Feeling Unsure About Your Relationship: Why You Feel It & How to Fix It

Sometimes, a relationship just seems perfect, but you’re filled with doubts. So if you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, here are some answers.

We tend to think getting into a relationship is the hard part, but it’s not. If you really want a partner, you’ll find one in time. The hard part is finding someone you truly connect with, someone you can actually be with on a deeper level.

A relationship is one of the most magical things you can experience. But how can you be really sure that you’re in the right one? It’s easy to stand next to someone and hold their hand, but is this really someone you care about or just someone that you’re using to fill the void?

This is a tricky question to ask yourself, but, deep down, you already know the answer. What’s going to be hard is admitting to yourself that this person isn’t the one for you. Ouch. [Read: How to choose the right path when you’re unhappy in a relationship]

How do you know you’re sure?

If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, there are several ways to find the truth. First, you need to know who you are and what you want. How are you going to be able to tell if this is what you want, if you don’t know what you want in the first place?

Once you identify your needs, communicate them. How will you be sure if you haven’t told them what you want? Your partner isn’t a mind reader, so tell them early on. But most importantly, you need to listen to both your heart and gut instinct.

If a relationship is right and real, you’ll be able to tell. There are no red flags; you’re with them for all the right reasons, and not just because you’re bored or lonely. You’ll feel sure because it’s real. [Read: 19 clear signs you are ready for a serious relationship]

What to do when you’re feeling unsure about your relationship

It’s not easy to know why you’re feeling unsure about your relationship. After all, how can you distinguish the line between irrational fears and rational ones? Don’t worry; we’ve got you. In this feature, we’ll show you how to know your relationship is the real deal.

1. Stop and listen to your gut

You’ve known for a while now that they weren’t right for you. But you distract yourself, push the thoughts aside, and keep moving forward. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but you’re not moving forward honestly.

If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, your gut instinct is a significant indicator. You’re not being crazy – something might be off. [Read: Understanding the differences between casual love and real love]

2. Focus on your moods

You know yourself the best, so you typically know why you’re feeling happy, angry, or sad. Since you’ve been in this relationship, have you felt happy? Sad? Moody? If so, why? It could be outside reasons making you feel this way, and not your relationship.

So before you do something as impulsive as breaking up, take a pause. Your relationship might not even be the cause of your bad mood. [Read: 12 real signs of true love in a relationship]

3. Understand that you’re going to have bad days

Now, understand that you’re going to feel negative feelings on occasion when you’re around your partner. You’ll feel upset, disappointed, and uncomfortable.

This is just normal. These feelings don’t necessarily mean that you need to end the relationship, as they could be pointing out insecurities or intimacy issues within yourself.

Every relationship has moments of miscommunication and conflict, but that’s no reason to end it abruptly. Nobody would achieve a long-term relationship (let alone marriage) if it was!

4. Be self-aware when around your partner

The next time you’re with your partner, try to be more self-aware. How do you feel when you’re around your partner? Do your good side shine when they’re around, or do they bring out the worst in you? Try and think about what you’re bringing into their life.

You know when something feels good and when something feels bad. Now, you just need to figure out why. Self-awareness can be a big help if you’re feeling unsure about your relationship.

It’s easier said than done, but it’s why you need to know yourself entirely if you want to be sure about your relationship. [Read: Should we break up? 17 signs you’re past the point of no return already]

5. What do you want?

Ah yes, the million-dollar question: what do you want? It’s not easy to answer, but it’s a crucial question. What do you want from the relationship, and what do you want from your partner? If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, you need to ask yourself this critical question first.

Don’t expect them to automatically know what you want from them. Your uncertainty could simply be because you’re not expressing your needs in a way that they understand.

If you’re keeping quiet, well, how can they help you? Express, communicate, say what you want and only then can you know if you’re sure or not. [Read: Get to know who you really are with these 8 questions]

6. Are your needs being met?

When we say needs, we mean our basic needs – things that are essential for our emotional health. This could be affection, appreciation, security, communication, etc. When these needs aren’t being met, we doubt ourselves and the relationship.

You should never settle for the bare minimum in a relationship. If you do, maybe you were right to be doubtful.

Write down the things you need and cross out the needs you’re receiving. Eventually, you’ll be left with a valuable list of needs that aren’t being met. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]

7. Talk to your partner

No one wants to have this conversation. You both need to sit down and talk over your uncertainty about the relationship. They may be feeling uncertain as well.

Now, this doesn’t mean you’ll break up, but you’ll be able to spot the holes in the relationship and try to work on them.

Uncertainty doesn’t mean you should walk away immediately, but at least talk about it with them. They might be able to fix the things that make you feel insecure. So communicate, even if it feels uncomfortable. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship: 16 steps to a better love]

8. No fighting

There’s really no need to argue about this. It’s not their fault that you’re feeling unsure about the relationship, especially if you haven’t communicated your feelings to them before. When you talk to your partner, sit them down and talk about your feelings. Use “I” statements and avoid pointing the finger at them.

Remember, you’re trying to solve the problem, not create another one. You should never accuse or attack them if they don’t even know your needs in the first place. So rather than going into a fight, talk it out first. [Read: Fighting in a relationship – how to do it right]

9. Don’t drag things out

Of course, it’s going to take time for you to think about your needs, how you’re feeling, etc. But you shouldn’t dwell on it for months. If you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, you need to figure out why and then either a) try to fix it or b) end it.

There’s no point stringing your partner along while you’re mustering up the courage to talk to them. Just do it.

Trust us when we say that the longer you prolong this, the worse it’s going to feel. And a relationship should make you happy, not miserable! So fix it ASAP. [Read: How to break up with someone no matter the situation]

10. Break up with them

This is the hardest thing to do when you’re feeling unsure about your relationship. You don’t have to try to repair it, or even communicate with your partner if you don’t want to. If you’re feeling unsure about the relationship and know that they’re not the right person for you, then break up with them.

But do it relatively soon and politely because, well, you’re an adult. If you don’t want someone, let them go as soon as possible. Don’t play games.

Don’t try and destroy the relationship so they break up with you, instead of the other way around. They deserve honesty, so be real with them, even if it’s the last time. [Read: 16 signs you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]

11. Don’t let your relationship hold you back

Your goals and aspirations may have been there before you met your partner. As great as it is to be in a relationship, it doesn’t come without making compromises, and giving up things. It’s not unusual for your personal goals to be put on hold so that your relationship can grow.

You might be resenting your partner because you’re giving up on your own goals. You may have even been afraid to talk about your personal goals, because you didn’t know how your partner would react.

It’s possible that they’ll surprise you with how supportive they are, even if it involves you taking time away from your relationship. Talk to them – you won’t know unless you ask. [Read: Are you unwittingly holding your partner back from success?]

12. Are you living for the good times?

You’re right to be questioning your relationship if you say things like, “but when it’s good, it’s really good.” There is a good reason why alarm bells are going off in your head. It’s time to listen to them. There will always be good and bad times in a relationship, but you shouldn’t live just for the good times.

It doesn’t matter how good you feel when things are going well. If they don’t outweigh the bad times, this relationship won’t be able to stay strong long-term.

There’s a reason you’re not sure, and it’s because you know this isn’t good for you. Your partner should always make you feel good. So, find the courage to put your happiness first and break up with this person. [Read: How to have a good relationship that gets better with each day]

13. Are you waiting for them to change?

If you’re in a relationship, you have to be willing to accept your partner as they are.  Do you think that you can grow together as a couple? People don’t change very often; it’s hard not to fall back into old habits.

Waiting for change to happen isn’t fair to either of you, and will lead to feeling unsure about your relationship. Find a relationship where both of you can be accepted without having to change into someone else. [Read: 13 small changes that greatly improve your relationship]

14. Spice up your sex life

A successful relationship relies heavily on a couple’s sexy chemistry. Maintaining a healthy sex life is essential, no matter how busy life gets. Is everything in the bedroom broken? If so, it’s probably broken somewhere else as well.

Only the two of you are capable of providing for each other’s sexual needs. Reaffirming your feelings of love and trust for each other is an integral part of the journey. If you’re feeling stale in the bedroom, take the initiative and bring in some new ideas.

If you’re willing to take risks, you’ll find a treasure trove of ideas. Try to restart the flame, and don’t give up just yet. Take charge of the situation. [Read: How to spice up your sex life in 30 sexy ways]

15. Imagine your future life

Last but not least, do you picture your partner in your life a year, two years, or five years from now? It’s doubtful this relationship will work out for you in the long term if your response is no. Whatever your future holds, it’s vital to have an exact picture of what it will look like.

This step aims to assess whether you want your partner in your life going forward. If you know you don’t want them to go, you can stop feeling unsure. However, you might have a few things to work on if you answered no.

[Read: 12 life questions to help you visualize your future]

So, what should you do when you’re feeling unsure about your relationship?

It’s not easy having doubts about your relationship. Even though it’s perfectly normal to have doubts, it’s essential that you do something about them the right way.

Now that you know what you need to do when you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, it’s time to do something about it. Are you going to stay, or will you let them go?