When You Miss Someone: 36 Signs & Things You MUST Do To Learn from It

Understanding what to do when you miss someone is important if you want to overcome the pain, and get back to living life in a positive way. It can be done!  

Breaking up is never an easy situation, even when you are the one to end it. When someone else pulls the trigger, it makes it that much more excruciating. You can wallow in your own pity party, or you can do things that help get you past the hurt hump. It is all about knowing what to do when you miss someone.

Missing someone is a mindset. Often, we make ourselves miserable by holding on to the loss. The key to stopping yourself from missing someone is to distance yourself from those feelings, and put them on hold. It’s easier said than done, and it takes time, but you can do it! [Read: How to know if someone misses you – 17 signs they think of you often]

What does it mean to miss someone?

When you miss someone, you yearn for their presence in your life. They’re no longer in your life – in some ways, you’re grieving the end of an era.

It can be similar to how a puppy waits around for its owner, knowing they’ll come back, but yearning for them all the same. Or how a baby, crying in its crib, possesses a primal instinct; it cries knowing that sooner or later someone will come back, pick it up, and soothe it back to its calm and joyful self.

In any case, the feeling of missing someone seems to be one of continuous loss, knowing the longing will go away, but never truly knowing when. But it’s not all bad.

Missing someone doesn’t mean you’ll never see or hear from them again. You may value them more than you thought you would when you were still with them. [Read: I feel lonely – 30 ways to overcome feelings of loneliness]

There are two main causes of missing someone: firstly, the emotional wounds are still fresh. And secondly, you’re surrounded by triggers. The first one will only be healed with time. The second means taking yourself away from the situation for a while and focusing on distractions.

Missing someone when a relationship ends

When a relationship ends, it’s easy to see it through rose-tinted glasses. We only remember the good things and conveniently gloss over the things that weren’t right. We also somehow convince ourselves that the reason we split up was a terrible reason.

The truth is that you split up for a good reason. You might not agree with it, but if you did something to hurt your ex, their reason for ending things is valid. Similarly, if things just weren’t going right and you drifted apart, there’s no point in thinking back and wondering ‘what if.’ [Read: Why am I so unhappy? How to allow happiness to gush into your life]

Will you come together again in the future? Maybe, and maybe not. Nobody has a crystal ball and there is no use in sitting and hoping for something. If you do that, you’ll put your life on hold and avoid any opportunities that might come your way in the meantime.

So, while you’re trying to learn what to do when you miss someone, the biggest piece of advice we can give you is to keep things in perspective – always remember why the relationship ended in the first place. [Read: Letting go of someone you love – Minus the bitterness]

Signs you’re missing someone no longer in your life

Maybe you’re not sure what this strange, yearning feeling is. If you think it might be because you’re missing someone, these signs will tell you.

1. You’re constantly thinking of them

The person who is no longer around is always on your mind. The smallest things trigger a memory and you might start to feel teary-eyed and emotional.

Know that this is a very normal reaction to a big change in your life. Over time, it will get easier. [Read: 33 steps to stop thinking about someone you like but can’t have]

2. Your eating habits have changed

When you’re going through a heartbreak or loss, it’s very easy for your eating habits to change. You might not want to eat, you might lose your appetite altogether. Or, perhaps you’ll find that you’re eating more, trying to fill the void inside.

Although it’s difficult when you’re in the midst of missing someone, try and focus on health. Eat your meals and make sure they’re healthy at the same time.

You need to look after yourself, even if you’re hurting inside. [Read: 20 lovesick signs and the fastest and best ways to get out of it]

3. You have a sense of loneliness

Whether it’s a friend you’re missing, someone who has passed away, or a former lover who you’re no longer with, when you miss someone, you feel lonely for a while.

You could be surrounded by many people, but they’re not the people you want to see right at that moment. You’re missing the presence of that person and as a result, you’re lonely.

4. You’re stuck in the past

This is very likely to be the case after a breakup when you start to miss your ex. You become stuck in the past and start reliving all your happy memories. You might also convince yourself that everything was rosy, when in reality, you were fighting all the time. [Read: Feeling defeated? 15 ways to overcome feeling stuck and lost in life]

5. You have a sense of longing

The feeling of longing is very hard to describe, but it’s something that you can feel in your gut. You want that person in front of you. You can’t stand them not being there.

Feeling a longing sensation is very common when you miss someone, especially during the first few days and weeks. [Read: Love sucks! 21 reasons why we hate it and yet we crave for it]

What to do when you miss someone – Ways to ease the pain

Psychology tells us that the human brain was not designed to analyze its own feelings within a situation. Unfortunately, it is also wired to try to do so. When you go over a situation in your mind to try to find closure or make sense of what happened, you only keep yourself stuck.

You’re not moving on, you’re sitting still, wishing for a different reality.

At the heart of your feeling of loss is one person – you. No one makes you feel the loss but you.

If you want to move forward, it takes the will to let go of the hurt, move past your emotions, and put the entire situation on the back burner until a time when you can think of it without it hurting.

Stop continually pulling yourself back into being stuck. Instead, let yourself move forward with these tricks. [Read: Letting go of people – Why it’s hard & the right way to do it]

1. Acknowledge your feelings

Trying to ignore how you’re feeling isn’t going to help you overcome the pain. First, you need to acknowledge what you’re going through and how you feel.

By trying to pretend that everything is fine when it’s clearly not, you’re just delaying the healing process.

2. When the thoughts creep in, push them away

It is natural for loss to creep in and ruin just about any moment, but only if you allow it.

Once you start to think about the person you miss, which you inevitably will, don’t give the memories the power to overcome you. As quick as they fly in your face, push them away and make a commitment not to honor them. [Read: Letting go of someone you love minus the bitterness]

3. Force yourself to try new experiences

The best way to let go of the past is to move on with the future. By performing the same old habits and living in Groundhog Day, you keep yourself stuck in a rut. If you mix things up a bit, then you change patterns in your life that may be keeping you miserable.

Patterns are the way our brains get stalled into making assumptions and assuming we know things about the future that we don’t. If you overhaul your life to include new things and experiences, these will overshadow the habits that keep you from healing.

4. Stop talking yourself out of moving on

When you end a relationship, it is human nature to feel some allegiance to it. If you forget about it too quickly, there can be guilt and remorse for not grieving it enough.

Stop convincing yourself that it isn’t time to move on just yet. There is no magic timeline telling you when to start to live again. If you feel it is right, don’t let anyone tell you it is too soon to start over, especially not yourself. [Read: Self-discovery after a break up – How to happily move on]

5. Realize that you aren’t going to solve loss through reason

The problem with loss is that we have a tendency to try to make sense of it. There is no sense to love. Even the best psychologists and scientists can’t explain why we love who we love, or how we fall in and out of love.

It is nothing more than a mystery. Trying to reason through it to figure out what went wrong only leaves you endlessly searching for something that isn’t there. It stops you from moving on and finding someone to fill the hole. [Read: The 7 stages of heartbreak when you become someone’s ex]

6. Stop allowing triggers to get the best of you

Triggers are emotional hot buttons that catapult us back into hurt long after we’ve moved on. We all have emotional triggers from our childhood, past relationships, and any other hurt we’ve experienced in the past.

If you know that something is a trigger and elicits a backslide in your healing, then make a special note of it. Make sure never to put yourself in a position that sets that trigger off again.

In time, emotional triggers hurt less and less. But, while still fresh, they are very destructive to whatever progress you make. [Read: How to help someone up when they’re feeling down and depressed]

7. Stop the negative thought cycle

Constantly trying to go over what went wrong will do nothing but bring up negative thoughts of your breakup and loss.

Rehashing the situation never gives you the answers you need; it only brings back the negativity of your relationship ending. Negativity does nothing but hurt you emotionally. It keeps you stuck in a cycle of hurt, so stop dragging yourself back in. [Read: How to master positive self talk and banish negativity]

8. Try to avoid running into them, and avoid things that remind you of them

Sometimes we have an illusion that if we just saw them, it would make things hurt less. The truth is that running into them only opens a wound you could be healing.

Avoid places where you might bump into your ex, and all those things that remind you of your time together – even if it is just until the hurt fades. [Read: 14 things to keep in mind when you accidentally bump into your ex]

9. Don’t consciously hang on to memories

Memories can be awesome, but sometimes they can come back too soon. If you want to get over someone, the worst thing you can do is sit and daydream about all the awesome things that you used to do together. When relationships end, we typically hold on to all the good times and negate the not-so-good.

This only leaves us with a false sense of what the relationship truly was, and what we’ve lost. If you want to get past the hurt, then you should stop hanging on to the memories and reliving them. It isn’t doing you any favors.

10. Stop talking about it to friends and family

Talking aloud can be very cathartic. But after a breakup, we often try to make some sense out of the part we played, and try to place blame or absolve ourselves. [Read: The best ways to stop negative people from sapping your energy]

If you want to move on, then stop asking for the opinion of others or talking to your friends about how you feel. They already know, and continually bringing it up over and over will only keep you in a rut. Eventually, you can even push them away, leaving you even more isolated.

11. Don’t bring yesterday into today

If you want to know what to do when you miss someone, then think about starting each new day anew. That means not allowing yesterday to taint today.

If you lost someone, they are gone, and as hard as that is to accept, you simply must start to live a new life instead of holding on to the one that is no longer there. [Read: The rules of life – 22 secrets to never be unhappy again]

12. Force yourself to be sociable, even if you don’t feel like it

Don’t limit yourself by only going out with those people who are sensitive to what you are going through. Pushing yourself to meet new people brings out a new you that you might not know existed.

It also shows you how life is meant to be – full of new experiences and relationships.

13. Find something you like to do alone

The hardest part of loss is feeling lonely. The thing about loneliness is that you can only be lonely if you stop enjoying being by yourself. You don’t need someone else to make you feel fulfilled. Being happy comes from within, not from the love of others.

If you learn to love yourself, then you only need you. Anyone else is just additional joy. [Read: Must-know tips to fall in love with yourself and be a better you]

14. Let go of the people who allow you to wallow

Some people are good for us, and some are not. When you break up, it is sometimes the case that misery loves company. Misery is not the type of company that you need to move on and heal.

Find people who are positive about their life, are okay with being on their own, and aren’t suffering through their own emotional hurdles. It isn’t that you should abandon those who you confide in and who confide in you, it is just that there are people who bring you up and those who drag you down.

Choose someone uplifting, at least for now, until you’re feeling stronger. [Read: 17 bad friends you should unfriend from your life]

15. Get rid of reminders

If you have an altar to commemorate your ex, it is time to dismantle it so that you don’t have it staring you in the face as a continual reminder.

You don’t have to get rid of things that remind you of your past, just putting them away to start living is a good step on your way back to your new normal.

16. Give yourself permission to heal and let go

We often hold ourselves back out of guilt. If your last relationship didn’t work and you feel partially or completely responsible, self-flagellating isn’t going to get you anywhere. It is not only time to let go, it is time to forgive your misgivings and learn a lesson from the past.

Stop judging yourself or thinking that it was all your fault. Breakups take two parties, not just one. [Read: How to forgive yourself and free yourself of the weight of guilt]

17. Try writing a journal

Journaling is a great way to not only make sense of your feelings, but to get everything out. Sometimes, when we’re missing someone, we hold so much inside. That’s not going to help you get over the situation.

You don’t need to write down everything you experience each day, but just jot down anything that comes to mind. You might find that journaling is a great new hobby for you too!

18. It’s all about distractions

Now is the time to focus on yourself. Anything you’ve wanted to do but not done yet, get it done. You need to distract your mind and keep busy. Try a new hobby or simply immerse yourself in the things you enjoy.

The more distracted you are, the less likely you are to dwell on your feelings. As more time passes, you’ll notice that the peak of your emotions passes too, and you’ll start to handle the situation better. [Read: How to stop having negative thoughts that drag you down]

19. Focus on self-improvement

While you’re hurting, you have an opportunity. You can’t see it yet, but this is the perfect time to make changes in your life. Focus on improving yourself and coming out of this experience stronger than before.

Become healthier, exercise, start talking about how you feel, and perhaps even try meditation or mindfulness. These are all ways you can turn a negative experience into something positive and useful.

20. Don’t feel rushed to move on

You move on when you’re ready. Do not feel pressure to stick to a so-called timescale or assume that you’ve been missing someone for too long. There is no right or wrong answer here.

Acknowledge your feelings and go through your own process. You’ll feel better when the time is right for you. [Read: First broken hearts club – How to move on from your first love]

21. Be kind to yourself

It’s easy to start turning things around and blaming yourself for the person you’re missing not being around anymore. That’s not going to get you anywhere.

Be kind to yourself and take your time. You’re doing your best, and that’s all you can be expected to do.

22. Consider joining a support group

Sometimes, being around people who are going through the same thing as you can be helpful. Seek out support groups, either through social media or through a professional.

These groups can help you to make sense of how you’re feeling and show you that you’re not alone. [Read: How to get your life back on track after a big change]

Missing someone who doesn’t miss you

There is one other situation we need to talk about: when you miss someone terribly, but they don’t miss you in return.

Unfortunately, this is extremely common. After a breakup, one person often gets on with their life and understands that things had to end. They don’t look back. The other person wallows and grieves.

If that’s your situation, know that there is nothing you can do to change it. You’ve done everything you can do, and in some ways, that should give you some kind of comfort. Maybe not now, but it will eventually.

If the other person doesn’t miss you, there is nothing you can do to change their feelings. All you can do is focus on and be kind to yourself. With time, you’ll see that the situation had to be this way. [Read: Broken heart syndrome – Can a heart actually break or is it drama?]

Positive things can come from missing someone

If there is any consolation prize from the whole miserable process *and sometimes there simply is none*, there are some good things that can come from missing someone. We know it sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s true.

So here are some positives that can happen when someone leaves your life.

1. Missing someone may lead to a reconnection

In order to counteract the negative feelings, you try your best to fix things. You do this by finding ways to be close to the person you miss by reliving memories, reaching out, or trying to physically be there for them.

Wanting to feel better is always a positive. Reveling in your pain is not. [Read: The right way to force yourself to stop thinking about someone you still like]

2. You realize the value of that person

As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. It’s true in almost every case. In the time you are away from your loved one, you’ll start to process the reasons why you miss them.

It could be because they made you happy, more productive, and better in every sense of the word. Or it could just be because your life was a little bit more colorful when they were around.

3. You find yourself recreating positive feelings with new people

You’ll find yourself with two choices at this point. Either you can stay in the same place and continue to miss someone without doing anything about it.

Or you can decide to live your life and make new and happy memories with the people who are still present. [Read: 13 happy things you need for a perfectly happy life]

4. You have no one to answer to

When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, part of you feels like you have to tell your partner everything or even answer to them in some ways. You have to check in with them when you’re going to make a decision or constantly compromise.

Now you don’t have to. Now you can choose what you want without repercussions or disapproval.

5. You can completely start over

Sometimes we forget about how much fun dating and meeting new people can be. Dating after losing someone always feels strange, and sometimes it can bring about feelings of guilt.

But it can also be a fun and exciting time in your life. There are always going to be things that you wish were different in your former relationship. [Read: I miss him but I don’t think he misses me]

Try to take all those things, and go find someone new. It is a completely fresh time to be who you want to be, not sacrifice, and find someone who loves to do exactly the same things as you.

6. You can learn from your mistakes

Remember all those things that you wish you had done differently? Well, you have the opportunity to do them now.

Learning from your mistakes will make your next relationship (should you choose to have one) the best it can be.

Wisdom is a very powerful thing, and can help enrich your life. Missing someone you lost is horrible, but learning from the mistakes of the past is how you can make it a positive instead of a negative. [Read: How to let go of someone you love by hating them]

7. You’ll gain confidence from moving on

Sometimes we give up things that we love for other people. If things just didn’t fit into your joint lifestyle, then you probably let them go.

When you lose someone, it is a time to find yourself. Those things that you put by the wayside, and thought weren’t in the cards for you, they are all possible now!

Think about the things you held back from and the bucket list that you never thought you would get around to. Now is the time to do all those things that you wouldn’t – or couldn’t – do in your previous life/relationship.

All of this will make you a happier and more confident person. [Read: How to be confident – 28 life hacks to transform your future forever]

8. You’ll find you again

When you are in a couple, sometimes you end up losing yourself and forgetting what it is that you wanted to do or what makes you happy. We get so caught up in our lives and in the roles we play, that we forget about our own dreams.

Life is short, and it is important not to take things for granted. Now is the time to find that inner you, find out what makes you happy, and be selfish for once. Make it all about you by finding out who you are and what will make your life fulfilled.

Just you – without having to make someone else happy. [Read: 21 steps to find yourself when you’ve lost your way and feel hopeless]

9. Missing someone makes you appreciate things more

The thing about losing and missing someone is that you never see the world in the same way. That is both a good thing and a bad one. You appreciate the people around you far more.

The things that get other people all riled up just don’t seem to matter to someone who has lost someone they love. You don’t sweat the small stuff. [Read: How to move on and deal with a breakup with a smile]

With time, things will get easier

How many times have you heard this saying? The reason it’s so often said is because it’s true!

You miss this person, and right now, it feels like you’re never going to go a day without longing for them. But trust us, you will.

You might still look back over your memories occasionally and smile. You might even get a pang of grief again. But it won’t be anything like it is now.

Go through the process and know that when it’s done, you’ll be a stronger person for it.

[Read: The most important post-breakup questions you should be thinking about]

In the end, when it comes to knowing what to do when you miss someone, it makes no difference what happened. It is over, and you need just to let it be and enjoy the now, and learn what you can.