How to Confirm a Date Over Text By Playing It Cool & Not Look Desperate

Everyone has wondered how to confirm a date without sounding desperate. Don’t worry, we have all the tips you need to stop worrying and make that happen.

Ah, the first date. Full of butterflies in the stomach, confusion, excitement, and “should I” or “shouldn’t I.” But it all even starts before the actual date! So, if you’re wondering how to confirm a date without sounding desperate, read on.

Where do you fall?

Most people fall into one of two categories—those who adore the mystery and adventure of a first date, and those who hate the awkwardness.

Many are somewhere in the middle, but more towards the second category. And most people would probably prefer to skip forward a few weeks and get past the confusing part.

However, if you’re someone who loves first dates, there is one area you will probably agree with us on – How to confirm a date without sounding desperate.

We all need to confirm details, right? We need to confirm that we’re both going to be at the same place, at the same time, with the right idea. This is just basic manners, however, when the dating situation is thrown into it, especially a first date, nobody seems to want to do the confirming. As a result, there is the “is this happening or isn’t it?” situation.

Don’t you hate that situation? [Read: Double texting and second texts – The guidebook to play it cool]

Many people do their best to figure out how to confirm a date without sounding desperate and they usually fail. But there is a foolproof method that works time and time again.

It all comes down to the words you use, the timing, and the “one strike and you’re out” method.

Let us explain. [Read: How to ask someone if they like you without embarrassing yourself]

How to confirm a date without sounding desperate – Why confirm in the first place?

First, let’s talk about the reason that confirming a date might be awkward.

You’ve agreed to go on a date, but it might be that no solid plans were made. That means the idea is still floating in the air casually without confirmation.

The problem is, we all agree to things at the moment that we have no intention of doing, so when you’re trying to confirm date details, you’re also asking them whether they still want to go on the date with you. You’re subtly reminding them that they agreed to meet you.

What if they’ve changed their mind? What if they only agreed because it was awkward at the time but never had any real intention of actually going through with it?

Oh, the awkwardness!

This cringe-worthiness might cause you to not bother even attempting to confirm the date in the first place, but then what if you’re missing out? What if they feel the same way, worried that you want to back out and too scared to be the one to make the first move and attempt to get the date in motion?

Do you know what our advice is? Just do it.

Seriously, life is too short for all this “do they/don’t they” rubbish.

Despite that, don’t jump in with both feet, because that’s a little too eager. That’s where the three elements of how to confirm a date without sounding desperate come into play. [Read: How long should a first date last? A guide to perfect timing]

Element 1 – The words you use

The words you use dictate whether or not you’re coming over as desperate or simply wondering. Obviously, simply wondering is the feel we’re going for here.

Without a doubt, you should always try and confirm a date by message or text.

Never call and ask. It’s too embarrassing if they say no, and they might also feel like they have to agree when they don’t really want to. We don’t mean to sound negative, but messages are best.

The problem is, that you need to hit the perfect piece of middle ground. Too many words and you err into essay territory, and too few and it looks like you can’t be bothered.

For starters, nobody has time to read an essay, and secondly, you should at least look like you want to meet this person! [Read: Texting before the first date – 15 rules to make them eager to see you]

Keep it light and uncomplicated and avoid negative phrases, like “if you don’t want to, I understand.” That looks desperate on many levels, just as much as “please come” does!

Something along the lines of “hey, I wondered if you were still up for meeting?” And then wait for their response. Don’t confirm a date, time, and place to meet until you know that the date is actually going to go ahead. 

You’re giving them an ‘out’ here without it looking like you’re trying too hard. If they don’t reply, take it as a no and move on. If they reply with something that sounds distinctly like they’re trying to put you off, again, take the hint and move on.

However, if they reply with a positive answer, simply say something like “Great. How does Sunday sound? I’m free any time after 6 pm.” That sounds like you have a life because you’re busy before 6 pm, but doesn’t dictate where they need to be and at what time, almost like they’re heading to a job interview.

Avoid anything else. Save the “great to see you” for the actual date! [Read: How to avoid getting stood up on a date]

Element 2 – The timing

The next element is timing. The words are nothing without the right timing.

Firstly, remember that people have busy lives and that means you can’t suggest a date for that evening or even the following day and expect them to be free.

Send your text at least three or four days beforehand, giving them enough time to figure out what else they already have planned. It also makes it look like you’re busy and can’t simply drop everything too.

Clever, huh?

Secondly, don’t send your text too early in the morning or too late at night. Too early looks eager, because it basically implies that they were the first person you thought of when you woke up. Cute, but save that for when the relationship is solidified, if it gets that far.

Texting too late at night also shows you’re thinking about them for the wrong reason, or you were too busy to think about it during the day. Either way, stick to the middle of the day, perhaps mid-afternoon, to send your text. [Read: A complete guide to texting before the first date]

Element 3 – One strike and you’re out

Finally, when learning how to confirm a date without sounding desperate, stick to the ‘one strike and you’re out’ rule. Basically, you text them about the date only once. If they reply, great; if they don’t, move the hell on and do not send another text under any circumstances!

Do not send a lighthearted text about something else entirely, subliminally trying to remind them about the date you’re supposed to be having. Yes, we know how your mind works! You’re showing desperation if you continue to text them. Ask them once and leave it at that.

At the end of the day, if they’re not replying to you, do you really want to go on a date with this person anyway? It’s rude to ghost someone, and replying to say “no, thank you” is better than ignoring them completely! Manners people. Always rate manners highly, and you won’t go wrong! [Read: Texting anxiety – how to send and receive texts without freaking out]

Okay, it’s hard to do the ‘one strike’ thing when you really want to meet this person and go on a date. It’s important that you take either no reply or a flaky reply with the intention it is meant. It’s basically a no without actually saying the words.

Take it on the chin, move on, and find someone you don’t have to work quite so hard for.

The best sample texts to confirm your date without sounding desperate

Now that you know all the elements you need to think of when you want to confirm your date, here are some sample texts you can use that won’t make you sound desperate.

1. Hey John! How’s your day going? My day has been pretty hectic so far! So I’m definitely looking forward to grabbing those drinks tonight – I’ll need them! Lol

2. Hey there! I hope your day is going well. Are we still on for drinks at 7:00 tonight?

3. Still feeling up to hanging out tonight?

[Read: Am I texting too much? 16 signs they think you’re a clingy texter]

4. Hey there, are you still up for grabbing lunch tomorrow afternoon?

5. Hi John! I just heard that there is a comedy show happening tonight. Since we’re both into that, are you down to switching up our plans?

6. Howdy! With the way my day is going, I’m definitely going to be ready for those margaritas tonight. Is 7:00 still good for you?

7. If you feel like grabbing some food after our drink, I just heard of a great new restaurant that opened up recently. Do you want to check it out?

8. Don’t forget your dancing shoes tonight… see you at 9:00!

9. Hey stranger, are we still on for tonight at 7:00?

[Read: Texting etiquette and flirting – 26 rules guys and girls must follow]

10. See you later tonight! 😊

11. Hey John! Does tomorrow at 7:00 still work for you? 

12. Looking forward to seeing you tonight! 😊 

13. Work is just crazy today, and it looks like I’ll be running a few minutes late tonight. Do you mind if we make it 8:00 instead of 7:00? 

14. See you soon! I’ll be the one in the cute pink shirt.

15. Hey there! I’m looking forward to beating you at darts and pool tonight. Are you still up for the challenge? 

All of these text messages are short, sweet, and nonchalant. You are getting your point across that you are confirming if you are still on for the date. But you’re keeping it positive, too.

In fact, you’re stating these as if you don’t expect the person to flake out on you. So, if they do, then they will probably feel bad *and they should!* [Read: Why you need to stop texting first if you want to enjoy dating]

Thr right and wrong ways to confirm a date with someone

There is a subtle line between the “right” and the “wrong” way to confirm a date. But even though that line can be blurry, it doesn’t have to be – as you have just read so far.

There are so many questions about dating plague people. From the three-day rule of calling after a good date to whether or not you should play hard to get, most people are just trying their best without really knowing what they’re doing. And confirming a date is just one of many.

But there are a lot of things you should remember. First, it’s not needy to confirm a date. So, don’t worry about that. In fact, it’s just downright respectful – for both of you.

Keep in mind that if your date isn’t confirming with you either the day before or the day of the date, then you might not want to go out with them in the first place. Confirming a date is just common courtesy. [Read: How to be a better texter and be someone everyone enjoys texting with]

Think about it this way. Do you really want to date or be in a relationship with someone who is flakey and you have to confirm everything they said they would do? Is it fun for you to be in a relationship where you have to play games like this to hold their interest?

It’s not fun to second-guess every move you make and worry about whether or not you should or shouldn’t send a text message. That takes all the fun out of dating, doesn’t it? 

A healthy relationship that lasts long-term is based on honesty and openness that will lead to a deep connection. That’s why it’s always best to be clear and open with your questions and intentions from the very beginning.

So, if you want to know if you’re still on for the date, then just ask! There is no need to sit in silence while you’re agonizing and wondering what’s up. 

[Read: How to know if someone actually likes you back]

Understanding how to confirm a date without sounding desperate isn’t hard, provided you stick to the three rules we have talked about.