37 Things that Make a Man Fall in Love & 20 Secrets to Make Him Stay Smitten

Have you ever wondered what makes a man fall in love? Men may seem complicated, but they’re really not. Here are some facts about men falling in love.

The complaints are plenty: men only care about looks, men want young women, men want this, men want that. But what is it that really makes a man fall in love with a woman? That is the age-old question.

In the case of what makes men fall in love, to the shock of many, it goes much further than skin-deep. A beautiful woman with a poor personality is only going to get so far with a man. 

An average woman with a golden personality will have suitors lining up. A gorgeous woman with a magical personality? A relic, and undoubtedly taken.

Contrary to popular belief, a man may be intrigued by a woman’s looks, but that won’t solidify a relationship. That won’t make for love—just lust. 

When a man has truly met his match, he will be blind to other women, only wanting his partner, because she will be everything he’s ever searched for.

The search is only partially about looks. Nature and evolution have designed us all with book covers, and people are interested in those book covers. 

Biologically, it’s all about instinct: who’d be the best partner, who has the best chances of success, etc. Without all of his needs being met, a man will never be fully happy. [Read: 30 super sexy ways to get a guy really interested in you]

Why it’s good to know what makes a man fall in love

You may be wondering why the hell you even want to know what guys like. You’re probably thinking, “Who cares?” 

Truthfully, you have a point. You can’t overthink what a guy might love about you because then you won’t fully be yourself.

On the other hand, it’s always great to know what guys are looking for specifically. That way, you’ll be able to show those true qualities of yours without feeling the need to hide anything. [Read: Ways to make a man fall in love with you]

How long does it take for a man to fall in love? 

Believe it or not, men may fall in love more quickly than women do.

The average time it takes men to fall in love is 88 days, and it takes women around 134 days. Another interesting statistic is that 61% of women believe in love at first sight, and 72% of men do too. [Read: How long does it take to fall in love? Your personality and the accurate answer]

These findings are interesting given the fact that there are a lot of stereotypes about women pushing for relationships and commitment from men. But as you can see, on average, men fall in love more quickly and are more likely to be “hopeless romantics.”

Men are also a bit more obsessive when it comes to the beginning stages of love. They find it more difficult to keep their partner off their mind and can become somewhat “addicted” to them. 

Stages of a man falling in love

You might not think that falling in love involves “stages” for a man. But it really does. And here is how it works.

1. Lust

It’s not surprising that many men have a high sex drive, especially when they are young. So, before they fall in love with you, they have to feel lust and physical attraction. 

If they don’t, then it’s more difficult for them to fall in love with you. Chemistry is very important to most men. [Read: What is lust? 25 typical signs to look for and ways to turn it into love]

2. Attraction

While lust and physical attraction lure a man into a woman, it doesn’t stop there if he’s going to fall in love. After he moves through that state, he moves into romantic love – or “attraction” other than the physical kind. 

This is where he gets butterflies just thinking of you or seeing you. And it leads him to fall in love with you.

3. Attachment 

After the lust grabs his attention, and he gets infatuated, then he moves on to the attachment. Infatuation only lasts so long.

That’s because it’s based on chemical releases in the brain that eventually stop. [Read: Emotional attachment – how it works and 34 signs you’re getting attached and close]

But that doesn’t mean he won’t love you after that stage. He will eventually become attached to you. This is when it turns into long-term love. You know, the kind when you see little old people still holding hands after being together for 50 years.

What makes a man fall in love

Here are the basic necessities for a man to fall in love, but first a reminder: these are traits that allow for healthy, happy relationships. 

It is not a matter of changing who you are to get a man, it’s a matter of self-improvement to be a great person—a better person—for yourself first, and for your partner second. [Read: 28 self-improvement secrets to improve yourself and transform into your best self]

1. His first impression of you

This means that taking care of yourself, being healthy, and taking pride in yourself are important. Vanity is a turn-off, but being able to love yourself is a whole other matter.

When a man sees a beautiful woman, he’s naturally programmed to notice. But it’s not just a simple matter of lust, it’s about what her looks represent: a woman who loves herself and takes pride in who she is as a person.

2. How you look

Age is but a number, ladies. Dressing like your daughter is not going to help. To be young means being able to be silly, cute, and entertaining. [Read: The secret to attracting men in a way they can’t resist]

It means being able to enjoy life and laugh. Live and let live. Being young on the inside is a joy not only for you but for the man that gets to see you happy day in and day out.

3. Similar interests 

If a man finds a woman with similar interests, he finds himself being able to teach her more about the subjects, and learn a bit from her, as well. 

The common ground makes for entertaining conversation and makes it so you can both share interests and make lasting memories. [Read: Does he like me? 101 subtle signs and body language cues guys can’t hide]

4. Emotional attraction

The number one thing men want in a woman, but will never outright admit *unless they’re mature, good men*, is the ability to be accepting. 

A woman who picks a fight over absolutely everything is not someone they want to settle down with.

Not being quick to anger, practicing mature problem-solving skills, and being spontaneous are all things that allow a person to be open with their partner, making it easy to handle things like adults. [Read: What men like in women more than anything else]

The only way to emotionally connect with a man is to let him be as he is and to be as you are. Be accepting of each other and solve things together.

5. Asking for his opinion 

Letting a man into your life means letting him into your life. It sounds like a given, but it’s not. Opening the door, accepting him as a partner—that’s all easy. 

To actually let him in, you have to do things like ask his opinion, share your ideas, and share your past. [Read: 47 sweet signs you’re falling in love and slowly moving past the like stage]

Ask him what he thinks about this brand of wine or that job description. Ask what he considers the best plan of action for moving or what he’d do in a specific situation.

In your mind, depending on how independent you are, it could seem like you’re too dependent, but that’s not at all what this means. 

This is simply asking his opinion and letting him ask yours. He should respect your final decisions, just as you should respect his. [Read: Things happy couples talk about and feel closer]

6. Challenging each other 

This doesn’t mean you’ll pick a fight over everything or even anything at all. It simply means you thrive on differences. 

You celebrate them and use them as an excuse for some deep conversations. It’s thrilling, exciting, and insightful. Indulging each other’s differences can be so hot, you’ll stop talking and get busy instead.

A woman that can challenge a man is exciting because she has an intellect and identity of her own, regardless of anyone else—including him. [Read: 70 seriously deep questions to ask your boyfriend to form a real bond]

7. Mutual inspiration 

When a man finds a woman that he inspires, he feels accomplished. But when he gets inspired by her, that’s a change of pace. 

That doesn’t happen every day. If there’s mutual inspiration, then you’re both constantly pushing each other forward, bringing the best out in each other, embracing change, and evolving together. 

It means you’re growing together, rather than apart. It means you bring out the best versions of each other. [Read: Growing together if you started your relationship young]

8. You let him take charge and protect you

Men are natural protectors, being the “muscular, evolved protectors of all that’s weaker” by nature. Giving him a chance to be what he naturally is means you’re giving him what he responds to, on a biological level. 

This doesn’t mean that you’re going to lose your sense of self, it simply means letting him take the reins when you know he excels at something. And let him treat you like the princess you are. [Read: Damsels in distress – why men find them irresistible]

9. Giving him a task to accomplish

Believe it or not, men believe in helping women out. It’s biologically ingrained. Giving him a task will appeal to what’s naturally programmed in him to do. It could be anything like fixing something, building something, or helping you solve a problem. 

10. Praising him

Imagine the scenario of hanging out with your man, having fun with a hobby you mutually enjoy, and then ruining it by overlooking every attempt he makes at impressing you.

Or imagine praising him for things, but sitting there, bored, so the praise seems out of place. 

It doesn’t work. Praising your man is important, to make him feel appreciated, but it should always be genuine. This way, when you praise him, he’ll trust what you say. [Read: 15 sweet ways to make a man feel needed and wanted]

11. Believing in your relationship 

This is the classic issue of only one of you believing in the relationship. When only one of you believes it can work, the other one is only halfway in. It’s never going to work. 

When a man finds a woman who believes in the relationship as much as he does, you’ll both do anything to make it work.

12. Being versatile 

Everyone has more than one side to them. Serious, friendly, cautious, funny, intellectual, artistic, childish, etc. 

Letting him see these sides means he gets to be surprised by something new every day and sees you as the magical being you are—always stunning, always intriguing.

13. Being feminine, but not helpless 

Being helpless means crying, relying on your man for everything, and never bringing something to the table. It’s a burden and a turn-off. 

Being feminine, on the other hand, is being independent but coexisting. It’s celebrating your womanhood in ways that come naturally to you, but still standing your own ground when needed. 

That shows him you’re not weak, but you’re not afraid to be vulnerable and let him in. [Read: How to be more feminine and desirable in a guy’s eyes]

14. Going with the flow 

Too often, women make the mistake of asking men what they are *relationship status*. If they’ve been dating for a while, they may or may not push for marriage, by dropping obvious hints *bridal magazines, anyone?*. 

It’s a major turn-off, because on one hand, you’re rushing him, and on the other hand, you’re trying to control what should be an organic process. 

A relationship should unfold how it unfolds—naturally. Forcing something, or smothering something, means you’re killing what could be beautiful.

15. Making him feel accomplished

If you want a guy to feel instantly loved and in love, then tell him how much you value him. Men want to be admired and feel like they can provide the support that a woman needs. 

Stroke his ego, not artificially, but by telling him how you really feel to make him feel good about himself. A guy loves the woman who makes him love himself.

16. Providing unconditional love

The reason most guys act so “tough” is because they fear reprisal or not being accepted. They act as if they are so self-assured that they don’t need anyone. But the truth is that they need a woman more than they want to admit.

The thing that makes them fall in love the hardest is knowing that you will always love and accept them for who they are, whoever that may be. [Read: Unconditional love – what it is and isn’t, 37 signs you’ve felt it, and steps to find it]

17. Allowing him to show his weaknesses

No one likes to watch the man they love be reduced to a crying mess, but there will come a time in every man’s life when he will be less than strong in the face of adversity. 

For some men, that may take losing someone special in their life. For others, it may be something subtler.

The key to getting a man to fall in love with you is to be supportive and allow him to show you what is really in his heart instead of the tough exterior that he has been conditioned to show the world.

18. Being his cheerleader

Every guy wants a cheerleader, whether he plays sports or not. The allure of a cheerleader is that they are always in your corner to encourage you, and even when the chips are down, they are there to pick you up. 

A guy wants a girl who makes him not only feel better but also strive to be a better person. 

If you want him to fall in love with you, show him all the positives in the world around him, and de-emphasize the negative. Show him all the possibilities of what life with you can be. [Read: 17 signs of a supportive partner who encourages you and your goals]

19. Being confident

A guy wants a girl who is confident in herself and who knows what she wants. When men are ready to settle down into a long-term relationship, they want someone who can be their better half. That involves being happy and confident with who you are so that, in turn, you can be happy and confident in your relationship.

20. Knowing that he is your priority

If there is one thing that a guy wants to feel before falling in love, it is that he is a priority in your life. Making him number one can help him bond and fall in love with you. 

If you are always putting him on the back burner or making him feel like everyone else’s needs come before his, it will be difficult for him to feel the special connection that he needs to fall in love with you.

21. You keep him guessing

A man falls in love with a woman who continues to be somewhat of a mystery. When things start to get a little too comfortable, don’t be afraid to spice things up. 

A little mystery will keep him on his toes and make him believe that you are something he should always remember to be grateful for. [Read: How to be mysterious without being too distant]

22. You let your best self shine

Guys like to be envied. If you want a guy to fall in love with you, be that girl who all his friends want. Turn on the charm, be engaging, and always be warm and welcoming to others. 

If you come across as the rude shrew who won’t ever give him space or the freedom he wants, then his friends are probably going to bad mouth you, which will only turn him away from loving you. 

The key is to make everyone want to be with you, not without you. [Read: How to be charming and liked by everyone]

23. You get along with his mom

This one can be really tough sometimes. Whether he is a momma’s boy or not, he is going to care what his mother has to say about you. Even if she is an evil witch, it’s important for you to smile and stay neutral. 

It won’t ever work to put him in the middle or make him choose. It’s best to just let her “win,” agree with her, and try your best to hold class in the presence of her possible negativity.

24. You are self-reliant, yet not too self-reliant

A man wants someone who can survive without him, but who absolutely can’t survive without him at the same time.

When he feels that you are too clingy, he will pull away. When he feels that you are too standoffish or don’t need him, it can have the same effect. The perfect balance is somewhere in the middle. 

Work on your own success, but don’t be in competition with him. When in doubt, work as a team, rather than always being separate. [Read: Things you do or say that emasculate your man]

25. Touching his heart

A guy falls in love with the girl who holds the key to his heart. Unfortunately, this may not be anything that you can change. There is a certain chemistry that a man feels toward the woman he loves. 

It’s like when someone grips your heart and just won’t let go. You can make him so mad that he wants to leave you, but so happy that he never wants to leave you, and also so desperate that he would do anything for you all at the same time.

26. Making him mad

To make him fall in love, you have to be able to make him angry. Of course, this is going to sound like the most outlandish thing you can do, but the truth is that love is closest to hate. 

You have to have strong feelings for someone to have any feelings at all. When he falls in love, he will know that his home rests in your hands and your heart, and without you, there is nothing but emptiness. 

Sure, there may be some disagreements along the way, but at the end of the day, he should know that it’s always you that he wants to come back to. [Read: Why fighting in a relationship is important & how to do it right]

27. Intelligence

Anyone who says men don’t value intelligence is just plain wrong. Being smart is the sexiest thing about anyone and guys value that. They know it and if you show them your intelligence, they will only fall harder for you.

Some women think they’ll seem intimidating if they show their true intelligence. But this mindset is harmful both to you and your future partner. 

It’ll hold you back and you’ll never find someone who can appreciate that about you. Not to mention that only insecure men don’t like intelligence. [Read: How to become an intellectual who can outsmart anyone]

28. Kindness

Never ever underestimate the value of kindness. Men eat this up. But it really has to be genuine. Practicing kindness and being a good person will not go unnoticed by the men around you.

29. A nurturing nature

The simple truth is that men always look to someone who is motherly. Even if you don’t ever plan to be a mom, having a nurturing and caring nature when it comes to taking care of your man is definitely what makes a man fall in love.

30. A sense of humor

Preferably of the dirty variety. If you can make a guy laugh and take a joke with ease, he’ll definitely fall for you. It’s less about being dirty and loose in the bedroom and more about knowing how to make those types of jokes. 

Since men typically have a naughty sense of humor, it makes them fall hard when they snag a woman who does, too.

31. Being easy-going 

Guys don’t like drama and they especially don’t like it when a girl is involved with drama all the time. For that reason, guys tend to fall for women who are a little more laid back.

Obviously, they don’t want you to be a pushover. They just like someone who is understanding and can go with the flow.

32. Getting along with his friends

One thing that makes a man fall in love like crazy is when you get along well with his friends. For some reason, a man’s friends are precious to him. If you can fit right in, he’ll melt. [Read: How to get your BF’s friends to accept you as one of their own]

33. Allowing him to be himself

There are far too many women who just want to change their boyfriends. They want to mold their men into the person they want instead of finding a man who is already what they want.

And men can’t be perfect. They can’t check off all the things on your list of a perfect guy. So when a man meets a woman who accepts and likes him for who he really is, it’ll make him fall in love.

34. Being up for anything

Having an attitude where you’re up for anything and will try everything is something men love. They’ll fall really hard for this type of person. 

And this is simply because men are adventurous. They want to know if their partner will be down to try something new with them. [Read: 15 qualities men secretly crave in their women]

35. Passion

This is a given, but so many women only associate passion with the bedroom. That’s not the only place men want to see it. They love women who are passionate about their families, their jobs, their interests, and their hobbies.

36. Vulnerability

If a girl is always holding a man at arm’s length, he’ll never be able to fall in love. What makes a man fall in love is when a woman gets vulnerable with him. Spilling your secrets and opening up to him will definitely help him fall in love with you.

37. Being a genuinely good person

This is something that will make anyone fall in love. Being a genuinely good person is one of the most attractive qualities there is. 

It’s definitely what makes a man fall in love with a woman. And it’s also something that everyone should strive for. Be a good person and you’ll attract anyone.

How do men behave when they are deeply in love?

If you’re not sure if a man is in love with you, don’t worry. There are some signs you can look for in order to figure it out. [Read: 21 physical signs of love and things and things to watch out for if they’re in love with you]

1. He’s consistent

If you have to ask if he’s going to ask for a date or when the next time is that you will see him, then he’s probably not in love with you. Because a man who is in love is consistent and predictable. He doesn’t leave you wondering and waiting for him.

2. He communicates and listens

A guy in love will talk to you – and likes it. Whether it’s long, deep conversations or just chit-chat about how your day went, you both talk about it. And even better, he listens very intently to you. He’s actually interested in what you have to say.

3. Your feelings and needs are important to him

In other words, he is not selfish. He wants to know what you want and need, and he strives to make you happy.

And if you are upset about something, he wants to know what it is and tries to help you through it. You are more important to him than himself. [Read: Selfless love – 18 traits that set it apart from selfish love]

4. He’s physically intimate with you

This might sound obvious, but when a man is in love with you, he wants to be physically close. This includes a regular sex life and also intimacy outside the bedroom too. He wants to hold your hand, hug you, and cuddle. He finds the physical intimacy comforting.

5. He’s vulnerable

A guy in love usually has no problem opening up to the girl he loves and being vulnerable with her.

He will be willing to share his thoughts, feelings, opinions, and dreams with you. He’s fine with being vulnerable with you because he trusts you.

6. You are his #1 priority

There is no flakiness or canceling plans when a man is in love. He makes you his #1 priority.

And he also makes it known, not only through his words but his actions too. He always makes you feel like you are the most important thing in the world to him.

7. He treats you with respect

While everyone should always treat everyone with respect, lots of people don’t.

But when a man is in love, he will go beyond. He will treat you like a lady and be chivalrous. He will never name-call, criticize, or belittler her. Instead, he follows the Golden Rule and treats her like he would want to be treated. [Read: What is chivalry? The real meaning, 21 knight’s codes & modern rules for men]

8. His body language shows it

A person’s body language accounts for 80-90% of the meaning of a message.

So, when a man is in love, he sits close to her, holds her hand, cuddles, and does other things with this nonverbal communication to let his lady know she is loved by him. [Read: Male body language – 48 subtle signs to instantly read a man’s thoughts]

9. He puts effort into the relationship

Even after the relationship progresses through the months or years, he doesn’t get lazy in love. He doesn’t forget to buy flowers, plan date nights, and show you how much he loves you. He knows putting in the effort is the only way to keep you in love with him too.

How to make him stay in love with you? 

Now that you know what makes a man fall in love with you, how do you keep him in love?

It might seem like a lot of work, but it doesn’t need to be. Here are some things you should do. [Read: Want happily ever after? Look for these signs of love]

1. Show appreciation

When people get into relationships, they start to take each other for granted. At first, they put a lot of effort in and do nice things for each other.

But then, they slack off. So, make sure he knows that you appreciate him every day. [Read: 87 secrets to being a really good girlfriend & leave him happily addicted to you!]

2. Speak his love language

There are five love languages: acts of service, words of affirmation, giving of gifts, quality time, and touch. Find out which love language is how he perceives love and from there, show him how much you appreciate him.

3. Maintain a balance between togetherness and independence

Most guys don’t want to spend 24/7 together because they like their space. But you need time together too so you can stay connected. So, you have to balance your independence and your time together. Either extreme will not be healthy.

4. Learn to work through conflicts effectively

You don’t want to be the kind of girlfriend who screams, yells, and calls him names when you fight. That is toxic. So, you have to learn how to work out your problems in a calm, rational, and effective manner. That will keep you both sane and in love.

5. Don’t be a drama queen

Similar to learning how to work through conflict effectively, you don’t want to be a drama queen. Whether or not it’s a drama within your relationship or about something outside it, guys just don’t like drama. So, don’t overblow your “problems.”

6. Don’t be controlling

Most women like to change their boyfriends to be the way they want them to be. But you have to know that you can’t change him.

Plus, don’t tell him what to do either. Guys hate that. You’re not his mother, you’re his girlfriend, so don’t act like it. [Read: Controlling vs. caring – a thin line controlling people love to cross]

7. Show him your commitment

You don’t want to make him think that you are not committed to him. So, don’t do anything suspicious like being protective of your phone or interacting with other guys on social media. He needs to know that you’re all in on your relationship with him.

8. Have his back

He needs to know that you are his biggest supporter. If something goes wrong, you’ll try to help him.

He wants to know that you are his cheerleader and his partner. Don’t make him feel like he is the only one who is going to be the strong one in the relationship. 

Men aren’t as complicated as women might think. They might be programmed to spot what they like, but so are women. It’s biologically ingrained, for the survival of the species. 

To all men, there should come one woman that stands out above the rest, who is perfect for him. When this occurs, she will be the most gorgeous creature on the planet. No one will compare—ever.

[Read: 19 little things that make a man fall in love with you]

All men are completely different and while you may not be able to form an exact recipe for what makes a man fall in love, you can get pretty damn close to these reasons men fall in love.