22 Practical Ways to Save Your Relationship When It’s Falling Apart

All couples go through rough times, but not everyone knows how to save your relationship. We were never taught these skills, so here are some answers.

Every relationship goes through its fair share of struggles—it’s only normal. If your relationship is going through some hard times, don’t just throw in the towel. If you’re left wondering how to save your relationship, it can be done.

[Read: Why relationships fail – 25 honest reasons why love falls apart entirely over time]

How to save your relationship and grow closer when you’re falling apart fast

It’s going to take some work, but, what did you think relationships were? Only fun? Here are all the ways to help you save your struggling relationship.

1. Are you still in love? 

You need to stop and really take time with this. If you find yourself constantly arguing with your partner, is that because they always leave the toilet seat up, or is there a hidden reason for your anger.

Do you still want to be with this person? Think about this. If you don’t, this could be a reason why you’re miserable in your relationship. [Read: Why you keep having the same relationship fights and how to break this unhealthy cycle]

2. Communication is key

This is one of the biggest issues when looking at failed relationships. They didn’t communicate their feelings and emotions to each other.

No one can read minds. You need to communicate your needs and desires to your partner. If you feel they’re not spending enough time with you—tell them. They need to be aware of what’s going on. That’s how change is made.

3. Think before you yell

Before you get yourself all worked up into a rage session, just breathe. Yelling won’t actually solve the fight, nor will it make you feel any better. So, just take a breath and carefully think about what you want to say.

If not, you may just blurt out something that could really hurt your partner and possibly make things even worse. [Read: The most immature things couples fight about all the time]

4. Make a weekly date night

Ooh, date night! Who doesn’t like a good date night? Everyone needs a weekly date night to keep the connection going, and even more so if you want to know how to save a relationship that’s fading. If you ignore having date nights, you may be disconnecting with your partner.

Of course, you’re busy—meetings, family engagements, soccer practice. It makes for one busy schedule. But if you want to work on your relationship, you need to make time for your partner. [Read: Bored with your relationship? 34 honest reasons, signs and the best fixes]

5. Don’t be distracted by technology

Facebook and Instagram are great tools for communicating with friends and family. However, don’t make it a part of your relationship.

Check Facebook, check your emails, but don’t do it while you’re talking to your partner. It’s rude and you look like an ass. Put your phone down and respect your partner.

6. Talk about serious matters face-to-face

If you have an issue with your partner, don’t text them during work or call them in an angry rage. This doesn’t help solve anything.

You need to sit down and have a face-to-face conversation if you want to save your relationship and stop it from tearing at the seams. If not, there could be unnecessary misunderstanding and that makes matters worse.

7. Surprise your partner

You don’t need to wait for Christmas or their birthday to give them something. Surprise them whenever you want with something little.

You could surprise them with their favorite cupcake from the bakery down the street or concert tickets to a band they like. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate gift, but it reminds them that you think of them. [Read: 67 sweet but small romantic gestures that show love in the biggest way]

8. Don’t get stuck in a routine

People get themselves into a routine: work, dinner, gym, sleep. It’s easy to fall into a routine, but you need to switch it up every now and then.

You know, spice up the routine. Go out for dinner at a new restaurant or check out some festivals happening in your city. If you just sit at home watching TV, you’re killing the spark.

9. Make sure to stay physically connected

If you’re watching a movie with your partner, cuddle up next to them. If you two are reading in bed, intertwine your legs into theirs. Physical contact is extremely important and when you’re going through hard times, that’s when you need it most.

Physical contact lets your partner know that you’re still there for them and the relationship. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches that’ll make you feel connected and loved]

10. Forgive each other

We cannot state the importance of this more. Forgive. Do it for yourself. Yes, that fight two years ago was bad. Yes, they forgot to buy you a birthday cake. Okay, we know, it hurt.

And trust us, since you’ve brought it up in every fight since then, they’re fully aware.

You must forgive your partner for things they’ve done in the past if you want to know how to save your relationship and make it thrive again, or you will not be able to move past the negativity which kills your relationship. [Read: Should you forgive and forget? 15 guidelines to follow]

11. Don’t belittle your partner

We’ve all gone through rough patches. and it usually ends up with us calling our partner an idiot or annoying. Well, that’s not helping your relationship at all.

And if you want to make this relationship better, calling your partner belittling and demeaning names certainly won’t help the situation.

What happens when someone belittles you? You close up and push yourself away from them. Not the makings for a happy outcome.

12. Before you go to bed, look at your partner

This may sound a little lovey-dovey, but it can actually be very helpful and therapeutic. Before you two go to bed, look into each other’s eyes.

We don’t mean casually gaze over, we mean, really, sincerely look at each other. This helps create the connection between you that may have been fading. [Read: 15 relationship games for couples to feel more connected]

13. Have boundaries

Everyone needs boundaries, and you may think once you’re in a relationship all boundaries are removed. That’s not the case. When we mean boundaries, we don’t mean going to the bathroom in front of each other.

For example, a boundary or rule could be that every night you eat dinner together. Simple. And unless there’s a special circumstance, that’s what you two agree to do every day together. This shows respect for the relationship. [Read: How to set boundaries in a relationship – 19 rules for healthy love]

14. You want the same things

If you’re wondering how to save your relationship, you need to find out if you and your partner even have the same goals in mind? Perhaps they don’t want to be with you anymore or vice versa.

What you need to do is evaluate your relationship and decide if you feel it’s worth saving. If it is and your partner agrees, then you guys have some work to do.

15. Leave out the third parties

Everyone likes getting involved in someone else’s business. When you’re watching that happen in a romantic comedy, sure, it’s funny, but when it becomes your life—that’s a whole other story.

Is there someone external interrupting your relationship? If you’re telling them your issues, well, you bear partial blame. You’re not in a relationship with them, so instead, direct your feelings to your partner. [Read: 21 real reasons why your relationship is drifting and how to pull each other closer again]

16. Be honest about the relationship

The worst thing you can do is tell everyone your relationship is going great, and then a week later you break up with your partner. No, only is it not fair to yourself, it’s not respecting your relationship.

If things aren’t going well, sit down with your partner and talk to them about it. What are you not happy about with the relationship and how are you two going to work through it. If you’re not honest with your partner, these problems only build up and continue to frustrate you.

How to save your relationship during a break

If you are on a break or separated, you probably still want to know how to save your relationship. In this case, one or both of you might have one foot out the door, so it’s important that you put some special effort into this if you want to get back together. [Read: Relationship break – 41 rules to taking a break and how to plan for it]

17. Talk about your major problems

You know you have problems if you are on a break or separated. However, some couples don’t even know what their specific problems really are. All they know is that they fight a lot and can’t work though.

For example, maybe you found yourself yelling and complaining that your partner never picks up after themselves.

While that is an irritating habit, there is more to it than just the cleaning. Deep down, the problem is that you think your partner is selfish and doesn’t care about you.

As you can see, the problems we have on the surface are not the real problems at all. Usually, there are much bigger underlying issues that need to be addressed. So, think about the things you fight about and get to the real issue. [Read: How to face relationship challenges and overcome them as a couple]

18. Know how to work through conflict

If you need to save your relationship, then it is obvious that you don’t know how to work through the conflicts very well. If you did, then you wouldn’t be separated right now. So, you need to do this better if you want to get back together.

Many couples approach conflict as a competition. They yell and scream and try to “win” the arguments. But this is toxic. You are a team with your partner, and so you can’t be competitive with them because that doesn’t work.

Instead, you need to view yourselves as a team that is working together to mutually solve the problems. Be calm, kind, and rational. That is the only way you can work through your problems. You can’t avoid the problems or compete with each other. So, you need to adopt a new way of resolving your arguments. [Read: How to stop fighting in a relationship and 16 steps to really talk]

19. Sharpen your listening skills

When you are working through your problems and trying to save your relationship, you also need to have good listening skills. You can’t expect to do all the talking and none of the listening.

So, you need to listen to your partner, and they need to listen to you. Sometimes it can be difficult to pay attention when someone is saying something they don’t like about you or your behavior. But you have to do it if you want to get back together.

20. Rekindle your sex life

One of the things that dwindle when a relationship is in trouble is your sex life. It’s difficult for some people to be sexual with a person that they are fighting with or resent. So, in order to save the relationship, you’ll have to rekindle your sex life too. [Read: Sexless relationship – why sex matters and how to spark the passion again]

This will probably come after you talk about your concerns and try to find a way to work through them. When you are actively trying to solve your problems, it will make you feel more like a team. And as a result, you will feel closer to your partner and want to be intimate with them again.

21. Both people take personal responsibility

It’s so easy to blame your partner for all of your relationship’s problems. But as the saying goes, “it takes two to tango.”

You both have contributed to the state that your partnership is in. So, instead of pointing the finger at them, you both need to point it back at yourself too.

Take ownership of the things you have done wrong. But that’s just the first step. Once you take this responsibility, the next step is to make changes. And these can’t just be temporary changes – they have to be long-term or else you won’t be able to save your relationship. [Read: How to change for your partner without compromising or losing YOU]

22. See a therapist

Sometimes it’s overwhelming to try to save a relationship by yourselves. It takes a special set of skills to help a couple overcome their problems.

So, if you are having difficulties doing this on your own, then you should see a marriage/relationship therapist if you can. They are trained to help people rebuild their partnership, so they will definitely be able to help you – but only if you both put in the effort too.

[Read: 20 real-life relationship problems that can push a couple apart or bring them closer]

Whoever said being in a relationship is easy is obviously single. They’re hard work, but if you love your partner and want to save your relationship, the hard work is worth it.