I Need to Get Laid: 13 Signs You’re Dry, Horny & Need to Bang Someone ASAP

Do you often think to yourself ‘I need to get laid?’ Perhaps it’s your inability to concentrate or the constant horn. Whatever it is, it’s time to fix it!

Sometimes when you haven’t had sex for a while, you forget what it feels like. You basically forget that you’re even a sexual being. One day, during your dry spell, you’ll suddenly wake up and say to yourself, “Holy shit, I need to get laid.”

It’s at that time your sexual frustration has reached boiling point. It might have been weeks, months, or hell, it might even have been years, but the frustration is very, very real. [Read: Beyond thirsty – 15 excruciating signs you’re sexually frustrated]

Do you actually NEED to get laid?

Now, let’s explore this for a second. Nothing bad will happen to you if you don’t get it on any time soon. You’re not going to explode or anything.

However, sexual frustration can cause you to be very distracted and too focused on every small thing that could be slightly sexual.

The problem is that when you’re constantly thinking “I need to get laid”, it is bound to affect the way you see other people. You might meet someone and really like them but your sexual frustration is stopping you from just getting to know them.

Instead, you might come on a little too strong or make them think that sex is all you’re after. That could ruin a budding relationship before it gets started.

So, you’re not going to be harmed by being a little sexually frustrated. Your seemingly constant case of the horn is not going to do anything to you, other than make you preoccupied with everything to do with sex. [Read: Ways to handle sexual frustration with your partner]

‘I need to get laid!’ – The biggest signs you need to get it on

It’s like this internal alarm clock sets off and the only way to turn it off is to get laid. But, let’s not jump ahead. First, you need to be aware of the signs that you need to get laid.

1. Your Internet browser is nothing short of a sex shop

Your Internet browser is full of porn. Full. It’s basically its own sex shop—don’t take that as a compliment. You haven’t had sex for so long that you basically downloaded the entire porn industry onto your computer. You need to have sex soon. [Read: Porn on Netflix – the naughtiest borderline titles on Netflix]

2. You become turned on if someone accidentally brushes against you

If someone bumps into you at the grocery store or on the street, you’re immediately turned on. You know they aren’t trying to have sex with you, but that feeling of contact just makes you go wild.

3. You need all the details

When your friends tell you they just had sex, you force them to tell you all the details. Every. Single. One.

You currently live vicariously through them, so you need to know exactly what happened. You’re going to be using this for when you masturbate. But you just replace your friend’s face with your face instead.

4. You forget what sex actually looks like

Sure, you watch a lot of porn, but you know that’s not really real. When you try to think about actual sex, real sex, you can’t imagine what it looks like.

You forgot what it’s like to have someone touch, kiss, bite, or lick you. All those times turned into dust in the wind. [Read: The thirst is real – 15 realities of not having sex for far too long]

5. Your standards are getting lower and lower

Do they have a pulse? That’s the most important question when someone tells you they may have a person for you. Do they breathe? You’re not so concerned about the other aspects of them.

As long as they have a face, you’re fine. That’s now your criteria. Your standards have dropped to almost non-existent.

6. Your bed is filled with anything but a warm body

Your dog takes up most of the bed, with your dirty socks and underwear at the end. A couple of books, and maybe an empty chip bag fills up the rest of the space.

Literally, your bed turned into a dumping ground for your crap. Could another body be sleeping there? Sure, but not anytime soon apparently. [Read: What causes sexual tension – what exactly does it feel like?]

7. You start to miss your exes

Yeah, even the one you dated for three days back in high school. Sure, it was a short romance, but it was intense and full of passion. You think.

Actually, you kissed once and decided it wasn’t for you, but now, you’re wondering if maybe you should give it a second chance. [Read: Sex with an ex – when it’s okay and when to stay clear]

8. Hitting the bottle and chip bag

So, those feelings of loneliness and sexual inadequacy? Well, you process them by hitting up the bottle of vodka and chips.

Your snacking and drinking has reached an all-time high. You notice your love handles around your hips. At least the chips hug you. [Read: Why do I feel so alone? The answers that can change your life]

9. Your orgasms are borderline depressing

Once upon a time, they sent your brain into outer space. It was like you never had such an orgasm before. And now, you yawn during your orgasm. You literally yawn. Nothing streams through your mind while you touch yourself, it’s more of a robotic hand gesture, if anything.

10. You’ve stopped grooming down there

You just stopped. Whether you’re a woman or man, whatever grooming you were doing there has long stopped. Maintenance is only doable if people come to visit that area, and no one’s coming. [Read: How to take care of yourself as a woman – 19 ways to power yourself]

11. You get Tinder

We all have Tinder, but you downloaded Tinder to ravage through the matches. First date? Don’t need it, that’s just wasting time. You’re on there for one reason and one reason only: sex.

While others want to have the first date, you just need to get it in and grease the wheel. The dating can come later. [Read: How to get laid on Tinder – must-follow rules to a sexy hookup]

12. You’re always irritable

Everything pisses you off. Your friends and family ask you if your period is coming or if you’re having problems at work, but everything’s going great.

Oh, except for the small fact that cobwebs are growing in between your legs. Other than that, yeah, everything’s just peachy. This irritability is actually your body, crying. [Read: Casual sex – how to find the hookup of your dreams]

13. You struggle to remember the last time you had sex

Or with who. You actually have no memory of your last sexual encounter. Now, it could also be because there was not much to remember, but the point is that it was a long time ago. Don’t worry, this happens to the best of us.

Horn driving you crazy? How to deal with it

First things first, the best way to handle that “I need to get laid” feeling is to just get laid. Do you have a friend who would be happy with some benefits? It’s not the most ideal solution, but if they’re equally as frustrated you can help each other out, right? [Read: How to start a friends-with-benefits relationship]

If that’s not a situation you want to enter into, you really need to try and take your mind off it. How about trying some exercise? It will help you to pour your frustration into something positive and you’ll tone up as a result!

Head outdoors and soak up that fresh air, or try mindfulness meditation. Sure, it’s not the same as getting it on, but you know what they say: any port in a storm, right?

Basically, focus on anything other than sex. It’s literally like watching a pot of water boiling – the longer you look at it, the more time it will take to boil, or at least it feels that way. Chill out, distract your mind, and your dry spell will be over before you know it.

[Read: Sexually frustrated? How to calm the ants in the pants]

Now that you know what the signs are, are you showing any “I need to get laid” signs? Don’t panic if you are, easily cure yourself with our tips and some much-needed sex.