Lasts

Everyone dreams of finding the person of their dreams, having a long-term relationship, and living happily ever after. Here’s how you can make it happen. 

A long-term relationship may seem romantic and inspiring, but is it really easy to achieve?

In the fast-paced world that we live in, finding someone who will truly love us back is a miracle. There may be a lot of distractions and new potentials to fall in love with these days that could get in the way.

But if you truly are happy in a relationship with a special someone, you’d involuntarily understand that attractions and desires can crop up all the time, but nothing can ever beat the love and emotional attachment you share with your own lover.

Does it sound too good to be true? Well, it really doesn’t have to.

[Read: 37 rules to be a good partner in a relationship and better your love life]

The must-know long-term relationship advice to know

Relationships, whether new or long-term, aren’t easy. Humans are a handful. We like things our way. We want everything to go smoothly, yet we want to do the least amount of work at the same time. But here’s the thing—relationships take work.

If you’re in a long-term relationship, then you already know the compromises you made when you didn’t want to. [Read: 38 signs and traits of a happy, healthy relationship and what it should look like]

But this is what a relationship is based on, two people compromising their happiness for someone else, and yet relishing in the fact that they’re compromising for their lover’s happiness. Of course, it doesn’t sound that glamorous when you put it like that, but that’s what it is.

But what else is a relationship based on, and what do you need to focus on to make sure that this relationship is one that lasts? Let’s have a look at a few ideas. [Read: What you need to know to make a long-term relationship last]

1. Build your compatibility

Falling in love may seem spontaneous, but as the relationship grows, you’ll start to realize that the spontaneous love starts to flicker and transition into a mature love that’s based on understanding and compatibility.

Can you really live with each other? You may have different perspectives and interests, but can you find a way to bring them all under one roof and still live happily?

What may now seem like a minor nuisance can eventually turn into something that can end a relationship.

2. Never let frustrations and hatred build-up

Never ever let a molehill grow into a mountain. If something about your partner or their behavior disturbs you, learn to say it immediately. 

Every time you yell at a partner or find yourself getting frustrated, you have to understand that it doesn’t happen all of a sudden. Frustrations always build up slowly. What starts off as a little nagging thought slowly builds up over time into hatred and anger. [Read: Love sucks! 36 reasons why we hate it yet crave it]

But if you let things build up in your head, your partner will never understand the things that really bother you, until the day you burst out in a rage. Unless you’re looking for an argument, help your partner understand you better by talking about anything that bothers you, even if it seems trivial at first.

[Read: Relationship arguments – 38 tips and ways to fight fair and grow closer in love]

3. Be truthful and frank with each other

If you want to know how to have a long-term relationship, you need to learn to be truthful with each other, be it about a nagging irritation, a fancy sexual fetish, or a friendly crush on someone else.

When you’re truthful, it’ll help your partner understand you better and know you better as a person. 

A little white lie is acceptable especially when the truth would hurt your partner. But if it’s something that can affect your relationship, tell the truth. Even if the truth stings. [Read: Long-term relationship – What you should know about your first]

4. Unique strengths that complement each other

As individuals, all of us come with our own strengths and weaknesses. In a long-term relationship, you need to learn to use your strengths and weaknesses to complement each other and help each other. 

If you’re an intellectual thinker and your partner’s a smooth talker, don’t get frustrated or egoistic because of the different strengths. Instead, learn to use each other’s strengths to become more efficient.

Codependence is a strength that’s waiting to be harnessed in a long-term relationship. Use it, don’t fight against it to endure a bad relationship. [Read: Do opposites attract or push each other away? The must-know truths]

5. Think “we” not “I”

Do you think of your partner each time you’re invited to a party or have to plan an evening? 

When you’re a couple that’s truly in love with each other, you should think like a couple and keep your partner’s interests in mind just as much as you care about your own interests.

6. Avoid insecurities

Insecurities crop up when there are doubts. Doubts arise when there are miscommunications and half-truths. But long-term relationships are built on truth and trust, so when insecurities and miscommunications pop up, the relationship will struggle.

Tell your partner the truth, and believe what they tell you. Maybe you have a past with bad exes, or maybe you know that other people find your partner attractive. But those are all external factors that have no place in your relationship, so don’t give them a front-row seat.

[Read: Insecurity in a relationship – 34 signs and secrets to feel secure and love better]

7. Trust your instincts

Hunches in a relationship are almost always true. When you think your partner’s bothered or unhappy, big chances are you’re right. If you feel like there’s something wrong in the relationship, there probably is. 

Trust your instincts and speak to your partner when you feel something in the air. It’ll help create a happier relationship. [Read: Gut instinct – what it is, how it works, 30 tips to follow and listen to your gut]

8. Share common values

Experiencing a happy long-term relationship takes compatibility. But it also depends a lot on common values, be they spiritual or mental. 

Infatuation and attraction may bring two dissimilar people together, but first glances and sexual attraction aren’t enough to hold a relationship together.

If you want to have a long-term relationship, you need to be willing to compromise and merge your ideas and values together so both of you can look at life from the same perspective and through the same looking glass. [Read: 250 fun, deep relationship questions for couples to feel closer and more loved]

9. Quality time matters

You may know a lot about each other, but people change all the time. You do and so does your partner. Do you still know your partner well or do you only remember the person you first met? 

Most lovers take each other for granted, especially when it comes to matters of the mind. Don’t let that happen to you two. Instead, learn to grow together. Exchange ideas and talk about new thoughts.

Spend time together and indulge in activities that can bring both of you together. Sharing hobbies like gardening and chores like cooking can create the perfect atmosphere for new conversations and ideas. [Read: Dating facts – Interesting facts about dating]

This can help both of you understand each other better, even if both of you have changed and evolved since the time you first started dating.

10. Experience a good sex life

One of the drawbacks of long-term relationships is the effort it takes to enjoy a pleasurable sex life. But it doesn’t always have to be that way. 

Try to keep sex exciting and fresh by creating new ways to reignite the passion, even if a few of the thoughts are taboo or frowned upon by many others. After all, if it makes you and your partner happy, why care about what others think? [Read: 18 sexy ways to be incredibly good in bed and leave anyone wanting more]

11. Ask your conscience

This may be the hardest to face, but it’s also the easiest way to create a fulfilling and happy long-term relationship. Do you really think you’re doing all it takes to keep your partner happy?

Ask your own conscience if you’re sincerely making the effort and doing the right thing to keep this relationship strong. 

If your conscience thinks you can come up with better ways to please your partner, it’s obvious you aren’t giving it your all. A successful long-term relationship involves two lovers who care about each other’s happiness more than their own.

If you can’t put your soulmate’s happiness ahead of yours, are you really in love or are you just wrapped around your own desires? [Read: 36 soul secrets to find your soulmate, draw them closer, and meet them soon]

12. Visualize and plan your life together

Can you see your partner in your life five years or even a decade from now? 

Can you picture your own perfect little happy fantasy where the two of you are together and happy in love? If you can’t dream it, you can’t live it. [Read: 50 secrets and early signs of a good relationship that make a great one]

Couples that get to experience a blissful long-term relationship know how to dream together and build their future, in their mind and in real life. Make decisions together and plan your life together if you want to enjoy a long relationship.

13. Have your own space

Whether it’s a new or long-term relationship, this is applicable to anyone who’s not single. You need to have your own personal time. If you live together, give yourself time to do things you like without your partner. [Read: How to give space in your relationship and feel closer]

Hang out with your friends, work out, or read a book. Do things on your own without them to keep your independence.

14. Choose your battles

If you’ve been together for a while then you’re aware of the flaws you both have. The more time you spend with someone, the more information you have to use against them in a fight, which isn’t good.

Instead of picking up every argument that comes your way, take some time to think about whether or not it’s actually worth the fight. Some arguments just aren’t worth your relationship ending. [Read: Relationship arguments – 38 tips and ways to fight fair and grow closer in love]

15. Keep up with the communication

But seriously, we tend to stop communicating because we think we know our partners well. But just because you’ve been with them for a couple of years doesn’t mean you know them. 

You need to maintain your level of communication with your partner. No matter how long you’ve been with them, they can’t read your mind and vice versa.

16. Go on dates

Sure, you have been together for a while, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go on dates. [Read: Romantic dinner date ideas – 17 fun dates you both will never forget]

Date nights are easy, but of all the long-term relationship advice people need to focus on, this is the first thing that’s overlooked almost all the time. 

Don’t be lazy. Having a monthly date night is a great way to spend quality time together and possibly try out new things. Go see a new movie, try out a new restaurant, or head to an art gallery opening—the possibilities are endless.

17. Don’t have expectations

If you give your partner a compliment or surprise them with a gift, don’t expect anything back. [Read: 19 unrealistic expectations in love we want to believe but shouldn’t]

Being in a relationship isn’t about you giving in order to gain something. You give because it makes you feel good and you love your partner. It’ll show them your appreciation, and they’ll feel happier in the relationship.

18. You’re not their problem solver

Here’s the thing, when we’ve been with someone for so long, we tend to see their problems as our own. And of course, their problems do affect us in some way. But, you shouldn’t be the person who takes on all their issues as your own. 

They need to fight their battles, all you can do is be their support. If you become their problem solver, you stop being their partner. [Read: Boundaries in a relationship – 43 healthy dating rules you MUST set early on]

19. Argue smartly

You’re not trying to fight your partner, you’re trying to come to a resolution about the problem at hand. You’re going to argue, and you probably already have, but you need to argue smartly. 

Yelling and speaking in a degrading manner doesn’t solve the problem. Being fully honest and actually talking to your partner will solve most of your problems. [Read: Why fighting in a relationship is important and how to do it right]

20. Respect their boundaries

Everyone has boundaries. If you’re in a long-term relationship, then you’ve been with your partner long enough to know what those boundaries are. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries and guide others to respect them]

Sure, sometimes the line can become blurred, and we can accidentally cross the line. To prevent that, communication is needed. If you’re well aware of the boundaries actively work on acknowledging where they are.

21. Have your own goals

This is crucial. Yes, you’re in a relationship but at the same time, you’re also your own person. 

If you want to be the best person you can be in your relationship, then you need to create your own goals which fulfill your dreams and ambitions. [Read: Smothered in a relationship – 37 signs and ways to stop feeling suffocated]

Working on yourself will make you a better person in your relationship.

22. You’re going to have to compromise

No one actually likes compromising. But compromising is about two people being semi-happy for each other. In a relationship, there are two people who are looking for their needs to be met, and that can’t be ignored. 

Of course, you both have different needs, but compromising is the key to a long-lasting relationship.

23. Accept that your partner will change

Or maybe they won’t. But it’s important not to be surprised if you see that they’ve changed over the years. People change and grow. 

This isn’t something negative, but this is something that you’ll have to adjust to. The key is to allow your partner to go through this phase of their life because you as well may have or will experience the same thing.

24. Accept that the sex will change

You may remember the sex you had when you were first dating in comparison to now. Sex does change. [Read: Fantasies for men and fantasies for women]

This doesn’t mean that they love you less, it just means that you are in a different phase of the relationship. There’ll be some moments where it’s passionate and some moments which are less passionate. Intimacy isn’t static.

25. Laugh together 

This is crucial for a long-lasting relationship. You need to make sure that you and your partner can laugh together. 

Having a good laugh can be even more intimate than sex. Share memories and sit back and have a good laugh together. [Read: Little habits that will bring you closer together]

26. Create shared goals

Everyone should have goals in life. And while we emphasized earlier that you should have your own individual goals, it’s important for you, as a couple, to have them too. [Read: Couple goals – 58 fake and real ideas you MUST add to your relationship goals]

So, what do you both want to achieve together? It could be opening your own business, traveling the world, building a new house, investing your money, or anything else that the two of you find meaningful.

It all just starts with some conversation. Too often, people are just caught up in the daily tasks in life that they forget to create some goals and plan for the future.

27. Understand your communication styles

Everyone has their own way of communicating. Some people are direct and like to tell it as it is. Others are more indirect and don’t like saying exactly what’s on their mind. [Read: Men vs women – psychological ways guys and girls think and behave differently]

There are a lot of other ways people communicate too, such as how they work through conflict. Some are avoiders and some like to compete and “win.” Most likely, the two of you don’t have the same communication styles.

And that’s okay. If you were exactly the same, it wouldn’t be interesting, right? But you do need to know each other – and accept each other. Realize that they are who they are and you are who you are. And love each other anyway.

28. Perfect forgiveness

A lot of people think that if you forgive another person you are condoning what they did. That’s not true. Just because you forgive someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you think what they did is okay. [Read: How to forgive someone who hurt you and release the negativity inside]

As Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” In other words, you’re only hurting yourself when you don’t forgive other people. 

You have to remember that no one is perfect, and that includes not only your partner but yourself too. So, if you want forgiveness from your partner, then you need to give it to them too.

29. Be active

If one or both of you turn into couch potatoes and don’t do much with your life except work and come home and watch TV for hours on end, then that’s not healthy. [Read: 33 best hobbies for couples to have fun, bond, and feel closer than ever!]

Not only is it not healthy for your body, but it’s also not healthy for your relationship either.

When you’re not active, you’re not really spending quality time together. So, it’s important to get out of the house and engage in activities together. 

You don’t have to be an athlete to be active either. Simply going out to dinner, to a movie, festival, or anything else the two of you enjoy is important. Just actively do things together. [Read: 65 couples’ activities and fun things to do that’ll make you feel closer than ever]

30. Support your partner through sickness

There is a reason that wedding vows say “in sickness and in health.” That’s because people in happy, loving, long-term relationships and marriages actually do stand behind and support their partners in good times and in bad.

So, whether or not they have a simple cold or a life-threatening illness, loving someone unconditionally means that you will love them no matter what. So, support your partner at all times – even through hardships.

[Read: Trust issues in a relationship – 22 whys and ways to get over it together]

Now that you know what long-term relationship advice is, it’s time that you worked them into your relationship. If you want your relationship to last, put some work into it.