Ignoring a Girl: The Psychology Behind It & Why It Doesn’t Work Anymore

You might be wondering if ignoring a girl works. Will she find you interesting and desirable? It’s not likely, and here’s why you shouldn’t do it.

It was once thought that if you ignore a girl and treat her like crap, she’ll come running after you. The idea of playing hard to get used to be particularly popular but in reality, it actually doesn’t work at all.

There may have been a time for such techniques in the dating world, but that time has come and gone, and ignoring a girl no longer works.

There’s just no way you can ignore a girl anymore and get away with it. Times have changed. If you’re still using this tactic when picking up women and can’t figure out why nobody wants to date you, this is why.

Psychology of ignoring a girl

Ignoring a girl is basically like playing “hard to get.” We all know that game all too well, don’t we? But why do people use this “dating strategy?” Humans have used it for centuries, so let’s take a look a the psychology behind it.

Ignoring someone that you like is done by people because they think it will make them seem more desirable by withholding signs of romantic interest. You know the saying, “people want what they can’t have,” right?

Practices like “breadcrumbing” or “benching” are popular these days. You’re letting people know you’re interested in them, but then you pull away or keep things as they are without moving the relationship forward at all. 

For example, if you’re sitting there on your phone and ignoring someone you’re with, you are basically telling them, “You’re going to work hard to get my attention.” 

This kind of ignoring behavior can be rooted in the attachment style that is formed in childhood. There are secure and insecure types of attachment styles. Overall, people with insecure attachment styles play hard to get more often.

These hard-to-get behaviors are strategies to protect themselves and manage the other potential partner’s behaviors. People who are avoidant tend to play hard to get while people who are anxious chase or pursue them. 

For someone who is insecure, chasing an aloof person are ways that they try to secure intimacy in romantic relationships. They feel like if they chase the person playing hard to get that it will give them a sense of control over the situation.

For other people, playing hard to get isn’t as much of a romantic strategy as much as it is a survival instinct. They feel like they can’t really trust anyone, so they are afraid.

So, they are being aloof in order to protect themselves from getting hurt. So, they’re not really “playing” a game. They’re just genuinely scared.

Regardless the psychology behind ignoring someone is one aspect of the psychological power dynamics that define a lot of relationships, regardless of whether they are romantic or platonic. There is always some push and pull in every type of relationship. [Read: The science behind craving them more when you feel ignored]

How does a girl feel when she’s ignored by a guy? 

Let’s start by asking yourself a question: how do you feel when you are ignored? Probably not good, right? Ignoring someone is a pretty mean thing to do. The reason for this is because it’s like you’re ignoring their whole existence.

There is nothing worse than feeling basically “invisible” to another person. It’s almost worse than if the person was mean to them. Because at least when they’re mean, they’re acknowledging their existence.

Sure, this sounds extreme, and it’s never okay to be mean to someone in any way. But ignoring someone doesn’t make anyone feel good. [Read: Ignoring texts of purpose – why people do it and what to do ASAP]

So, why would girls be any different? Why would they like to be ignored? Most people want others to like them. And when you’re getting ignored, it sends the opposite message.

As we said in the previous section, playing hard to get is a dating strategy that has been used for centuries. But there is a difference between playing hard to get and being completely ignored.

Just because you’re playing hard to get doesn’t mean you have to ignore another person. Ignoring someone is the extreme edge of playing hard to get.

Why playing hard to get and ignoring a girl used to work

We all know this technique has been used for many years when trying to get someone to like you. The idea of acting as if you’re not interested at all has been around for a long time. But why did it become so popular in the first place?

Well, because people are stubborn and seek approval everywhere. Therefore, if you find a girl with low self-esteem and ignore her, she’ll try her hardest to prove herself. That means she’ll be all over you. And you won’t have to do anything but ignore her in order to win her over. [Read: What to do when she’s playing hard to get]

Ignoring a girl just doesn’t work anymore

The truth is, you won’t find girls that are easily fooled these days. With the advancement of technology and women’s rights in general, girls demand your attention more now than ever.

And there are specific reasons ignoring a girl won’t work for you. Sure, you could be looking for the wrong girls or doing the wrong things, but these are the real reasons you can’t just ignore a girl and expect her to fall for you. [Read: This is why a girl is ignoring you]

1. She can see your social media updates

If you really think ignoring a girl’s text and then posting stuff on social media is the way to go, you are horribly wrong.

This doesn’t attract a girl. It sends the message to her that she is not even worth your time to acknowledge her existence. That’s a pretty rude message to send anyone, don’t you think? 

When you do this, it basically pushes her away because no girl will want to deal with that type of disrespect. At least they shouldn’t if they have an ounce of respect for themselves. They’ll just say goodbye and be on with their lives. And you’ll be left in their dust wondering what just happened.

2. Women know their worth more today

Girls are far more confident now than they used to be. Even with all of the bad influence on social media and in magazines, they still feel great about themselves as a whole.

Ignoring a girl will simply irritate her. She’ll conclude that you don’t deserve her and she’ll go out and find someone who does. So if you plan on ignoring a girl you like, you’ll just end up losing her instead of winning her over.

3. They are not easily fooled

Girls know when a guy is playing hard to get. And truthfully, they don’t like it. You can’t sit there and manipulate them and fool them into thinking you’re hot shit when you don’t even give them the time of day. Honestly? They’re not fooled quite so easily. [Read: 15 reasons you should want a smart and sexy woman]

So, if you’re ignoring a girl as a dating strategy, then you’re fooling yourself – not her. She most likely will not buy your “player” attitude of ignoring her. In fact, she’ll probably just think it’s childish, immature, and disprespectful.

4. It’s super easy to find someone who WILL give her attention

Do you honestly think a woman is going to sit around and try to get the attention of a guy when she can hop on any dating app and get the attention she really wants?

No. She won’t. If ignoring a girl is the way you’re trying to find a girlfriend, it’ll result in you being lonely. She’ll just find someone else who will give her the time of day and ditch you. Because really, it’s easy for her. [Read: 16 signs she’s actually just an attention whore]

5. It’s easier to get bored nowadays

Most people struggle with being bored. There’s so much to do and see in the world now that keeping someone’s interest isn’t as easy as it used to be.

For that reason, if you’re just straight-up ignoring a girl, she’ll get really bored. She doesn’t have time to sit around.

6. Women are smart

Women know all the games you play. They even sit around and talk to each other to determine if they even want to pursue you. So if you just ignore a girl, she’ll realize what’s up and just ditch the idea of even being with you.

Women are very smart – smarter than you think. And they won’t sit around waiting for you to give them attention. They’ll go elsewhere to get it.

Can you ignore a girl and make her chase you?

This isn’t so much a tip about ignoring a girl not working as it is about picking up the wrong types of women. If you do ignore a girl and she ends up being all over you and super interested, she’s most likely a girl with low self-esteem.

That may sound okay to you, but think about what happens in a relationship with those types of women. They get jealous and possessive. Is that the type of woman you want? Didn’t think so. [Read: 15 types of bad girlfriends you never want to have]

What to do instead

Instead of playing hard to get and ignoring a girl, there are far better things you can do to make her want you. These are the best ways to attract the right type of girls.

1. Be yourself

Yeah, this sounds cliché, but just hear us out. Being yourself is far better than playing any games. Not only is it much easier for you, but you’ll attract the right type of girl this way.

When you’re too busy trying to act like someone else, you may pick up a girl, but she won’t want to be with you when she realizes you’re not the type of guy she thought you were. Do yourself a favor and be yourself so you can find the right girl for you.

2. Ask interesting questions

Don’t just ask her what her favorite color is or where she grew up. While those things are good to know, they won’t impress her.

Instead, ask her captivating questions. If you cater your questions to topics she’s interested in, she’ll be far more impressed and it’ll leave a great impression. [Read: 20 deep questions to ask a girl to impress her]

You see, girls want to be treated like human beings – and they all deserve that. So, when you ask her questions and get to know her, she will appreciate it. In fact, she will probably be a lot more impressed with you too.

3. Make her laugh

Humor is a GREAT way to a girl’s heart. The truth is, that women tend to have more feelings for those who make them laugh.

They attribute being happy to the presence of whoever could make them giggle. So if you really want to pick up a girl, find out what makes her laugh and then do it as much as possible. [Read: How to make a girl laugh, smile, and like you instantly]

4. Let her ask questions

Don’t just blab about yourself all the time. You have to give her the opportunity to be interested in you and to ask questions.

If she really doesn’t want to know anything about you, she doesn’t care about you in the first place. So keep quiet at times so she can initiate the conversation.

5. Don’t think too much about it

The last tip for actually winning a girl over is to just stop thinking so much about it. Dating isn’t a super complicated game. You just have to introduce yourself and talk. There really isn’t much more to it than that. So get out of your head and relax.

 [Read: How to impress a girl – 21 atypical secrets you need to know]

If you think you can find your life partner by ignoring a girl, you’re sorely mistaken. These reasons that technique doesn’t work prove as much.