How to Break Up with a Narcissist & Fly Out of Their Gilded Cage

If you thought dating a narcissist was a challenge, knowing how break up with a narcissist isn’t any easier. But it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t break free. 

You’re in a relationship with a narcissist. You definitely didn’t listen to your mother, but that’s okay. We all fall for a narcissist at some point in our lives. They’re charming and lure even the smartest of people. But you started to see their true colors and noticed your partner is vain, selfish, manipulative, and controlling. So, you want to learn how to break up with a narcissist and find someone worth being with.

Well, breaking up with a narcissist isn’t that easy and will take some extra planning. You’re not dealing with a regular person who can handle honesty from another person. A narcissist is highly insecure and cannot fathom the fact someone doesn’t want to be with them.

So, before you start spilling your heart out in front of them and getting teary-eyed, read these tips as they’ll help you plan your breakup with a narcissist.

[Read: The signs of a narcissist and five ways to break up with them]

How to break up with a narcissist and cut loose

If you want to break clean from a narcissist, you’ll need to follow a completely different strategy. It’s not easy to learn how to break up with a narcissist, but it’s possible. 

#1 Limit the time you spend with them. If you want to breakup with them, ease off with the amount of time you spend together. Don’t hang out with them so often, and create the illusion that you cannot find time for each other, etc. This will help make the breakup look more rational to them. [Read: 10 signs to recognize selfish people and 5 steps to let them go for good] 

#2 Have an exit strategy. When you’re trying to figure out how to break up with a narcissist, you never know what you’re going to get in these types of situations. So, it’s best to have an exit strategy. In my personal opinion, pick a public space to end the relationship. It’ll make you feel safer and reduce the overall stress you may be feeling. 

#3 Honesty is not the best policy. In a normal breakup, I would suggest for you to be honest with your partner. But this isn’t someone who handles honesty properly. Instead, they’ll use it against you. Narcissists do not handle directness, vulnerability, and honesty well, so you should make sure you talk about the breakup as casually as possible. [Read: How to handle a narcissist without falling apart and losing yourself]

#4 Don’t make the breakup a big deal. If you don’t want drama, don’t create drama. You need to treat your breakup like it’s not a big deal. Breakups happen all the time, and you simply are not a good match. Have that thought process going into the breakup to reduce the drama.

#5 It’s the best for both of you. You do not want to make it sound like it’s in your best interest *even though we all know it is*. The best way to break up with a narcissist is by making it sound like the separation would be beneficial for them as well. Saying, “I can’t take you anymore,” isn’t a smart move. Instead, say, “I don’t feel this relationship is working for you or me.”

#6 Don’t point the finger at them. You want this narcissist out of your life as soon as possible, without any drama. So, for that to happen, avoid pointing the finger at them and blaming them for the breakup. Narcissists will never accept blame and will become defensive. It won’t work in your favor. [Read: 25 ways to end a relationship without making it messy]

#7 Don’t suggest friendship. I thought you wanted to never see this narcissist again? If you suggest staying friends, you’re making a huge mistake. Leave that out of the conversation; go your separate ways. If the narcissist suggests friendship, say no – that’s right, say no! If not, you open yourself up to future abuse. [Read: The breakup conversation you can use to break up with someone in the nicest way possible]

#8 There will probably be backlash. Listen, even if you say everything right, odds are there’s probably going to be backlash from a narcissist when you break up with them. No one likes being dumped, and for narcissists, this is a huge hit to the ego. They may try to hurt you by talking behind your back and tarnishing your reputation. 

#9 Tell your friends to stay quiet. You should tell your friends not to react to anything your ex says about you. The more they react, the more this narcissist will continue their negative actions. Instead, avoid talking negatively about your ex to your friends and educate them on what happened in the relationship. 

#10 Remove all forms of communication. You broke up with a narcissist, which isn’t an easy thing to do. To cleanse yourself, remove them from all forms of social media, block them from your phone, and tell your friends not to tell you anything about them. Move on and live your life freely without fear. [Read: Your step-by-step guide for how to get out of an abusive relationship]

#11 Understand you did all you could. There’s no way a narcissist will understand what they did wrong and apologize for their actions when you break up with them. You did everything you could, and at some point, you must draw the line. The good thing is you know you’re worth much more and that it’s time for you to move on. 

[Read: How to break a narcissist’s heart and why it’s almost impossible to do]

Understanding how to break up with a narcissist isn’t easy, but now you know how to do it in a way that won’t hurt you. It’s time for you to move out of the gilded cage you’re in.