How to Win a Guy Over: Commonly Used Wrong Ways and The Right Way

Most girls go about this the completely wrong way, and end up unhappy. If you want to know how to win a guy over, understand the good and the bad ways.

When it comes to understanding how to win a guy over, we’ve been brainwashed into doing all the wrong things. Firstly, trying to convince someone you’re worthy of their affection is hard to do. You aren’t giving them your dating resume or offering up all the ways you can make them happy.

Sure, you want to put your best foot forward, but it can feel disingenuous to promote yourself like that. Learning how to win a guy over isn’t actually about competition or winning. It is about being yourself and being confident in that.

Why you need to learn how to win a guy over

Sometimes a guy doesn’t like you from the start. Maybe you had a poor first impression or perhaps he just didn’t notice you right off the bat.

[Read: How to get a guy’s attention in any circumstance, no matter where you are]

Even if he felt the spark you felt, he may not be confident enough in his feelings or yours to take the risk and ask you out.

Sure, in this case, you could just give up and move on, but you don’t have to. You can go ahead with your initial attraction and learn how to win the guy over with subtle tricks and charms.

You may be asking yourself why you have to put the effort in to win a guy over. Why can’t he notice you and make a move on his own? Well, first off guys don’t always read through the lines.

Not only could he have missed your initial attempt at flirting but he may also be worried about being rejected or maybe he is just clueless.

If you are truly interested in winning him over, you can do it without doing anything drastic. A few small subtleties could be all he needs to open his eyes and finally make a move.

[Read: The secret guide to attract men in a way they just can’t resist]

How to win a guy over THE WRONG WAY

For years it was common knowledge that the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. If you can cook him a good meal, he is all yours. ??This is just one old-fashioned and out-dated idea about how to win a guy over that is just wrong. Not only are we two decades into the new century and many men are capable of cooking and taking care of themselves, but you shouldn’t have to change who you are or what you enjoy, to win a guy over.

Sure, if you want to learn how to cook your guy’s favorite meal to impress him, go right ahead. But doing things like this is not exactly about you.

When you’re figuring out how to win a guy over, you want to make sure you are being true to yourself. You don’t want to alter who you are to get him interested only to feel uncomfortable in your own skin whenever you’re together. [Read: How to attract a guy and make him stay forever]

There are some methods to win a guy over that have been advised for decades that are simply ineffective or just plain wrong.

These are the things you should NOT DO to win a guy over.

#1 Play it too cool. As women, we are often told we have too many emotions and share our feelings too quickly and easily. For this reason, we are told to play it cool, especially when trying to win a guy over.

It is fine not to get ahead of yourself, but playing it too cool is not how you win a guy over. Playing it too cool means you are silencing yourself or letting go of your standards. If you overlook his sexist jokes, act like you’re not interested, or pretend to want something casual when you don’t, you are doing yourself a disservice. [Read: The right way to play it cool without being too clingy or too distant]

#2 Pretend to like what he likes. If you are actually interested in learning more about his fantasy baseball league or the horsepower of his car, more power to you. But, pretending to be interested in things he likes, just to have something to talk about isn’t going to work.

Odds are he will see right through it and you’ll know you’re not being honest with yourself.

#3 Be overly agreeable. Yes, for years women have been told to nod along and not fight back. But again, those days are over. If you don’t agree with what he says, speak up. He will respect you a whole lot more for voicing your opinions and being headstrong.

Of course, you don’t have to pick a heated argument with him every time you have a different opinion, but you can express yourself and your thoughts without holding back. If he would rather you were meek and polite over strong and opinionated, maybe he isn’t the guy for you.

#4 Cancel plans for him. Trying to win over a guy doesn’t rank above other responsibilities, plans or people. Just because you like this guy and don’t want to miss an opportunity with him doesn’t mean it is okay for you to cancel plans with someone else to be with him.

By doing this, you are putting a guy you hardly know ahead of something else important in your life. Plus, being busy will help him realize you are a hot commodity. [Read: 13 needy signs you’re way too available for him]

#5 Wait for him. If he tells you he might be at a certain location but doesn’t nail down plans, you can show up but don’t wait all night. A guy you’re trying to win over should also be trying to win you over. He isn’t worth waiting around for.

#6 Do anything you’re uncomfortable with. Maybe you don’t want to turn down his offer to spend the night because you’re worried he’ll think you’re not interested. Not only are you putting his wants and desires about your comfort, but you do not need to prove anything to him for him to be interested in you. [Read: Feeling used by a guy? How to read the signs and do the right thing]

#7 Virtually stalk him. You might think that by coming up on his newsfeed in your cutest selfie, he will DM you right away. But, if you like all his posts and comment on his photos, it will come off a little bit desperate. Even if you are silently scrolling through his page, it will lead you to obsess over him more than you should be.

#8 Invest too much. Remember not to invest too much in winning a guy over. This isn’t your boyfriend. This is someone you are trying to create an initial connection and dialogue with. He doesn’t deserve all your attention just yet.

Becoming overly invested this early will leave you feeling rejected if he doesn’t bite even though you may not have actually asked him out. [Read: The dating girl code all girls need to know and follow]

#9 Be his dream girl. Do not try to fit into the model of what he, or men in general, view as perfection. You don’t need to try to impress him with undetectable makeup, a pushup bra or a raspy voice.

Being yourself and being confident in that will work much better.

How to win a guy over THE RIGHT WAY

Now that you know what to avoid when it comes to learning how to win a guy over, you can try some subtle maneuvers that will actually aid you in verifying your connection with him.

#1 Show up. I don’t mean show up at his place of work or his house. But, “randomly” bumping into him at his favorite coffee shop might rekindle that initial spark you felt. Sure, it may feel like you’re taking a risk by going out of your way to maybe bump into him, but what’s the worst that could happen? He doesn’t show up?

Having more than one chance encounter could be just what he needs to give him that nudge to ask you out. [Read: 14 tricks to tease, tantalize, and make any guy desire you]

#2 Let out your weird side. If you really want to win a guy over, don’t be on your best behavior. You don’t have to be poised and polite constantly. Let out your true weird self. Share your bizarre talent or tell an embarrassing story.

Again, I know it can feel vulnerable to let someone into that side of yourself, but that is what leaves an impression.

#3 Talk to a mutual friend. Let a mutual friend know you’re interested. This isn’t grade school so you aren’t telling this friend so that they can find out if he is interested in you, but rather so they can organize another get-together. ??This will give you a more upfront and surefire way to see him again and catch his eye. [Read: How to ask a guy on a date – The walkthrough all girls need to know]

#4 Make the first move. If the subtle flirting isn’t making a big enough impact, just make a move yourself. Ask him out. Again, the worst that could happen is that he says no and you move on.

Some guys are really struck by a woman confident enough to put herself out there. Others may not have even realized you were interested until you actually blurt it out. [Read: How to show a guy you like and still be a tease]

#5 Know when to move on. If after about three times interacting with him, he still isn’t getting the idea, it may be time to move on. Either he isn’t interested or he is really that clueless and that is okay. You can’t get every guy to like you.

[Read: The art of getting guys to like you without compromising who you are]

Being yourself is easy, but winning a guy over is hard. The good news is that with confidence and subtlety you can learn how to win a guy over while being yourself.