Relationship Boredom: Why It Happens & 23 Zesty Quick-Fixes to Beat It

If you aren’t excited by your partner anymore, then you have reached relationship boredom. Why do relationships get this way, and what can you do about it?

Think about the couples that have been together for twenty years and still somehow manage to excite each other. Twenty years! That’s a long-ass time. Obviously, there were moments when they couldn’t stand looking at each other, but they managed to pull through the relationship boredom.

Every relationship goes through periods where it feels like it’s more of a friendship than an intimate relationship. Some couples take that as a sign to break up while other couples see they just need to ignite the flame that was once there.

Why do relationships get boring?

Before we talk about how to fix relationship boredom, let’s talk about how they even get that way. Here are some reasons relationships get boring.

1. Routines

When we first start dating someone, it’s out of our normal routine to do things with them. That’s part of why it’s so exciting to start off with. But as time goes on, you develop your own routines in the relationship. After a while, that’s dull.

And then there are other routines like getting up, having breakfast, driving to work, coming home, cooking dinner, doing the laundry, and the list goes on. So, the routines of life get in the way of having an exciting relationship too.

2. Laziness

Let’s face it – having an exciting relationship takes effort! It requires thought, planning, and a lot of details sometimes. And a lot of people are just too darn lazy to put in the effort. [Read: Stop being lazy – how to confront and overcome your excuses]

Instead, there are many people who just want to lay on the couch, watch TV, and do nothing. Or play video games 24/7. You can’t expect your relationship to be fun when you can’t even bother to put effort into making it interesting – or are even ignoring your partner.

3. Lack of opportunities

Sometimes, people just don’t have a lot of money or resources to make their relationship more fun.

Think about it. Don’t exciting things like going zip-lining, out to a fancy dinner, or travel takes a lot of money that some people just don’t have.

So, instead of getting creative and trying to find things to do that don’t require money, they just don’t bother. You could take long hikes or take photos of each other on your phones for fun. But you have to want to do these things badly enough. [Read: The 50 best free date ideas when you want romance on a budget]

4. Take each other for granted

Unfortunately, most people take their partners for granted. They always have them around, they have their routine, and they just assume that they will always be there.

But anyone who is honest with themselves knows that nothing is guaranteed in life. You could break up tomorrow, or any other disaster could make your partner disappear from your life. So, it’s important to stop taking each other for granted if you want to get out of relationship boredom.

[Read: 20 honest reasons and signs you’re bored with your relationship]

How to beat relationship boredom

Relationship boredom can make you feel alone in the relationship. And you feel negative about the relationship because of the lack of excitement or spontaneity.

Boredom can take on many forms, it really just depends on what you consider to be boring for you.

But the point is, you feel it. You feel bored with your partner which is normal, but it’s based on your perception. So, if it’s based on your perception, that means you can change this.

By changing the way you view the relationship, you change the way you feel about it. Don’t start dividing your belongings and moving back into your mom’s house just yet. You may be able to fix this. It happens to the best of us. [Read: 12 real reasons why couples start drifting apart over time]

1. What is boredom to you? 

This is the money question right here. What is it about the relationship that you find to be boring? Depending on what you believe is boring in your relationship, the next steps will be different. 

Have you completely lost interest in your partner or is it that you still find them interesting but the relationship itself has lost its excitement? You have to know the answer to this.

2. How does your partner feel? 

Oh yeah, you probably forgot about how they feel in all of this. Don’t worry, we’re all guilty of this. Maybe they feel the same way as you or maybe they’re really content. 

The point is, you don’t actually know because you didn’t ask them. Relationship boredom is a hard question to ask, but once you see what makes them bored, then you compare and take the right steps from there. [Read: What is pillow talk? How to use it and 14 cozy conversations for bed that bring you closer]

3. Make a joint plan

The only way this will work is if you both are invested in fixing this feeling of boredom. You both need to work on parts of the relationship to depart boredom city. 

If you simply lost the excitement when talking to each other, you’ll both need to work on changing the routine to make your days more interesting.

4. Change your perception

Your perception of the relationship is a huge factor in this. Your perception may not match reality, and that contributes to your feelings of boredom. 

Just because you have a routine that’s comfortable doesn’t mean your relationship is boring. Listen, a majority of relationships aren’t a Netflix show. That’s the truth. You don’t need every second of your life to be full of excitement and impromptu trips!

If that’s in your head, get it out. Enjoying your time watching a movie or cuddling doesn’t make the relationship boring, so as long as you enjoy your partner for who they are. Everything else is fixable. [Read: 19 unrealistic expectations that can ruin your love life]

5. Look within

Usually, when we’re bored, it’s a reflection of ourselves. Our boredom usually stems from us not fulfilling a self-need.

When you’re experiencing relationship boredom, look within yourself as the answer may be right under your nose. The relationship is a safe space for you to grow in, so take advantage of that and explore your feelings.

6. Have goals together

Sometimes, we just need to have something to look forward to curing relationship boredom. You know, something that gives us a slight rush. 

Planning a trip together, for example, is one way where you can both look forward and work towards that one goal. You both have something to be excited about and share together. [Read: 33 dirty, cute and funny relationship goals all couples must focus on]

7. Be a child

Don’t misread that as us telling you to have a child. Children won’t solve this! When we’re dating, we’re goofy, playful, and funny. So, why can’t you be that now? You should try goofy and playful in your relationship.

When you lose that sense of playfulness, that’s when things become boring as you’re no longer curious. If you’re laughing, how can you be bored? [Read: 19 playful foreplay sex games to get naughty and horny in minutes]

8. Do things alone

Yes, yes, yes. This sounds weird and counterintuitive, but listen up. You need to do things alone. Not only does it give you some personal space, but then you have something to share with your partner. 

Do things that are out of your own comfort zone, activities that challenge you. You’ll feel more confident and lively after. [Read: How much time should couples spend together? 24 clues to your special number]

9. Do something out of your comfort zone

This goes for your partner as well. If you both can do something out of your comfort zones together, even better. In relationships, it’s easy to fall into a routine, this is what may give you the feeling of relationship boredom. 

But, you can change that. Try a new activity together, take a class. Whatever it is, do something that you both wouldn’t normally do.

10. Find a hobby, you both love

If you both love hiking, great! If you both love scuba diving, even better! Now you have found a hobby which you both find pleasure in. So, go do it together. 

It’s something exciting, something different. You won’t feel guilty dragging your partner along with you to some hike, and they won’t feel like they’re being dragged along behind you.

11. Have date nights

It’s so easy to make popcorn and sit on the couch binging on Netflix. But your Friday night doesn’t have to be like that at all. Instead, have weekly date nights to get rid of your relationship boredom. 

Try out a new restaurant, go grab some ice cream, watch a movie, see a Burlesque show *which we highly recommend*, whatever is happening in your city, go check it out. [Read: The sexiest ways to make a long term relationship feel like a one night stand tonight]

12. Accept that it’s normal to be bored

After a while, it’s normal to feel relationship boredom, it really is. This is something you must accept. Once you accept it, you can start to change and add some different elements to your relationship.

You just have to put in the effort. If not, you’ll continue to stay bored. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]

13. Be spontaneous

When you get into a relationship, you tend to get into a routine. But that can be boring, right? Sure, routines are helpful sometimes and it makes you know what to expect. But if there’s nothing out of the ordinary that happens, then it’s bad.

So, do something spontaneous together. Go on a hike, crack open some champagne, or take a long drive. You can decide on it together or you can surprise your partner with something fun to do at the spur of the moment. [Read: 18 ways to become way more spontaneous and fun in life]

14. Get romantic

Many times people get lazy when they get into relationships. In the beginning, they are all in love and they think about doing romantic things for their partners. But as the honeymoon phase ends, so does the romance for a lot of couples.

So, send lovey-dovey texts to them. You can even send them sexy photos of you to get their imagination going. Buy flowers, cook a romantic meal by candlelight, or take a bubble bath together. Write loving messages to each other on post-it notes and leave them around the house. [Read: How to reconnect with your spouse and reignite your flickering romance]

15. Verbalize your love more

Most couples say they love each other with their words. But maybe you don’t say it enough! Or, lots of times people will only say “I love you” when they are hanging up the phone with their partner.

And even in that case, it’s not very emotional – kind of like “Love you, bye.” Almost like it’s only out of habit.

So, tell your partner that you love them at times when you normally don’t. Maybe you’re driving down the road. Just grab their hand and say, “I really love you!” Or if you’re just sitting on the couch watching TV, look into their eyes and express your love for them. [Read: The most adorable ways to say I love you to someone special]

16. Try something new in bed

Not only can a relationship as a whole get really boring as time goes on, but the sex can also get boring too. Maybe you only do certain positions. Or, you only have sex on certain days or at certain times.

Switch it up and try a new position to cure your relationship boredom!

Maybe even bring in a new sex toy that you will both enjoy. Do some role-playing and get creative with that. Brainstorm together for what you can try, or you can just surprise your partner with your own ideas. [Read: Top 50 kinky ideas worth trying at least once in your lifetime]

17. Go on a trip

If you can afford it, why not plan a little getaway? It can be just overnight to a big city, or for the weekend somewhere in the wilderness. Whatever you both enjoy. It’s always fun to get out of town and explore new places. [Read: Top 50 really fun things to do on a road trip to have a great time]

18. Ditch the technology

Let’s face it – most people are a little too addicted to technology. They have the bad habit of scrolling through social media when they are with their partner. But this is not a good way to bring excitement into your relationship.

So, make a pact that you both will leave your phones or laptop in another room when you are together. Turn off the TV. Have an actual conversation with each other. Search the internet for fun crazy questions to ask to spark some interesting discussion.

19. Seek therapy

If you’re having problems finding things to do and struggling with getting out of relationship boredom, then why not go to couples therapy? A couple’s therapist is specialized in dealing with issues between couples, so they help you understand and provide tools tailored to you and your partner.

[Read: How to spark your romance & fall in love all over again]

Every relationship goes through its ups and downs. Sometimes, you experience relationship boredom, but it’s your responsibility to reignite the flame.