34 Reasons to Break Up With Someone & Leave Even If You Love Them

When it comes to relationships, trust your gut. If you need to look for reasons to break up with someone, that’s a sign things are far from well. 

Many things contribute to the demise of a relationship. Reasons can range from outright hatred towards a partner to less drastic reasons such as personal differences. But what are the valid reasons to break up with someone?

Though it’s common to think that being dumped is difficult, naming reasons for leaving someone can often be just as difficult. It’s never easy to break up with someone and call it quits, but sometimes it’s a necessary decision.

You break up with someone with the bad outweighs the good, and you no longer see yourself growing with them.

It is difficult enough to break up with someone because you had enough of them. But, worse, is breaking up with someone you love.

Loving someone can be the most enlightening and spectacular feeling when things go well. When they aren’t going so well, it exhausts you, sucks the life out of you, and leaves you wondering what this journey here on earth is all about. [Read: How to break up with someone you love: When it’s hard but right]

The trouble with love

Love is problematic on many various levels. First, there really is no concrete explanation about why or how we fall in love. A mystery to even those who spent decades studying it, a mix of chemistry and other ingredients, love isn’t something you control, it just happens.

You can’t just stop loving someone because your head tells you to. Feelings of love aren’t something you just turn off or on.

If you are in a toxic relationship, been cheated on, or it just isn’t working, breaking up with someone you love can be the hardest thing you ever do. Take heart. You won’t feel the way you do forever. You simply can’t.

We won’t promise that you won’t always love them in one way or another. But, in time, you will be able to think of them and not have a pang in your heart that feels like your heart is going to explode. [Read: Why does love hurt so much when it goes bad?]

Are you a bad person for breaking up with them?

Relationships end and even if that’s not what we had in mind, it happens. Sometimes, the other person breaks up with us, and other times, we do the breaking up. But as bad as we feel for breaking up with someone, we don’t often have a choice.

If you can find reasons to break up with someone and you just don’t feel it’s going to work, the only way is out.

If the relationship is toxic, draining, and one-sided *among many other valid reasons*, then you need to break up with them.

You’re settling for less than you deserve the more you stay in the wrong relationship. If you already feel in your gut that it’s a valid choice to break up with them, then you should do it.

If you stay out of obligation or guilt, these aren’t valid reasons to stay with someone, not even close. No matter how much you want to blame yourself for breaking up with someone, it’s the only choice you have if you want to protect your sanity and wellbeing.

Also, you’ll never find the love you’re looking for the longer you stay with them. [Read: How to move on and deal with a break up with a smile]

Reasons to break up with someone

There are times when you have to break up with someone you love to save yourself. If you are in a relationship where you love someone, but it is hurting you, then you save yourself.

In the end, the only person you can save on this earth is you. As much as your heart wants what it wants, there are times when your head must win.

If you’re looking for valid, straightforward, and common reasons for leaving your partner, here are the most reasonable grounds for breaking up with someone. [Read: How to move on and deal with a break up with a smile]

1. Infidelity

Whether it’s you or your partner who has been unfaithful, the mere fact that there’s a third party involved can be enough to instigate a breakup. If your partner has cheated on you, and you can’t find it in your heart to forgive them or to let go of a grudge, then this can be reason enough to end things.

Infidelity is a highly valid reason to break up with someone. Even if you do try to mend the relationship, trust isn’t that easy to repair in relationships.

On the other hand, if you were the unfaithful one, you may say that you no longer believe that your relationship will work because of what you did. [Read: 8 things you need to do before forgiving a cheater]

2. Abuse

Whether it’s physical, emotional, or mental abuse, you should never tolerate this in a relationship. The moment you experience this, don’t just walk away – run far from the relationship.

No one should be subjected to abuse of any kind, especially if it’s brought about by a person whom you thought you could trust.

If you’ve undergone emotional, physical, or sexual abuse because of your partner, that’s one of the best reasons to break up with someone and look for a person who actually cares about your wellbeing. The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the more you’ll lose yourself. [Read: 21 signs of emotional abuse you may not notice]

3. Your mind wanders to someone else

This isn’t exactly infidelity, but it can be the first step toward unfaithfulness. Is your mind occupied by someone else? Are you romantically interested in someone else other than your partner? Do you fantasize about being with this other person?

Falling out of love happens to even the best of us, no matter how hard we try to choose our current partner. So if this is what you’ve been feeling for a significant period, then it’s one of the valid reasons to break up with someone.

It’s much better to part ways than to tolerate one another when you no longer feel the love. It’s not just unfair to you, but especially to your partner. [Read: Does everyone get sexually attracted to someone else?]

4. You think of how much better things can be without your partner

There will be times in your relationship when you’ll wish you were single. This is fine, especially if you’re going through a rough patch.

However, if you constantly think that your life would have been much better without your current partner, this will only breed contempt and a series of regrets.

Your relationship should be bringing happiness and joy in your life, rather than resentment and thoughts of ‘what-ifs’. So if you keep thinking that life would be so much better without your partner, whether on a good or bad day, then it’s one of the valid reasons to break up with someone.

5. You fight too often

Couples can fight over the smallest things and make up at the drop of a hat. But if your fights always escalate to the point that it takes up a huge bulk of your relationship, then you must be less in love and more at war. Fighting is normal in a relationship, but only to an extent.

If you make a habit of fighting with one another, there might be a lack of love. This means there’s a bigger issue at play that you’re both trying to avoid. [Read: Fighting in a relationship – How to do it right]

6. You haven’t been genuinely happy in a while

Relationships go through ruts from time to time, and it takes courage and persistence to work through it until things get better. However, there’s a massive difference between being in a rough patch and living in it. As we said, your partner should make you happy and add joy to your life.

Even as relationships grow stale as the years progress, there’s still that lingering joy it should provide for your life. So if you haven’t felt happy in a long time, don’t you think it’s time to end the relationship and find a relationship that’ll give you the happiness you seek? [Read: 10 ways to tell your partner you’re unhappy]

7. You’re only in the relationship to avoid being single

This is a common reason for people who are stuck in a rebound relationship. Honestly, is being single really so bad? You were single for a handful of years before you started dating, and you were fine then, right? Relationships can never fill the void in your heart and life.

So if you’re single just because you don’t want to end up alone or you’re trying to avoid an issue in your life, then end the relationship and face your problems first. [Read: 19 clear signs you are ready for a serious relationship]

8. You don’t see a future with your partner

Even if you imagined a future with your partner before, you need to realize that people change and grow.

Unfortunately, we can’t control it if we end up growing in separate directions from our partners. So if you don’t see a future with your partner, it’s one of the valid reasons to break up with someone.

You don’t have to feel like the bad person in your story because why would you settle for someone you don’t see a future with?

Common interest shouldn’t be the sole reason your relationship is still working. You have to plan and envision what your life will be like in a few years. [Read: 22 signs to see a troubled relationship and the best ways to fix it ASAP]

9. You’re picking up the slack

Are you tired of always being the one who’s putting in the effort to make your relationship work? You do know that it takes two to tango, right?

You shouldn’t ever settle for a one-sided relationship as it never works out. If you honestly think they’ll change and put more effort into the relationship, how long have you been saying that to yourself?

Effort isn’t the basis of a relationship, but things fall apart when one stops putting in the effort. When you put in so much work in your relationship and your partner doesn’t bother to lift a finger to reciprocate, then that can be a good enough reason to leave.

10. You feel like you’re just bringing each other down

Strangely enough, this is common in many toxic relationships.

For example, when one partner is an alcoholic and the other also becomes an alcoholic, this unhealthy lifestyle can spiral into a vicious cycle. And it doesn’t always have to be as drastic as alcoholism. [Read: 21 secret signs of a bad relationship you should never, ever tolerate]

When one person is damaged, it’s easy to drag the other down with them. So if you bring out the worst version of yourselves in the relationship, it’s a much better decision just to end things.

Evaluate your relationship and your lifestyle choices. If your lifestyle is suffering because of a toxic person in your life, it’s time to sever the cord and move to greener pastures.

11. You don’t want to fix things anymore

When the stress of keeping your relationship afloat takes its toll on you, it’s easy just to give it all up. This can already be a valid reason to break up with someone because if you’re no longer willing to put in any energy to make it work, no miracle will do it for you.

If you’re just plain exhausted and no longer have the energy to make the relationship work, that’s when it’s practically over. Better to end things to put a halt to the relationship, once and for all. [Read: When to walk away from a relationship – Baby boomers vs. the rest of us]

12. “No reason to stay is a good reason to go.”

Ask yourself why you’re still in a relationship with your partner. Do your answers sound like you’re just settling for the sake of being with someone? Change is never easy, but familiarity and comfort are never valid reasons to stay either.

You should stay because you love them or can’t imagine a future without them, not because they feel familiar to you. [Read: How to break up with someone you still love – 18 steps and the right things to say]

13. You’re losing yourself

The worst feeling in the world is when you’re in a relationship and you end up losing yourself entirely, for whatever reason. Maybe you’re going through something personal, maybe you compromised your values entirely for them, maybe the relationship just drained you that you ended up losing yourself.

As cliche as the line ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ is, it’s a valid excuse to break up with them. If you don’t know who you are, how are you supposed to love them properly? [Read: How to focus on yourself in a relationship & avoid losing yourself]

14. You can’t rely on them

If you can’t rely on your partner, then what’s the point of anything? Trust is the entire foundation of a relationship, so if you can’t rely on your partner, there’s no point in forcing a relationship that’s eventually going to fall apart. Without trust, there’s no respect, and without respect, there’s no love.

It’s much better to cut the cord rather than trying to fix something that’s already been broken in the first place. [Read: How to stop being codependent and have a healthy relationship]

15. You have baggage

Breaking up with someone and ending things doesn’t always have to be their fault. Sometimes, it can be because of our own issues and baggage. It’s easy to project our baggage to the person we’re dating, thinking they can fix them if they just love us hard enough.

But that never works out. If we have any kind of baggage, even if it might seem minor, you still end up projecting them to your partner. This is why we need to be fully healed first before we enter any kind of intimate relationship.

Having baggage is one of the valid reasons to break up with someone. It hurts because nobody cheated or betrayed anybody, but it’s just a matter of fixing yourself. [Read: How to deal with guilt & drop the baggage weighing you down]

16. There’s no chemistry or compatibility

When you first meet someone, one of the first things you assess is compatibility or chemistry. Both these factors are things you can’t control, no matter what. You can’t adjust and force yourselves to have compatibility and chemistry if you just don’t have it anymore.

Maybe life got in the way, or maybe you were just never compatible to begin with *but you were too blind to see it.* A lack of chemistry or compatibility is definitely a valid reason to call it quits with someone, and it’s neither your fault nor theirs. 

17. You’re sexually incompatible

Unless you’re in a conservative relationship or other factors, sex will primarily be on the table. We all have different desires and needs when it comes to sex. But what happens if your partner’s are different from yours? You won’t admit it at first because you’ll try to make the relationship work.

In the long run, sexual incompatibility will become so evident that you can no longer ignore it. Or, it can also be possible that you learn something about yourself that makes your sexuality different altogether. [Read: Sexual compatibility: 13 sizzling ways to know if you have it]

18. Your standards for a relationship changed

We all grow over time, so what we want in a partner right now could be different in a few years. So if your standards have changed, it’s one of the valid reasons to break up with someone.

Maybe you used to want a partner who’s adventurous and spontaneous but now, you want someone who can settle down with you and build a secure life with you – and that’s okay! It doesn’t automatically mean it’s your fault or something’s wrong with you. [Read: Relationship rules: 30 must-know tips to live your best love life!]

19. Your values are clashing

Contrary to popular belief, opposites don’t always attract. If you think you can change their values and beliefs on something they feel strongly about, realize that one of you will end up compromising.

For instance, if one of you is particularly religious and the other is liberated, there will always be conflict in the relationship.

So one of you will have to constantly adjust, causing repressed emotions of resentment and anger. If your values are constantly clashing, it’s one of the valid reasons just to walk away and accept things won’t work out.

Our values make up who we are, so if you lose that part of you, if you end up compromising yours for theirs, you’d lose the essence of who you are. [Read: Self concept – How we create and develop it to control our happiness]

20. You keep breaking up and getting back together

Look, this isn’t the movies. It’s not romantic to keep breaking up and getting back together with them. If this keeps happening in your relationship, start thinking about why this is the case.

Maybe there’s just something in your relationship that can no longer be fixed, and it’s best to break up for good this time. [Read: On-off relationship: All the reasons why you should never be in one]

21. You love them but you aren’t IN love with them

Yes, we hate this phrase too, but we all know what it means. There are times when you start out in a relationship, and the magic is there. Then the chemistry not only fades, it turns to black.

There has to be some physical attraction in your relationship, or you miss out on something that adds color to your life.

Don’t stay with someone because you love them if you aren’t in love with them. It is better to hurt them now than later, or hurt yourself by denying the attraction to yourself for eternity. [Read: Love vs. in love: 5 big differences most people don’t know]

22. You love them way more than they love you

There are times when you are way more invested in a relationship than the person you are with. Don’t ever stay in a relationship when you are under-appreciated, or not given the type of unconditional and caring love you deserve.

Even if leaving is one of the most difficult things you do, it’s time to wave goodbye.

23. They are a narcissist

A narcissist loves one person only – themselves. Truly that is the definition. If you are in love with a narcissist and think you can change them, you can’t. It is a personality trait.

Some people live with and love a narcissist, but if it causes you pain, then it’s one of the best reasons to break up with someone. [Read: How to deal with a narcissist in the best ways you possibly can]

24. You just can’t seem to get along for any length of time

If you are in a roller-coaster relationship where you just seem to keep going round and round, it might be time to get off the un-fun ride. A relationship shouldn’t have more valleys than peaks.

If it sucks you dry and wastes your energy and time, it is time to unstrap yourself and move on.

25. They are your twin flame, not your soul mate

What might have seemed like your soul mate may actually be your twin flame. You love your twin flame just like you do your soul mate, but they aren’t the one you are supposed to be with for life.

They are there to prepare you for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Even if you love them, they aren’t the one that you are supposed to be with, and you feel it. [Read: What are twin souls? 16 signs you’re in a relationship with one]

26. They cause you problems in your life

If they steal, lie, talk badly about you behind your back, belittle you, or are just not that good to you, you deserve better. They cause more problems in your life than their love is worth.

Sometimes you love people who do nothing but cause heartache. And, as hard as it is to break it off with them, letting them cause problems forever will be a long, hard road.

27. You’re in love, but it isn’t a deep and spiritual love

There are times when the chemistry is there, but the intense feelings of love, commitment, and unconditional care aren’t. The sex is awesome, but waking up one day to find that you are lonely in the relationship isn’t. [Read: 28 revealing truths about feeling alone in a relationship]

28. You don’t recognize yourself anymore

If someone brings out the worst in you, then you might have to consider breaking up with them. If they do things that make you not like yourself or behave in ways that aren’t characteristic of you, then it is time to try to find someone who helps you be the best version of yourself.

29. You want different things in life

If they want the mountains and you want the sea, that isn’t going to change, and one of you sacrifices. You wouldn’t want to wake up one day and feel resentment in your relationship. Sometimes letting someone you love go is the best way to show your love.

30. They don’t know what they want, and you can’t live that way

If they love you one day and aren’t sure the next, then as much as you love them, it is time to move on. The only way they will realize how they feel about you is if they know what it is like to be without you.

Breaking up doesn’t always have to be forever, but it might just be enough to wake them up to the fact that they can’t be without you. [Read: How to stop feeling ignored by the one you love]

30. The relationship is affecting your family or children

Hugely tumultuous relationships aren’t cool. They are especially not cool if you have children who look to you as role models.

If you can’t seem to get along and it messes up your family or your kids, then it is time to consider breaking up. It just isn’t healthy for anyone involved to stay put.

31. The ‘set them free’ theory

Sometimes when we see someone doing something wrong or not being their best self, they need to hit rock bottom. If you hold onto someone you love because you are afraid to lose them, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

Cut them loose and make them figure out their own shit before they drag you down. If you love someone, set them free, if they come back, you will know it is real. [Read: If you love someone, set them free – How to do this right]

32. You need some time to figure things out for yourself

Breaking up isn’t always a permanent thing, but if you aren’t sure how you feel about someone, even if you love them, it’s critical that you’re honest.

If you love someone but aren’t sure that they are the “forever one” for you, don’t lead them on while you make your decision. You aren’t saving them from the hurt, you’re only prolonging it.

33. Right person, wrong time

There are times when you can love the right person at the wrong time in your life. If you are set to get married, and they aren’t even considering next week, then it might be time to break up just to gain some perspective.

Again, breaking up with someone you love doesn’t always have to be the end. Sometimes it can even be the beginning of something more lasting and real. [Read: Right person, wrong time? The key to timing it all right]

34. You have to move away

Long-distance relationships sound like they are no big deal, but they are. If you aren’t willing to compromise on a place to live, it leads to you wasting your time, years of your life, and potentially missing out on meeting the right person for you.

As sad as it may be, moving away is often one of the valid reasons to break up with someone. [Read: Relocating for romance – Should you move for love?]

Do you recognize any of these valid reasons to break up with someone?

Not all relationships should be centered on passion, romance, and cheesiness. But when those things are gone, there should still be reasons for you to want to stay.

Beneath all the trappings of what a relationship looks like, there should be genuine love, respect, and trust. If these things are gone or you’re not sure if they’re still there, you’ve got your reason to leave.

[Read: How to enjoy being single and live the life you really want to live]

These 34 reasons above are valid reasons to break up with someone. You’re not a bad person just because you grew apart or fell out of love with them. So it’s okay to cut the cord.