Sex Tutorial: 20 Things About How to Have & Enjoy Sex No One Tells You

Sex for the first time is nerve-wracking and confusing. We could all do with a sex tutorial beforehand! Here are a few things you might not know yet.

Without a good sex tutorial on how to have sex, or even a clear understanding of it, most people look back on losing their virginity with a cringe. Sure, it’s meant to be a beautiful and memorable experience, but for many people, it just doesn’t work out that way.

The reason is because sex isn’t like it in the movies. Things go wrong, you say something stupid, make a weird noise, or something squelches and nobody knows what to say or do.

Basically, we could all do with a sex tutorial before the day arrives, but it’s not something they teach you in sex ed!

We put so much pressure on ourselves to make that first time perfect but the truth is that it’s just not going to be that way.

Sure, you can make sure that your first time is with someone you care about and that you’re totally ready – which is always something you should do. However, the rest is something you’ve never experienced before, so how can you be sure that it’s going to go without a hitch?

Use this guide on first time sex and the virgin’s guide to nailing it if you’re preparing for it soon!

Even if your partner has had sex before, the truth is that even the most experienced person in the world will encounter odd noises and weird facial expressions.

Sex is never perfect, but you have to embrace the weirdness and love every second of it regardless.

Why first time sex is just so downright weird

We probably have teen dramas to blame for building up the first time into something earth-shattering and moving. In those shows, it’s always so perfect that it moves the pair of young lovers to tears.

For most people who don’t really know how sex works, the only tears being shed are tears of relief or embarrassment. [Read: 14 embarrassing questions about sex most of us are too shy to ask]

We don’t want to make it seem like first time sex is going to be terrible or even cringe-worthy, but it’s important to know that it’s probably not going to be like something you see in a romantic comedy either.

First time sex is weird. Someone is putting something inside another person and it’s never been done before and it’s just … strange. Don’t you think? When you really think about sex and what it is, it’s enough to make you not want it at all.

The good news is that it does get better. A lot better. So, don’t worry if your first time isn’t the wonderful experience you wanted it to be. What matters is that you experienced something you were ready for and hopefully, it was with a partner who you cared about.

For some people, that’s not the case. If that’s you and you’re fine with it, that’s good too. [Read: How I lost my virginity – 15 true stories that aren’t so sexy]

There are no rights and wrongs to this, just whatever you’re comfortable with and ready for. Provided it’s all legal, of course. [Read: 19 embarrassing things that can go wrong during sex]

20 things to learn in your sex tutorial

When you look back on your first time, there are bound to be tons of things you wish you had known. It’s the same for everyone. You do a straw poll of people and ask them if their first time was perfect and we bet the overwhelming majority will tell you ‘no’.

That’s because you just don’t know enough about it all and you’ve never experienced this pretty serious thing before.

There are so many things they don’t teach you in sex ed that you probably really need to know. So, let’s check out our own bespoke sex tutorial and arm you with all the information you need before deciding whether you want to go for it, or wait a little longer.

1. You don’t actually have to have sex

It’s true, when it comes to the first year of college, you’re feeling pressure to have sex. Honestly, there are so many people who lose their virginity when they’re in their mid-twenties and they turn out fine.

Just do it when you feel you’re ready.

The last thing you need is to get a girl pregnant or end up pregnant when you’re really not prepared. That’s an obvious lesson in our sex tutorial. Don’t feel pressured just because society makes you think you should have done it before a certain time. You don’t get a certificate or feel any different the next day, trust us.

Just stick to dry humping for now and it’ll feel just as good! [Read: Dry humping and the virgin’s guide to orgasms]

2. You can stop at any time you want

There’s this assumption that if you’re not enjoying your time during sex, you have to push through it until the end because it’s rude.

Okay, sure, it may sting the person’s ego a little when you tell them to stop, but they’ll get over it. If you’re not having a good time! There’s no point.

Waiting two minutes longer will not change the fact that you and this person do not connect on a sexual level. We’re not saying that they’re bad at sex, it’s just that your style doesn’t match with theirs. So, cut it.

Equally, if you’re just not comfortable, you’re more than within your rights to say “just stop.” No questions asked. [Read: Just the tip sex – Why guys love using this excuse and why girls always fall for it]

3. You should never settle for a sex life with no foreplay

Sex is intense and passionate and messy. However, people usually just rush to that part while looking over foreplay. Foreplay is what builds up the tension, and if you just jump into the actual act of sex, well, it can seem a little flat. Not to mention for girls, a lack of foreplay doesn’t make sex that comfortable most of the time either.

Foreplay gives you the opportunity to explore each other’s bodies and gets you both aroused.

You know when it’s cold outside and you need to warm up your car before driving it? Think of foreplay as the time when your car is heating up. And remember how great it feels to sit inside a warm car? Exactly. [Read: What is real foreplay? 17 moves to make them horny just looking at you]

4. It’s not just about the penis

You might think a sex tutorial = talking about penises. Not really. Many men are obsessed with their penises during sex. That being said, they tend to ignore their partner and focus on only pleasuring their penises.

So, men – focus your attention on her. Women – do pay attention to his penis, but also direct him to your vagina – let him explore. Sex is a two-way street. You both need to enjoy it equally. [Read: Fascinating and unknown facts about the penis]

5. Take advantage of your fingers

You have two hands and ten fingers, don’t even get us started on the possibilities you have with them. Your hands are one of the most important body parts during sex.

They can grab, touch, squeeze – they’re the ultimate tool. So, use your fingers to either finger your girl or rub your man’s penis. Let your fingers do the talking.

6. Don’t be shy, this is about enjoyment!

Sometimes people are scared to unleash themselves during sex. They’re worried about what the other person will think or if they’re strange. But it’s sex. It’s supposed to be wild and sensual.

This is the moment where you can really let yourself go in a safe space. So take advantage of this opportunity to explore and experiment.

Remember, sex is supposed to be about enjoyment and if you’re focused on what the other person is thinking, you’re not going to enjoy it. [Read: How to get a shy girl to open up and relax in bed]

7. Use your mouth

We’ve already talked about the fact that you should be using your fingers, but let your mouth get in on the action too! You want to be kissed, licked, bitten – to be tasted. Your partner does too.

So, don’t be afraid to lick your partner’s neck or bite their ears. If they don’t like it, they’ll tell you, but at least you should give it a try. Sex is about experimentation, after all!

8. Create a library of sex positions

Most men and women have the traditional sex positions nailed down: missionary, cowgirl, or woman on top. These are positions that are the most common, however, you should expand your knowledge of sexual positions.

That’s why this sex tutorial will expand your horizons. Even if the positions end up not working out, mix it up and give some new positions a try. They’ll improve your creativity, flexibility, and self-confidence.

You’re never going to know if you like something unless you give it a whirl! [Read: 12 very easy sex positions that look expert-level and feel really good too]

9. Never underestimate oral sex

Penetration is great, there’s no questioning that. However, having a woman or man go down on you is a whole other pleasure. Don’t be afraid to go down on your partner during foreplay or sex.

They’ll probably enjoy having a bit of a break, and you’ll enjoy pleasuring them. Use your mouth, hands, feet – whatever turns them on, and use it during oral sex. [Read: Female confessions – How oral sex really feels for women]

10. You can get an STD even with a condom

We’re taught that condoms are basically the cure for everything. If you don’t want to get pregnant or contract an STD, you should use a condom. Didn’t expect to hear that in our sex tutorial, did you?

However, it’s not completely true that condoms prevent you from contracting any STD at all. Diseases like HPV or herpes can be transmitted through skin to skin contact. [Read: The STDs 101 – The main types and their symptoms]

11. Broken penises are a thing

Ladies, you probably won’t understand the pain. However, fellas, we’re truly sorry. Broken penises are a thing. There’s not an actual bone in the penis, however, when you hear a snapping sound, that’s your tunica albuginea fracturing.

Depending on how it’s injured, the penis will either bleed, bruise or swell. We would probably just pop to the emergency room pretty quickly if we were you.

12. A girl can get pregnant during her period

Yeah, we know, just when you think a week of bleeding is enough torture, you find out you can get pregnant while on your period. It really depends on your individual cycle.

However, you can still get pregnant, especially if you have irregular periods. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news in our sex tutorial but that’s life, unfortunately. [Read: The guide to having sex on your period]

13. Have a headache after sex?

If you’ve ended up with a headache after sex, you’re not alone. Actually, 1 out of 100 people suffer from this, so don’t feel shy telling your doctor. Yes, people can literally have “mind-blowing sex.” It’s not as fun as it sounds.

14. You really do get that after-sex glow

No, there’s no pregnancy, however, you do get a great glow. The after-sex glow is a beautiful thing. You’ve sweated all your toxins out, you’ve released the oxytocin *aka love hormone* from your system, and you’re mentally and emotionally balanced now.

If it looks like you’ve just been on cloud 9, it’s because you have been. [Read: Sex flush – The real reasons your body and face turn read during sex]

15. Allergic to penises?

It’s actually a thing. Okay, well, you can’t be allergic to the actual penis. However, you can be allergic to the semen. It’s called Post-Orgasm Illness Syndrome (POIS) and can occur in both men and women!

After an orgasm, the individual can get flu-like symptoms – and they said sex is blissful.

16. Always being prepared is the best way forward

You never know when the mood is going to take you. If you’re in a relationship, sex could happen at any time. What are you going to do if you rely on condoms and you don’t have any? Never, ever attempt it without.

In that case, keeping a few spare in your purse is a great idea. No, it’s not slutty, it’s totally normal and totally sensible. Guys, keep a spare in your wallet too! [Read: How long do condoms last? 23 things to know and the big mistakes to avoid]

17. Lube will make your sex life so much better

You might think that lube is something that women use when they’re a little dry down there and yes, they do.

However, lube is something that everyone can use and trust us, once you do use it, you’ll never go back. That extra slip and slide is oh-so-good. [Read: The best lubricants for sex – 15 perfect ones from your kitchen cupboard]

18. Girls, go pee after sex

It might break the romantic afterglow, but trust us, a bout of thrush or a UTI would do more than that.

Make sure you head off to the bathroom to pee after sex and you’ll reduce your chances of any bacteria deciding to turn into an infection. It’s wonderful being a girl, isn’t it? [Read: 7 problems ‘down there’ that you shouldn’t ignore]

19. You probably won’t orgasm every time

Now guys, yeah it’s likely that you will. Let’s be honest, guys tend to do that and we see the actual evidence of it. However, ladies, don’t believe the hype.

Most women do not orgasm every single time they have sex and most cannot orgasm through penetration alone. Some women need a lot of time and a lot of clitoral stimulation to get close to an orgasm.

The good news is that the more you practice, the more you’ll learn what gets you off. So don’t panic if the first time, or the first few times, you don’t really get close. Just keep practicing!

20. Sex and love are two totally different things

If someone tries to tell you that you need to be having sex with your partner if you love them, they’re lying. It’s entirely possible to be totally in love with someone and not have sex.

You might never have sex, you might have it rarely, or you might be at it like rabbits. It’s such a personal deal. Don’t believe everything you see on TV.

That’s another reason why you should only have sex when you’re ready – you can still love someone and develop your relationship without playing hide the sausage.

[Read: What do women really think about the penis?]

We have a feeling that your sex ed teacher didn’t sit you down and tell you half of these things. If that’s the case, we hope you enjoyed your sex tutorial. This knowledge will help increase your sexual pleasure and awareness.