18 Secrets to be Happy in a Marriage that Make or Break Your Romance

Learning how to be happy in a marriage is easier than you think. You simply need to focus on the important things and forget the things that don’t matter. 

To understand how to be happy in a marriage, you don’t always need couples counseling or a mediating friend. At times, all it takes is a bit of understanding, love, and the willingness to be humble and accommodating with your partner.

We always look at successful couples and think to ourselves, how? What are their secrets of a happy marriage? While you’ve been spending your time reading books on marriage, attending seminars, and browsing the web, they just seem to have it all sorted out.

Listen, that didn’t come easy. Their realization didn’t come from a seminar, it came from trial and error—lots of it. Of course, everyone wants a happy marriage but not everyone wants to actually put the effort into it. Honestly, it’s exhausting.

Add children and work on top of your marriage, and it’s easy to forget the small things which make your marriage happy. [Read: The subtle signs of an unhappy marriage]

How to be happy in a marriage

To experience a happy marriage that’s free of anger or frustrations, both of you need to understand what really matters in a happy relationship, and how to deal with annoyances and painful moments.

There are some secrets that happy couples keep close to them to make the marriage work. Now, it’s going to take some work, from both of you, but once you develop a habit, these tips will start to come naturally to you.

We know you don’t want to be one of those people that can’t stand their partner or are waiting for the right moment to break things off.

When two people get married, they do it because they love each other, right? So, if you want to keep the love flowing, test out these secrets of a happy marriage. Because no one said marriage was easy. [Read: How to have a good relationship that gets better with each day]

1. Little acts of love matter

All of us know the importance of the little things in love, but it’s still one of the most overlooked areas in a marriage. Don’t stop trying to please your partner with little acts of love just because your relationship is older and more mature.

Even an occasional bunch of flowers, a box of chocolates, or little love notes can bring a smile to your partner’s face and bring the affection and love back into a marriage.

Celebrating the big moments of love like anniversaries and birthdays can seem important, but what’s more important are little acts of love and affection that show your partner that you still look for little ways to please them now and then. [Read: Little things in love that matter]

2. Compliment each other

You may take a lot of initiative to dress up for your partner or cook a fancy dinner for your partner. But if your partner doesn’t acknowledge your initiative, you’d obviously feel let down. If this happens on a regular basis, you’d give up on trying to please your partner.

And what starts off as a hopeful relationship where both of you try to appreciate each other will soon start to feel like a relationship where both partners take each other for granted and don’t care about trying to please each other, because quite frankly, neither of you try to please each other or compliment each other.

You may be surprised, but this is one of the biggest reasons why married couples stop trying new things or looking for ways to make each other happy. After all, if you or your partner can’t recognize a change, why bother changing it?

If you want to know how to be happy in a marriage, pay attention to your partner and always remember to compliment or acknowledge even the smallest of things, be it a new recipe or a new dress. It’s a start that can bring happiness and excitement into any marriage. [Read: 10 compliments for women that will definitely backfire]

3. Listen to each other

Communicating and listening to each other is vital for a happy marriage. Most couples talk at a dinner table, but there’s hardly any excitement in their conversations. Over time, it’s easy to slip away into a relationship where neither of you communicates your interests with each other. Try to create intellectual conversations about life, long term plans and shared goals with your partner. It’ll help both of you understand each other better even as both of you change and evolve as individuals. [Read: Communication in a relationship]

4. Have an active sex life

Your sex drive may change over the years, but that doesn’t mean it has to become non-existent. A great sex life is as important as sharing affectionate moments with each other. [Read: Why is sex important in a relationship?]

Remember the first few months of your relationship when both of you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? You don’t need to become frisky bunnies again, but it wouldn’t hurt to bring back the love into bed.

Find your own way to bring the passion back and you’ll see the positive effect it can have on your relationship. It’ll leave you happier, it’ll bring you closer, and make you feel more secure and confident.

5. Share a few hobbies

Happy, passionate conversations can start to decline as the years together start to get longer. To understand how to be happy in a marriage, you need to keep the laughter and fun of an exciting conversation going strong.

Try new activities together and create new experiences with each other, be it hitting the gym together or gardening.

It’s easy to get absorbed in personal interests by yourself, but if you involve your partner together and have a fun time, it can bring both of you closer and create engaging conversations that both of you would be excited to talk about. [Read: How to better a relationship and improve your love life]

6. Don’t look at your partner as your opponent

At times, even in the happiest of marriages, it’s easy to let tempers flare. But even if both of you disagree over an issue, you really need to understand that it’s only a difference in opinion that can obviously be sorted out.

Most couples have a tendency of looking at a partner like an opponent during these conflicts. Avoid that.

No matter how bad the argument gets, always remember that it’s only your loving partner and it’s only a difference in opinion. No argument should ever drive a wedge in between the both of you or bring out your worst sides.

7. Don’t have egos in love

The secret behind knowing how to be happy in a marriage is simple. Don’t have an ego in love. If both of you truly do love each other, do you really see a point in trying to get an upper hand?

Does it really matter who’s winning or who’s losing? In love, both of you win together and lose together!

If there’s ever an argument in love, you really don’t have to win it or prove a point that you’re right. Be humble and let angry emotions die down before you speak about it if it’s an issue that definitely needs to be addressed.

On the other hand, don’t disrespect or put down your partner in front of others. Don’t ever argue with your husband or wife in public because it can end up leaving a permanent scar of vengeance and crushed ego that’ll never do any good for you or your partner. [Read: How your self-respect in a relationship affects you and your love life]

8. Learn to end a conflict

This is one of the biggest pointers we can ever give you on how to be happy in a marriage. Every time you have an argument or a disagreement, no matter what, kiss and make up immediately.

You may be so furious that you’d rather wring your partner’s neck than plant a kiss, but nevertheless, even if you’re fuming, apologize to each other for getting angry and make up for it.

It’s not easy, but knowing how to end a conflict with love is one of the best-kept secrets of a happy marriage. [Read: How to stay in love forever]

9. But understand that you don’t have to win every fight

You’re going to have plenty of arguments throughout your relationship, but what’s important is to not focus on being right. There will be times when you’re just going to have to agree to disagree. And that’s okay.

What’s important is that you respect your partner’s views and not belittle them. Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean you have the same opinions. [Read: The immature things couples fight about all the time]

10. Accept all of them

You knew your partner’s flaws before you married them. You knew them very well. What causes many marriages to disintegrate is the lack of acceptance between partners.

We’ll nag each other until dusk, but what’s the point? These flaws aren’t something that just “popped” up. Focus on changing your perspective rather than trying to get them to change who they are. [Read: 10 cohabitation tips to live together happily]

11. Don’t try to control the relationship

It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship. But you need to remember that you and your partner are two people who are married. You’re not one person, so don’t think you can try to control your partner.

It’s not going to work out well for you. One of the secrets of a happy marriage is to truly understand yourself just as much as you want to understand your partner. If you feel like you’re lost, do more things on your own to rediscover yourself. [Read: Controlling relationship – 42 signs and ways to love without bullying each other]

12. Don’t mention divorce

It doesn’t matter if you’re arguing or not, you should never mention the big D word. Divorce. If you’re planning on using it as a threat, then you might as well get divorced because that is what’s going to happen.

Using the word “divorce” is just a way for you to manipulate and control your partner which isn’t cool. [Read: 15 signs of manipulation in a relationship you should never ignore]

13. Stop focusing on being happy

When you see a happy couple, they’re not spending their days trying to be happy. Of course, everyone wants to be happy but that’s not what’s important.

Doing activities together and apart, communicating, and being intimate is what makes a couple happy. What’s important is that when you’re not happy, you focus on bringing it back into your life.

14. Stop with the fantasy

You probably had an idea in your head about how your marriage will look. We all have that fantasy. But listen, drop it. This fantasy isn’t going to help your marriage because your fantasy isn’t reality.

Marriage isn’t perfect, there’s no white knight or perfect princess. Be realistic. [Read: 14 unrealistic expectations that can ruin your love life]

15. Have your own life

This doesn’t mean you need to live on your own, but you should be independent. Have your own group of close friends, do activities on your own, and be okay with spending time away from your partner.

Remember, you’re not one person, there are two of you, so spend time on your own to check in with yourself. [Read: Why you need time apart and how to do it right]

16. Remember the small acts of kindness

At the end of the day, you don’t think about the big things that your partner did for you, you remember the small things.

The day they made you soup when you were sick, surprised you with a picnic, or washed your car. It’s a small act but shows true appreciation and love for your partner.

17. Date nights are important

A couple that stays together goes on dates. It’s so easy to get stuck sitting at home on a Friday night in your PJs with your partner. However, schedule a date night at least once a week.

Try something that you two haven’t done before, go see a movie, or cook a sensual meal together. Date nights ensure that you reconnect with your partner. [Read: Here’s where to start if you want to improve your marriage]

18. Never take advantage of them

Sometimes, it’s easy to forget what your partner does for you, but you should never take them for granted. It’s good to be comfortable with your partner.

In fact, it’s encouraged, but you should never get to a place where you’re too comfortable with your partner. They’re not your maid, butler, or cook. They’re your partner.

A good marriage takes effort, but it’s more than worth it

There will be times when you can’t stand each other. But equally, there will be times when you adore the life out of one another.

Marriage isn’t easy. If you go into it assuming that you’ve somehow made it and you don’t have to try anymore, you’re quickly going to run into problems. Learning how to be happy in a marriage means making sure that your partner is equally as happy as you. That means work, effort, and a lot of compromises. 

But, at the end of the day, it’s more than worth it.

[Read: 30 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]

Try these simple tips on how to be happy in a marriage and we assure you, you’ll have a successful marriage that can withstand the test of time.