Election Wars! Disagreeing With Your Partner on the Election

What do you do when you side with one candidate, and your partner is all about the other? Stay calm and avoid relationship-based election wars!

The big day is looming, and we will soon find out whether we have another four years of Trump or a new era under Biden. You might already know who you want to be elected, you might still be on the fence and need a little more time to decide, or you might not care. Whichever camp you fall into, it’s always important to remember that not everyone in the world will agree with your views. Don’t start election wars with those you love!

For instance, maybe you think Trump is a fantastic president. You admire his willingness to say what he thinks; however, your partner really doesn’t like Trump and can’t even watch him when he comes on the TV. What do you do? Is your relationship doomed because you fall at different ends of the political spectrum? Should you give up now

Wait a second!

Your relationship isn’t doomed if you don’t agree on who you want to be president, but it does throw up a few interesting questions that you should ask yourself and subjects to be aware of.

[Read: How to know if someone is the right fit for you long term]

Do different political views mean you’re incompatible?

Sometimes yes, mostly no. It really comes down to how you approach the situation and how tolerant and respectful you are of the other person’s views, and vice versa. For instance, if you can’t stand it when your partner talks about the opposition in positive terms, ask yourself whether you can handle it over the long-term.

After all, you can’t ask your partner to switch sides just because you want them to. Our political views are a personal marker and they make us who who we are. If you ask them to change their views, you’re asking them to change themselves and that’s not cool.

[Read: What does a healthy relationship actually look like?]

Firstly, if you want your relationship to survive the fact that one of you is red and the other is blue, respect each other’s views as valid in their own right. There is no wrong or right answer. It’s all about what you believe to be true.

However, if your partner is all about the MAGA hat and you’re drenched in blue on very strong and key issues, ask yourself whether there is a slight incompatibility at your core. This comes down to strong and important issues, such as abortion rights, gun control, climate change, etc. These are subjects which stir very strong emotions in people. If both of you are totally in disagreement with the other, that means you’re in disagreement on things which sit within your own core values. Can your relationship handle that?

[Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility immediately]

Again, it’s about respecting the other one’s point of view and understanding that it’s just as valid as yours. But, and there’s a big BUT coming, can you handle it? Can you be with someone who is pro life when you’re pro choice? Can you handle being with someone who advocates the ownership of guns when you wish they would be banned nationwide? Or can you handle being with someone who doesn’t believe in climate change while you’re recycling on a daily basis and watching your carbon footprint?

These deep issues are what make up our core values. If you disagree on your core values, that’s when the problems start. In that case, assess how your differing opinions make you feel. Will they become an issue for you, either now or further down the line? You must be honest with yourself here.

As you can see, the whole Trump vs. Biden thing is about more than just a party or a presidential choice. It’s about deep issues that divide us.

However, it might be that your views on important-t0-you big issues don’t really differ much. Maybe neither of you are big on politics but you have a preference. In that case, just ask yourself how much of an influence politics will have on your relationship and limit the amount of time you spend talking about it.

In this type of situation, one of you won’t see your candidate win, but the the other is. It’s best to avoid it becoming a huge issue in your relationship if the key issues are things you agree on. Consider turning it into a running joke and laugh about it, rather than allowing it to pull you apart and divide you as a couple. At the end of the day, do you really want a politician to ruin your relationship?

[Read: How to break the cycle when you keep having the same fight]

Never change your view under pressure

There is one subject we do need to touch upon. Feeling pressured to change your views. Big no-no, don’t do it.

Your political view is a deeply personal thing. There are families out there who completely disagree on politics. Perhaps the father votes Republican, the mother is Republican too, but the children are Democrats, and the pet dog isn’t sure. That doesn’t stop them from living together harmoniously and respecting each other’s opinions. It’s entirely possible to love someone and not agree with them, as long as it’s not about something which causes you to feel deeply uncomfortable. That’s the only time when the whole political incompatibility things should ever become a true issue in your relationship.

The point is, you shouldn’t be forced into changing your views because your partner thinks something differently to you. If it’s important to you, then you stick with it and if your partner loves you and respects you, they will understand that these views are a part of who you are and your character. If a partner tries to get you to change your preference, you have to wonder whether they’re perhaps part of the campaign trail!

[Read: Can you change for your partner without compromising or losing you?]

Some people sit down and discuss political views very early in a relationship. They figure out whether there are any major disagreement points. What do you think? A yes or a no? It’s pretty heavy early on, but if it’s something you feel strongly about, then you should push ahead. In some online dating profiles there is a section for political views, so you can choose those whom you align with the best.

At the end of the day, it comes down to how important politics is to you. Whether you agree on the key subjects that really matter to you, and whether you want to be together despite your differences. Even if you both vote for the same party, it’s unlikely that you will agree on everything anyway. You might be all for a particular bill that’s passed, but your partner might be totally against it.

When you think of it that way, it isn’t really about Trump vs. Biden, Republicans vs. Democrats, Red vs. Blue or anything else. It’s about your capacity as a couple to learn to agree to disagree when the subject doesn’t matter as much as your relationship.

Perhaps that’s what we all need to do! Chill out a little and just agree to disagree. Surely that would make for a more harmonious world, right? If we could do that, there would be no arguments, no heated debates, and no fake news. Everything would be calm and serene.

Now, doesn’t that sounds like a wonderful scene?

[Read: How to fight fair in a relationship and grow closer]

Of course, when the election begins, it’s unlikely to be calm or serene. Remember to keep your relationship at the forefront of everything and don’t allow politics to drive a wedge between you starting election wars!