In Love with a Married Woman? How to Know if It’s Time to End It

So, you’re in love with a married woman. Well, it’s tough, but if things aren’t going anywhere, it’s time to end the relationship and move on.

Oh gosh, being in love with a married woman is a sticky situation. It is usually highly discouraged. Of course, for the obvious reason that this person is married. But secondly, married people, men and women, rarely end their marriages to be with their side-partner.

Maybe the woman you’re with wanted to escape her reality or is unhappy with her marriage, but it doesn’t mean she’s going to take off her ring and call it quits. And for you, it’s not a good spot to be in. You’re not in control of anything. Rather, you’re at the whim of your married partner.

In love with a married woman? How to end the relationship

You’ve decided that it’s time to move on. If that’s the case, I couldn’t agree more. What are you doing with a married woman, you know what I mean? Unless she already signed the divorce papers, there’s no guarantee things are going to work in your favor.

[Read: How to date a married woman and avoid the messy web of drama]

And the person who’s really going to hurt is you. She has her life, and she’ll go back to it. But you’ll be the one who gets hit the hardest. If you’re thinking about calling it quits, here are some things you should do.

#1 Focus on her actions, not her words. So, she’s told you she wants to leave her husband but has she left him yet? You cannot hang around based on her words. If there’s action, that’s one thing. But, if she’s just telling you what you want to hear, that’s not fair. Once you see her behavior, then you have a base to work off of. [Read: Are you suffering from the White Knight syndrome?]

#2 Talk to them about it. Listen, she’s been sleeping with you, while in a committed relationship with her husband. So, it’s clear there’s something going on in her marriage. But that doesn’t mean she’s willing to end things so she can be with you.

Have a conversation with her and see what she wants. You’ve watched her behavior; now it’s time to sit down and have a serious conversation about the future. Is she looking for something serious and long term with you, or just a bit of fun to compensate for her boring marriage?

#3 You don’t really know your partner. I know you think you know her, but when she goes home, she has a completely different life that you’re not a part of. Maybe she has children, for example, and you are not a part of that section of her life, which is pretty significant. So, keep this in mind when thinking about your future. You’re only seeing one side of her. [Read: Feeling trapped? Should you stay or break free?]

#4 Think about yourself. When in a sticky situation, we push our needs aside and focus on what we want at the moment. Yes, you spend time together, but you’re not given her full attention. Remember you’re worthy of attention, honesty, and genuine love. As of now, you’re a secret, and unless she makes a move, that’s all you’ll ever be.

 #5 Break up in person. I know we’re all about texting these days, but when it comes to relationships, breakups should be done in person. So, if you’re going to end the relationship, meet up with her in person and talk about how you feel. You need closure, and so does she. If it lacks closure, then there’s a chance the relationship will open up again in the future. [Read: Breaking up with someone you love – 20 right reasons to walk away]

#6 Don’t fall for her lines. When emotional and desperate, we say things and promise things we cannot fulfill. When you break up with her, she may say that she’s going home right now to end the marriage, but don’t fall for that. Sure, at that moment, maybe she does want to do that. But as of now, she hasn’t.

So, yes, she’s welcome to do that, but don’t wait around for her to make that move. During a breakup, both men and women will say things we don’t necessarily mean in hopes of keeping things the way they are. [Read: Here’s the guide for how to leave someone you love]

#7 Be very straightforward. Listen, if you really want to move on with your life, be straightforward. Don’t say any lines like, maybe one day we’ll reconnect. No, no, no. This isn’t closing the door. It’s leaving it cracked open. You don’t deserve that, and neither does she. Be clear that you must end the relationship. It’s finished. 

#8 Don’t contact her. After the breakup, it’s will be hard to cope. You’re in love with a married woman; it’s heartbreaking and tragic. But don’t contact her. If you made the decision to move on, stick to your word and move on. You’ll be tempted all the time to contact her, but you can’t. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]

#9 Don’t accept her calls and messages. If she’s unhappy with her marriage and life in general, she will feel desperate after the breakup. She’ll try to get your attention any way she can and contact you in hopes of things working out. But don’t slip into the trap. Remove her number from your phone, block her calls and messages, and move on with your life. 

#10 Remove her and her friends from your phone/social media. You may have her on social media, including her friends. Make the move and delete all of them from your phone and social media. If you keep them, it’s just an opening for her to reach out to you. If you really want to move on, you must take tough actions. [Read: How to feel better after a breakup and find your happiness again]

#11 Give yourself time to move on. You won’t fall in love the next day with someone new after the breakup. If anything, it’s going to be a rough period for you. Breakups really suck, especially when the love is still there. But she’s married, and this isn’t something you should accept.

You want a full and wholesome relationship, and it’s something she can’t provide. Give yourself time to move on and process the emotions.

[Read: Understanding your boundaries in dating]

If you’re in love with a married woman, it’s a tough spot to be in. Yes, your heart tells you to keep going, but it’s time to listen to your head.