Just Stop Trying! The Signs Your Ex Doesn’t Really Want You Back

The end of a relationship is always hard. When you start to see the signs your ex doesn’t really want you back, it can feel like a hammer blow to the chest.

Whether you did the ending or not, when a relationship comes to a close, there are bound to be all manner of confusing feelings floating around. At times, you may even want them back a little—even if you can remember the bad points of the relationship. While all of this is totally normal, when you start to see the signs your ex doesn’t really want you back, it can be like grieving the end all over again.

The most obvious signs your ex doesn’t really want you back anymore

The key? Appreciate the signs as closure. Take the hint to move on to something better for you. Of course, know what to look for and be aware of these signs.

#1 There is someone else in the picture. If a standard amount of time has passed, and your ex has someone new in their life who doesn’t seem like a rebound, that’s one of the definite signs your ex doesn’t really want you back anymore. It’s time for you to think about letting things go. It’s not your job to work out whether they look happy or not or to stalk them on social media. It’s your job to accept it and focus on yourself for a change.

It may also be that this new someone overlapped with the end of your relationship. Again, it’s terribly hard to deal with. It’s not your place to scream about it, simply hold your head up high and better your life. [Read: How to know if your ex wants nothing to do with you anymore]

#2 They ask for their belongings back. Most people leave things at their partner’s house, such as clothes, toiletries, or other items. If your ex has asked for their things back in a civilized way, then the chances are it’s over for good. They’re moving on. It can be difficult when this conversation rears its head, because it’s a true sign they want closure. All you can do is comply with their wishes and let it go. [Read: 20 questions to ask your ex after the breakup to heal and find closure]

#3 Your things are returned to you. As well as asking for their own things back, if you find that your things are given back to you, then that’s a sign they want all remnants of your past relationship out of their house and their life. Hard as it is, this gives you the kick you need to move on once more.

The way this is done is important. However, if it’s done literally the day after the relationship ends, in an angry way, don’t take it as a certainty. But if it’s done a while after, in a civil way, that’s one of the pretty big signs your ex doesn’t really want you back, and it’s really time you pay attention to this. [Read: The signs your ex is subtly trying to win you back]

#4 Any attempt at jealousy doesn’t work. I’m not suggesting that you should attempt to make them jealous to test this theory out. If you do go down that route with no response coming your way, the reason is because it no longer bothers them. Genuinely. This is one of the biggest signs your ex doesn’t really want you back. When this happens, drop any other attempts at poking jealousy out of them. Let it go completely. [Read: How to make your ex jealous and see if they still like you]

#5 They actually seem genuinely happy. You might still see them around if you share mutual friends. If this is the case and you notice that they look and seem genuinely happy, then wish them well and let it go. If you have any lasting feelings, be happy that they’re happy. It’s all you can do. Of course it’s hard. I’m not suggesting you should shrug this off with no emotion, but it’s a true sign that things have taken a concrete, definite turn.

#6 They don’t contact you anymore. One of the hardest things about the end of a relationship is going from speaking to someone all the time, to not speaking to them at all. It’s likely that throughout your relationship you spoke daily, sometimes several times a day. Going from daily chats to radio silence is difficult.

The thing is, if you truly want closure and move on, no contact is always the best way. If your ex is no longer contacting you, they’re moving on. You should do the same. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]

#7 They’re not flaunting their happiness or their new life in your face. One of the biggest signs your ex doesn’t really want you back is that they’re simply not attempting to flaunt anything in your face. This isn’t out of respect per se, although it might be to a certain degree. They simply don’t feel the need. The relationship is over. They don’t want to try and make you jealous because there’s no point, and they’re simply going about their business and moving on with their life.

#8 They don’t show you familiarity anymore. Despite your history, if your ex starts to treat you the same as everyone else, e.g. no specific or special amount of familiarity, that’s because they see you as the same as everyone else. Again, a hard pill to swallow but needed to gain the clarity you need. Flirting is over. There are no lingering looks, and you don’t feel special to them in the present day. [Read: How to deal with the hurt when your ex has moved on quickly]

#9 They don’t talk about the past. Another way to show little familiarity, and therefore treat you the same as everyone else, is to stop talking about the past. No more bringing up stories that evoke tenderness. They’re not trying to get you to remember a story that makes you smile. It’s over and the door has closed. Again, one of the biggest signs your ex is totally over you, is when past stories aren’t part of the equation anymore.

#10 They’re not in a rush to respond. If you attempt to reach out and there’s no rush to respond, or respond at all, that’s a big sign. In the past, they returned your call or message straightaway. Now you notice that hours or even days go by. It might even be that your call isn’t returned at all, or your message remains ‘read’ and not responded to. These are pretty hard signs to swallow. But ones you need to be aware of. [Read: The 7 stages of heartbreak when you become an ex]

#11 They’ve told you it’s time you moved on. It can be extremely hard to hear ‘you need to move on’ from someone you used to be in a relationship with. Even if you no longer have the same strong feelings, hearing those words can be a hammer blow.

This is the final nail in the coffin. It’s their way of saying, ‘let it go, let’s forget this now.’ You might not want to do that. If you hear these words, it’s really best to listen and do as they ask. If they’ve moved on, serve yourself as best you can and do the same.

[Read: How to know if your ex is over you for sure]

These signs your ex doesn’t really want you back are difficult to face. Stop and look at the positives of the situation. Save your own heart! Do the same as them—move on.