31 Communication Exercises & Games for Couples and Secrets to Feel Closer

If you are struggling in your relationship, then you should use some communication exercises for couples. They will help you grow closer than ever.

Once you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you think the hard part is all over. But finding the right partner isn’t as challenging as learning how to communicate with them. Learning these communication exercises for couples can help you navigate your way through challenging moments.

When the masks come off

Everyone experiences butterflies in the beginning, but when those butterflies flutter away, you’re left facing the real person. Some people can’t handle it. 

They had a specific image of the person standing in front of them, and it’s just been crushed. Learning about your partner’s flaws and tackling issues can be challenging.

Your partner may not be overly communicative with their emotions. While they’re not doing this to spite you, it’s hard for you to handle. But this is why we have communication! [Read: Relationship stages all couples go through]

How can couples build on their communication?

Couples can build on their communication by, well, communicating! Yes, it sounds obvious. But it’s not as obvious to some people as it should be.

Communication is the glue that holds couples together. If you don’t have good communication patterns, then your relationship either won’t be healthy or won’t last.

And by communication, we mean quality communication. Sure, you can yell and scream and name-call all you want – that is technically “communication,” but it’s toxic. [Read: Toxic relationship – what it is, 107 signs, causes, and types of love that hurt you]

The first step for a couple to build on their healthy communication skills is to have an initial discussion and decide to do it together. Both people have to be all in – one person can’t carry the whole relationship by themselves.

So, talk about the fact that you need and want to improve your communication and get closer again. After all, the first step to improving anything in your life is admitting that it needs improvement – and then committing to it.

Why are communication exercises for couples important? 

Relationships are like a plant. If you neglect plants and don’t water and tend to them, they will wither away and die. And so will relationships.

Many couples drift apart and don’t talk or spend as much time together as time goes on. They don’t put nearly as much effort into pleasing their partners as they did in the beginning. [Read: 20 revealing signs that show you may be growing apart]

So, if you want to stay in your relationship or marriage, then you have to put in the effort. By engaging in communication exercises for couples, you are reconnecting. You have to turn off the TV, put away your phones, and just focus on each other.

Not only do these exercises help you reconnect, but they also help you grow as a couple beyond what you thought was even possible. Plus, they can be fun too! [Read: Mars and Venus? Obvious gender differences in communication]

Common poor communication issues

Let’s face it – no one is a perfect communicator. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, but there are some common poor communication issues that a lot of people have. Here they are.

1. Criticism

No one likes to take a look in the metaphorical mirror at themselves because it’s too painful. Instead, it’s a lot easier to look at your partner and place blame on them and criticize them. 

Being critical of your partner is not going to keep your relationship healthy. No one likes to be criticized because it doesn’t feel good. It’s important to learn how to lift each other up, not tear each other down. [Read: Lessons to deal with judgmental people]

2. Contempt

Simply put, contempt is an arrogant disregard, dismissal, and denigration of other people’s concerns, needs, and feelings. It is a sign of pretty deep relationship problems.

Contempt can manifest as a negative tone of voice and other body language indicators such as eye-rolling or sarcastic comments. [Read: Contempt in relationships and how to stop subtly disliking each other]

When these behaviors show up in a relationship, it is a sign that one or both of you are not listening and don’t have empathy for each other.

3. Defensiveness

While it’s an instinct to defend yourself when someone physically attacks you, it’s also a lot of people’s instinct when they are feeling emotionally, verbally, or mentally attacked as well.

When someone hears something they don’t like about themselves, they lash out and defend themselves. But this isn’t helpful because it indicates a refusal to self-reflect and see what you’re doing wrong and how you can be a better person. [Read: Why do people get defensive? Reasons and ways to handle them]

4. Stonewalling

Stonewalling happens when someone refuses to communicate with another person and just withdraws from the conversation. The purpose is to create distance between them and their partner.

Intentionally shutting down during an argument is called the silent treatment. It is hurtful, frustrating, and harmful to the relationship. [Read: Silent treatment abuse – how it’s used and 40 signs and ways to respond to it]

It can include things like refusing to make eye contact, answering questions, or walking away from discussions altogether.

Things to know before you start communication exercises

Before you jump into doing your communication exercises a couple, there are a few things you should keep in mind first.

1. You both have to be open to it

Listen, you both need to recognize that you should improve in the communication category. It’s not a bad thing. [Read: Big problems in any relationship and how to fix it]

Rather, you get a head start in fixing your issues and becoming stronger as a couple and as a person. But this means you both need to be open to it.

2. You may hear things you’re not going to like

When you’re playing communication games, you may find out things about your partner or be told things by your partner that you’re not going to like. It’s life. You’re not perfect and neither are they.

By doing these communication exercises, not only are you working on speaking with each other, but you’re learning more about your partner. [Read: These are the questions to ask your lover to learn everything you need to know]

3. It’s not always verbal

You may think that some of the exercises are based on talking, but most of our communication is non-verbal. 

And this is what many people forget. Communication is more than just words, communication can be exchanged through our entire bodies. [Read: Body language attraction – 58 male and females signs and how to read and use it]

4. You’re going to need to practice this 

There will be moments where you’re going to rock with communication, but usually, once we see progress, we relax again.

You can’t take your foot off the gas when it comes to communicating with your partner. Instead, be constantly aware of how you’re communicating with them.

Must-know communication exercises for couples

You and your partner may be feeling stuck right now, but it’s time to get your love back on track with these helpful communication exercises for couples.

1. Cuddle together

You may be thinking, great, we already cuddle, but cuddling while watching Netflix isn’t the same thing. [Read: How to cuddle someone – a guide to snuggle up and feel the love]

Cuddle time should be a reserved period of time before you go to sleep. No TV in the background, and no one is on their phone. Instead, it’s just you and your partner holding each other.

You can listen to soft instrumental music in the background, caress each other, and talk. Try to do this between 20-30 minutes.

2. Twenty questions

Everyone loves this game because this is where you get to ask those questions that you may have been hesitant to ask or couldn’t find the right time to do so. [Read: 20 best questions to ask in a relationship and understand each other]

You and your partner need to make lists of questions you’d like to ask each other. They can be serious, silly, whatever. Then, you sit down and ask each other them.

3. Stare-down

Okay, this is essentially a staring contest but with a slight twist. Sit in front of each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Try to focus on what you’re experiencing, what your body is feeling. Then start talking, you can say anything.

It’s usually very awkward in the beginning, but with time, you become more relaxed. This activity helps you increase comfort and is a great way to bring attention to each other rather than being distracted. [Read: Eye fucking – how to master the secrets of intense sexual eye contact]

4. Daily or weekly check-in

We all have busy lives and spend more time communicating via text message than we do face-to-face. It’s easy to forget things or to miss out on important pieces of information.

So, at the end of the day, allocate 30 minutes to sit down with your partner and talk about you/their day, how they/you are feeling about the relationship, etc. [Read: How to talk to your lover about your relationship]

5. The top three

This activity is based on recognizing and expressing the positive attributes of your partner and your relationship. [Read: What is pillow talk and how to use it to perfect your romance]

Every day, before you go to bed, think of the three best things that your partner did that day. Then, share it with them. Of course, they need to do the same.

6. Date night

Here’s the thing, it can’t be a date night where you’re going to be talking about work, children, or other issues. 

Instead, this date night is one of the communication exercises for couples that needs to be focused on you two. You can go swimming, try kayaking, or even rock climbing. It’s a great way to reconnect with your partner. [Read: 20 naughty, sexy date night ideas to make love feel hot and steamy again]

7. In your partner’s shoes

If you want to try to understand how your partner processes information, then try out this game. Get yourself Legos, paper and crayons, or Play-Doh. Basically, something that you’re able to build.

The first person should draw or build something without telling the partner what it is. Then describe what you did. [Read: How to show respect in a relationship and love each other better]

They need to then recreate when you’re describing to them. You’ll be surprised to see how they process information.

8. Validation 

Getting validation from your partner is so important in a relationship. It helps you feel safe when you open up and become vulnerable with your partner.

Validation exercises help build trust between the two of you and connect deeper. They are especially helpful when you’re having a conflict and you feel uncomfortable expressing your feelings. [Read: How to show empathy and learn to understand someone else’s feelings]

But validation isn’t just agreeing with each other. Instead, you have to acknowledge their feelings, thoughts, and emotions and make sure they know you really heard them and that you care about what they think and feel.

9. Positive language 

It’s too easy for most people to speak in a negative manner. But when you adopt more positive language, both of you will hear each other and care more. It’s not only what you say, but how you say it.

Using negative language can result in communication problems and one or both of you feeling attacked, accused, or both. [Read: Reasons why women don’t understand men’s communication style]

So, try to think about what you want to communicate to your partner, and then replace the negative words with positive ones. For example, instead of saying, “This dinner isn’t the best thing you’ve ever made,” say something like, “I love that lasagna that you made last week.” 

10. Active listening 

Most people think that listening is a passive activity, but it’s not if it’s done right. To be a good active listener, you have to do things like repeat or rephrase what they’re saying to you. This helps them know that you heard and understand them.

Ask probing questions to clarify their thoughts and feelings. This shows that you are interested in hearing more of what they have to say and have a sincere desire to understand how they feel. [Read: 19 ways to be a much better listener in a relationship and read their mind]

Listening isn’t just about getting information accurately. It is about showing the other person that you are present with them in the conversation and you genuinely want to be empathetic to what they have to say. 

11. “I” statements

Usually, people like to blame and criticize their partners when they feel they are doing something wrong. But that tactic usually backfires because then the other person gets defensive and/or shuts down completely.

So, you have to explain to them how you view things from your perspective using “I” language and not “you” language. In other words, you’re taking ownership of your thoughts and feelings and not criticizing them.

For example, if you are angry that they were late and didn’t call you, then you should say, “I felt very worried about you when you showed up late. I didn’t know what happened to you, and I wish I had.”

The more you practice identifying how you feel and expressing that feeling, the easier it will become for both of you.

12. Lend a hand

This communication exercise for couples requires both of you to participate. Each of you has one hand behind your back. This indicates that you need to cooperate and work together. [Read: Compromise in a relationship – 17 ways to give and not feel like you lost]

Next, you will use your words to accomplish tasks with only one hand each. That’s why you have to work together as a team because if you don’t, neither of you will be able to do it on your own.

13. Prediction method

Many couples overestimate how they think they might react to a situation as compared to their partner. So, this communication exercise requires you to focus on trying not to make assumptions.

Write down several different situations and predict how you think your partner would react to each of them. [Read: Negative thinking – 32 signs and ways to stop and get rid of negative thoughts]

Then, go over your responses in a calm manner. Doing this creates a safe space to discuss each other’s feelings while giving your partner a chance to respond to your assumptions about them. 

14. Reminiscing

Everyone can get nostalgic from time to time. And so, this reminiscing exercise is good because it can bring out deep feelings in both of you.

The only thing you need to do for this one is to just spend time together talking about the special times you have shared in your relationship.

So, talk about old memories of good times that you’ve shared together. This helps remind you why you fell in love in the first place.

Look at old photos, cards, or gifts you’ve given each other. When you walk down memory lane, you tend to feel more connected to each other.

15. Expressing gratitude

Many people just look at what they have to complain about rather than what they are grateful for. And relationships are a breeding ground for complaining. [Read: How to show your appreciation to someone and express your gratitude]

So, you need to express your gratitude to one another. Focus on what you love and are thankful for. Saying thank you and acknowledging your partner’s strengths will make them feel good, and vice versa.

Everyone likes to feel appreciated. It’s not that difficult to do either. A simple “thank you for making dinner” or “I appreciate it when you vacuum” goes a long way.

16. Behavior change requests

Everyone has behaviors that annoy and frustrate other people, especially their partners. They may or may not even be aware that these behaviors are bothersome to their significant other. [Read: Should I give up on him? 25 signs he won’t change or be a good fit]

In that case, the behavior change request exercise is very helpful. All you need to do is to write down any behavior that your partner has that you would like them to change. You shouldn’t write down too many or else they will feel defensive and overwhelmed.

Start with just one or two behaviors each. Humans are creatures of habit, so it’s difficult to change. So, that’s why it’s best to start small and try to only change one or two behaviors at a time.

17. Mirroring

If you feel like your partner never hears what you’re saying, then the mirroring technique is helpful.

The mirroring communication exercise for couples is a “take turns” approach in which only one of you speaks at a time. [Read: 20 relationship problems that push a couple apart or bring them closer]

One of you should go first and express what you’re feeling and why. Then the other person should respond with, “So, what I heard you saying is…”

If the listener accurately understood what the speaker was saying, then they’ll ask the speaker to tell them more. Then, the speaker can make their next point. The back-and-forth continues until the speaker feels like they have said everything they need to say.

18. 40-20-40

This communication exercise emphasizes compassionate listening and working through conflict in an effective way.

Each person gets 40% of the allotted time to speak, and then the remaining 20% is devoted to discussing the relationship. [Read: The most common marital problems and ways to solve them]

Both people should share their feelings without being interrupted by the other person. However, neither one can say anything accusatory to their partner. This helps the couple understand that conflict is inevitable in any relationship and can be worked through.

19. Sandwich method

The sandwich communication exercise for couples should be used when one of you wants to make a request for the other person to do something. You want to turn a “demand” into something more positive.

To do this, you sandwich your request/demand between two positive statements. [Read: How to be more positive – 24 steps to a happy and dramatic life shift]

For example, if you want your partner to clean the house more, you can say something like, “Thank you for making dinner last night. Would there be any way that you can clean the kitchen more often? I understand that you have a lot on your plate, so I appreciate what you’ve been doing.”

By surrounding the request or criticism with positivity, there is less of a chance that your partner will become defensive and rebel. In fact, it’s way more likely that they will comply.

20. Stress-reducing conversation

Everyone has stress in their lives. And when one of you is stressed, the other person is affected too. 

This communication exercise gives the speaker a chance to vent about things that are stressing them out. And the listener gets to hear them without responding. They should listen for as long as the speaker wants to talk without giving advice or trying to fix the problem.

This is best if it’s done later in the day for about 15-20 minutes. It can help you deepen your connection and improve your listening and overall communication skills. [Read: How to reduce stress – 17 fastest hacks to a calmer and happier life]

21. Dialectical behavior therapy *DBT*

This communication exercise for couples is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy. It is used when people are dealing with highly emotional situations.

One common example of DBT would be DEAR MAN: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear, and Negotiate.

This is particularly helpful when a couple needs to set and negotiate healthy boundaries in the relationship. [Read: Relationship therapy – 25 clues to know if it’ll help your romance]

22. Keep a “you and me” journal

Journaling is a very effective method to get your emotions, thoughts, and feelings out and put them down on paper. Usually, individuals do this on their own.

For this communication exercise, you should keep a “you and me” journal as a couple. You should talk together and reflect on your daily activities together and record them in a journal. 

You can talk about whatever comes to mind. However, you want to focus more on the relationship and less on what you and for dinner that night. Both of you should take turns writing an entry for each day. Then discuss what it means to you.

23. Three and three

Both of you should go into separate rooms with a pen and paper. While there, write down three things that you love about your partner and three things that you don’t love. Be open and honest so that the other person will want to change.

Then, share your lists with each other. But try to be calm, objective, and neutral about the conversation. Don’t be defensive or offended by what your partner has to say. Look at the “don’t love” list as an opportunity for growth.

How often should you practice communication exercises for couples?

The short answer to this question is – as often as you can! 

Think of it this way. If you want to lose 50 pounds, what do you do? You set a goal and make progress toward that goal.

And let’s say you finally reach your goal and lose weight. But then you go back to your old eating habits. Eventually, you will not only gain that weight back, but you might even gain more!

Communication in relationships is the same thing. You can’t ever quit. Just like in losing weight, you will backslide if you only do these exercises a few times and forget about them. You have to make a permanent change in your communication habits. [Read: 52 happy habits and ways to find happiness within yourself and feel better]

There is no magic wand that keeps relationships together. It takes 100% effort by both people to keep the relationship happy, healthy, and loving.

[Read: How to forge an emotional connection with your partner]

Most relationships end because both partners lose the ability to communicate with each other. Instead, learn these communication exercises for couples.