What to Think When Suddenly Your Boyfriend Texts Less Often

You’re all loved up, everything is going well, and, bam! Suddenly you notice your boyfriend texts less often than before. What should you think?

We all know the drill at the start of a relationship, even a flirtation. Everything is hot, fast, and heavy. Texts are pinging backwards and forwards at a rate of knots with no thought to if your boyfriend texts less often ever happening. You have perpetual butterflies and walk around with a huge grin on your face for literally no reason whatsoever. 

It’s a great feeling, right? We’ve all been there. 

The thing is, while it’s great, there is one eventual outcome… your boyfriend texts less often. You panic and overthink absolutely everything. Suddenly the fact he hasn’t texted you all day becomes a huge problem. You go from ‘maybe he’s busy’, to ‘maybe he hates me’, or ‘maybe he’s fallen down a ditch, broken both his legs, and can’t get phone service’. In these situations, our thoughts work faster than our brains. 

[Read: How to manage your expectations in a relationship]

This could be a temporary thing and then everything gets back on track, or it could be something which seems to be ongoing. Either way it’s important not to freak out and panic about it. Personally, I have freaked out and panicked about it far too many times in the past. Most of the time, it was about nothing serious whatsoever. Okay, one time it was about something serious, but he was stupid anyway, so let’s gloss over that one. 

Most of the time, your boyfriend texts less often for a very normal and common reason. Let’s face it, he’s a man. When he hasn’t got a constant reminder of something, it has a tendency to slip from his mind occasionally. That might hurt your feelings, the idea that you’re not on his mind 24/7, but reality check here – you’re not. 

For instance, I was rather annoyed when my boyfriend at the time hadn’t texted me at all, and it was reaching nearly 4pm. Do you want to know why? A new game had been released for his Playstation and suddenly that lump of technological plastic was all he could think about. This pattern went on for five days until he decided that last year’s version of the game was better. 

Seriously. No text because of a Playstation. I’m sure I’m not the only one to fall foul of this issue however. 

[Read: What to do when you’re stuck with a boring boyfriend]

What are the solid reasons that could explain why your boyfriend texts less often?

I was always taught to be positive before negative, and in that case, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt first of all. It is likely that your boyfriend texts less often because of one of the following common, and not at all serious, reasons:

– He is busy at work 

– He’s feeling a little stressed out about something at the moment 

– Something has happened at home and his mind is quite understandably elsewhere

– He’s been a little ill 

– His phone has broken or he’s lost it, seriously, it happens 

These are a few common and temporary reasons why your boyfriend might text a little less often. What sets these few examples apart is that when this issue is resolved, the frequency of texting will probably return back to normal. [Reading: New relationship boundaries: 12 lines all couples must draw early on]

For instance, if you communicate on Facebook Messenger, and he loses his phone, or something happens to it, he may only be able to message you when he has access to a laptop or tablet. In that case, less texting is totally acceptable. 

If he texts you less because he’s out with his friends and has forgotten, is that acceptable? In my eyes, no. It takes literally five seconds to send a quick text. It shows that his mind is not on you and actually on the testosterone-filled pack of friends he is currently with *probably playing Playstation if my experiences are anything to go by*. If it goes on for a longer period of time, think carefully about where this relationship is heading. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend in the making]

There are often solid, normal reasons why someone will text less often, for a period of time. What you should decide is whether this period of time is prolonged, and whether you accept their reason as okay for you. Personally, ‘I’ve been out with my friends’ isn’t really that acceptable if it happens more than once. ‘Hi, how are you?’ – that message takes seconds to send. [Read: How to fix a one-sided relationship before it ends in failure]

In that case, figure out for yourself whether their reasons for texting less often are normal ‘life got in the way’ reasons, or ‘I didn’t think about you, sorry’ reasons. If it’s the latter and repeats, it’s time to wave goodbye in my opinion. 

Is texting less often part of a progressing relationship?

The other thing to ponder is whether you’ve been together long enough for the honeymoon stage to be over. Nothing stays passionate and exciting forever, it’s simply not sustainable. Life gets in the way and we fall into a routine. In this case, your boyfriend texting you less often than when you first got together is actually quite normal. If you think about it, you’ve probably started to text him less often too. [Read: 13 signs the honeymoon period is starting to wane]

In this case, texts are replaced with far better things, such as nights in on the sofa watching TV together, cooking a meal at home, long chats in person, or heading away for the weekend together. Surely those things are better than daily text conversations?

In this case, simply ask yourself if your relationship is evolving past the stage of needing to constantly be in each others’ inboxes. It really could be a positive sign. Most people who have been together a while don’t text each other all day long, simply because they’re going to see each other later on and don’t need to! [Read: 8 little texting mistakes new couples make often]

If it bothers you, send a few flirty texts and initiate a text chat. You’ll probably find he responds in kind and your texting needs are met. 

And then there’s the other option…

I’ve been super-positive up to this point, pointing out the very real and normal reasons why your boyfriend texts less often than he used to. Remember, it’s likely there is no huge issue and just your boyfriend thinking a little less than he should *quite common unsurprisingly*, or because he is busy at work. However, we must address the possibility that your boyfriend texts less often because you’re simply not as important to him as you were at the beginning. 

I know, ouch, right?

[Read: Is he losing interest in you? The signs he might be drifting away from you]

Relationships aren’t always rosy, and sometimes, it can be that your rather gutless boyfriend is attempting to cool things down and end it. He simply doesn’t have the nerve to do it in the real way. It could also be that he doesn’t want to end it, he’s just freaking out at how fast things are moving. 

The only way to find out? Have the conversation. If it’s really bothering you and you’re noticing that he’s less present when you’re spending time together in person, or that he’s simply not as loving or cuddly as he was before, ask him why. Keep it light, but simply say ‘is everything okay here, because I’ve noticed things have been a little different lately’. You’ll get your answers simply by being straight with him. Let’s face it, answers are the least you deserve in this situation. [Read: 15 signs he’s talking to another girl and using you until he hooks her]

What you shouldn’t do however is jump into the conversation when you have no other evidence to back up your thought process. Always think positively first, and assess whether there really could be another reason. If you’re still not happy and something just doesn’t feel right *always listen to that gut*, then a simple question is all you need to find out whether he’s worth spending anymore of your precious time on or not. 

[Read: Should I break up with my boyfriend? 15 signs you clearly need to end the relationship]

At the end of the day, when your boyfriend texts less often than before, it is natural to panic and think that’s it’s over. In some cases, it could be, but in more cases than you might think, there is a simpler, more lighthearted reason behind it.