22 Things to Let Go Of & Fall in Love Again When You’re Hurt After a Breakup

Not all breakups hurt, but the ones that hurt can hurt badly. When a rough breakup has left you feeling vulnerable, heartbroken, and maybe even betrayed, learning how to fall in love again is the last thing you want to think about.

If you’re suffering from a painful heartbreak, take solace in the fact that you at least had a chance to experience love at its purest best, even if it didn’t last as long as you wanted it to.

But by preparing yourself for love, it shows that you haven’t given up on finding it again. A relationship can end when you least expect it, but that’s no reason to hate love or believe it doesn’t exist.

You won’t know happiness if you don’t understand pain. And you won’t understand true love without understanding how a broken heart feels. [Read: 36 healing steps to get over heartbreak and deal with the pain of fixing it]

Why is it hard to fall in love again?

After a breakup, the way you see the world shifts for a while. You probably invested a huge amount of time and effort into the relationship, trusting the person implicitly, while allowing yourself to be vulnerable. These are things that don’t come easily to us.

However, when it ends, whether it was for a random reason, infidelity, or something else entirely, it can cause you to feel a little bruised and battered when it comes to love. You’re scared to allow yourself to be that open and vulnerable again, out of fear that it will just end the same way. [Read: Broken heart syndrome – The truth to know if you can die from heartbreak]

Let’s be honest here; breakups suck. Living without a person you spent so much time with and loved so much is agony.

But the good news is that with time, the pain fades. You start to see that perhaps it was for the best in some way. And when the time is right, you might meet someone who makes you consider opening up again.

Learning how to fall in love again isn’t easy and it’s something that may take you a lot of time. But closing yourself off to love because of the pain you experienced is the coward’s way out. Be brave. [Read: 20 wild steps to get over a broken heart and heal like you don’t care]

How to fall in love again after a breakup

Learning to fall in love again is all about understanding the steps involved so you can heal yourself and feel better.

However, you shouldn’t rush this. Don’t even attempt to get into a relationship with another person until you’re sure that you’re ready. It’s not fair to use another person as a band-aid if you’re still hurting from the end of your last relationship.

But when you are starting to feel ready, follow these steps. [Read: How to mend a broken heart and find happiness in life again]

1. Take baby steps by flirting

Don’t feel guilty about dusting yourself off and getting back on your feet. Flirting will help you understand that the world can still be a happy place, even if you experienced heartbreak.

Go on out and meet old friends. Or join a club and make new friends. The best way to get over a breakup and prepare yourself to fall in love again is by learning how to bring the excitement back into your life. Once you see all the nice, attractive people who are eager to be with you, you’ll have a lot of happy thoughts replacing the sad thoughts in no time.

2. Fall in love with yourself

Break ups can be ego-shattering, especially if you’ve been dumped rather unceremoniously. [Read: A break up on facebook can end a life]

But learn to move on. You can’t please everyone in the world. And you can’t make every single person fall madly in love with you. But there’s one person who can love you no matter what, and that’s you! [Read: How to love yourself]

3. See your last relationship as experience

Now, thinking about your last love may hurt for a while, but you can’t shut out the memories of your old relationship. Instead, learn from it, and use it as an experience to choose better partners in the future.

Always understand that you may have experienced a bad relationship and everyone around you may have terrible relationship stories too, but that doesn’t mean love is a bad thing. Perhaps, you’re surrounded by an unlucky few who aren’t looking in the right places.

The best way to break the cycle of dating bad people and finding the one is to learn from your mistakes. [Read: How to meet the one]

4. It’s okay to remember your ex

When you’re walking out of a bad break up and trying to fall in love again, it’s obvious that you’ll be bothered by past memories. At times, you may also be specifically looking for someone who reminds you of your ex, just so you can feel complete again.

Don’t remember your ex for all the wrong reasons. Remember your ex for the fact that they caused you more pain than you could bear, and you’re still trying to erase that memory and replace it with new and happier memories.

As long as you stay firm on your decision to never get back into that painful relationship, you will have the strength to avoid any let’s-get-back-together requests from your old flame. [Read: The secret law of attraction in love]

5. Accept that the relationship is history

If you want to love again someday, learn to accept that your relationship is over. Many heartbroken lovers pine and dwell over lost relationships like they’ve lost their own lives. It could feel that way, true, but it’s all in your head.

You have the choice to bring a smile back to your face if you choose to. You may feel like it’s a bad thing to be cheerful or have a good time after a breakup, especially when it’s easier to stare at a wall and sadistically feel good about the pain you’re going through. [Read: Is your ex thinking about you?]

But you should take this time to heal your heart in a manner that’ll work for you. Don’t spend all the time locked in isolation. Convince yourself that the relationship is over instead of holding your phone in your hand hoping your new ex will call you back and make it up with you.

6. Work out where you went wrong

The break-up may have come out of the blue or it may have been caused by a series of little fights that led to your partner calling the relationship off and walking away. But whatever the reasons, even if you have no reason to blame yourself, learn from the relationship.

Did you choose the wrong partner? Were you insecure, or did you always know the relationship was doomed right from the start? Learn to read the signs of a bad relationship and make sure you don’t make the same mistakes again. [Read: Love lessons you’ll only learn from experience]

7. Enjoy your single status

It’s a case of the grass being greener on the other side, but for once, learn to enjoy the other side of the fence. You’re single, so start loving it!

You’ve probably been in a relationship for a while, which explains why you’re heartbroken and upset. But don’t let that hold you down.

Spend more time with friends of the opposite sex. They may be friends, but there’s always a teeny bit of sexual tension and flirting fun even between friends. And you could use that now to feel better about yourself. [Read: How to kiss a friend]

8. Don’t think about the heartbreak

When you start to get back on your feet, don’t spend your time dwelling on the heartbreak. Doing so will hold you back and stop you from moving on.

Acknowledge that it’s over, that it hurt, and that you need to take some time to heal. But don’t think any deeper than that. Once you’ve picked through the relationship and learned what you need to learn, let it go. Overanalyzing won’t help you here.

9. Determine your expectations

What do you expect now? Do you think you’re going to be alone forever? Or do you think you’re going to walk into a new relationship and forget all about the old one?

It’s important to be realistic and know that it’s going to take time to feel yourself again. And that’s okay. Determine your expectations and make sure that you’re not going for something that’s totally unrealistic. Otherwise, you’ll just set yourself up for failure. [Read: 20 healthy expectations in a relationship that define a good love life]

10. Accept that love is risky

With every relationship, there is a risk. It might work out, or it might not. But can you stand not knowing?

That’s the reason why we’re so keen to throw caution to the wind and go for it. When you’re learning how to fall in love again, it’s important not to dwell on the risk, but just to accept that it’s there.

Taking risks is scary. But if you don’t try, you’ll never know. [Read: What is a toxic relationship?]

11. Be honest with yourself

Don’t try and pretend like you’re ready to jump back into the dating world if you’re not. If you’re still feeling bruised and battered, admit it to yourself. You don’t need to lie to yourself here; you’ve got nothing to prove.

Be honest with yourself about how you feel, what you want, and any fears you have. All of this will make it easier to handle taking baby steps back into the world of dating.

12. Take a leap of faith

While you’re out there, ready to fall in love and having a great time meeting new people, you may just come across someone who sweeps you off your feet or makes time stand still.

It may be a chance meeting or a fixed date, but when you do meet that person, make an effort to test the waters. It may take a while or it may happen sooner than you think, but as long as you’re having a great time anyways, who’s complaining? [Read: How to tell someone you like them – 18 risk-free ways to date them]

Things to let go of

Learning how to fall in love again after a heartbreak means having the courage to let go of the future you envisaged. You had dreams and plans with this person, and now they’re not going to happen. That’s hard to accept.

So, in the interest of moving on, you need to let go of the following:

1. Pain

It’s going to hurt for a while, but once it starts to ease, focus on the future and push the pain aside. It doesn’t have to be with you forever. [Read: When people hurt you – How to deal with the pain and respond to them]

2. Trespasses

Whatever happened, however your partner may have hurt you, or how you hurt them, you have to let it go. Constantly thinking about it will just hold you back.

3. Bitterness

It’s normal to feel a little bitter about love after a breakup, but allowing that to fester will simply cause you to give up on love altogether. Let it go and move forward with a smile.

4. Resentment

It doesn’t matter what happened. It happened and now it’s over. There’s nothing you can do to change it and becoming resentful will only drag you down. [Read: 25 ways to let go of resentment, stop feeling bitter, and start living]

5. Comparisons

If your ex moves on with someone else, do not compare yourself to them. There’s no point and it will only make you feel bad about yourself. Equally, don’t compare anyone you meet with your ex either.

6. Expectations

The great thing about life and love is that we have no idea what’s going to happen. It’s scary, but that’s what makes it all such an adventure. Let go of expectations and just go with the flow.

7. Resistance

It’s normal to pull back against change. Nobody really likes change, after all. And when you’re trying to move on from something that hurt you, it’s normal to feel a little resistant.

But you have to push that aside if you want to make progress. [Read: Small ways to deal with big changes in your life]

8. Being tough

It’s okay to be vulnerable and open again. Just because one person hurt you, doesn’t mean everyone else is going to. Drop the tough act and let your true spirit shine through.

9. Telling the same story over and over

It’s not going to help you. You might think you’re trying to get closure, but you’re just going to tie yourself up in knots. It’s over. Let it go and move on.

10. Fear

Learning how to fall in love again comes with a huge dose of fear, but dwelling on it won’t do you any good. Push it to one side and be brave. You never know who you might meet. [Read: How to meet the one for you]

When to seek help

Nobody said that learning how to fall in love again was easy. It’s going to be hard and there might be some setbacks, but with perseverance and bravery, you’ll see that the journey is worth it.

However, some people find it harder than others. If that’s you, there’s nothing to be ashamed of or upset about. It simply means that you might need a little professional help to let go of the hurt and move forward without fear.

Reaching out for help is a brave step and one that will truly set you free.

[Read: Tips to start a perfect new relationship]

Understanding how to fall in love again after a break up may seem unthinkable, but it’s far easier than people assume. Prepare yourself for a happy life, and love will find its own way to you.