Am I a Lesbian or Bisexual? 31 Signs to the Truth Without Asking Around

Questioning your sexual orientation is a personal and complicated deal. If you’re asking yourself, “am I a lesbian?” you need to do some soul-searching, as no online quiz can tell you the answer.

Human sexuality is one of those subjects that causes a huge amount of confusion for people. If you’re thinking, ‘am I a lesbian?’, take it easy on yourself. Figuring out your exact sexual identity can take a long time, but there’s no rush.

However, it’s important to remember that whoever you love, whoever you find sexually attractive; there’s no set of rules that gives you a definitive answer on whether you’re a lesbian or not. You’re just you.

Maybe you do find other women attractive. If that’s the case, so what? It’s a beautiful part of who you are. [Read: Lesbian love – What’s it really like to date a woman?]

Sometimes we just find other women attractive

If you ask most women to be honest, they’ll probably tell you that at some stage in their life, they’ve found another woman attractive. It might have been a very fleeting, passing attraction. It might have been an intense admiration rather than a sexual feeling.

Most women are curious about what it would be like to have a sexual experience with another woman. Some women even get super-turned on by watching lesbian porn, but it doesn’t mean that they’re lesbians themselves. 

We all get turned on by many different things; for some, it can be watching two women get it on. [Read: A straight girl’s view on the seduction of girl on girl porn]

Of course, all of this might confuse you, especially if you still have sexual feelings about men. It doesn’t mean that you should question your sexuality just because you’ve felt stirrings towards another woman once in your life.

However, if you notice this happening more often, then perhaps you should try and ask yourself a few deeper questions and try and explore your sexuality a little more.

That’s the only way to get a true answer to the question of “am I a lesbian?” [Read: The most common bisexual stereotypes we need to get rid of ASAP]

Lesbian, bisexual, queer, straight, or anything else in the LGBTQ, whichever gender identity is fine

Before we get into helping you find out if you’re a lesbian, first know that if it turns out that you are, it’s all good. 

Coming to grips with your sexuality isn’t always easy or obvious, but it is your own personal deal and it’s nobody else’s business. You can love who you want to love. If you find another woman attractive, that’s perfectly fine. Find both men and women attractive? You go for it. 

We live in a world that is far more accepting than ever before. It’s true that there’s still a long way to go, because there are still some pockets of society that need to change. 

But, the point is, if it turns out that you are lesbian, embrace it. It’s something to be excited about and explore. It’s not something to be fearful or worried about. It’s part of who you are. [Read: 20 sexually enlightening movies all about sexuality]

Do I identify as a lesbian? Questions and points to consider

The signs that answer the question, “am I a lesbian”, are not always clear. Some people identify as lesbians. Some people find themselves sexually attracted to both sexes, while some even like objects.

The reasons that people fall in love with other people are still a mystery to even the most experienced scientists.

There is no magic litmus test to calculate your sexuality. In totality, if you aren’t sure, then it is probably about adding up various signs and going with what your heart, instead of what your head tells you. It’s also important that you understand and define what lesbian means to you.

Here are some questions and points to think about that can help you figure things out if you want to know if you’re a lesbian. [Read: Is she a lesbian? Clear signs to know for sure]

1. You are drawn to friends who tend to be a little more affectionate in general

Some girls are just more touchy-feely than others. We know them, don’t we? They are the ones who flirt with both sexes.

It is okay to have some flirty friends, but if all you have are the friends that provides you with physical intimacy, then you might want to think about what attracts you to them.

2. You often feel very possessive of a girl you are attracted to

We all have a problem when our bestie starts hanging out with the popular chick. But, if you realize that you’re being so possessive and positively pissed about their relationship that you will do anything to end it, then you should probably check yourself and your true feelings for your “friend.” [Read: Straight girl crush – Why it’s important for every girl to have one]

3. You regularly fantasize about women

It isn’t that fantasizing about another woman at times makes you a lesbian, that just makes you human. But, if you are only aroused when you think about women sexually, then it might be a sign that you are a lesbian.

Some things might turn us all on, but if you find that you have one preference only, then that might be telling you something. [Read: A straight girl’s views on the seduction of lesbian porn]

4. You don’t find guys or their male parts enticing at all

Okay, so guys’ parts aren’t always as sensual and beautiful. But if you don’t find anything sexy about a man, then that might be a red flag.

5. Your family is very against homosexuality

Sometimes we suppress our feelings because we know that the people in our lives wouldn’t be understanding or accepting of the way we feel. For instance, we’ve been taught from a very early age that making men happy is our job as women, and lesbians have a tendency to hide it if they don’t want to have a relationship with men.

If you have a deeply religious, or homophobic family, then you may be keeping your feelings hidden out of reprisal without even knowing it. [Read: Sure ways to tell if you’re really bi-curious]

6. You have felt different from those around you for as long as you can remember

Typically, when someone is homosexual, they have feelings that are different from others their age, especially during puberty. Maybe you’ve always found yourself differing from other girls about boys and your attraction to them, which might be your inner voice telling you something.

7. You get girl crushes that seem to be more intense, and they often recur

All girls get crushes on other girls at times. It is totally normal to have a “womance” once in a while.

If, however, you find yourself perpetually shifting from one crush to another without any guys in the middle, then it might be time to consider if it is just a friend thing, or more of a sexual one. [Read: Girl crush: What it means to have one & the deeper meaning it hides]

8. You have experimented so many times that it’s no longer technically “experimentation”

Experimenting with homosexuality is something that some people find exciting. But if your experimentation has become your norm, then it is safe to say that the experiment has ended, and you have found the results of your laboratory test.

9. You have a specific part on a woman that makes your heart go pitter-patter

If you find that you are butt, a boob, and/or foot lover, and you fixate on a special body part attached to the female gender, then it might be time to stop questioning your sexuality.

Finding the female body attractive is TOTALLY normal; they are sexy after all. But if you are fixated on something sexual about a woman, then it may be a bigger sign. [Read: What it means to have a lesbian fantasy as a straight woman]

10. You have a “type”

If blondes drive you wild and make your heart soar, then it might be something more than just a “thing.”

Liking girls because they are tall, blond, and beautiful isn’t really about a friendship, because there is a physical attraction, not an emotional one, driving it.

11. You would rather spend your time getting to know a girl friend than a guy

If you would rather spend your time belly up at a bar getting to know the girl who is next to you, than the guy who just bought you a drink *assuming he is hot*, then you might want to take a look and see if it is an isolated incident or if there is something more behind it. [Read: 15 ridiculous lesbian myths that you probably still believe]

12. At the end of the night, you’re often the only one who hasn’t hooked up

Okay, so you don’t ‘sleep around’, and you might think that your friends are way too promiscuous for having sex with someone every time you go out. However, part of growing up is having some encounters of the physical kind.

You don’t have to have a long list of one night stands on your bed post, but if you find that you haven’t ever thrown caution to the wind and had sex with me, then there may be some sexual tension missing. We’re sure you can guess the reason why by now.

13. With the exception of a couple of one night stands, you find guys not really that awesome

On the other hand, if you find that you have nothing but notches on your bed post and can’t wait for the one night stand to exit in the morning, then you might be conquering guys to prove that you can, and that you aren’t a lesbian.

Sometimes we find out the most about ourselves in what we spend a lot of our time doing. [Read: Dating your one night stand – Easy or sleazy?]

14. You feel uncomfortable talking to girls because you don’t feel on the same page

If you find yourself sitting back from a group of girls because you are afraid to let something out that feels secretive about your sexuality, then you might want to think about why that is. Are you so afraid of what people think? And why do you think anyone would judge you either way?

15. When your friends get all giddy about guys, you don’t get it

If you haven’t ever had that feeling about a first crush on a guy, but you have a girl, then that might be a sign.

Some people are just slower to fall in love, but not even having an interest in men might mean something more. [Read: How do lesbians have sex? The truth about girl on girl sex]

16. You try to convince yourself that you’re not a lesbian

If you have a feeling you are a lesbian and you keep trying to talk yourself out of it, then stop resisting and see where it takes you.

17. People have often questioned your sexuality

If you have a lot of people questioning your sexuality, then maybe they see something you don’t.

It may be time to have a real heart to heart to find out why they have the opinion they do. They might be able to explain things about you that you aren’t ready to see or recognize. [Read: The best of both worlds? How to date a bisexual woman]

18. You get tingly when you have a girl crush and want it to go further

Having a girl crush is normal. Wanting to continually act on it, reach over and grab them, or wanting to kiss their lips is not the actions of someone who doesn’t have lesbian tendencies.

19. You prefer girl-on-girl porn only

It isn’t that you can’t get turned on when you watch lesbian porn – hey, sometimes sex is sex. But, if you find that the only way you get turned on is when watching girls on girls, then it might be a signal. Alternatively, whenever you watch or read a lesbian romantic story, you imagine yourself in a similar situation and you like it. [Read: All the reasons why lesbian porn is way hotter than straight porn]

20. You know in your heart

If you are reading this and asking yourself, “am I a lesbian”, then that might be the biggest sign. Constantly searching for answers outside of your own feelings sometimes means that you aren’t ready to accept what you already know in your heart.

One crush or experimental incident with another girl doesn’t make you a lesbian. In fact, if there is a woman out there who says they have never been attracted to another female, they would be lying. The truth is that women and non-binary people have a sensuality and sexuality that is attractive to both genders. [Read: How to know if you are gay – all the signs you can’t ignore]

21. You have trouble accepting that your sexual preferences exist 

For sure, it may be hard for you to accept you’re into women, even on a bisexual level. It’s normal if you’re uncomfortable and scared about the idea of being bi or a lesbian.

But right now, just start with being honest with yourself. 

The first step is acknowledging you like women. Now, that doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian, it just means on some sexual level you’re attracted to them. Accept that and you can start to move through the other points to try and get to a firm decision in the end. 

Pushing away the idea that you’re attracted to women isn’t going to help you to find out the truth about your sexual identity. [Read: How to tell if you’re actually bi-curious]

22. You think about women a lot

Now, sure, you could have had a sexual encounter with a woman and enjoyed it, but you don’t crave it. If you find yourself constantly thinking about women and becoming turned on when you see an attractive one, you may be a lesbian.

If it’s simply that you find a celebrity woman a little hot, it’s very unlikely that you’re a lesbian. We can all appreciate a sexy and good-looking woman, but it doesn’t mean that we’re lesbians. It’s more likely to be the case if you find yourself feeling sexually or romantically attracted to women you see in your day-to-day life. [Read: How to be more sexual and fall in love with the sexy side of you]

23. You only think of women when you masturbate

If you masturbate only to the thought of women, you may be a lesbian.

Of course, to make things a little more confusing, it’s possible for a straight woman to find lesbian porn a turn-on. In this case, however, a woman is likely to not only watch lesbian porn, but it’s also more likely to be a varied deal.

But, if you have to close your eyes and think about women to get off, that’s a pretty strong sign. [Read: Reasons lesbian porn is way hotter than straight porn]

24. You feel the need to experiment with your sexuality a little 

If you’re still asking yourself “am I lesbian” and you can’t shake the idea, there’s nothing wrong with trying it out. Try dating a girl and see how you like it. 

Do you find yourself sexually attracted to men while you’re with her? Or are you finding yourself solely into females? You’ll soon start to see what you’re into over time. 

But, if you do this, never lead anyone on. Always make sure that the person you’re with knows that you’re confused about your sexuality, or simply tell them that you don’t want anything serious and to keep it casual. [Read: Pillow princess and what it really means to be labeled as one]

25. Could you be bisexual?

Some days you want to be with a man, and then other days you’re more interested in women. If that’s the case, you’re most likely bisexual. 

As we’ve already mentioned, lesbians are more concrete in their attraction to women. However, if you’re switching back and forth, then you’re attracted to both genders and it could mean you’re bisexual.

26. You’ve hooked up with a girl and liked it

You can still be a lesbian without having kissed a woman. But, if you’ve kissed a girl and liked it, then that’s a great sign you’re sexually attracted to other women.

Does it mean you’re a lesbian? No. It could also mean you’re bisexual. But it does mean you’re attracted to women to some extent. [Read: Do you understand what it means to be sexually fluid in the dating world?]

27. If you do date men, they’re more feminine

The men you’ve dated in the past were never really overly masculine. They were all slightly feminine. Now, this doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian, you could just like that type of guy.

However, lesbian women sometimes go through a stage where the men they date are far more feminine than masculine before entering into a lesbian relationship.

28. You see women everywhere

Women make up half the world’s population, so yes, women are literally everywhere. But this is different. When you walk down the street, all you see are women.

While your female friends are noticing guys, your eyes are set on the women. Unless you think about it, you don’t even notice you’re doing it. [Read: Am I lesbian or bisexual? How to understand your true desires]

29. When you’re on a date with a guy, you think about women

When you’re on a date with a guy, usually, you’re thinking about them. But your mind isn’t on them at all. Instead, you’re thinking about the girl you met last week that was into you.

If you find yourself thinking about women more than men, it could mean you’re a lesbian. [Read: The secret signs of female bisexuality]

30. You can’t visualize dating a man

When you think about dating a man in your future, you’re not excited. If anything, you become sad. There’s something inside of you telling you it’s not right, and that’s because being with a man isn’t what you want.

31. You have a lot of platonic male friendships

When you look at your list of friends, many of them are male. Even so, you’ve never had sex with a man. In fact, most of your male friendships are strictly platonic.

They see you as one of the guys, and you don’t see them as anything but friends. [Read: 15 lesbian dating apps for the newly out lez]

This is a journey of discovery – don’t rush it!

Everyone wants to label others. It makes us feel more comfortable with ourselves. We need to know what you’re exactly into; people don’t like blurred lines. 

But the truth is that you don’t have to identify yourself as anything if you don’t want to. Maybe you just don’t know right now, so take your time in finding out. There’s no rush. 

This is a process and some processes take a little time. Be okay with that and enjoy learning about your sexuality without any barriers. [Read: How to be yourself – steps to unfake your life and love being you]

You might feel like you need to tell your partner how you’re feeling or you need to talk things through with someone else. For sure, if you want to talk about how you’re feeling, go for it, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to. 

This is a journey of self-discovery and it’s something you should take your time doing. It’s not something that needs to be completed right now. 

You can take your time discovering your preferences through thought, contemplation, and perhaps a little experimentation. The answer to “am I lesbian” will make itself abundantly clear when you’re ready to find the answer and accept it. [Read: I don’t know what to do with my life – The voice to find your way]

You’ll find the answer when you’re ready to hear it

The key to figuring out your sexuality is being open to what your heart tells you, and involves not being afraid to find the true answer. If while looking over the list almost all the items described you, it might help you answer your question.

We are who we are; we love who we love. Chemistry is a wondrous and miraculous thing. If you are a lesbian, then stop denying who you are and worrying about what people will think. Embrace it and look forward to the wonderful opportunities in front of you.

[Read: Lesbian stereotypes: 15 common cliches we hear about all the time]

In the end, the only person who can answer the question, “am I a lesbian”, is you. If you find love, whether it is lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual love, you are better off than most.