What Makes Someone a Player? The 15 Sly Signs of a Player’s Mind

If you’ve been ‘played by a player’ you’ll know how upsetting and annoying it can be. But, what makes someone a player? And do we misuse the term?

These days, dating is not exactly easy. Not only do we have to deal with our own confidence issues and find someone who matches our wants and needs, but we also have to sidestep the potential for meeting a player. So, what makes someone a player? 

Do we blame Tinder? Do we blame TV shows and movies which makes it look okay to have four or five other people on the go? Not really. We blame the person doing the playing. 

The thing is, it can be very easy to label someone a player because of their past, didn’t live up to your expectations, or they made a mistake. Men and women can be players in equal parts; although, it’s often men tarred with the playing brush. 

[Read: Learn these 20 wily signs of a player and stop from being played]

Is someone a player because they’ve had a few different partners in the past? Possibly, but it could equally be that they made a few wrong decisions with who they chose to date and they all ended badly. Is someone a player because they cheated in the past? Possibly. Again, was it one time only and they regretted it every day since?

What makes someone a player isn’t just one thing. It isn’t a mistake they made in the past either, it’s about a sum of parts, several character traits and actions they do on a regular basis and see nothing wrong with it. This is what makes someone a player. The intention to play with someone’s feelings and not really caring about it. 

[Read: 14 first date red flags that speak a lot more than your date says]

What makes someone a player? 15 signs to look for

A man isn’t necessarily a player because he isn’t interested in commitment at this point in his life. A woman isn’t necessarily a player because she’s had many partners in the past. It’s a complicated subject, but if you want to side step the potential for meeting Mr. or Ms. Player in your dating future, watch for a few sure-fire signs you’re about to get played. 

#1 Their actions speak louder then their words. Do they say one thing and then actually go ahead and do something completely different?

For instance, do they tell you they’ll be back before midnight to placate you, when in reality they have no intention of putting a time limit on how late they stay out? This is player behavior. Always read actions and don’t pay too much attention to words. [Read: The 15 types of toxic daters you have to keep an eye on!]

#2 They’re intense from the get-go. Some men and women are naturally intense, and it’s fine if it’s part of who they are. However, there are some who go in strong from the very start, promise you the world, only to get you hooked and then cool it right down. If someone is seriously heavy from the beginning, be a little wary until you can suss them out a little more. [Read: What is love bombing: how to spot the manipulation early on]

#3 Conversation always comes down to sex. What makes someone a player? When every time you have a conversation, it always comes down to something sexual. The inability to talk about things is not a good basis for a relationship. If you can’t communicate without it turning into an innuendo, it’s going to get boring quite quickly. Of course, a little flirtation is great, fun even, but not every conversation. 

#4 You’re far down the priority list. If you’re always getting signs that you’re not a priority, realize that you’re dealing with a player and move on. You deserve attention and to be someone’s priority. Never fight for attention and never fight to be in someone’s life. 

#5 You have no idea what is going on. If you never feel safe and secure in the relationship, e.g. you’re not sure what you are, what’s going on, when you’re going to see them next, and why they’re not replying to texts quickly, it’s time to question what you’re doing with them. This is one of the classic traits of what makes someone a player. [Read: How to feel more secure in a relationship and learn to love better]

#6 You never meet friends or family. If you’ve been seeing each other for a while, e.g. a few months, you’re still to meet friends or any family member, it’s likely that you’re dealing with a player. Someone who wants you in their life will be proud to show you off, it’s that simple. 

#7 They’re flaky with plans. A player is allergic to commitment. They don’t commit to any plan you want to make. If you ask them if they’re free for dinner on Tuesday, they’re likely to be quite vague and say they’ll ‘let you know’. Be wary if you notice this tactic on a regular basis. [Read: Here’s why you should never hang out with people who are flaky]

#8 They’re quick to jump into bed. This isn’t necessarily a sign of a player if it isn’t combined with several other red flags, but if they are quite keen to jump into the sack early on, and not that interested in learning about you as a person, there’s a high chance you’re heading into player territory. [Read: The signs he just wants sex and is only using you for his enjoyment]

#9 They don’t really listen to you. Do you feel like when you’re talking to them, they’re just not listening? Do you feel like you would get more response from chatting away to the wall? If so, the reason is because they’re not interested, it’s that simple. Quick sign of a player. 

#10 They go AWOL for periods of time. If you don’t see them on a regular basis or if they suddenly aren’t reachable then float back into your life again, the chances are that someone else *possibly more than one* has their attention. Don’t worry, they’ll get back to you soon *sarcasm intended*.

#11 Not many people have a good word to say about them. While normal for the odd person to have an off-hand comment to make, if you find most people you speak to don’t really have much good to say about them, that’s a red flag. If it’s several people, stop and listen. 

#12 They’re not keen to be seen out with you. If you’re always the one arranging nights out, only for them to be less than attentive in public, and more towards hiding away in a corner, ask yourself why. In this case, they’re possibly hiding you away because you’re not in any way exclusive. You deserve way more! [Read: What are the real reasons why someone would want to keep you secret and low key?]

#13 They always come to your place, never the other way around. If it’s always Netflix and chill at your place, and after a few months you still haven’t seen the inside of their place, why is that? A player doesn’t want to make any emotional connections with you, they want to keep it neutral, which means you not visiting their place. 

#14 They never call you by your name. Pet names in a relationship are cute, but only when they’re not generic and are more personal. If you’ve been ‘babe’ from the start, and they never utter your name, could this be because they’re not so keen to remember it? Harsh, but sadly quite true in player land. [Read: What does babe mean when it comes from someone you like?]

#15 Your gut is screaming at you. This final point is probably the most important. Always listen to your gut. If it’s telling you something is off, that you’re not being made the priority you deserve to be, and you’re getting a player-like vibe from this person, it’s sadly time to listen to that inner voice. 

If you’re reading these points and you recognize one, or maybe even two, don’t panic just yet, simply monitor the situation. Sometimes people are a little less attentive than normal. It could be down to stress or another problem in their lives. Hopefully, it will iron itself out and things will go back to normal. 

[Read: How to follow your gut instinct with these tried and true methods]

If you’re nodding along to several of these points, you’re reading the classic definition of what makes someone a player. In that case, it’s time to play the game one better and walk away with your head held high.