How to Walk Away From Being a Side Chick & Be Someone’s #1 Instead

You’ve been a side chick for so long, and you’re tired of it. On the other hand, you don’t seem to know how to walk away from being a side chick.

You’re tired of just being the side chick, and you’re ready to be number one in a guy’s life. Learning how to walk away from being a side chick probably won’t be easy, but it’s possible.

Honestly, when it comes to the topic of side chicks, it’s divided. Some people have no problem with being a side chick, and others avoid being with a taken man. I’m on the latter when it comes to this.

As someone who’s in a relationship, I would be heartbroken to find out if my partner had a side chick. I also want women to support each other and stand strong for one another. Of course, that’s in a perfect world.

I have had friends who were side chicks, and I never really understood why they would want to be side chicks. Why couldn’t they just sleep with a guy who was single? But I realized that being a side chick is often deeper than just sex.

Now, if you’re someone who’s the side chick, I’m not here to judge you. If you’re reading this, you’re considering ending the relationship and looking for something other than being a side chick.

[Read: The 10 painful realities of being the other woman]

How to walk away from being a side chick

Well, if that’s the case, knowing how to walk away from being a side chick is not as easy as dropping your relationship and moving on. There’s a lot of internal work that needs to happen within you, and you must answer some tough questions.

But it’ll be worth it if you’re tired of being the side chick and want a relationship where you’re not a secret and hidden out of sight. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.

#1 Accept what happened. At some point, you need to accept what has happened in your life. Yes, you were the side chick in some relationship. It happened. This is something you can’t change. But you can change the future and the relationships you go into from now on. [Read: 14 signs you’re the side chick when you’ve thought you’re the main one all this while]

#2 If it’s purely for sex, you have other options. If this is based solely on sex, which in most times it’s not, you have other options. There are tons of single men out there looking for non-committal relationships, so why not look at those men? Why go after a guy you know you can’t fully have?

#3 You will get hurt. Whether you leave him or stay, you will be hurt. Leaving someone you have feelings for isn’t easy. Understand that you will feel sadness, anger, and pain. But, staying with him will also make you have those emotions. Either way, you will get hurt. But by choosing to leave, you open the space for healing. [Read: How to say goodbye to someone you love and not be afraid]

#4 Focus on working on your self-esteem. Being a side chick really comes down to self-esteem. If you want to stop repeating this behavior, work on yourself and genuinely believe you’re worthy of love and respect. Because whatever he was giving you wasn’t his full heart, and you know that. This change isn’t about him; this is about you. [Read: Why you crave male attention – Understanding your need to be desired]

#5 End the relationship. If you want to make a change, the first thing you should do is change your relationship status. We all know that the man you’re a side chick for isn’t going to end his main relationship. If you want to stop being a side chick, end the relationship. That’s the first step to making a serious change in your life. 

#6 See other available men. Now, when I say see other men, that doesn’t mean to follow down the path that you’ve been on and see other taken men. No, this is the time where you should change your ways. Aside from focusing on your internal issues, start seeing single men. There are many good men who are available and won’t see you as a side chick. [Read: 33 best places to meet attractive and eligible single men]

#7 Look within to see why you’re being a side chick. If you want to stop being a side chick, stop and look within. Yes, he may be a player or a jerk, but at the end of the day, you’re the one who’s the side chick, he didn’t force you. Look within and figure out why you’re attracted to unavailable men. What are you scared of? 

#8 Cut him out of your life. To stop being a side chick, stop communicating with the guys who see you as one. You need to cut contact with this guy and be persistent, even if he begs for you to come back. Delete his number, social media, and block him from any form of communication. [Read: How to recognize unavailable men instantly and avoid heartache]

#9 Why are you with this guy? What is it about this man that makes you unable to leave him? What is it about him that made you think being his side chick was going to be a good idea?

Maybe you’ve had bad past relationships, and he was a source of security. Maybe he reminds you of your father. Look at the characteristics he has that attracted you to him. You’ll soon realize that many other men have those characteristics and are single. [Read: A few reality checks when you’re in love with a married man]

#10 Get excited about the change. You’re changing your life for the better, and even though it’s hard right now, this is an exciting change. Who knows the person you will be after this process, and who you will attract into your life. See this change as something positive, and that will ultimately affect your life for the better. 

#11 Be kind to yourself. It’s easy to be hard on yourself about why you were the side chick, and it’s easy to make yourself feel small. But that’s not what you need right now. Changing your actions and stopping yourself from being a side chick isn’t an easy process; it will take inner reflection and work. So, practice kindness towards yourself. [Read: The most important things to know before you sleep with a married man]

#12 Uncover your fear. It’s not easy to walk away from something you know, even if it’s bad for you. But, now is the time to look at your fears and what makes you scared of changing. Do you feel you won’t be able to find love? Are you scared of loneliness? By looking at your fears, you’ll be able to push through them.

#13 Come out of denial. Listen, as much as you’d like to think he’ll leave his partner for you, the odds are he probably won’t. Accept the reality and come out of the denial you’re living in. Your denial is what’s keeping you from moving forward in your life. Your denial is keeping you his side chick. 

#14 Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes; we’re human. Yes, we do things that are sometimes against our genuine interests, but this is how we grow. It’s important that you accept what happened and forgive yourself. The moment you forgive yourself, you’ll truly move forward in your life. [Read: How to stop hating yourself and learn to forgive the past]

#15 Remember your worth. It’s not easy to end a relationship when you have feelings for that person. But this isn’t a real relationship; you’re the side chick. At the end of the day, realize that you’re worthy of love and of being with someone who sees you as their partner, not someone on the side.

[Read: We accept the love we deserve – why aren’t you worthy?]

Understanding how to walk away from being a side chick won’t be easy, but now is the time for you to step out of that label and become an independent and free woman.