How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated but Loved & Free Yourself

You’ve spent years obsessing over them, but it’s finally time to move on. You need to learn how to get over someone you never dated.

This is my life story. I fall for a guy I’m not dating, reserve myself for the off-chance he’ll notice me, and then become devastated when he starts to date the cliché preppy dancer. Of course, in these situations, you need to move on, you know nothing will happen. Okay, something may happen, but, you can’t think about the maybe. If you want to know how to get over someone you never dated but have always liked, it’s time to push that person out of your mind for good.

Look, I get it, it sucks. There you are pining over a guy, who’s probably not even thinking of you. He’s out there dating someone else, while you’re wistfully staring into your phone and poring over his social media feeds. You’re all alone in bed and staring at him, while he’s out there having the time of his life, and in all probability, with someone else too.

Do you really have to go through all of this, and feel this miserable? All for a guy who does not, and probably, will not love you back?

Learning how to get over someone you never dated but loved can seem bittersweet, but it’s also painful and just a little bit pathetic. You know it’s time to pull yourself together and move on, so let’s go straight ahead and do just that.

[Read: How to stop liking someone you know you can never have]

How to get over someone you never dated but loved

You need to cut it out and figure out how to get over someone you never dated. But what are you exactly cutting? You never actually dated that person, right?

It doesn’t matter. You need to cut the illusion of this relationship you have with them. They may be flirting with you, kissing you, touching you, but they don’t want to be with you. So, treat this like a breakup, because to you, it is.

It’s not going to be easy, but it’ll be a relief. Use these step-by-step guide on how to get over someone you never dated, and set yourself free.

#1 Feel sorry for yourself. I know many people say not to feel sorry for yourself, but it’s impossible. You always feel sorry for yourself when something sad happens, it’s normal.

So, for a short period, feel pity. “This always happens to me!” “Nothing ever goes my way!” “I’m going to die alone!” Everyone’s thought this about themselves. So, have these thoughts in the beginning because you will have them. [Read: How to stop loving someone else and love yourself more]

#2 Cry it out. Just cry. Eat some ice cream and in between your spoons of chocolate chip cookie dough, cry some more. You can do this for a couple days, maybe even a couple weeks. You’re grieving and you’re sad, this is completely normal. Crying is therapeutic, and it’s healthy.

#3 But then stop crying. But at some point, you’re going to have to stop crying. And for the most part, you’ll stop crying on your own when you feel that it’s right. But if you’re now just sitting in your bed, pouting, it’s time to stop.

#4 It’s all on you. Don’t wait on your friends to get you out of bed. If you want to get over someone you never dated, you can’t rely on anybody but yourself. These are your emotions, so you need to push yourself out of it. You need to get yourself out of bed, you need to start doing things for you. [Read: The pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back]

#5 Don’t stalk them. I cannot emphasize this enough. I used to be the master of stalking, however, I realized I only hurt myself. There’s nothing worse than creeping their Facebook and seeing how much fun they have without you or that they started to see someone. It’s not worth the pain. [Read: When you miss him – 20 mind tricks to stop missing the wrong guy]

#6 Don’t text them. If you’re trying to separate your emotions, cut contact. Now, you’ll be able to talk to them eventually. But right now, you need your space.

Think of it as if you’re quitting smoking. You could do the patch, but it takes much longer. Instead, you stop smoking cold turkey and go through the painful withdrawals in the beginning. You’re irritable, you stop hanging out with people who smoke, etc. However, after a couple of months, you hang out with people who smoke. This is the same. [Read: Stage 5 clinger – 13 clear hints you’re not wanted anymore]

#7 You couldn’t change anything. You’re going to be thinking about what you could have done to change things. Listen, there’s actually nothing you could have done. It’s all on them.

To truly understand how to get over someone you never dated but had fallen for, you need to realize that they chose not to be with you and that’s not because you made a bad joke that one time or accidentally stepped on their shoes. They have their reasons and there’s nothing you can change. Nothing. [Read: 21 reasons why someone you like may never like you back]

#8 Your memory could be playin’ you. You’re going to be recycling the good moments in your head, but is that what actually happened? Sometimes, your memory plays tricks on you and alters memories, making them seem more exciting or deep than what really happened.

#9 You’re going to feel like crap. Most days, you’re going to wake up and think about why this is happening to you and if you’re going to die alone. This is a hard time, I mean, this is the same process as a breakup.

Most days, you won’t want to shower, and you’ll find yourself wanting to stay at home watching Drew Barrymore movies. [Read: 15 things to do when you feel like you’ll be single forever]

#10 You’re going to be bored. You spent most of your time talking to them, hanging out with them, or stalking them on social media. Now that you’ve decided to end it, you’re going to find yourself with a lot of free time. So, fill it. Take some classes, hang out with friends, whatever you need to do to keep busy.

#11 You’ll think about it constantly. You’re going to think about it all day, every day. I know this because I did this for three months. I rewound every moment, every time they smiled at me or I made them laugh. It was like a broken record. But, you have to go through it. Eventually, you stop thinking about them as much, and it slowly fades. [Read: How to completely stop thinking about someone you still like and get over them for good]

#12 Don’t delete them from social media. You can delete them, but really, at least for me, that only made me investigate them more. I was on everyone else’s Facebook, trying to find pictures of what they did that weekend. Silence their notifications, but, there’s no point in deleting them. It’ll only make you more insane.

#13 You’re going to be jealous. Oh god, do I know this. If you see them with another person, you’re going to be fuming inside, you’re going to memorize their face and find them on social media. The hunt is on. All your energy, all your time will be spent despising this intruder. [Read: Fool-proof ways to get over the one… the one you never had]

#14 Accept that you never had them. You never really had them. I don’t know what your relationship was like, but since you never dated them, you never had them. If they really wanted to be with you, they would have been with you. So, you need to accept this. There are other people out there that will appreciate you and connect with you on a deeper level.

[Read: The complete step-by-step guide to getting over unrequited love]

At the end of the day, getting over someone you never dated is hard. I mean, you built up so many fantasies and future scenarios in your head. And now all of those fantasies and castles in the sky come crumbling down.

BUT you need to remember that pining for them will never bring them closer to you, nor give you a chance to date them. All you need to do is let go of them, and move on. And in time, you will look back and be glad you made the effort to get over them as soon as you possibly could.

[Read: Letting go of people – Why is it so hard and what’s the right way to do it]

Now, it’s time you put these tips on how to get over someone you never dated into use and move on from this person. Are you going to cry? Yes. Are you going to be angry? Yes. But, eventually, you’ll be free.