17 Whys & Ways to Care Less in a Relationship When You’re Being Used

Some people are just more naturally caring than others. So, if you feel like that person, then you need to learn how to care less in a relationship.

There are very few things in life that are more difficult than maintaining a relationship. It’s just like plants very difficult to figure out. It seems like you always water them too much or not enough. Finding the perfect balance is hardly ever easy. A relationship is similar. If you feel like you water your proverbial relationship too much, then you might wonder how to care less in a relationship.

A relationship takes two partners caring equally for one another, but we don’t live in an ideal world.

If you feel as if you care way more for the one that you are with and the feelings aren’t returned, then it just might be time for you to disconnect. Stop worrying about them for a bit to worry about your own feelings.

[Read: Am I being taken for granted? 25 signs, how it starts, and the best ways to fix it]

Why should you intentionally care less in a relationship?

It might sound counterintuitive, but there are certain situations in which you should care less in a relationship.

Sure, it feels like you should do the opposite, but here are the times when you shouldn’t. [Read: How to stop caring for someone – 23 ways to move on from the pain]

1. You are putting in more effort than them

If you feel like you are always the one who is trying to fix things in your relationship, then you are putting in too much effort.

In fact, if your partner isn’t putting in any effort – or just the bare minimum – then this is a time to care less in the relationship. You can’t have a healthy partnership when you are the only one who is putting in the effort to make it work. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango.

2. Your partner is selfish

Maybe your partner is unemployed and playing video games all day. Meanwhile, you are cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, and doing everything to keep your lives up and running.

If that’s true, then you have an incredibly selfish partner. You shouldn’t be the only one making your relationship work. Selfish people won’t change, so you should care less about the relationship.

3. Your partner doesn’t care about your needs

Going hand-in-hand with being selfish, if your partner doesn’t care about your needs, then you have a big problem.

Each person needs to put their partner’s needs at least equal to – if not before – their own in order to make a relationship work.

So, if they never ask you what your needs are and don’t care that you even have any, then that’s a sign that you should care less too. [Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]

4. You got cheated on

Usually, when people get cheated on, they care more, not less. Their ego is bruised and internalize what is wrong with them.

But instead of doing that, you should stop caring. Why should you care about a person who has cheated on you? You deserve so much better than that. So, don’t even waste your time caring because it’s pointless.

5. Your partner is abusive

If your partner doesn’t respect you and abuses you, why would you care about them?

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, and abuse of any kind – emotional, mental, verbal, and physical – is unacceptable. That’s why you should stop caring if you are getting that horrible treatment from them.

6. You are unhappy

If your relationship is making you unhappy, then you shouldn’t care about it anymore. The whole point of life is to be happy and spread love.

But if you’re miserable, you shouldn’t care about your partner or your relationship anymore. Instead, you should go out and find someone else who does make you happy. [Read: Unhappy relationship – 25 traits of sad love and lies you tell yourself]

7. Your partner never initiates sex

If your partner has tuned out of the relationship so much that they are uninterested in sex with you, then the relationship is pretty far gone.

So, if they never initiate physical intimacy, and even turn you down if you do, why should you care? There are plenty of other people in the world who would want to have sex with you.

8. Your partner won’t talk to you

Maybe you have tried to talk to your partner a million times about how to fix your relationship, but they don’t give you the opportunity to express your concerns and your emotions.

Even if they do talk to you, they might even “participate” in the conversation and say they will change and make things better. But they never do. Actions speak louder than words.

9. Your partner has tuned out of the relationship

Maybe there’s nothing in particular that is wrong with your relationship. However, you just know that your partner has already tuned out and is emotionally distant.

If they don’t care about being emotionally connected to you, then why should you care? That’s why you should care less in the relationship. [Read: 22 signs to see a troubled relationship and the best ways to fix it ASAP]

How to care less in a relationship with these important steps

It is easy to become obsessed, especially when we can’t have the very thing we THINK we want. But that is the thing; it is just what you think you want.

When all is said and done, if you care less about your relationship, you just might realize that it is your relationship that is causing you a whole lot more angst than need be.

A relationship should be supportive, fun, and equal. If it isn’t for you, then it is time for you to focus on your own needs and let them worry about them.

1. Know that there are always other fish in the sea

Don’t buy into the notion that there is only “one” person for you. There are literally billions of fish in the sea.

If your current relationship doesn’t feel right, and you feel the need to put all of yourself into it and aren’t getting what you want out of it, then it is time to consider that there are other people out there who might be better suited for you.

If you feel like they are the only one in the world for you, then you just might miss the signs that they aren’t. You are so focused on convincing yourself that they are, in spite of what you feel inside. [Read: How to stop feeling ignored by the one you love]

2. Focus on you

If you are a people pleaser by nature, then relationships are even tougher. Those of us who care more about the people around us and their happiness than we do our own never find happiness.

If you care more about the way your partner feels and negate what you need and what you feel, it makes you feel empty.

Constantly putting others in front of you, especially your significant other, makes you feel miserable. If you want your relationship to be good and whole, then you have to be whole yourself. That involves putting you first. [Read: What it means to be your own hero and take control of your life]

3. Know that the only one you control is you

In a relationship, it is so difficult to come to terms that you can’t change other people. You can only change yourself. The problem is, the more you try to make people who you want them to be, the harder they fight against losing themselves and the more miserable you become with who they are.

If you have a hard time because you care too much, then think of it this way, you can’t control what will happen. Worrying about it, only makes you a nervous, unhappy mess.

Control the things you can by doing what you need to find fulfillment and care less about what you can’t control like their behavior or their love for you. You can’t make someone love you more by changing them. You only push them further away. [Read: Why loving someone too much only kills the love]

4. Trust or be done

If you want to know how to care less in a relationship, then decide whether you trust your mate or not. A lot of the time we say we trust the person we love, yet we continually look for signs of their loyalty, love, or want them to prove themselves in other ways.

If you want to care less in your relationship, then you either trust them and their love for you or you turn them loose. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and learn to be loyal and loving]

Wasting all of your energy continually looking for signs isn’t doing anything but making you a nervous wreck and leaving you with more questions than answers.

That means that you must stop looking at their phone and their social media to see what they have been up to. When they say, “I love you” accept it. If you can’t, then maybe you know something isn’t right, and you should start to listen to that little voice that tells you so. [Read: Can *or should* a relationship without trust survive?]

5. Find security alone

If you aren’t happy with yourself or secure knowing that you will be okay not just with their love, but even if their love should fail, then you are going to spend a lifetime holding on too tight.

Love sometimes comes and goes, that is just the sad reality of life.

There are no guarantees in a relationship. What is guaranteed is that if you feel strongly and know you are secure on your own, no matter what comes your way, you stop clinging so tightly. Love is something that should add something to your life, not define it, or be the source of your security. [Read: 14 spirited steps to be independent in a relationship and learn to love better]

6. Don’t become too dependent

When you get involved in a relationship, it is easy to let go of friendships and other people. Being new, you want to spend every waking moment together. Sometimes you wake up well into the relationship to realize that you have let go of pretty much everything you had and were before you became a couple.

If that happens, that makes you feel like you have a whole lot more to lose. So, if you want to care less in your relationship, hold onto your own identity and pursue a life outside of your union.

When all you have is what binds you two, then it makes you feel isolated and worried without cause. [Read: 15 signs of a healthy relationship you should look for]

7. Further and follow your own dreams instead of sacrificing yourself for the team

A surefire way to invest too much of yourself into any relationship is by sacrificing yourself and your dreams for someone else.

In every relationship, there is going to be compromise. It doesn’t mean only one person should continually sacrifice what they want for the needs of another, especially not if it stifles one and keeps them down.

If you want to know how to care less in a relationship, then it means that you put your own ambitions first and never stop growing by always stepping aside and letting someone else’s goals and dreams take precedence. [Read: 20 non-negotiables in a relationship you should never ever compromise on]

8. Learn from your mistakes

If you want to know how to care less in a relationship, the best way is to recognize your mistakes. If you care too much, put too much energy into your relationship, or obsess about things, consider how that worked until now.

Admit to yourself that all your concern isn’t helping. It only hurts your relationship. Sometimes it just takes admittance and recognition that your habits and propensities are counterproductive to what you want out of life.

If caring as much as you do isn’t getting you what you want out of your relationship, then it only makes sense to start caring less and see how that works for you. [Read: Why am I so insecure? 20 reasons why you care more than others]

The definition of a relationship should be a mutual concern. But, that doesn’t mean that everyone you care about is going to equally care back, or even have the ability to feel the same concern.

The only one whose actions and behaviors you can change are your own. So, if you feel like you care too much and it not only hurts you but your relationship, then start focusing on what makes you happy. Stop convincing yourself that you aren’t as important and worthy.

[Read: 16 reasons why it’s so easy to take you for granted and firm ways to stop them]

Knowing how to care less in a relationship means caring more about yourself. You will soon see a huge transformation in the way that you feel the security you find in life.