48 Painful Yet Subtle Signs He’s Not That Into You & It’s Time To Leave

Does he flirt with you and then suddenly ask for advice about other women? Does he make plans with you and then cancel at the very last minute? There’s nothing worse than being unsure about a guy’s mixed signals. But by reading the signs he’s not that into you, you’ll have the clarity you need.

When some guy doesn’t text you back or show up at the bar when he says he would, who do you call? The person you call is going to be the friend who convinces you that it isn’t your fault. They won’t tell you to see the signs he’s not that into you, but they will tell you a good story about how he got held up at work or is playing hard to get.

Or even how you are so awesome that he is intimidated by you. Although so much better to hear than the truth, if a guy is giving you mixed signals and messing with you, you don’t need someone telling you a fairy tale. You need someone who is going to tell you the truth.

Here is the thing about the phrase, “he’s not that into you.” It hurts. Hell, it hurts like someone has hit you in the shins.

But whether he is or he isn’t, you need to hear it. Why? Well, because a little honesty is good for you. And, because whether he is into you or not, your behavior in response to his bad behavior should be similar. [Read: Dealing with heartbreak – 18 steps to do it the right way]

Are you seeing the signs he’s not that into you, and you’re in denial?

When you want a guy to like you, your mind can play a ton of tricks. Something small and probably meaningless can be twisted into a sign he likes you. 

Maybe he’s just nice. Maybe he’s attracted to you but not interested. Or maybe he was interested, but now he’s not. 

No matter what the reason, there are some things we just read way too much into. A look, a graze, maybe even a smile or wink can be analyzed into something so much more.

A great way to start seeing the warning signs he is not interested is by not making up ones that he is. [Read: Don’t fall for it, the rom-com cliches never work in real life]

The key signs he’s not that into you

You won’t want to hear these, we know. But in the interests of understanding when it’s time to walk away, you need to learn the clear signs he’s not that into you.

If he’s not, so what? Time to move on and find someone who is. Yes, it will hurt, but it’s certainly not a reflection on you.

1. You always reach out first

If he’s into you, he will reach out. Even if he is nervous or busy, he will make time to reach out to you. If you’re always the one making an effort to call or text first, there is a pretty obvious reason for that. If he likes you, no amount of work or stress will prevent him from replying to your text. [Read: Your guide for what to do when a guy doesn’t text back]

2. His actions and words don’t align

A lot of guys are smooth talkers. He may tell you he’s interested or that he’ll take you to a nice dinner or even on vacation, but if it never happens, there’s a reason.

He knows how to say things to make you like him, but if he doesn’t act on it, he isn’t really into you, at least not in the way you’re probably hoping.

3. You’re putting in all the effort

If you’re not only texting first, but you also make all the plans, ask questions to get to know him, and even do nice things for him while he does nothing, he is more interested in the convenience and what you have to offer. [Read: The signs of a taker in a relationship – is he only taking?]

4. He flakes on plans

Do your plans always seem up in the air? They are never nailed down. Instead, they are always something like, “maybe if I get home early enough.” He is waiting for something better to come along and hanging onto you as a second best.

If you managed to make plans, expect that he will cancel at the last minute. Sometimes things come up, and plans have to change, but if it always happens and he’s never even tried to make it up to you, that’s a sign he isn’t interested.

Of course, this doesn’t say anything about you. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone who would be so disrespectful and wouldn’t make an effort to actually show up.

5. You’re always waiting

He’s always taking hours or days to text you back. You’re the one who always waits for definite plans and an okay that you can come over. He does not respect your time.

He doesn’t think you could possibly have anything better to do than to wait around for him to decide. You deserve to be considered and cared for, not ignored. [Read: Being taken for granted? Signs, reasons, and firm ways to stop them]

6. He doesn’t try to impress you

A guy who is into you will clean up when you’re coming over. He will spray some cologne or wear something a bit nicer than basketball shorts and a stained t-shirt. 

If his place is a mess and he’s a mess, but he still expects you to wear makeup, heels, etc., to see him, he is not worth your time. This is one of the key signs he’s not that into you.

7. He doesn’t care what you do

We often hope that if we make a guy like this jealous, he will realize what he has and be jealous or change his ways.

But, if you tell him about the coworker who keeps asking you out or even post photos with another guy and he doesn’t care, it’s because he only wants what he wants from you. [Read: The signs you’re being used by a man and why you should ditch him]

8. It’s all about convenience

A guy who is into you will change plans to see you. He will go out of his way to make it work. But, if you’re the only one putting in the effort to make things work while he only wants to see you when it is convenient for him, that’s another sign he’s not that into you. 

Basically, you aren’t a priority for him.

9. You never go out

A guy who hides you away is not into you. If you haven’t met each other’s friends, and every time you come over, he seems to keep you away from his roommate, he could be cheating on someone with you or is just not interested in any of those aspects of a relationship.

It’s not like you’re expecting him to tell the world that you’re dating, but if he spends most of his time with you behind closed doors, then you know the guy you’re dating only wants you around only when he wants company. He doesn’t really care what you want. [Read: Secret relationship – Why would someone want to keep things low key?]

10. He takes casual dating seriously

This is a guy who makes it clear he doesn’t want a relationship. He may even set rules or boundaries. He’ll say things like, “we can’t do that we’re just casual,” or “this isn’t serious.” He might make it clear you can see other people or that he is not ready to take things to the next level.

11. He isn’t there for you

If you experience a rough day and need to vent or be with someone, he is not the one you go to. If you talk to him about some serious events in your life, he will hear you but won’t really listen. 

He may even pretend to comfort you to take advantage of your vulnerability. [Read: 15 signs of manipulation you should never ignore]

12. He doesn’t know your best friend’s name

Your best friend is probably a big part of your life. If this guy cared about you, he would listen to your stories or even that you came from dinner with them.

If he doesn’t know your best friend’s name, he has zero interest in getting to know you outside the bedroom.

13. You try too hard

If you’re exhausted, it’s because it’s one of the signs he’s not that into you. You tire yourself out impressing him. You try to make him jealous just to get him to notice you or give you attention, but it never happens. 

It’s time to take a break and let him go. Find someone who will love you how you deserve, even if that is you. [Read: Stop chasing him – Why guys run and why you shouldn’t chase them]

14. Your friends don’t like him

Whether your friends have met him or not, we’re sure you’ve told them about him. If they roll their eyes when you bring him up or groan when you say you’re going to see him, it’s because they are good and honest friends.

It is also because they see how he treats you, and they know you deserve so much better. [Read: These indicate the guy you like is a disrespectful and sexist man]

15. In honestly, you don’t really like him that much

Think about this for a while. You are trying so hard to get him to like you. But you’re not sure if you really like him.

What do you even know about him? Look at how he treats you and if the two of you are truly able to connect with each other. [Read: These first date red flags speak a lot more than what your date says]

16. He avoids contact during major holidays

If you don’t hear a thing from him on Valentine’s, Thanksgiving, or even your birthday, ask yourself who this guy is. He’s certainly not someone who cares about you, that’s for sure.

We’re not suggesting he should make the world’s biggest fuss, but he should at least be around, shouldn’t he?

17. He clearly tells you he isn’t ready for a relationship

One of the signs he’s not that into you is when he tells you he isn’t ready for a relationship. No, he’s not telling you this because he’s traumatized by his ex. He’s saying it because you’re not the one he wants to be in a relationship with.

It’s hard to accept, but by doing so, you’ll be able to move on. [Read: Fear of commitment – 47 signs, why’s, and ways to get over your phobia]

18. He’s distant and secretive

The reason? He’s probably seeing someone else. Sorry to say it, but it’s likely to be true.

If a guy likes you, he doesn’t feel the need to hide things from you. If he always feels distant, it’s because he isn’t bothered about moving closer.

19. He doesn’t try to protect you

Guys have this inner superhero whenever they’re around their partners. They want to protect them and make sure they’re okay.

If this isn’t always happening, it’s because he’s really not that bothered either way. [Read: Key differences – Protective boyfriend or controlling boyfriend?]

20. He openly flirts with other women

Firstly, why are you even putting up with this? It’s so disrespectful! Secondly, know that it’s certainly one of the signs he’s not that into you because if he is someone who is committed, he would not see other women. This is yet another sign that he’s letting you know that he’s not looking for anything serious.

21. A lack of an emotional connection

While he might be a man who doesn’t open up easily about what he’s feeling, you should feel some connection between you that goes beyond the bedroom.

If there is zero connection there and you never have conversations that are about anything other than sex, consider that a red flag. [Read: Emotional connection – 38 signs, secrets, and ways to build a real bond]

22. He never gets jealous

Oh, come on, a guy who likes you will go green with jealousy if another guy flirts with you! If he isn’t at least a little bit possessive, even if a guy shows you interest, it could be a sign that he sees you as a friend.

Of course, this is not to say that you should go out with a super possessive guy who’s head over heels obsessed with you.

Perhaps you should consider flirting more with other guys. After all, they might treat you better. Open your eyes and cut your losses now rather than later.

23. You haven’t met any of his friends

A guy who likes a girl will show her off to his friends. If you haven’t met any of them, and it’s almost as if he’s hiding you away from his inner circle, it’s because he doesn’t expect you to stick around very long in his life.

Not even being known by his friends is one of the major signs he’s not that into you. [Read: 20 signs he just wants to be friends]

24. He doesn’t talk about you on social media

He never ever posts pictures of the two of you on social media, nor does he tag you on any post. Now, some guys just don’t like shouting about their personal lives online, and that’s fine. But, if you see this sign along with some of the others, it’s probably something you should pay attention to.

25. He doesn’t show you affection in public

Again, some guys aren’t fans of PDAs, but if there is no hand holding, no hugs, no caring glances, and no stolen pecks on the cheek, he’s steering clear of all affection.

This is one of the big signs he’s not that into you because he doesn’t want people to think you’re together. [Read: 15 ways public displays of affection can save your relationship]

26. He tells you to see other men

If he openly makes it clear that he doesn’t mind you seeing other guys, that’s a major red flag. No guy would be happy with their girl going out with a male acquaintance, let alone getting closer. It’s clear he’s not interested, and it’s time for you to move on.

27. He never leaves any of his things at your house

When a guy stays over a few times, you might notice the odd thing being left behind. Over time, that turns into a few of his personal belongings.

If he always makes sure to take everything away with him, it’s because he’s got no intention of sticking around for long. [Read: Sleeping over 101 – How to make things run smoothly]

28. Picking you up and dropping you off is a big issue

Does he avoid coming to your house to pick you up or drop you off? Could it be that he doesn’t want people to see? If he’s pretty inconsistent about it, it’s something to be wary of.

Surely he would want to know you got home safely, right?

29. It’s clearly just about sex for him

He knows it, you know it, but you don’t want to admit it. He doesn’t want a deep romantic relationship with you, but he quite enjoys what you do in the bedroom.

Is that enough for you? [Read: Just sex? Reasons why sex can never really be just sex]

Is he busy or not into me?

This is one question many ask when a guy shows the signs he’s not that into you. They assume that it’s not about anything negative and that the guy is simply rushed off his feet. The poor thing.

The truth is that if someone wants to make time for you, they will. If they don’t bother, it’s because they’re not interested in trying. If you’re seeing several of the above signs he’s not that into you, don’t try and kid yourself into believing that he’s busy.

Move on and find someone who you don’t have to force to spend time with you. [Read: How the perpetually busy can still find love]

But why is he not into me?

Ah, another common question. Look, it’s hard, we know. When you know that a guy you really like doesn’t feel the same, you start to wonder what the problem is.

It’s not you. Forget that thought immediately.

You have no idea what is going on in his head. Maybe he simply doesn’t want anything serious with anyone, and it’s not even the slightest bit about you. Or maybe he’s just a selfish person who doesn’t care how he treats others. [Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]

The latter is probably the more accurate reason.

Rather than wondering why he’s not into you, turn your attention away from him and toward regaining your sense of self-worth. You deserve so much better. [Read: 18 ways to have high self-esteem and start winning at life]

How to deal with it when he’s not that into you

The way to combat hurt is by playing it cool. If he doesn’t like you, then you don’t want to chase him around like an idiot. If he really does like you, then you need to teach him early on that he can’t just treat you any old way that he wants.

The only way to respond to someone who is acting like he’s not that into you is by acting as if the feeling is mutual. [Read: Dammit, why doesn’t he like me back? 20 real reasons why]

1. Unfriend him and stop ‘following’ him

The first step to dealing with someone when he is acting like he’s not that into you is to stop following him. That means you have to make sure he can’t see what you are doing via social media by kicking him off all of your social media accounts.

That includes Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, or any other way he can insert himself into your world to find out what you’ve been up to or to see what he’s missing. [Read: Why do men like a chase? And how to use this in your favor]

2. Change your relationship status

Right before you unfriend him, make sure to update your relationship status. Two seconds before you cut him from your account, make sure to let him know that you are moving on by changing your relationship status so he sees you aren’t going to pine for him anymore.

3. Block his number

If you simply can’t control yourself even when he treats you awfully, all it takes is a late-night booty call to have you running back. So then you need to help yourself by blocking his number.

The worst part about getting over someone is that once you make the resolve to cut them loose, they try to contact you, and it screws the whole thing up. It’s almost like he can tell exactly when you’re about to move on!

Make sure to block his number so that he doesn’t have the opportunity to steal your thunder, your nerve, or your independence. [Read: Reasons why the no contact rule always works]

4. Start dating someone else

You owe him nothing. If he isn’t treating you the way that you need to be treated, then you need to move on and find someone who will. The best revenge is finding someone who knows how awesome you are.

You can’t convince someone you are worthwhile if they don’t see that for themselves. Start over and find the love of your life who thinks you are as incredible as you can be.

5. Don’t go to the same old places

We know it’s so tempting to accidentally run into him and show him all that he has been missing, but that is a HUGE mistake. If he took you for granted once, he will do it again.

Some guys just think they are more special than they are or that they are worth more than someone as fantastic as you. Make yourself unavailable. The old “oops” won’t work; it only makes you look weak. [Read: What to keep in mind when you bump into your ex]

6. Stop talking about him

Ugh, if your friends have to hear about this guy one more time! Stop mulling over what to do.

You know in your heart what is right, even if you don’t want to admit it. No matter how many times you’re going to play the scenario over in your mind, it isn’t going to change. Face it – you fell in love with a guy who’s not that into you.

7. Don’t take his calls if you haven’t blocked him yet

If you see his number come up and you haven’t taken the steps to block it, don’t answer it or text back. The only way that you can make yourself desirable is to show him that you have a life outside of him and don’t need him to make you happy.

If you want to return his call later, that is on you. But, if you pick it up immediately, you are saying you don’t mind playing the fool. [Read: Signs he’s not playing hard to get – He’s just playing you!]

8. Take a different way home

Okay, who among us hasn’t learned the traveling pattern of the guy we are in love with? If you are considering taking the old route to accidentally run into him, don’t. The only way to accept that he’s not that into you and move on is to stop trying to find ways to see him.

9. Convince yourself that it’s over

You can tell yourself a really good story about anything if you want to. You can tell yourself that he is playing hard to get, or that he doesn’t want to come on too strong, or you can be realistic and tell yourself the truth.

If it walks like a duck, it is a duck. It isn’t easy, but it’s time to let him go and stop trying to convince yourself that you don’t know what you know. Remember, you’re not going anywhere because he’s not that into you. [Read: How to play a player – ways to return the favor like a boss]

10. Talk to a friend who is a realist

Seek out the pessimistic piper who will be happy to tell you that he’s not into you. You know the friend; they are more than happy to tell you your faults or how people don’t like you.

Normally, it can be a hit to the self-esteem, but when he isn’t into you, you need the help of someone who will tell you the truth to get over him. [Read: How to stop thinking about someone you still like]

11. Go out with your partner in crime

Nothing will help you move on and realize that he is not into you more than leaning on your partner in crime. Sure, it hurts that he doesn’t think you are the diggity like you think he is, but there is someone else out there that will.

You just have to be in your element with your partner in crime to find him.

12. Return his things via courier

Don’t make an excuse to return his things so that you get to see him. Take all his stuff, down to the very last thing, put it in a box, and tape it all up.

To top it off, put a computer-generated label on it, and drop it at the post office. If the guy you love is not that into you, you need to show him you aren’t that into him, either. [Read: Signs you’re lovesick and ways to get out of it]

13. Better yourself

Instead of worrying that he isn’t that into you, be into yourself. Take the time while healing to work out, get to know yourself, and put some real time and effort into making yourself the best you.

If he isn’t into you, then you will find someone who is if you have the confidence and commitment to show the world how amazing you can be.

14. Make a commitment to move on

Don’t be swayed by him saying one thing and then doing another anymore. If he acts like you aren’t worth it one minute and then treats you like you’re the light of his life the next, then he isn’t into you. He also isn’t worth it.

Make a commitment to decide you are way too incredible to put up with that. [Read: How to move on from an ex when the heartbreak is fresh and hurting]

15. Stop talking to his friends and family (if you met them)

You can’t work your way back into someone’s heart by being important to the people who are important to him. Cut him out and cut his family and friends out. That is the only way you are going to get over him. [Read: How to get over a boyfriend you just can’t forget]

16. Let everyone in the world know it is over

It isn’t just his friends and family that need to know it is over, it is your crew too. As embarrassing as it is to admit that he isn’t into you, you aren’t doing yourself any favors by pretending your relationship is anything more than it is.

17. Make a list of all the icks

If he’s not that into you, then let’s remember why you’re not into him. If you want to feel less yucky about him not being that into you, then you have to make a list of all the things you didn’t like about him.

Don’t beat yourself up that you weren’t the one for him. Make a list of all the reasons that he wasn’t the one for you, either. [Read: How to let go of someone you love by hating them]

18. Eliminate him from everything

If he isn’t that into you, then you need to eliminate him from everything. That means the five-year plan, your plans of moving in together, all of it.

You need to be realistic no matter what he said to your face or promised in your late-night pillow talk. If he isn’t into you, then you need to let it all go and rewrite your history without him.

19. Don’t take him back without a ring

If he has acted like he isn’t into you, then you can’t take him back without a commitment. Don’t be pulled back into his wiles. Before you take him back into your life and bed, you need to have something concrete, like a ring.

Words are not binding; you need some sort of real commitment to prove that you are something to him before you waste another moment on someone who treats you like there’s still some doubt about how he feels about you. [Read: What is commitment in a relationship and how to know if you have it]

Face the truth and become stronger for it

Stop making excuses for a relationship that doesn’t make you happy or secure. If you have suspicions that he isn’t into you, then you have to go with your feelings. When a guy loves and cares for you, he will treat you as such.

It’s going to sting, hell, it’s going to hurt, but it will become easier. If everything is still too much to bear, don’t hesitate to reach out to mental health professionals who are trained to help people when they can’t handle their thoughts and emotions any longer.

In the end, you’ll realize that by having the courage to face the situation and move on, you’ll become much stronger, and your self-worth will skyrocket.

[Read: 15 classy ways to make any guy go crazy over you]

If you have to question his love, then you have to move on until he is ready to be serious – if he ever is. Understanding the signs he’s just not into you will help you make your decision.