10 Signs an Affair Is Turning into Love Whether You’re Ready or Not

An affair is sometimes planned or not planned at all, but what happens when you start to experience the signs an affair is turning into love?

If you’re currently having an affair, I’m not the one to judge you. You know your reasons about how and what has happened, and you know your relationship. However, if you choose to embark upon an affair, whether married or coupled up with someone else, realize the risks of being caught out, and the damaging effects that occur when you start to experience the signs an affair is turning into love.

Sex and emotions, they all have a habit of kickstarting the “L” word process—whether you want it to happen or not. You simply have no control over it. Of course, you have control over your actions, but denying your feelings isn’t something anyone finds easy.

You might have started out simply wanting comfort or to escape a difficult situation in your current relationship. Now you’re starting to wonder whether real feelings might have developed for this other person. Sometimes it can be the novelty factor, but other times it’s because love is starting to make an entrance.

[Read: Can you be in love with two people? Of course! But should you?]

How can you tell if your affair is growing into love?

Is there trouble ahead? Signs an affair is turning into love

Let’s explore a few signs an affair is turning into love. Only then can you decide what to do about it.

#1 They’re on your mind all the time. When you start to fall for someone, no matter what the circumstances, you can’t get them off your mind. You feel butterflies when you think about them. In this situation, the butterflies are likely to be followed by a sense of guilt. That’s one of the clearest signs an affair is turning into love. [Read: How to rebuild trust after a betrayal]

#2 You compare your partner and the other person. If you compare the two people in your life, you’re already in trouble. If love is blooming, you’ll start to find faults with your partner. This will push you closer to the other person, because you’re idealizing them in your head.

#3 You look to spend more time with them. At first you probably only saw the other person now and then, but if you’re actively trying to spend more time with them, you should question why. Is it because you’re starting to develop feelings? Wanting to be around the other person more, perhaps more than your partner, is one of the big signs an affair is turning into love. [Read: What to do when you’re in a relationship but like someone else]

#4 You start to make a real effort in how you look. It’s likely that you did this to a certain extent before, but if you find yourself trying to look your very best before seeing the other person, it’s probably because you’re keen to impress them. This could be a sign of impending love on the horizon.

#5 You’re not as close to your partner anymore. If you don’t talk to your partner as much, you aren’t as physically intimate anymore, and there seems to be a sizable gap opening up between you, it could be because you’re starting to develop feelings for the other person. In this case, stop and take a hard look at what is going on and whether it’s time to put the brakes on things. [Read: What it means when you think of someone other than your partner]

#6 You start talking about your partner with the other person. Assuming the other person knows about your partner, you might start talking about them in not so flattering terms. For instance, you share details about an argument you had or talk abut their perceived flaws that you notice more and more. This is neither respectful or fair to your partner. [Read: Are you unintentionally micro-cheating without realizing it?]

#7 You feel like they really “get” you. Be extremely wary of this, and this is by far one of the biggest signs your affair is turning into love. You probably turned to the other person because you felt you had things in common. If you feel like they really “get” you, perhaps more than your partner, then the affair has crossed over from physical. It is firmly in the emotional side of the camp.

#8 You contact them more and more. You probably had certain times when you spoke at the start of the affair. Now you notice that texts and emails ping back and forth at different times. Probably because the person is on your mind far more than before. You can’t help but want to talk to them. This is a huge development because it means emotions are becoming very attached. [Read: 18 signs of an emotional affair most people don’t notice]

#9 You find it hard to focus. Remember the feeling when you first started to fall in love with your partner? You lost your appetite, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stop thinking about them, nor concentrate on anything other than the next time you could see them. If you notice that once more, it’s one of the huge signs an affair is turning into love.

#10 You start to think about the future. Uh-oh! Trouble is on the horizon here. An affair isn’t meant to be long-term or have a future. If you start to picture a future with this person, then your current relationship is almost dead in the water. This means that you’re seriously becoming attached to the other person. You’re on the brink of falling in love. [Read: Affair fog – Are you lost under the spell of another lover?]

Again, no judgement here, but ask yourself this: why are you having an affair in the first place? Now, ask yourself something else. Would you be horrified and heartbroken if your partner was doing exactly what you are now? Perhaps the best question to ask if you haven’t actually done anything with this other person yet, but you’re starting to think you might.

If you put yourself in a reverse situation and ask yourself whether you would be okay with your partner doing what you’re doing, then you know the answer as to whether or not it’s right.

[Read: 10 reasons why sex can never really be just sex]

However, an affair by definition has already begun if you’re calling it an ‘affair’. In this case, the line has been firmly crossed. You might be doing your best to keep emotions out of it, perhaps trying to end it before any hearts are truly broken for good, but if love is starting to creep into the situation, you’re about to hit the biggest road bump possible.

If you want to be with the other person, if you truly think that you’ve met someone who you can’t live without, you should tell your partner. Yes, it’s going to hurt them. Yes, they will be heartbroken, but the longer you carry on behind their back, the worse it will be.

If you’re not sure how you feel or that you and your partner still have a future, end it with the other person. If you can, own up and talk about what’s happened with your partner. They may forgive you, they may not, but they deserve the truth.

[Read: How to end an affair and get over it completely]

There are many signs an affair is turning into love. If you start to feel about the other person how you felt about your partner at the start, you know you’re already in big trouble. It’s time to come clean, seriously!