Mutual Sexual Tension: 44 Signs, Causes & Secrets to Get More Horny

Sexual tension can be overwhelming and extremely powerful. But what about mutual sexual tension? Surely that’s a precursor to something more?

One of the most obvious signs you and another person have some serious chemistry is mutual sexual tension. You feel it the second you meet and interact and honestly, it doesn’t usually go away on its own.

And that can be a major issue if you can’t satisfy those feelings due to being in a relationship with someone already, or not wanting to ruin a friendship.

Sexual tension, in general, can be an issue if you’re seeing someone else and suddenly you have this intense desire to have sex with someone else. But, if you’re single, mutual sexual tension can be a sign that something very hot is about to go down!

[Read: In a relationship but like someone else? 13 steps to decode your mind]

What is sexual tension really?

Think about those moments in old movies when a damsel in distress trips or faints and a handsome man catches her. When their eyes meet and you wonder if they’ll kiss or not, that is sexual tension. 

This can happen between strangers, friends, or even lovers. 

You could be living with someone for years and still have sexual tension. Maybe you went out with a group of friends and your partner. During the night something happened, and you’re both feeling physical desire for each other but it is postponed by being in public. [Read: Lust vs love – 21 signs to know exactly what you feel for each other]

That is sexual tension too. It is something of a phenomenon that can occur between any two people. It can be mutual and sometimes singular.

A teenager who has a major crush on a member of their favorite band may feel sexual tension just hearing them sing, but the celebrity isn’t even aware of it. 

This sexual tension can be weak or so intense others can feel it. It can make you nervous, excited, or even agitated in some cases. 

All in all, it is a sexual desire that for some reason isn’t being met in that moment. But, what causes it and how do you know the signs of sexual tension? Let’s get to all those details! [Read: How to seduce someone – 29 secrets to make anyone horny just thinking of you]

What causes sexual tension?

Sexual tension can be caused by a lot of things. Anything from romance, to physical attraction, and sometimes hate, can lead to sexual desire. 

We’re sure you’ve felt it yourself. When you sit next to your work crush or even sit next to an attractive stranger on a train and your hands brush against each other or you make eye contact. As your heart rate rises, and you begin to sweat, a part of you desperately wants to kiss them.

This is caused by unfulfilled desire and even a level of risk.

Your body is filled with hormones that are running wild in those moments. Your mind is battling between fulfilling a desire in the moment and making a rational decision. [Read: Sexual tension at work – The office signs and ways to break it]

When nothing sexual happens, the mutual sexual tension builds!

The riskier it would be to make a move in that moment, the more intense this internal battle of mutual sexual tension is. 

For instance, making a move on someone you know is interested in you might not cause too much sexual tension. But, deciding whether or not to make a move to kiss them after a first date could cause more sexual tension because there is an element of unknown. 

This would be even higher if you had feelings for someone who is in a committed relationship or a long-time friend whose feelings you’re unsure of. 

Sexual tension isn’t desire or lust because the tension is there. There is something stopping anything actually sexual to happen and that is the tension. [Read: What does sexual tension feel like? How to know exactly]

And to be honest, no matter how intense that sexual tension is or how hard it is to fight, it is there for a reason. If sexual tension didn’t exist, we would all make a lot of stupid moves. You can thank sexual tension for those moments when you didn’t just go for it with your married friend!

And, think about how amazing the aftermath of sexual tension is when you finally do make a move. Whether you’ve been talking to someone online for months and now finally met, or have been flirting with a coworker and finally admitted your feelings, that moment of release is so much more intense when the mutual sexual tension has been building. 

As we said earlier, sexual tension can also build when you’re in a relationship. Maybe you’ve been staying at your parents’ house for the holidays and can finally jump each other’s bones when you get home. That relief is much stronger than just rolling over in bed and making it happen. 

Essentially, what causes sexual tension is the prevention or prolonging of sexual desire by any means. [Read: What does sexual attraction feel like? 15 hot signs to recognize it] 

Why you sometimes want someone else even when you’re in a relationship

Don’t feel too bad if you’re having mutual sexual tension with someone or can’t stop those dirty thoughts about someone else while you’re in a committed relationship.

Loving and caring about someone is completely different than having mutual sexual tension with another. It’s only if you do something about it that a line is crossed.

And if we’re being honest, humans are genetically not meant to be monogamous. Being committed to a single person is a decision we’ve all made and therefore, our instincts work against that choice sometimes.

Just because you love and care about one person doesn’t mean you’ll never feel lustful for someone else. So long as you don’t act on those feelings, everything is fine. [Read: 13 lusty signs of sexual attraction to keep an eye on]

The subtle signs of mutual sexual tension and how to deal with it

If you’re not sure if what you feel when you’re around someone is mutual sexual tension, these tips can help you determine if it truly is.

And if you definitely don’t want to act on those feelings, we also have some tips for dealing with them. But if you do? Well, go for it!

1. Lots of eye contact

If you’re sexually attracted to someone and they feel the same, you’ll make a lot of eye contact.

Since eye contact shows a person you’re connected and into them, it only makes sense that two people with mutual sexual tension would spend a lot of time looking longingly at one another. [Read: What prolonged eye contact when flirting means and how to do it]

2. Immediate flirty behavior

When you first see someone and you greet one another in a very flirtatious way, it’s clear you have mutual sexual tension.

The first thing you do when you see each other is spark the attraction and it’s obvious you’re both thinking about one another sexually.

3. Increased heart rate

More than likely, two people who are attracted to each other and have sexual tension will definitely be nervous and upbeat around each other.

If you notice your heart rate increases around them along with these other signs and they also seem to be giddy, it’s definitely mutual sexual tension. [Read: How to know if you like someone – 30 signs you’d be feeling right now!]

4. A lot of smiling

You really won’t even be able to help yourself around someone you’re sexually attracted to. The moment that tension hits, you’ll be flirty and smiling like crazy. It’s a natural response when we’re around people we want to get with.

5. Horniness

This one should be pretty obvious. If someone makes you horny and you think about getting in bed with them, the sexual tension is heavy between the two of you. [Read: How to tell if a girl is feeling horny around you – 12 signs she just can’t hide]

6. Flirty body language

Your body can tell you an awful lot about how you feel. Are you leaning in to talk to that other person? Are you straightening your clothes, biting your lip, and casually touching them? If so and if they’re doing the same, you have major mutual sexual tension. [Read: How to tell if a guy is turned on – 22 signs he’s horny AF around you]

7. It’s like a magnet is pulling you toward them

Basically, you always end up near that other person and you don’t really know why. Even when you’re in large friend groups, you always end up next to them. It’s not by chance.

The mutual sexual tension acts as a sort of magnet. We always want to be around those who make us feel great and sexual tension definitely gives you those feelings.

8. Mutual staring

Even when you’re across the room, you can’t help but stare at them. And when you do look at them, they’re staring back at you.

This is a huge sign of mutual sexual tension. You can’t get enough of looking at one another. This is very clear you both want to hop in each other’s pants.

9. You can just feel it

When there’s sexual tension, you actually feel it. Now, the feeling varies from person to person, but this isn’t the feeling you get when you crush on someone.

Usually, this feeling spreads throughout your entire body. However, it’s felt mostly in your erogenous zones. These areas are your neck, breasts, groin—areas that are heightened during sex. [Read: 23 signs to know if someone is thinking of you sexually and desires you]

10. It’s all in the touch

Now, this doesn’t mean they’re grabbing your ass. If so, find someone who respects you a little bit more. We’re talking about innocent touching, subtle flirty touching.

Maybe they touch your arm when they laugh, place their hand on your back, remove the straggling hair out of your face. These are minor gestures but close the gap between you and them.

11. Heavy on the smiles

No one wastes a genuine smile on someone they’re not into. If you and this person smile all the time around each other then that’s a pretty good sign they enjoy their time with you. Smiling is an automatic response to things that make us feel good and happy. [Read: Eye f*cking and how to master the art of lustful eye contact]

12. Up close talking

Like up real close. Maybe they’re naturally people who invade personal space when speaking. But more than likely, they’re into you sexually.

Why else would you talk so close to someone you’re not into? It doesn’t make sense. Usually, when we don’t like someone, we make sure there’s a decent amount of space between one another.

13. It’s all laughs

Unless the person is genuinely hilarious, we usually don’t laugh with people we’re not attracted to. If you’re into someone, whatever they say you most likely find hilarious.

So, with that being said, if you find this person laughing at almost everything you say, they’re probably crushing on you hard. [Read: How to flirt with your crush and make them fall hard]

14. Silences aren’t awkward

This doesn’t mean that there aren’t silences, don’t get us wrong. Silences aren’t a bad thing, but in this case, there aren’t any awkward ones, you know, the ones that leave you with a weird feeling in your stomach.

If there are silences, they only continue to build up the mutual sexual tension between you two.

15. They move in close

They’re not only close talkers, but they also close the gap when you’re not talking. They lean in close when you speak, they sit right next to you with your legs touching. The closer a person is, the stronger the sexual tension is between you two. [Read: How to make a guy horny and rock hard just by casually sitting next to him]

16. Their eyes are all over you

They are definitely wandering, not looking at other people, but looking at you. They check you out whenever they get the opportunity.

Looking at your face, your body—they have their eye set on what they find attractive and that’s you. You catch them staring at your lips longer than intended. Well, they want you! [Read: 23 signs he wants to kiss you and how to predict the exact moment when he’ll try]

17. Flirtatious jokes

They pull out some naughty but nice jokes around you, seeing how you react to them. They start as innocent jokes, however, through time, they develop a naughtier tone, giving you subtle cues to what they really want. The naughtier these jokes grow, the more the mutual sexual tension develops.

18. You feel they’re going to kiss you

There’s that moment when you feel they’re going to kiss you. You both smile and lean into one another and then there’s that feeling that pops up.

The feeling that makes you question if you should kiss them right now. If you have that feeling, it’s probably mutual. [Read: What does sexual tension feel like? This is how it feels]

19. Long pauses

They’re dumbfounded by you. A long pause ending with a smile shows that they’ve been thinking about you. You may have been talking, but they haven’t been listening. They’ve daydreamed about kissing you the entire time.

It’s not just you that think something is going on, other people openly make comments about the chemistry and sexual tension between you.

Oh, you thought only you two could see it? Nah, everyone feels sexual tension between two people.

21. Nervousness

Being nervous around someone is a telltale sign there is an attraction. And when there is sexual tension, that is only increased. Not knowing what would happen if you made a move makes you even more nervous. 

You may stumble over your words when talking to them or even talking about them. You may fidget before seeing them or even feel butterflies in your stomach. [Read: The lusty signs of strong physical attraction and how it feels]

22. Blushing

Blushing is a sign of nervousness. If you blush around them, when they compliment you, or even when your hand accidentally touches theirs, there is a reason.

23. Laser focus

Focusing on this person even when there is work to be done, or there are other people around, shows an interest. This laser focus may not be purposeful, but you can’t help it. You focus on them with your sight and your mind. It is hard to break your focus from them when they’re around. 

24. Hesitating

A big part of the signs of mutual sexual tension is in the waiting. The longer you wait, the stronger the sexual tension builds to be.

When this is prominent, you wait for something to happen even if you don’t make the move. You hope they’ll make the move instead.

And even when you’re parting ways, you take an extra moment to get another look or to see if something might happen. 

25. Physical awareness

Sexual tension increases your awareness of your body. You acknowledge little touches you may ignore in most cases. If you hand this person a coffee and brush against their fingers, it feels much more intense than it would with anyone else.

You are also more aware of your movements. You are more likely to touch your face, your hair, and accentuate your assets even without realizing it. [Read: Physical signs of arousal for women – 20 subtle ways to recognize a girl who’s getting horny around you]

26. Awkwardness

There is a sweet awkwardness when sexual tension is at play. It almost mimics the feeling of sharing a flirtation in high school before you know how to handle your hormones. 

The awkwardness can come across in a weird giggle, a snort, even a nervous tick like playing with your hair. [Read: Social anxiety to social butterfly – How to be less awkward]

27. Arguing

This isn’t the most common in real life but is what you tend to see in movies and TV. A couple that argues or fights a lot uses that as a way to avoid their sexual tension. More commonly, it could be seen as teasing. 

People may make fun of each other, tease, or even argue to fight back at their desire when they can’t or don’t want to give into it. [Read: What do guys think of their female friends? 15 very real secrets revealed]

28. Intense desire

This may seem obvious but mutual sexual tension is partly intense desire.

You may not drool over this person, but you have a feeling that is pretty darn close to it. You want to kiss them, be alone with them, and just let things happen.

29. You never feel relaxed around them

You know that relaxation you feel when talking to a good friend or family member, that never happens when you’re around this person you share mutual sexual tension with. You’ll always feel like you’re on your toes.

You never know if something might happen between you so you’re on guard. [Read: Sexual flirting – How to step up from regular flirting and make it naughty]

30. Sweating

Sweating is a common sign of being nervous, but it happens a lot when you’re around someone that turns you on.

And when you can’t do anything about those feelings, the body temperature rises and makes you sweat. You may also be more likely to touch your forehead or the back of your neck around them or even fan yourself because you feel warm.

31. You automatically face each other 

Everything from your bodies facing each other to fully mirroring each other’s movement shows sexual tension. When you point your feet and the center of your bodies towards each other, it shows a physical desire. [Read: The body language of men and 35 tips to know if he’s attracted to you]

32. Internal battle

Sometimes you can actually feel the inner battle of sexual tension. Your body desires this person but your rational mind is fighting those urges.

Your hand may touch theirs but your brain shuts that down. That internal struggle can be hidden but you may feel it.

33. There is something unsaid

A major sign of mutual sexual tension is a constant feeling of something being unsaid. Every time you say goodbye or talk, you feel like there is something being held back by them, you, or both. 

34. Daydreaming

Whether it is an actual dream or a daydream, your subconscious is crying out for this person. If you can’t be with them in real life, your mind is showing you what that subconscious part wants.

You may daydream about being with them or have a full-blown sex dream. [Read: What does it mean when you dream about your crush – The 7 possible explanations]

35. The spark

You know that indescribable spark you look for when dating? Well, you share that with this person. They may not be someone you want to date or have a relationship with, but you have that passionate chemistry that you can’t exactly describe.

36. Denial

You deny it. A lot of the time, mutual sexual tension is shared between people you can’t or don’t want to admit feelings towards.

Whether it’s because they’re coworkers, in other relationships, or they don’t actually like each other, sexual tension is often denied by the people experiencing it. 

37. There’s sexual body language

If this person runs their hand through your hair or touches your upper leg when you’re sitting down, come on, this isn’t friendly touching.

You know what sexual touching is. If they hit those areas close to the chest, genitals, and neck, well, they’re not into just being your friend. [Read: 15 obvious signs of flirting between two people you can’t miss]

38. There’s always physical contact

Now, we’re not saying you have your hand down their pants, but there’s always some sort of physical contact.

Maybe they’re sitting close to you, you hug often, touch each other’s arms or back. It doesn’t have to be overly sexual in nature, but when two people touch each other, there’s something deeper occurring.

39. The energy changes when you two are together

You can be with your friends but the minute this person walks into the room or approaches you, the energy switches.

This isn’t for no reason. If you are sexually attracted to each other, you feel the shift from friendly into sexual.

40. Your voice changes

Here’s a fun fact, when someone is sexually interested in a person, their voice changes. This happens to both women and men.

For men, their voices become deeper and fuller, while for women, their voices become softer and sometimes a little raspy. So, whether this person is trying to hide their feelings or not, you can always tell through biology. [Read: How to have a sexy voice and 17 steps to arouse anyone with your words]

41. You want to be alone with them

Perhaps you hang out with mutual friends, but at the end of the day, you tend to hang out on your own. You don’t really want other people around when you’re together.

Which makes sense, you probably flirt and playfully touch each other. When your friends are around, there’s a lesser chance of flirty touching. [Read: 20 hush-hush signs your friend wants to have sex with you]

42. You linger, they linger

No one wants to leave. The movie ended, yet, instead of slowly going home, you sit on their couch, and continue to talk.

Now, if they drop hints for you to go home, that’s different. But if they want you to stay, they enjoy your company and want to be around you. This lingering says a lot about someone’s emotions.

43. You challenge each other

There’s this battle going on between you two. You make fun of each other, always trying to come up as the better person.

But this competition isn’t because you dislike them. In fact, this is because you fight your inner conflict, the sexual attraction versus your thoughts. Maybe this person isn’t your type, so for you, you don’t want to give in.

44. You feel it most when alone with them

Sure, when you’re in a group of people, the mutual sexual tension is still there, it doesn’t just leave. But when alone together, that’s when you really feel the sparks.

It’s like all you want to do is jump them and take off their clothes. You can’t wait another minute. [Read: How to stop being sexually attracted to a friend and just feel normal again!]

How to deal with unwanted mutual sexual tension

It’s very obvious what to do about mutual sexual tension if you’re single, they’re single, and there’s nothing standing in your way.

If you want to go for it and make out, then that’s the easiest thing in the world.

But, if you’re in a relationship and you’re experiencing these feelings toward someone else, here are a few tips to help you handle it and avoid making a major mistake.

1. Avoid being around them

No matter your reason for not being able to get with that person, just avoid them. When you’re not around someone, you can’t have sexual tension with them.

2. Remind yourself why you can’t do it

Keep the reason you two can’t be together replaying in your mind. Soon enough, you’ll associate them with wrongness and it’ll diminish those naughty feelings right away. [Read: 15 ways to handle liking someone you can’t have]

3. Think of your partner

Being in a committed relationship makes dealing with unwanted mutual sexual tension a lot easier. Just think about your partner. Focusing on how much you could hurt them will make it a hell of a lot easier to deal with.

4. Think of the consequences

This will also help you avoid adding to the sexual tension. What would happen if you gave in to your feelings?

Most likely, nothing good. Thinking of those consequences will clear your head and get rid of those lustful feelings.

5. Stop flirting

Just stop. You have control over how you act and if you really want to deal with those feelings toward someone, just stop flirting. That behavior will only make it worse and you don’t want that. [Read: How to stop a guy from flirting and hitting on you]

6. Shut down the possibility early on

If you’re friends with the other person, shut down the idea of ever being with them right away. Don’t even give them hope that it’ll ever happen. Then they’ll stop pursuing you and it’ll be easier to get over those feelings.

7. Ask friends to intervene

If you don’t trust yourself, ask your friends for help. They can help steer the other person away from you and they can also help remind you of why you could never be with that person in the first place.

 [Read: 20 signs you’re in lustful overdrive and the sexual tension is thick]

Having mutual sexual tension with someone is great… if you can act on it. If you’re in a committed relationship or don’t want to ruin a friendship, it can be hell. But enjoy the experience for what it is, because just knowing they make you horny, and you make them horny, well, that’s still a good feeling!