Should I Give Up On Her or Keep Trying? 20 Signs to Stop Chasing Her

Whether you’re pursuing a new girl or winning back your ex, you might be asking yourself, “should I give up on her?” Here is how to figure it out.

You are chasing a girl who isn’t giving off signs that she wants to date you. Or you’re broken-hearted and want to get back together with your ex. Either way, there comes a time when you need to ask yourself – should I give up on her?

It’s difficult to give up on someone you’re so attached to, regardless of whether or not you were actually a couple. That’s why so many guys miss the signs that the girl doesn’t want him back. So, we’re going to break this down into two different scenarios. First, when should you give up on her when you’re pursuing her? And next, when should you give up on her after a breakup?

Let’s start with when to give up when you are chasing a girl and trying to get her to go out with you.

Signs you should give up on pursuing her

Okay, if you haven’t actually even gone out on a date with this girl, then you are still in the mindset of chasing her. You’re trying to get her to notice you and consider you a suitable candidate for a potential boyfriend. But don’t be blind to the fact that she just doesn’t want you. Here they are.

1. She doesn’t text you back

Well, this couldn’t be a more obvious sign, now could it? If you send her texts and she rarely answers you, do you really think she’s interested in you? Of course not. If she were, she would text you back instantly. So, this is a really bad sign. [Read: Important rules for texting a girl and not creeping her out]

2. She takes a long time to text you back

Or, let’s say she does text you back but she takes hours – or even days – to reply. This is the same problem as if she didn’t text you back. Her slowness is being done deliberately. She wants to send the message that you are very low on her priority list and she’s not that interested in talking to you.

3. She doesn’t want to spend time alone with you

Maybe you have suggested going to check out this new bar or to see a movie. Even if she agrees to go, she always invites a friend or even a group of people. After a while, you wonder why she can’t hang out with you unless other people are around. That’s because she doesn’t want to give you the wrong idea that it’s a “date.”

4. She doesn’t reciprocate anything

Let’s say that you made a big deal out of her birthday. You bought her a present, a cake, and a bottle of champagne. She says she appreciates it and it’s such a nice thing to do. But when your birthday rolls around … nothing. No present, no cake, nothing at all. You’re lucky if she even wishes you a happy birthday over text. [Read: 17 sad signs the girl you like is just using and taking advantage of you]

5. She’s always “busy”

When you do ask her to hang out, she always has an excuse ready. She has to babysit, or her family is coming into town, or she promised her friend that she would see a movie with her. Regardless of the excuse, she is always, always too busy to see you.

6. She always has to check her calendar

This is similar to the “always being busy” excuse. If when you ask to hang out she says, “I’ll have to check my calendar and I’ll let you know.” That is code for “I don’t want to, but I’m too nice to tell you directly. So I’m going to pretend like I’m checking my calendar – but “forget” to – and I hope you will forget that you asked me.” 

7. She says you’re such a good “friend”

Oh, the dreaded “friend” word. If you figure out that she’s really using that a lot to describe you, then she is sending you a message. She might say things like, “You’re such a good friend!” or “What would I do without a friend like you?” She’s letting you know that she doesn’t see you as having romantic potential. [Read: 25 ways to avoid the friend zone and build the sexual tension from the start]

8. She talks about other guys

If she is talking about other guys that she finds hot or has crushes on, you can rest assured that you are not on that list. If you were, she wouldn’t be talking that way because she wouldn’t want you to think that she likes other guys. This is a sign that definitely answers the question of whether you should give up on her. The answer is “yes.”

9. She doesn’t dress up for you

If you do hang out with her, she doesn’t put any effort into how she looks. She might not wear any makeup, neglect to brush out her bedhead, and show up in sweats. If she really liked you, she would look her best at all times. Or at the very least, she wouldn’t look like a slob around you.

10. She wants to fix you up with her friend

This is almost worse than if she is talking about other guys to you. If she says things like, “oh you would love my friend Amber! You two have so much in common. I should set up a date for the two of you!”, she is clearly trying to pawn you off on her friend because she doesn’t want you. [Read: How to get out of the friend zone through texts one text and a time]

Now, let’s talk about whether you should give up on her if she’s your ex.

Signs you should totally go for it and try to get back together with your ex

You’re in love with her, but she left you. Your heart is essentially destroyed and smashed into a million pieces. And yet, you still want to try and make it work. Sometimes, this can be a great thing. But if you’ve been giving it your all and are now wondering, “should I give up on her?” you might want to know for sure if it’s time to move on.

Because it might be. Some circumstances call for a guy to own up to his mistakes and put in the effort to win a girl back. You can totally do it. However, some girls don’t want to be won over. In fact, they want you to give up. [Read: 15 signs an ex is confused about their wants and feelings and what to do]

People break up for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes those reasons can be harmless and just major misunderstandings. Other times, it’s just timing and you can easily remedy that by waiting until the time is right.

If you’re thinking about getting back together, you’ll want to think about whether or not you should. Did your breakup end horribly or was it a mutual understanding? If you had a clean breakup with no hurt feelings, getting back together is totally possible.

You also need to consider if the issues within your relationship previously can be remedied easily. If there are long-standing, complex problems neither of you can get past, a reunion is definitely not on the table for you. [Read: Signs you should get back with your ex]

The signs you should give up on her when she’s your ex

You may not want to admit it when you need to give up and move on. But there’s a certain point when you just need to. If it’s unclear to you and you find yourself wondering, “should I give up on her?”, these signs it’s time to end your efforts will help.

1. She broke up with you for a legitimate reason

If you cheated on her or did anything else that broke her trust so much she can’t ever trust you again, there’s really no going back. She broke up with you for a real reason. You can’t fix something that’s broken in that way.

On the flip side, she may have ended things because of her own reasons. Perhaps she didn’t love you any more or didn’t see a future based on beliefs, religion, or morals. If that’s the case, you can’t change who you are and you can’t change her, either. [Read: Valid reasons to break up with someone]

2. You’ve already tried everything

After a certain amount of time and effort, it’s just time to call it quits. If you’ve already tried everything and you’re not getting anywhere with her, it’s time to give up and move on.

Sure, you could try the same things again and again. But honestly, if they didn’t work before, they won’t work now. She’s numb to your advances and it’s just time to pick yourself up and move on.

3. You’ve sat down and discussed what happened

Having closure is very, very important. If you keep thinking, “should I give up on her?” and you’ve discussed, in detail, why you broke up, then it’s time to let her go.

There’s nothing more you can do. You both got your feelings out and everything was shared. There’s really no hope of making it work after you both have said your piece. She wasn’t receptive to your desire to fix things then and she won’t be now. [Read: How to find closure after a breakup]

4. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want you to keep trying

By making it clear, she’s told you time and time again that you need to stop talking to her. Not only is it bad for you to continue pursuing her, but it’s not good for her either.

She wants to move on with her life. Why are you pushing to be with someone who so clearly doesn’t want you to try? Listen to her. It’s not an attempt to get you to work harder. It’s her way of telling you that nothing will work.

5. She’s moved on

This is the best way to know if you need to give up on her. If she’s seeing someone else, your chance is gone. She’s not going to dump that person just because you decide to keep pursuing her.

If anything, it’ll make her more unhappy with you. Your advances are probably causing a rift in her new relationship and it’s making her upset. If you really want her to be happy, let her live her life. [Read: Signs your ex has really moved on from you]

6. She keeps ignoring you

This is just a pretty universally obvious sign that someone wants you to stop. They’ll ignore you. Continuing to pursue someone who is flat-out ignoring you is pointless.

She doesn’t want to talk to or hear from you. By not responding, she’s sending a clear message that you should stop and give up. Take this sign seriously and move on with your life.

7. She’s blocked you on social media platforms

If it comes to this, you’re past the point of needing to give up. You can’t just keep pushing for someone so much that they actually need to block you from accessing their profiles.

Sure, she might unfriend you after the breakup. But usually, she’ll only block you if you’ve passed the limit of trying too hard. So give up. Move on and restore some of that dignity [Read: Credible reasons why she’s ignoring you]

8. She’s blocked your phone number

Calling and texting repeatedly without a response and even being told to stop will result in this. Your number will get blocked and you’ll never be able to contact her via your phone again. Don’t let it get to that point. If she feels the need to block your number, things are so far gone you’ll never be able to get them back. It’s time to give up on her.

9. She’s had other people tell you to stop

When your mutual friends or even your family are telling you enough is enough, it’s obviously time to listen to them. This is especially true if the message is coming from her. Asking people who are close to you to tell you to knock it off is really sad and a huge sign you need to give up. [Read: Telling signs it’s time to give up on a relationship]

10. You feel like it’s time to give up

You feel exhausted and you feel like giving up. That’s probably the most obvious sign it’s time to give in. There’s only so much you can do to win someone back. If you’ve done everything you can, then you need to move on and find someone who wants you in their life.

[Read: 16 clear signs it’s time to call it quits for good]

It’s always difficult giving up on someone you love. But sometimes, you need to. Once you start asking yourself, “should I give up on her?” it’s most likely time just to move on.