What to Do If Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Seem Sexually Interested in You

Everything with your relationship is going well, but there’s just one thing… your boyfriend doesn’t seem sexually interested in you. So, what do you do?

Well, this is a tough one, isn’t it? You love your boyfriend, and your relationship has been going well. There’s just the one small problem—your boyfriend doesn’t seem sexually interested in you.

Now, maybe you just started seeing each other, and he’s super nervous to even hug you. Or maybe you have been together for some time, and this dry patch suddenly popped up. Whatever your relationship looks like, one thing is clear: you do not feel like your boyfriend is sexually into you.

Before you freak out, take a deep breath. I know you’re thinking the worst.

Even I would think of the worst. My mind would have thousands of thoughts, “maybe he doesn’t even like me. Maybe he hates my body or hates our sex.” Yes, I know, those are easy thoughts to have, but it doesn’t mean that’s the actual case.

[Read: 12 easy ways to keep sexual intimacy alive and kicking]

12 things to do when your boyfriend doesn’t seem sexually interested in you

Before you continue to overanalyze and freak out, let’s just step back and look at all the reasons why your boyfriend may not seem sexually interested in you. That way, before you confront your boyfriend, you can properly look at the situation and see what may really be going on.

Are you ready? Deep breath, you got this. What’s really going on here?

#1 Don’t jump to conclusions. Before you come up with all these ideas of how your boyfriend doesn’t love you or finds you unattractive, stop. Juuuust stop for a minute.

There are a bunch of reasons why your boyfriend may not seem sexually interested in you. Of course, you go to the worst scenario, but your boyfriend may have performance anxiety, feel the intimacy is a little dull, or has sexual issues. [Read: How to overcome sexual anxiety and perform!]

#2 Get physical. Have you had a make-out session? Had sex? Your boyfriend could just be nervous to make a move if they’re not experienced or suffer from performance anxiety. One way to see how your boyfriend feels about you is to actually get physical. Of course, don’t force them to be intimate with you, but make a move and see how they react.

#3 Understand men are just as emotional as women. The big difference is women are encouraged to talk about their feelings, and men aren’t. Understand that men are just as emotional as women. We all carry our own baggage from our past relationships or suppress our sexual desires. [Read: Don’t accept these 15 common sex myths as facts]

#4 Ask your partner about his fantasies. Everyone has their own fantasies, but many of us suppress them because we just want to be normal. But the suppression of their sexual desires could actually come off as not being sexually interested in you. In the end, it could be that they are interested in you, but not feeling sexually fulfilled. [Read: 10 easy but sexy conversation topics that’ll make both of you really horny]

#5 Spice up your sexual routine. When it comes to intimacy, the reason why your boyfriend may seem disinterested in sex could be because he feels the sex has become a little dull. And listen, it happens in every relationship. You can have hot and heavy sex all of the time. So, be spontaneous and surprise him with something new. See how he reacts and if that was the problem. 

#6 Educate yourself on your body. As I said, the reason why he seems disinterested could be for a variety of reasons. If you put the spark back into your relationship, get to know your own body. See what turns you on and how he can get you off. Since we don’t know what’s going on in your partner’s head, it could be that he feels he’s unable to turn you on.

#7 You may not be on the same page. We always assume that men are more sexually driven than women. But that’s not actually true. Not every guy feels the urge to have sex three times a day. Some men have lower testosterone levels than others, making sex not a primary need.

Understand your partner’s sexual drive. If he’s still affectionate with you, but not having sex with you, that doesn’t mean he’s not interested in you. [Read: Lack of sex in a relationship: Why it happens and what it means]

#8 Does he show affection? We equate sex with sexual interest, but don’t forget intimacy comes in different forms. Is he still affectionate towards you? Does he hug, kiss, and hold your hand? If so, this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not interested in you. Of course, if he’s all of a sudden switched from having sex to not having sex, then something may have happened.

#9 Does he have a history with cheating? I hate to bring this up, but it could be a possibility. Does he have a history of cheating? Has he cheated on you before? When some men cheat, they will be overly affectionate to cover up their acts. But other men will become distant, and avoid any intimacy with their partner. When he is intimate, does it feel like he’s doing it because he has to? Then you should talk to him and see whether or not he’s cheating on you. [Read: Is he cheating on you? 21 unintentional behaviors he just can’t hide]

#10 Is there more stress in his life? Has his life changed recently? Stress from work, school, or our home lives does impact our sex lives. When we’re stressed, our happy hormones and sex hormones aren’t on a full swing which may make you believe that your boyfriend doesn’t seem sexually interested in you. Stress is a huge problem for many couples because it’s a cockblocker. Look at his life. Have been any major changes that have happened?

#11 You’re not showing affection. I’m not pointing the finger at you. But you’re also one half of the relationship. Are you showing your boyfriend affection or have you distanced yourself? If you feel that he’s not interested in you, you may be pulling away as well. Give him a kiss or a hug, and see what happens. [Read: How to show affection in a relationship if it doesn’t come naturally]

#12 He’s addicted to porn. If your boyfriend is known for watching pornography, that’s okay. Porn isn’t bad. But, there are times when people become obsessed with porn and ignore their actual sex lives. And this is when the problem starts. If he’s consuming more porn and diving deeper into an unrealistic fantasy, then he won’t be as interested in engaging in real sex and intimacy.

[Read: 14 ways you can get your partner to open up about sex with you]

This isn’t an easy situation to be in and can be hard emotionally. If you feel your boyfriend doesn’t seem sexually interested in you, talk to him about it. It’s the first step, but also the most important one.